izamationbroker

[izamationbroker]

The Candidate [Izaya x OC]

[Note: okay, here you go. i don't want this on ao3 for reasons (mainly i might try and get this one published, idk) but yall expressed interest so here it is! it's just shy of 1.3k words, so it shouldn't take too long to read. anyway i hope you guys like it!]

Your new assistant wants something from you. 

He's a psychologist, he says, and he wanted a job— and you gave it to him and you don't know why. Perhaps to get away from your other assistant. You don't quite like her but she does her job well and you keep her around as a show of dominance, an example to be made of, as if to say look what could happen to you, if I saw fit. 

He says you're a part of the control group. He observes people in their natural states, watches them go about their days. It yields the best results, he said once. You're inclined to agree. 

¤

There is a loneliness inside of you, and it's been there since you were born. 

You watch the psychologist smoke on your balcony. Humans can feel when they're being watched, but he doesn't turn around, no matter how much you stare at him. You wonder if you want him to or not. 

¤ 

"What do you study?" You ask, one day. 

He hesitates before answering: "Sociopaths."

That's not the whole answer, and you know it. 

¤ 

"There was a bit of miscommunication." 

You turn to him, but not too much. It's calculated, like everything else you do. "Hm?" 

"I was told there was a doctor studying sociopaths around here. I talked to him and it turns out, he's not a sociopath doctor, he's a sociopath doctor." 

He's referring to your friend. 

"Anyway, he gave me your card." You think the psychologist would be smoking, if he wasn't indoors. "So I came." 

"All this for a control variable?" You ask, a smile glimmering on your lips. You taste the inauthenticity in this man— it entertains you more than stillness, than an assistant who shows up, does the work, then leaves. 

"Control variables are important," he says. "Without them, you'd have no idea what the threshold of normalcy is."

"Is there a threshold of normalcy, though?" You love people, and you love their variances. 

"Not broadly, not really. But in little microcosms, there can be." 

You relax into your couch, spreading out next to him. Look at me, you implicitly say. I live here and you don't. I can do whatever I please and you have to make sure you barely take up a single cushion. 

"So," you say, "you're really trying to tell the sociopaths from the non-sociopaths." 

He laughs. "Don't be so crass about it."

"But you are!" You nearly kick him, that playful kind of kick between friends. "Say, which group do I fall into?"

He gives you one of those coy little smiles. "What do you think?" 

¤ 

"They're not actually called sociopaths anymore." 

You're on the balcony with him, and smoke is blowing into your face, and you pretend it isn't. 

"Oh," you say, and you don't say anything else. 

¤ 

You look up "what are sociopaths called now" the very next day. 

It's got one of those four-letter acronyms now, almost like it's a real disorder with defined terms, and not just a word people shout at you, or your parents whisper late at night about you, when they think you've gone to bed, but you haven't because you needed to know what they thought of you, because your need to know things was your downfall and it always has been. 

The website starts listing criteria and you go back to your work without ever reading them. 

¤ 

Your assistant— the psychologist— doesn't have work for two days straight.

You wonder why the time seems to go by slower when he's not in. It's probably because he's so interesting, you reason. You needed this kind of push-and-pull in your life, something that sparks the flame of intrigue that burns away the mundane, and leaves you scarred but alive. 

You reason that's all there is to it. 

¤ 

"Are you qualified to diagnose?"

"No." This time, it's him sprawled out on your couch. "I never got licensed and I never will— peoples' problems bore me, and I'm not very compassionate." 

You hesitate. "If someone asked you, would you diagnose them anyway?"

"It depends on the person. It depends if I like them enough to try." 

"How well do you like me?"

The man on your couch has an air of carefree-ness to him. "Well, I'm still here, aren't I?" 

¤ 

He's going to go back to America eventually. 

At some point, you found yourself switching from Japanese to English for him. 

He's been fun. You'll miss him dearly, but your work is your work and he's just your assistant. 

¤ 

"Why do you have to go back so soon?"

Neither of you acknowledge that it hasn't been soon at all. 

"I got accepted into the PhD program."

"Japan has very good PhD programs, you know." 

"I don't know the language well enough to learn complex things in it." 

"Well, learn! You've been here a while, haven't you picked up on some more of it?" 

You've broken the just-established social contract. Shame on you. 

"Not enough," he says. 

"Will you ever come back?" 

"Of course." Another one of those coy little smiles. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd almost say you didn't want me to leave." 

You smile back. "And what makes you think you know better?" 

"They say sociopaths can't love." 

"Oh?" You loom over him. "So much for my being in the control group, liar." 

He grins up at you, as if the thought of you hurting him in any way is incomprehensible to him. "You caught me." 

¤ 

There is a psychologist in your bed and he might miss his flight because of you. 

"A shame you waited so long," he mutters against your chest. 

"I think there's two people in this equation here, don't you?" 

"Maybe so." He traces little nonsense-patterns right where your heart is.

¤ 

You followed him as far as security would allow you to go. 

You look at him, in his most comfortable clothes, and you imagine that he lives with you and he's sprawled out on your couch, feet up and eyes closed and all the airports are closed forever. 

"Don't you want to say something to me before you go?" 

He presses his lips on yours. "You're not evil, despite what people might say. And don't call yourself a sociopath. It'll make you cruel."

"Cruel towards whom, exactly?"

"Yourself." There was no smile, and you catch a glimpse of intimate familiarity with a phenomenon you're unaware of. 

"Is there anything you want to say to me?" He asks. 

This time, it's you that kisses him. I love you, is what you want to say, but the final boarding call speaks before you do. 

"I will see you again," is what you say, and you hope he understands. 

¤ 

Your assistant— the one you don't quite like— is at work today. 

Your attention is split between your work and your phone. You call yourself a sociopath, in private, because you want to understand him. To know. To know is to connect and perhaps if you knew enough, you'd have enough facts to coax him back to Japan sooner. 

There are three tabs open on your laptop. One is work. The second is his Instagram— you comment your congratulations on his acceptance post. You write that soon he'll be a sociopath doctor— there are no italics and no slight tilts to the voice in a single comment, but you know he'll understand.

The final tab is a first-class ticket booking to JFK International. He replies to your comment and your finger hovers over BOOK FLIGHT, taut and trembling, and you worry that your twitches will eventually mistap the touchpad, and book your flight, and you don't wonder if you want it to or not.

[izamationbroker]

Hey gamers would anybody mind if I maybe completely overhauled a bunch of stuff on this blog to try something that may or may not be advisable?

[izamationbroker]

fun facts gamers, i actually have ALREADY WRITTEN an izaya/self insert fanfic

......kkkkkkkkkkind of

nobody is addressed by name but if you know its about izaya, it 100% makes sense that it is in fact about izaya

and this self insert is a different charscter from the SI thats gonna be in the longer fic- this guy is a kind of... schrodengers sona? if that makes sense.

anyway should i post it?

[izamationbroker]

Update

So, another heads up to mutuals (although most of you are already aware of the situation because we have spoken personally), but recently a stalker that has been harassing me and Wa-kun for the last seven years has crawled out of the woodwork again. Wa-kun's already talked about it in a little more detail on their own blog.

This person has already used my AO3 to hunt down other sideblogs of mine that I didn't go out of my way to connect to our main, and I know we have written fic in this fandom so I don't wanna rule out the possibility that they're aware of this blog, too.

We just want to give a warning that this person is known to go to our friends and lie to them about things to try to get them to turn against us. They're known for block evading and creating dummy accounts to squeeze into our spaces. If anyone comes to you regarding this, DMs are still available for mutuals and a few others know where to contact me elsewhere.

This isn't a callout or anything. We don't wanna speak too publicly on the issues for very specific reasons. That and callout posts never work, so there's no point anyway. People we care about will be able to reach out and get the details at our own discretion. Other than that, it's business as usual (which for now, is continued inactivity lol).

Thanks for your attention.

[izamationbroker]

These guys were so entertaining when I was watching the anime all those years ago.

[izamationbroker]

Yo.

I know I'm like. Barely hanging on active for dear life, but heads up to my mutuals: I moved main blogs recently, so if you get a random follow from a blog that mentions this in the header and description, that's me.

[izamationbroker]

"but the text never explicitly stated it!!!" hey, so that's actually what they tried to teach you in those english classes you barely passed 😁

[izamationbroker]

can these things cohabitate?

[izamationbroker]

It is with growing horror I am starting to realize I barely remember where that fic was even going uh oh.

Oh shit it's 2025, May is right around the corner I gotta start working on chapter 2 of Severance huh.

[izamationbroker]

Oh shit it's 2025, May is right around the corner I gotta start working on chapter 2 of Severance huh.

[izamationbroker]

シズイザ漫画《メンソールタバコ》

Secret santa for @humaney3s Sorry for the delay!This is a 21-page Shizaya comic about the smell of cigarettes that Izaya hates the most. hope you like my gift

[izamationbroker]

snakes when you dangle food over their enclosure

[izamationbroker]

@animangacreators; challenge sixteen

hanami challenge; wisteria, an animanga recommended to you in the discord net ➤ durarara!! recommended by @missmakaalbarns

[izamationbroker]

So I've recently started watching durarara again and I wanted to make some matching pfp!

I don't know who would be interested but you can use them freely as long as you credit me!

[izamationbroker]

[izamationbroker]

[izamationbroker]

Here.