itsventingtime

[itsventingtime]

Pure bliss

Actual happiness

Welcome back

I've missed you

Heart lifting joy

Stay a while

As I appreciate the simplicity in which you came

[itsventingtime]

ONCE MORE

Just once more

I want to see this come through my phone

Just once more

I want to

Just chat

[itsventingtime]

I hope my parents get another shot

Another chance to have a whole lifetime together

I saw my dad today - he came over ... he was happy and chatty. I was glad of his company. I didnt say much but I helped with his taxes

He talks cheerfully but I feel so lonely when I think of him

He encouraged me to come over and I will - I will I WILL

I'll being Arti and some food and we can talk and hang.

He wanted to go to Europe in 2025 Oct but I asked if he could push it back 1 more year in 2026 since i'd have leave then

He said thats ok to do

I hope I'm better by then

I hope we both are

I wish my Dad felt he was loved by Mom

All the sacrifice he did and things he went through for her. I wish she remembered and was grateful

I wish they can have another shot in their next lifetime

P.S this is staying out of my playlists coz i dont want to be an emotional wreck out in the wild

[itsventingtime]

They knew - we all did

[itsventingtime]

Its been just over two months and food has finally tasted correct

Indulgences ive had up till last night tasted off... like the meat wasnt quite right or the food didnt have the same "feel" to it it usually did

Yesterday that changed. I ate korean BBQ at a normal establishment and it tasted how it always did - delicious and enjoyable. The meat was tender and had that flavour even without the salt or the sauce

I still think about her - it feels like a lot more than usual these days

I would have the urge to call and update her or tell her the latest absurdity that happened at work and get stopped by the rememberance that she's not there to take my calls anymore

I dont feel like she's even here to watch over me - not in a vindictive way; more that she's been moved on to another place where she cant watch what we do

I hope she got issekai-ed

I hope she gets another chance at life

Carefree and not work orientated

I hope she realises in her other life that it was worth taking days off to experience things

I hope in her next life she isnt bound by the obligation to take care of other people and focuses on herself

I hope she enjoys her time being alive in the next life

[itsventingtime]

She visited me ! I'm so happy

We were in my old room in their home

And she was in my bed and I was attending to her

We were having a great time

She didnt say much - not that I can remember

But she looked at me a great deal like she did the night we came to her but her eyes were like they always were instead like that night

She looked so much better than the last time I saw her too - like what she always used to look like

The room was very dream-like

Lots of light - blurry around the edges

She looked at me a lot - smiled at me

Thank you Momma

[itsventingtime]

I dreamt of her

She was laying on me and I remember bending my head down to give her a kiss on her head

I remember how her head felt to kiss

Soft curls and a very hard head

The feeling so palpable I woke up acting out my dream - in the middle of a kiss to the top of her head as she lay on my chest

I remember the last time i lay on her chest - it was in Sydney and I listened to her heartbeat so intently, as if commiting it to memory - maybe I did

I feel comforted - she visited me

Maybe she always had and I never remembered

Maybe the tightness in my chest when I wake in the morning is my body reacting to being pulled away from her

[itsventingtime]

Wise friends have I

Ones that know the value and weight of good words

[itsventingtime]

I hope time stands still for you

Like when you thought you've only been asleep for a minute but its been hours

So if I do get to see you again it wont have been that much time for you as it was for me

I hope you come visit me soon - even if you come just before you ascend; i'll wait for you.

Be with me always, take any form, drive me mad, only do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you

[itsventingtime]

Shhh i know but let me be sentimental for a little bit

[itsventingtime]

I dont think the shock of her being gone will go away

There are times I think of hugging her or taking a photo with her cheek to cheek

And then realise i no longer have that luxury

I talk to her as if she's still around

It sounds weird but sometimes its nice

I dont feel safe in her old house anymore

Its old and just unpleasant to sleep in

I keep looking into the mirror hoping to see her there

I would love for the last image of her to be her as she was

Rather than remember the way she looked in the end

Dad keeps calling out to her in his sleep

He waited for me to go to sleep [we sleep in the same room but I on the floor]

He sleeps with the lights on

His tender emotions show and I'm both worried and comforted

Worried how he'll live ever after in his house alone

Comforted that he is letting his emotions flow

He misses her just as much if not more than me

[itsventingtime]

Ive run out of patience

And you've run out of time

I'll handle this after ive settled Momma's affairs

I stayed with you because I thought this was important enough for you to listen to me for once

I waited because i didnt want Momma worrying about me more than she did

I was patient, because I thought you would come through for once - JUST ONCE

But she's gone and nothing's changed

Its the same empty words and proclamations you gave a month before , a year before , a decade ago

I'm be scared of losing you any more

[itsventingtime]

Dad sings the song he did when we all left the room that night

He does it when he misses you i think - coz he calls out for you afterwards

[itsventingtime]

What would you see standing infront of the Mirror of Esried ?

I would see myself in a wedding dress

Standing next to my mother as she was years ago - strong, vibrant, healthy

I'd be everything I thought i'd be

With her by my side to witness it and say how proud she is like always

Its been a week now

The days move on and so we must too

We carry her memory tucked safely in the love we have for her

Tender moments we let come to us to remind us what we loved about her

Dad mentions her now - says its been a week and talks about her when she was here

I'm glad he does now its nice to know i'm not the only one thinking of her

[itsventingtime]

I took you home

And there I followed

No matter how much time we have it'll never be enough

I feel like when I wake from naps I'm missing something important

Like I met you in my dreams and Im so frantic to remember but it always slips away by the time i'm conscious

What is grief if not love prevailing

I'll honour your life by not wasting mine

By living a good life

Though it may be quiet

It will be in peace

[itsventingtime]

When i was young i wondered if it was harder to be dying or be the one to watch someone you love die

I think if we were honest with each other Momma it would have been harder for you to watch us see you slowly fade away

But we're strong

Stronger than you think

We learnt how to be

By watching you

If we were more honest

Maybe you might of suffered less

[itsventingtime]

I bore witness to your life

Your warmth

Your vivacity

I bore witness to your death

The pain

The way you gasped for breath

They silence and chaos that followed

I am proof you lived

My continuous grief is proof you were a good person

The deep seated sorrow is proof you were loved

The most worthiest battle fought

You have prevailed