izmthoughts

[izmthoughts]

I wanted to text you, say something like:

- Hi, i want to see you…

but then again i’m not the one going after you again, i tried, you didn’t even wanted to try.

That’s it. Simple as that.

-IZM

08:12 am, 22/02/2024

[izmthoughts]

One more that goes, another one that comes but then he’s far away and probably will be gone in no time too.

[izmthoughts]

Acho que eu finalmente descobri o que me traz pra você de vez em quando…

Foi o instante em que você viu todo meu caos e loucura e decidiu que eu era um mar calmo e que independente da tempestade você jamais embarcaria em um barco.

Acho que não percebi o quão raro é encontrar pessoas assim, mas também não acho justo com você te manter aqui em meio a tempestades, furacões e tsunamis.

Em vão, de uma forma até egoísta, sigo tentando achar alguém que se afogue no meu mar, por livre e espontânea vontade como você.

Mas o mundo não funciona assim, muito menos o amor…

- IZM.

03:00 am - 19/02/2024

[izmthoughts]

You say “Tell me you’re mine.”

I reply almost immediately “I am yours”.

But in my head, i’m thinking “ I am yours, the same way you’re mine. And, since you were never mine, i am not yours. It’s just honey words, the same kind you use with me, but this time you’re the one getting stung.”

I’ve learned my lesson, you’re not getting that part of me anymore, you just got what you offered me, the nasty and tricky part.

- IZM

01:59 am, 26/12/2023.

[izmthoughts]

Constantly lost between the versions of my self that exists on my mind. But mostly lost in my thoughts, wondering when it will stop to hurt.

-IZM

02:38am, 13/10/2023

[izmthoughts]

The thing about pain…

The thing about pain is that it changes you.The thing about real pain is that it doesn’t go away when you fall asleep.

You can try, try to runaway in your dreams, in the comfort of your bed. Maybe there you won’t access me, even if i have to get up in the next morning.

But truly? It doesn’t go away no matter how hard i try, in the next morning you’re still there, looking at me at every corner of my mind. I’m trapped.

And lord knows i’m trying, i just can’t deal with the thought of your smile, of your smell, of your kiss or even worse of your touch.

What’s the deal with your touch anyways? It warms my soul and body in a way that i can not describe even if i tried, i could compare it to the burning of a thousand fires, but even then it wouldn’t be close to the truth.

How could it be that in so little time you came and crashed down my walls, the ones once i thought was so well guarded? You just showed up unannounced and went through the rusty gates of my heart.

I guess that the truth has always been, is and will always be, that i truly and deeply love you.

What a shame you are not ready to deal with it, even a bigger shame if you think how much good i could be to be you.

The heart wants what it wants, but how can i live knowing that my heart wants you but i don’t think your heart wants me?

The thing about pain is that maybe someday it kinda of heals, and maybe it will eventually go away, but at the time you’re feeling it, it feels like it will never fade.

Not even the dirtiest memories i have of you, even if i want it to fade right now so bad and i don’t feel this pain anymore.

The thing and the truth about pain is that it never acts the way you want it to, and maybe that’s the beauty of it.

Or the thing and truth about pain, is that at some point you get so destroyed and hurt that you just hope for the best, cause if you don’t, you’ll go mad.

- IZM

01:49 am, 11/10/2023