iwritemystiry

[iwritemystiry]

Its been a while since I've posted.

I just wanted to talk about things because man its been wild.

Recently I came to the conclusion that I will simply never fit in anywhere.

It started a week or two after I stopped posting, where I made the dumb mistake of posting something about my religion elsewhere. There was a lot of backlash and I have been blocked by multiple people because of it.

That's fine. I'm over that for the most part.

But it made me realize that I will never be accepted by either community.

I'm too religious for most people I interact with on Tumblr, and im not religious enough for the people I interact with on a daily basis

And so here I am, trying to come to grips with this. Hopefully I'll get over it.

Hopefully

[iwritemystiry]

Therapist and goodbyes

I used to go to a therapist every week on Tuesday.

Keyword is was, yesterday was the last time I’ll probably ever see her.

I didn’t want to say goodbye. I really liked my therapist. However money is tight for my family and she is leaving in a few weeks.

My mom says I can go back to the place she works for when we are better off financially but I don’t think I want to.

I’m more upset about this than I want to be, I’ve only been going to her for 2-3 months tops, about 8-12 visits. She was really helpful and I learned a lot though, I really enjoyed her.

Regardless it’s happened. I said goodbye.

I wonder if I’ll ever see her again

Oftentimes it’s things like these that break me

Saying goodbye to a friend I hardly knew. Same thing happened when I found out MCYT technoblade died.

To him I was just another subscriber, but he really inspired me. When he died I felt like I would never smile again.

Such insignificant things to most are world shattering to others I guess-

[iwritemystiry]

Rotting

my friend told me about bed rotting. It’s where you lay all day in your bed and do nothing.

I’ve done that before.

It’s not fun.

I hate feeling the way I do when it happens. It feels grey and mushy.

I don’t understand how people think it’s a trend. It’s depression and there is nothing trendy about that.

There are two people I know like that. One is my friend. Sometimes I worry that if it weren’t for school and switching houses every week that she would lie on the couch or her bed forever.

I don’t want that for her. She deserves better than to waste away.

The other person I know like that was my mom’s college friend. She could barely walk to her mailbox before she was out of breath.

She died last fall. I don’t know why but I assume it was related to her health. My mom was sad for a while because of it. She had always tried to help her friend get better.

Sometimes I wonder if me and my friend will end up like that.

I hope not.

I don’t want to lose my friend to something like that.

[iwritemystiry]

My religion

I have a problem.

I was born a devout Christian. Both my parents are Christian as well. I was baptized into the church at 8 and have sat through every general conference no matter how boring it was.

I genuinely believe my church is good and dont question things such as is my Heavenly Father loves me.

I know that when bad things happen it is for my benefit.

But that doesn’t stop the burning I get when I think about how my ward treats me and my family

For those who don’t know, a ward is a small section of the church that congregates together on Sundays. Each ward is led by a bishop, similar to a pastor.

Because I live in an area where most households are my religion, my ward consists of my neighborhood. However my mom came from a state where there are very few people of my faith in an area, so wards are more spread out.

Back to my problem.

My ward is nice and all, but I don’t think they care about my family.

Not in a “oh. It’s THEM. I hate THEM.” Way. I just don’t think we cross their minds all that much.

It’s usually not a problem, most of my friends aren’t religious. But when we have talks about when a ward is like a family it is hard not to feel mad.

Or when my brother was wrongly accused of something and the bishop asked to meet with him. That Sunday the person giving the talk said that the bishop wasn’t the principal’s office.

Me and my mom scoffed. What a hypocritical statement.

That’s my problem. I’m loosing my faith because of the people around me. I haven’t even gotten to the part about youth group. I’ll save that for another post.

[iwritemystiry]

Hi

I’m from the US. The state I’m from is quite religious. To the outsider, I am your average Christian teen girl.

I go to church every Sunday.

I am smart and understand a lot.

I say my prayers every night.

The only thing that makes me rebellious is my hair, which I dyed a muted orange at the start of high school.

What I’m saying is that from the naked eye I shouldn’t be on tumblr, which is know for being LGBTQ and having porn bots and the like.

And I know that im stereotyping. Honestly as much as I hate stereotypes, I often find myself using them. I’m sorry if that makes you upset. It’s just how I function. I like to group things and put them into neat little boxes. (As someone once said on the internet)

I’m not sure that anyone would classify me as a normal Christian girl if they saw all of me.

I’m into fandoms like MCYT and Undertale.

I absolutely lothe going to church because of the people there.

I’m losing my faith.

And that dear reader is why I made this blog.

Because I want to tell people that I don’t feel the way I look.

Because I know that trying to fit something like a human into a box to be organized is impossible. No one wants to be in a box.

[iwritemystiry]

Hi, I’m Dawn.

This blog is my way of coping with things. I usually will talk about my life or things on my mind. Enjoy.

No Dawn is not my real name, nor are any of the names used here. I wish to stay anonymous.

Asks are open because I like to answer questions from people.

I will talk about topics that people find uncomfortable. Please just block me if you have a problem with it. Don’t send hate.

This is not my only blog but please don’t ask about the others. I wish for this blog to stay separate from my other blogs.