iwantsleepnstuff

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bro why is all of “the golden raven bingo” like

“Jean lost 💕 his fear of water, won 🏳️‍🌈 a sex toy and gets 🥳 better❤️”

And then

“Jeremy Knox 💀 is ARRASTED, FIGHTS WITH KEVIN AND HIS FAMILY 👎KICKS HIM OUT 😡 OF THE HOUSE”

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i need to tumble jeremy in one of those rock tumblers

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I've been in the trenches (watched those creepy ass ai generated tik toks of the drivers kissing not only a random person but also each other)

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They really do look like hamsters 😔

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The 2025 f1 grid :]

Their heights are off but who cares (me. I’m distressed about it)

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I AM BEGGING for a brocedes edit to cry for me by the weeknd.

Like the drama please IM BEGGING

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Jean's first week with the Trojans

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oh my god andrew is a horse girl...

And neil is his misundersood black horse that only he can bond with........ it all makes sense now

if u think about it neil is like a purebred racehorse that escaped from his original handlers and went completely feral and andrew is like a normal traumatized Guy who has somehow tamed and bonded with the most insane horse of all time. andreil is like. the perfect horse girl movie to me.

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I cried

poor jean :(

warning: major tw for implied/referenced suicide

We know that Jean tried to kill himself at least once while he was at the Nest. This is a collection of the (mostly) unsent suicide notes that marked his life before Renne brought him to Palmetto.

ao3 version

Found crumpled at the bottom of a wastebasket:

Kevin

I hear this is something people do, so I am doing it as well. I want to start by apologizing. I am sorry. You will blame yourself, I know that, but it is not your fault. You could not have done anything. 

I do not know how to write this. Please forgive me. For not being able to write this, and also for dying. I hope you—

Found stuffed under the mattress of a twin bed in the Nest:

Kevin

Thank you for being my friend. It took this long because I did not want to leave you. You are getting quite good at French. I know I have not told you that, so I am telling you now. You should keep learning. Maybe you will go to France one day. Maybe you will even go to You do not have to forgive me, but please forgive yourself, because this is not your fault. I know that doesn’t—

Found folded in the pocket of a tossed-out pair of shorts:

Kevin

Thank you for being my friend. You have been the best thing in my life for the last two years and it  makes me  i feel it  saddens me to leave you. I know you will endure without me, because you must. I am sorry I could not. If you ever see—

Found in the back of a cupboard in his room:

Kevin

I am sorry I am writing this but there is nothing else left now and everything is terrible and I hate it I hate it I hate it I can’t endure anymore I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sor—

Found, and read, on top of a bedside table (Jean had lain bleeding beside it):

Kevin

I am sorry to be writing this but there was no other way for me to tell you. This is not your fault and you should not take blame. It was out of your hands. Grayson was I am surprised it took this long, but I have found now that there is no way out. My life will not change. You will leave the Nest, and you will be Court, and you will be loved, and I will be here. I will be Riko’s favorite toy and I will be [something is scratched out]. Do not mourn for me, but if you must, just look around. Everyone is always mourning something at the Nest. 

When I was in Marseille, somebody told me that when we die, we walk toward a white light. I want to see that white light. I am tired of the dark. 

I am sorry. Thank you for being my friend. Do not blame yourself. [something is scratched out] I love you.

- Jean

Found in the lining of a discarded Ravens jersey:

Kevin

I do not like to make promises I cannot keep, and for that I am sorry. 

I said this the last time as well, and I will say it again: do not blame yourself. You will continue without me. Forget me, if you can. It will not be difficult. I have just one request: if you find this, and I tried but it did not work, kill me. Riko said—

Found in shreds on the bathroom floor:

Kevin

I cannot do this anymore. I know you understand. Please forgive I am sorry I am breaking the promise I made you but you will be alright without me. [something is blotted out] know but I promise mean it when I say that I survived so far because—

Found in the back of a desk drawer:

Kevin

I tried. I could not. I a—

Found at the bottom of a kit bag:

Kevin

Things have been worse with Riko, and I am sorry to be leaving you this way. I am also sorry to be breaking my promise, but you know when you made me make it that I may not keep it. I have lived for you this past year, and I cannot continue doing so anymore. This is not—

Found on a bench as though no effort had been made to hide it (but it was never read anyway):

Riko

Give Kevin my condolences. Tell him I do not hate him for leaving, and this is not his fault. You can do that much, since it is entirely yours. 

- Jean

Found in the lining of a pillow in his room:

Zane

Thank you for protecting me. I know you did not want to. Do whatever you want with my things, and tell Kevin—

Found pressed between the pages of an economics textbook:

Zane

Tell Kevin I am sorry. You can do what you want with my things. Do not let Grayson take my bed. Or let him. I know it is not your choice. If this—

Found tucked into the corner of a running shoe:

Kevin

I know you will not read this. I do not know why I am writing it. 

(Zane, it is more probable that you will read this. Send it to Kevin if you do. Do not read the rest.)

I do not blame you for leaving. I know you had no choice. I wish things could have happened differently, but if I could change the past, I would have never met you at all, because I would have never left Marseille. 

I know I am breaking my promise, but you broke yours first. Do not feel bad about that, but take it to mean that we are even now. I will not apologize, because there is no point in asking forgiveness while giving it, so let’s exchange our forgiveness silently. I forgive you for taking away the only thing that could have kept me alive. You forgive me for taking the obvious step.

I know I cannot stop you from mourning me, so I will not tell you not to. 

I hope you find everything you are searching for, and I hope you learn to live louder. You deserve [something is scribbled out] better. I miss you

- Jean

Found folded and stuffed into a keyhole:

Renee

Thank you for everything. You have been kinder to me than I deserve. Know that you did all you could. You were never going to be able to save me, and that is not your fault. Not everybody is meant to be saved. Let me be the person to show you that, and stop you from hoping foolishly in the future. You did your best. You do not—

Found stuck to the bottom of the bathroom cupboard:

Dear Renee

Thank you for everything. But I do not believe in miracles, and so I cannot believe in you. Do not think you could have done any more than you did already.

Tell Kevin I forgive him, and that I ask him to forgive me in return. He will know what I mean. Try not to remember me, because it will do you no good. In another life, perhaps you could have saved me. But not in this one. In this one, I am a Moreau, and in this one, I belong to the Moriyamas. I know my place. Perhaps in another life, this place could have been by your side.

Thank you for trying. I am sorry it was not enough. 

- Jean

Found rolled up in the hollow of a broken exy racquet:

Nathaniel

Do not let Grayson take my place on the court and do not let him take my place in my room and do not let him have my number and do not—

Found squeezed next to the previous one:

Nathaniel

Do not let Grayson take my place in my room. Kill him if you can. Thank you.

Keep Kevin safe.

- Jean

Found beside a broken flip phone:

Kevin

It was not my fault this time, and it was also not yours. If you read this, know that you have nothing to take the blame for. I did not break my promise, though it may look as though I did. Tell Renee I am grateful. Tell Nathaniel he is lucky to have all of you. I would not expect anyone to come looking for me the way you all did for him. Do not— [something is blotted out] please. I lov am thankful you have found the life you deserve. Have [something illegible, followed by a smear of blood]

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let's touch noses man

if i was a little kitty and you were a little kitty would you touch noses with me to say hi

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just my headcanon but imagine one game, where the trojans play against another team and some people from here don’t like jeremy they think he’s so good and kind to be a captain so one of them hurt him. it’s not that bad it happens sometimes and jeremy says he’s okay but his leg is hurt and he’s limping. and jean’s noticed it while they were playing the second time ( idk how to call it ) and he’s mad and angry. he’s asking jeremg about it and seeing that he’s in pain. so when jeremy leaves the court, jean plays angry and cruelly. and as we could imagine moreau has never played games being all healthy so just imagine what he could do. especially when someone hurts jeremy. the trojans won this game and in this evening jean cried against jeremy for the first time, saying sorry for what he’s done, cause he thinks he shouldn’t have done it but his boyfriend says it’s okay and jean did nothing wrong and he’s proud of him.

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im insanely curius about how tetsuji's mind works. how did he feel about riko? did he even cared about him? what are his feelings towards the main branch? resentment for the exclusion, relief to not be involved, apathetic to them? why being coach of a collegiate team and not a pro one? is it because college students are easier to manipulate? did he always intended to end up the leader of a cult or it was an accident he run along with? how does his view the ravens? are they human to him? the thought process to end up trying to/buying children???? was he always cruel? why did he and kayleigh became friends? did he cared about her or was just an oportunity? did he grieve her? or his brother? or his nephew? exy. his life project. what does he think? is he satisfied with it? obssesed? riko thought being the best would get his father attention, was tetsuji the same, thinking that creating a whole fucking well-known sport would mean he is something? what was his end goal? traumatizing generations of teenagers for what? a few trophies of collegiate level sports? what did he actually wanted? the perfect court. oh, what did he think of the perfect court? was it his idea or did he just let it happen? whats going on that little cruel mind of yours, tetsuji?

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me @ my mutuals

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I think Wymack's heart probably broke as he kept watch over a sleeping Jean and saw how terrorized Jean was by nightmares.

In those moments, he probably had the realization that Jean could never be one of his Foxes because the fight had been viciously carved out of Jean.

Wymack knows he's able to help them as long as there's some fight left, but Jean was past that point. Jean couldn't even allow himself to feel his anger; he needed to go someplace that would heal him enough that he could start to stand on his own again or, barring that, someplace that would hold him up if he was no longer able to stand.

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do y'all also have mutuals whom you’re actually a fan of? like everytime u see them on your dash u just,,,,, “u go mutual that’s my mutual!!!!! i love u mutual!!!! i can’t even believe we’re mutuals i don’t deserve u!!!! keep being u mutual!!!”

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There are two types of people in this world

Those who go feral as soon as they hear the opening to Rasputin by Boney M.

And those who are wrong