itssydanxietyblog-blog - Tumblr blog

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 13- Thursday, July 13th

Day. I had breakfast and then went to class. We printed a bunch of our stuff and then shot in the studio some more. My teacher taught me something today about Photoshop! I don’t think it’ll be that useful for the stuff that I do at home, but it’s nice to get some sort of attention from him. Today for lunch, I ate with one of the girls in my class. It was a little awkward but I figured it would be nice to chat with her. We barely talked but whatever. After lunch, we just worked on stuff but I had all of mine done so I just sat around. It got a little annoying because everyone kept singing, it’s like we’re in a photo class, I’m not sure why we need to be blasting Taylor Swift. But after class I went to the Life Science building (I didn’t go yesterday!) and watched some TV. One of the characters in my show died so I cried a little bit and then started thinking about life after high school and how much things are going to change in the next year. It’s just weird. 

I’m very excited for NYC! I can’t stop thinking about it. I guess I haven’t been blogging as much because I don’t really feel the need to let it all out. Nothing too bad is happening and it’s been a lot easier. I think I just see the light at the end of the tunnel so it’s not that hard. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 12- Wednesday, July 12th

I don’t really remember. The morning was good, I had a fine breakfast and chatted with some people. Then I went to class and we worked on some of our pictures. Lunch was fine and then we came back to a lighting demo. My teacher is finally acknowledging my talents which is nice. After class I decided that I wanted to go to the mall to get some cute stuff for NYC and maybe Lolla. I missed the 4:15 bus because class actually went the full length. I then went and got my purse and then dinner and the took the bus to the mall. It was super weird and I don’t think I will ever want to take public transportation again... but the mall was good. I found two cute dresses and got them for less than $15 TOTAL. What a steal! After spending a few hours there, I went back to school and then went to bed. Overall, it was a decent day. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 11- Tuesday, July 11th

GOD WHY. I woke up this morning and all was well. It was just cool enough for me to be able to wear a sweatshirt while I was getting ready. I was almost ready to leave and then my dad called me. This was a little odd because I normally call him. So then I was out of wack. I almost forgot to put on my watch and then I packed my bag and just as I was leaving I realized I forgot my hair tie! Ugh! I went to go reach in my bag and guess what!!!! I FORGOT MY FREAKING KEYS. My roommate had left like 10 minutes before I did to get breakfast... I was freaking a little because then I went to the front desk and no one was there. I was running late so I just decided that I would go and get the key from my roommate, get my keys and then get the key back to her.. it didn’t end up working out like that, but I got my keys and ran a mile and a half before 8:15! I had breakfast and then I had to pack a lunch. 

Who? Our class adventure today was to go to the George Eastman Museum..It took an hour and a half bus ride to get there. I wasn’t really sure who he was till we got there. Then I realized that he was the founder of Kodak. It was interesting to see the evolution of cameras and just a straight photography museum. We got to see his house and it was kind of cool. My lunch was gross but After a while it got boring and then we just left. Sleepy kids and the us is good but then we just came back and were free to go. 

Rest of the Night. I went to CVS to pick up popcorn and a juice. I had Naked’s Blue Machine juice and it’s good. I’m now in the life science building just blogging and watching TV. I saw my friend but I missed saying Hi. Oh well. Going to get dinner soon and then just gonna watch Glee for the rest of the night. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 10- Monday, July 10th

All by Myself. I woke up once at 2:30 to pee and then went back to bed. I then woke up to my alarm today which was painful, but good to know that I was finally getting comfortable enough to sleep the “whole” night. I got ready and wished my bestie the very happiest of bdays. It made me a little jealous to see everyone posting for her... but what are ya gonna do. I went to breakfast and ate by myself again. I can see how people think it’s weird that I eat alone but I like it. I can watch my TV shows or just listen to music. 

Downtown. For class today we went downtown Syracuse to shoot. We had to do groups, and since I’m the girl that doesn’t get along with the other girls, I got to be with the boys. It’s nice being with them because I don’t have to “compete” about girl stuff with them. It’s whatever. One of the kids in my group has a bit of a sprained ankle so we took breaks but Downtown was boring. I figured getting out of the campus would be at least a little more fun but it was just basic. Their downtown is kind of like downtown Naperville but just all over. Lots of drug addicts around because the downtown is so small but it’s just weird. 

Not much else. After we were done with class, we went back and then imported our pictures. Mine are bad because I forgot my glasses and so it’s all blurry. I got good enough shots to turn it but I guess I just don’t care that much because it’s not for grade and I’m not getting anything out of the class. 

After. After class I went to the science building and hungout there for a while. I colored one of my swear words and then went to dinner. It was okay, but I’ve been so hungry lately that I would eat and then hangout a little and then eat again. Then I would wait and then I had some ice cream. I added Lucky Charms and that was surprisingly good. I went back to the building and watched some TV. After that, it was to my room and then to bed. I probably got too much sun, but it was overall a good day. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 9- Sunday, July 9th

Wake then Lake. The “attraction” today was to go to the State Park which had a lake. My roommate and I signed up to go earlier in the week. I actually slept in till 9:15 today! I called my dad on the way to breakfast and we chatted till my roommate showed up too. After that, we waited for the buses. Long story short, the buses ended up being 45 minutes late while we just sat outside. While we were waiting, they handed out little bottles of sunscreen. Since I hadn’t been outside all summer, I figured I could get some good sun today. I only put a little on the front of my legs, arms, stomach and chest. 

SunSCREAM. When we finally got to the lake it was CROWDED. It looked like North Ave on a beach day. Instead of there being tons of drunk teens, it was chunky parents and screaming kids. I laid out a towel that I borrowed from the front desk, and tried to nap a little. My roomie disappeared and I was fine with that. When she came back, we did a little photoshoot with her polaroid camera (I need to get one of my own). After that, I napped a little more and then we went back to the dorms. All was well except for when I finally decided to look at my tan lines. I first noticed that my right thigh was just a little too red.. then I looked at my watch, took it off slowly.... and couldn’t stop laughing. I have the worst tan line from my watch.. Looks like I’m really never taking it off now! Then I looked down at my leg. Mind you, I only put on sunscreen on the front of my legs.. well the sun was coming from the side, so the streaky application came to bite me in the ass. I’m a lil embarrassed because it’s a bit too obvious but whatevs. 

Big girl duties. After the lake, I needed to go to the shirt store so that I could finally get my dad his beloved shirt. I went and got that and a shirt for myself then headed “home”. I was going up to my dorm when I spotted my roomie in the stairwell with our towels for laundry. We decided that we were going to try and do our laundry.. Well then we didn’t have change and so it was a hunt to try and find a coin machine. Then we had dinner and then did our laundry. 

Emergency? Just as our laundry was finishing, the emergency alarms started to go off. Everyone panicked but then the RA’s weren’t freaking so we calmed down. After we went back inside, I folded my stuff and then called my family. We chatted while they went to Andy’s (lowkey missing it). I talked to some of the girls down the hall and then went to my room. My roommate is organized but she’s very messy. Crumbs and wrappers are always scattered on her floor. So I took initiative and grabbed the vacuum from the front desk. I vacuumed and then tidied my room. Normally, I fall asleep before my roommate which is fine but tonight was different. She fell asleep before me which meant that I COULD HEAR HER SNORING. I was going crazy. I turned on some sleepy rain sounds and eventually fell asleep. Overall, it was a decent day.. Yet another day that I didn’t throw hands with my roommate completed. T Minus 5 days. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 8, Saturday, July 8th

Morning! I woke up this morning to pee, but at least it was at 7 o’clock this time. I went back to bed till like 8:30. My roomie said that she was going to the gym at 7:30 so I figured that she was gone until I looked and saw that she was still sleeping. I didn’t think much of it because I’m tired of being her mom. I layed in bed and watched stuff on my computer till 11:30!! My roomie finally woke up at 12:30 and then seemed mad that I didn’t wake her up.. She said that she had a ton of stuff to do, but I wasn’t going to try and get her up... It’s not my job! I took a shower and started to get ready. Was feeling perfectly fine. I was doing my makeup and watching TV!

Brunch is stupid. Everyday I sneak an apple and/or banana from the dining hall because I figure I’ll need it later. But yesterday, I didn’t take any and I threw the ones away that I was hoarding. Well I shouldn’t have because I needed something to eat. Brunch isn’t available until 11:30, which I understand during the school year because everyone is tired and drunk on the weekends, but we’re summer program kids.... We aren’t allowed to have alcohol or drugs #boring.. Kidding! But we have nothing else to do and we’re hungry! 

The hike. After my brunch, I took a walk to this street called Marshall. It has a Chipotle and a pizza place, along with a cookie place and then some college wear places. I went to go look for a shirt for myself and something for my dad. Well he wasn’t answering about the sweatshirts so I just went back after spending forever there. I went back to my dorms because I knew my roomie wouldn’t be there. I grabbed my coloring book and then chatted with some of the girls down the hall. Then back to the Life Science Building it was! I colored there for a while and then decided that I’d go back to Marshall street. I called my dad about the sweatshirts and to chat and he totally blew me off! He thinks that just because I didn’t call him for 26 hours that he can just get away with not talking to me! I walked all the way back to Marshall and called my mom to catch up. Lots of family drama going down but it makes me laugh. When I was at the store my dad was being shady and not answering so he just told me to go back another day some week. 

Piece (of Chicken) and Quiet. I chilled at the Life Science Building for a while and then I went to go to dinner. I’m cool with eating alone now so I just decided to eat there. They had really really good chicken wings, that which I had 8 of... Kora called me and it sucked because she’s going through a lot. I really wish that I could be there, but I reminded her that it was only ONE EXACT WEEK until we would eating a fancy New York City dinner. My roomie spotted me and we chatted for a little. I was about to leave before she came so I was weary to go back to the LSB but once I left, I kept checking behind me to make sure she wasn’t following me. I’ve been hanging in the LSB ever since, I”m getting just a little bored being in here but I don’t really want to go back just yet. Tomorrow we are going to a Lake and spending the day there. Hopefully it’ll be fun but I'm just worried that I’ll be super bored and/or anxious there and won’t be able to escape. It’s good that I didn’t spend lots of time with my roomie today because then maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to actually deal with her. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 7- Friday, July 7th

Rise and Buzz. Every single day, I’ve woken up at 6:07 on the dot to pee. It’s irritating because I can’t usually fall back asleep. Since I stayed up so late last night, I was super tired. So after I went to the bathroom and came back I was so ready to go right back to bed. But then I kept hearing this buzzing noise when I would try and lay on my side. I dozed off a little and then woke up to my alarm. I very good shower later, I started to get ready. I’m pretty sure I had 0 anxiety this morning. I literally sang “GOOD MOOORRRRNINGGG” to my dad over the phone. I have really enjoyed talking to my dad every morning when I get ready. It’s nice to just recap the day before, even if I do that the day before. We always have a little life lesson mixed in on the way to breakfast. 

New Experiences. I had breakfast by myself this morning.... I HAD EGGS. It was like 2 bites, but still. It’s progress. I went to class and we worked on our slide shows of yesterdays shoot of campus. Let me tell you, I am bored. I guess I was just expecting the same kind of program that I have at home. Here, it’s all about basic photography skills, rather than just all the editing I do at home. I just don’t feel like I’m really learning anything that is going to be ground shattering to my photo style. Then we got let out early for lunch which was fine because I was feeling good. I was at the halfway point! 

Relapse? No, just a bump. After lunch, I just hung out outside of the Art Building and got some sun. I’m getting a little tan from shooting outside the past few days, and I can tell because I have a stupid watch tan... It’s a little funny. Well after I went in, we did our slide shows of our photos and I’m just bored with my photos. Of course they liked them, ya know, because I’m me ;) Just kidding that’s a little cocky. But I got bored during everyone else’s so I started to zone out. When I was zoned out, I started to overthink again. I was excited that we were halfway done and now I’m like OH GOD you have to go through that ALL OVER AGAIN. I started to choke up a little bit but it wasn’t a cry and it wasn’t a real attack. I guess I’m just worried about having so much free time this weekend. I’m going to a lake on Sunday so that’ll take up most of the day, but then I have Saturday. My roomie asked me to help her with her project which is fine but now she wants me to take all these pics and then go Downtown with her. I wanted to go explore downtown but I just don’t want to be with her. And then I started to stress that my building would be closed but then I talked to my Professor and TA about it and they said that it should be open and if not, I could just go to the Library and hangout there. I took a pill but now I’m actually really drowsy which sucks because it normally never does. Whatever. I’m just gonna watch some YouTube and Netflix for the rest of the night and hopefully not see my roommate at dinner! :)

Safe Haven. Class today ended around 3:30 and I’ve pretty much been in my life science building ever since. I went back to the room after class and grabbed my flip flops and chocolate covered pretzels just in case I needed a little snack after dinner. It was a good idea because I got dinner and it was a bit lack luster today, no real good source of protein. I smuggled out some Pepsi in my water bottle which is the first time I’ve had pop the whole time I’ve been here. I started to snack on my pretzels a little bit but that’s how I can tell I’m not 100% normal yet... I’m always a little hungry but I can go a while without having to eat something. This will be good when I go home because I guess I always eat because it’s always accessible. I’ve had no real meltdowns, STILL woohoo! Today I’ve sat in 5 different spots in the LSB (Life Science Building) which is a nice change of scenery from my usual 2nd floor spot. I sat there so long today it ended up having my butt print... Haven’t made any new building friends today but I’m not actively seeking. It’s 10 o’clock now which means that once I leave I can’t get back in, so I’m waiting till I get as sleepy as possible so I can just crash once I get back to the room. Maybe tomorrow I’ll go workout.. Probably not but I can lie to myself. I need to get some Syracuse apparel so that at least my closet will gain something out of this awful trip!

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 6- Thursday, July 6th

Decent Morning. Every morning my alarm is set for around 7:30. But I constantly wake up around 6 to pee... It’s the worst. Well today I woke up with a solid amount of anxiety still there. I took a GABA pill and tried to go back to sleep. I dozed off a couple of times but by 7:00 I was more panicky than the usual morning so I just decided to get ready. I took a cold shower because it’s the only time I’ll actually be freezing while I’m here. After that, I started to get ready. My roommate left which meant that I could call my dad. We chatted about the drama that was going on at home and then I was off to breakfast. 

Breakfast buddies? So when I walked into breakfast I saw one of the girls from my photo class. I asked her and her friends if I could sit with them once I got my breakfast. She seemed a little weirded out, but at least it was someone to sit with. I chatted with them and then I bolted out as fast as I could. Then I called my dad, YET AGAIN. It was good, we chatted a little and then he asked my what I missed and I teared up a little bit. Just because I miss home a little more than expected. 

Professor Unprofessional. The morning “session” of class was just a lecture which was fine because it’s interesting to see the difference on how he teaches versus Miss Lynn (my HS teacher). We ended up finishing our lectures early so we got an hour and a half for lunch. I hung out with the only two boys in my class for lunch. It was nice, even though I talked the whole time. Then we just went right back to class. Didn’t call my dad at lunch for the first time! I wasn’t panicked during lunch at all! I even had ice cream AT 11:30! Which is technically 10:30 at home. When we came back, our teacher told us that he wasn’t going to be here for the afternoon “session”. Sooooo he has said that “photography is dead” and now he leaves early everyday?? But I mean who needs to be a professional teacher right! 

Searching For My Talent. Our next task was to do a scavenger hunt that looked for the basic elements of good composition. Let me tell you.. I HATE shooting on this campus. I have never been so uninspired. Then all my pictures came out slightly out of focus but whatever :/ Not for credit so I’m just being basic. We were allotted shooting time for an hour and 45 minutes. After around and hour and 15 minutes, I was just done. It was like 82 degrees and I already had like 400 pictures. I went back to class and then we started to edit some of them and mine were just not good. Maybe they were okay, I just didn’t like them.

I’ve been exposed. After class, I headed straight to my Life Science building. I was working on my blog and then BOOM. 8 girls walk in... They were Summer College Students.... And one of them was from my photo class. I didn’t make any eye contact and then after a little bit, I went upstairs so that I could just have my space. I was worried (not panicked), just worried that they would keep coming back to my building and I won’t have my space. Maybe I’m just tweaking. If the girl from my class asks me about it tomorrow, I’m just going to straight up tell her and maybe imply that they shouldn’t come back.

Dinner and a Bad Show. After a while I started to get a little bit hungry so I went to get dinner. While I was there I made three guy “friends” I don’t really know but they made me laugh so it was all good. Then I made two girl friends and we chatted about literally the most random things but it was fun. Till my roommate showed up. She appeared out of nowhere and then just stayed. It was a little awkward because she wouldn’t talk but then when she would, it was even worse than when she was quiet. She needed me to go to CVS with her so we did, but I really wish I hadn’t. She’s just so childish and it’s annoying. Some of the stuff that she says it just weird. Like Paige (my 13 year old sister) is smarter than her not to say some of that stuff. She kept complaining about how much work she had to do when we got back to the room (remember this, it’s important). I have to constantly tell her not to eat TONS of ice cream like she wants because she’ll feel sick. Then she eats candy and got more sick and then complains to me about it. Like “Oh I’m sorry, I’m not your mom I shouldn’t have to take care of her.

Night of Annoyance. There was a little event going on in the main lounge of our floor and it was a little mood/vision board kind of thing. I saw the RA that would always check up on me and we chatted. The crafting was a good idea to keep me occupied for most of the night. Well I was having a niceish time there chatting with some of the other girls and my roommate was just sitting there, not saying anything. Once I finished she asked me if I wanted to go back to the room and I said that I was going to hang out there for a while and she got like offended. She asked when I was going to come back and I was like “I don’t know maybe like 20 minutes” and she was like “Okay so it’s not forever right??” Like okay idiot, obviously not because we live in the same freaking room. But I was like “Yeah I’ll be in soon.” Then as she was walking out she just kept looking and standing outside the wall of windows and just being weird. I’m leaving some of the weird stuff out but she’s just giving me an odd vibe. I might try and transfer rooms for the rest of the program. I need my alone time... TOMORROW IS HALFWAY!!! Woohoo!

I’m not your mom! So once I finished the portion above ^, there was a knock on our door. I was like what the hell is going on right now. So I got up and there was an RA outside of our door. She was like “Is Charlotte there?” and I was like “Yeah, but she’s asleep.” Then the RA informed me that she never checked in for curfew..... This wouldn’t be that big of a deal except for the fact that I tell her EVERYDAY that I’m going and she’s welcome to come. She always says “No I’ll go later. You don’t have to remind me... I know that I have to.” BUT NOW SHE FORGETS THE ONE DAY THAT I TOLD HER. Then she was mad that I woke her up and didn’t remind her. I have decided that if she tries some shit, I’m just gonna throw hands. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 5- Wednesday, July 5th

Oh baby. I woke up feeling pretty okay but felt a little bit of anxiety so I just called my dad and started to feel better. I spotted my roommate at breakfast so I went and sat with her, but she left like 3 minutes after I sat down because she had to get to class. So I, yet again, called my dad and then went to class. Class was going okay until I started talking to Kora. She’s my best friend and I love her so much. There’s a little bit of drama going on at home and she said that she had a panic attack so I felt so bad. I was afraid that she was feeling just like I have been and then I felt so bad. 

Break and then down. So in class I was doing okay, but a bit anxious because I couldn’t protect Kora like I usually do. Then we got a little break to go outside and I just lost it. I called my dad and he helped me but then I calmed down so it wasn’t an official break down. I went back to class and then we had lunch and I sat with these girls that I really don’t like. They seem a little snobby and since I intruded, I figured that I should at least be some soft of entertainment so I just started talking about how anxious I felt. With most people here, they can relate, but these girls did the exact opposite. They only talked about how they felt a little nervous at first but now they’re perfectly fine and making all these friends. So I just left and went back to my room and then I think I called my dad again. 

Class Act Idiot. When I was in class I was jamming to some tunes that they were playing and we were doing an activity that was all about Photoshop, which is what I’m pretty good at. It was great, until we stopped. After that I just had time to myself and really broke down. I felt myself panicking, so I went to the bathroom and LOST IT. It was straight crocodile tears streaming down my face as the phone rang. My dad answered and I could hear how excited he was and then I started to sob even more. He kept telling me to stop and it was kind of helping but I just couldn’t get the thought that all I wanted was to be home. After that panick attack, I called my mom and freaked even more. She just told me to book a flight home but there’s no way that I can because I will feel so guilty about wasting all this money even though I’d be more than willing to take it out of my account. There will be a post about where my anxiety is stemming from. But now it’s 4 o’clock so I’ll be updating later. 

Rest of the Night. I waited around the Life Science Building for a while and then I took a Theanine pill. I had meeting with my roommate and our RA about rules that have to be put in place. It was fine, we made tons of jokes but our RA is awkward so it was a little bit awkward. After that, I was still feeling good so I just hungout at the dorms and talked to some of the girls down the hall. It was fine and dandy for the rest of the night. The only issue arose when I had to go to bed. My feet were super hot so I was stressing. I solved the problem by just going to the showers and washing my feet with cold water. After that, I went to bed but was a little uncomfortable. I ended up falling asleep and it was fine. 

Overall, the day was a 6/10

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 4- Tuesday, July 4th

The mall. Since it was a holiday, we got the day off of clas. I first thought that this was dumb because why would we have one day off out of 10 possible class days. And I hate not being occupied but that’s beside the point. So the morning started when I went to breakfast with my roommate and then we decided that we would go to the mall for the day. It was actually going pretty well until we went to Forever 21. 

Panic baby! So I was shopping around and I saw some cute stuff and then I was like “Oh but I can’t pack that I won’t have room. Oooohhh yeaaah Friday I get to pack and leave.” But then I had the realization of the fact that I HAVE A WHOLE WEEK AND A HALF LEFT HAHAHHHA. So then I started to freak and then there was a ton of shit around the store so I was just super panicked. I just came forward with my roommate and told her about how much I’m panicked. I then took a panic pill and some coffee but still was stressing. So then we walked around the mall a little more, still feeling panicky. 

Final Breakdown. We got on the bus and sat there for 20 minutes because some people decided that they would be late and make it hell for everyone. While I was on the bus, I just kept thinking about how hot and panicked I was. Then I started to freak even more, so I just put my sunglasses on and cried a little bit. This was around 3pm. 

Sneaky Professor. After we got back to the dorms, I bolted for the Life Science building. I called my dad on the way there, and then the worst possible thing happens... The doors are locked. Because I don’t have access, my key wouldn’t unlock the door. So I freaked a little, but my dad helped me calm down till I walked around the other side and spotted some girl inside so I motioned for her to open the door for me. She was a little confused but then she opened the door. I was perfectly fine for 2 hours.. then I needed dinner, but again, couldn’t get in with no key. So I asked some guy if he was going to stay for a little so I could grab food. Then I got food and all was well till I needed my Chromebook charger. I saw some nice looking asian lady and asked her if she could help me. Went and once I came back I introduced myself, figuring that we could be pals just in case I needed her again. I was like “Hey thanks, I’m Sydney!” and she goes “Oh I’m Professor Chan” so then I got so embarrassed that I inconvenienced a PROFESSIONAL. I was like “Oh I’m so sorry I had no idea.” and she’s like “Oh no it’s totally fine. Makes me feel young being mistaken for a kid.” So yeah, a little weird. 

Goodnight sweetheart. I was feeling really good and chatted with my parents and my Grandpa and Pat. It was nice because I was feeling good. Then I FaceTimed my sister and watched fireworks with them, just like I would at home. It made me a little nostalgic but I was okay. Chatted with my roomie and went to bed just a little anxious that I was going to have a “relapse”. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 3- Monday, July 3rd

A better day? I woke up feeling a little bit anxious on Monday but I figured it was just “first day of school jitters”. Long story short, my teacher said that he dropped out of photo school and I freaked. He then gave us a 2 hour lunch which was just supposed to be one hour. This meant 2 whole hours of time to panic. I had lunch with some of the kids in my class and it was fine. I went back to the lounge and then started to freak so I called my dad and went to my room. I’ve realized that this is the place that causes my anxiety. I think this is because normally at home, I can go to my bed to be alone and sleep and relax. Well here, I’m constantly around my roommate so I can’t sob into my pillow and not feel weird about it. 

Class cut short. Well I thought that being in class would prevent me from thinking about all my anxiety, and it did for a while, but not so much. My teacher decided to be so “gracious” and let us all out early!!! WOOHOO!!! That meant 6 hours to panic before bedtime. I called my mom and she told me to go to the vitamin shoppe to pick up some medication that would hopefully help me. Being the big girl that I’m always pretending to be, I got in an Uber, and headed off. This guy helped me and gave me two different medications to take. GABA, which should be taken just before every meal. And the Theanine, which is supposed to help the anxiety as well but might make me drowsy.

Night of peace? So after I took the GABA, I felt a bit better but I figured it was just the placebo effect. After I hung out in the blessed Life Science building, I went to go check in for curfew. One of the Residential Advisors (RA) Cassie was checking us in. She asked “How was your first day?”, I just decided to be completely honest. I said “I’ve been kind of anxious all day, I don’t know I’m just stressed.” Then she asked me to hang back for a second. We went into a room and she just asked me why I was feeling like that and after we talked, I felt a lot better. So I went to my room and took the Theanine to hopefully make me sleep better. I felt so good that I talked to my roommate for almost an hour! I was feeling so good it was crazy. Then I went to bed, only a little stressed about the day to come. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 2- Sunday, July 2nd

I woke up and got ready for the day. I was still freaking out, but knew that I would have to try and work through the day. I had lectures again about conduct and that kept me somewhat occupied. After the first one was done, I got a call from one of my best friends.. She told me that her boyfriend decided to be the biggest ass and break up with her. I hate that this happened to her, but it was somewhat soothing to hear that she was going through something just like I was. Then I had some more lectures and then it was the dreaded free time. 

Hating being free. I love my free time, but not here. I hate it here. It gives me time to think and then freak the hell out of myself. After sweating my butt off the first night, I decided that I was going to get my hands on a fan at the CVS. It was a two mile walk, but well worth it. So with this dreaded free time, I decided to go find the IT department so that I could try and distract myself with my Netflix and Youtube. I walked to what would become my favorite building. It’s the Life Science Complex. I was walking around trying to find IT and stumbled across this guy facetiming someone. An awkward interaction later, I walked into the bathroom and cried to my dad on the phone. I kept walking around campus on the phone with my dad and it really calmed me down. Knowing that I could have someone that I don’t have to explain my whole life to, is really just the only way to calm down. 

The first night overall. Over the first day, I’m pretty sure I was on the phone with my family for a solid 3 hours. I felt bad for my roommate because I just kept disappearing but I was too embarrassed to talk to her. Went to bed and decided that I hated being here. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Day 1- Saturday, July 1st

This is going to be broken down into the first day that I started my journey to Syracuse. 

I had to wake up at 4am so that I could hop on my plane at an ungodly hour of 6:30am. We picked up my best friend Kora on the way there so that my goodbye would be just so much harder. After a little bit of tearing up, I said my painful goodbyes and then went into the airport with my mom. She cried a little and then I was off. I hopped on the WORST plane ride ever. There was tons of turbulence so I couldn’t really sleep. I then arrived in NY. I got off the plane and went straight to baggage claim and guess what!!! My luggage wasn’t even there!!!!! This is where the anxiety started. After freaking out about that, I got on the shuttle to go to school. I met a couple of people on the shuttle and one girl made me mad from the start. She makes me irritated but I’m not going to delve into it because I’ll just get mad. 

The arrival. I got to school and moved into my room. At this point I’d been awake for like 6 hours, which is longer than I’ve been awake (pretty sure) all summer. So I moved in and it was okay. I was freaking out a little bit because the room was BLAZING hot. It was probably like 78 degrees in my room which is like 20 degrees warmer than at home. Then we had a bunch of lectures about conduct and policies for school. It was boring but I was distracted. Then we went to dinner and it was fine. 

The panic sets in. I started to work myself up. I kept realizing how long I’d be here and how much I hated it already. I kept calling my parents and crying in the bathroom. Then I just got violently sick.. Like SICK.... Not to be too graphic, but liquids were coming out of both ends. Lots of crying in the bathroom and into the phone with my dad on the other end. 

I finally went to bed, but not before googling flights home. 

[itssydanxietyblog-blog]

Hi there!

My name is Sydney. Here’s a little background about me. I live just outside of Chicago and this upcoming school year I will be a senior at my high school. I’m super into photography and am very involved in my schools photo programs. In this program, I was entered into a photo exhibition and ended up winning a scholarship for a two week photography program at Syracuse University in upstate New York. My parents were so excited and so was I! I’m supposed to be the kid that leaves our small(ish) town and goes to school super far away... Well let me tell you... It’s not looking too hot. 

This is going to be a blog about how much I hate being here and why I’m freaking out. People have told me that journaling would be a good idea, but I can’t write fast enough so this is why I”m typing it. 

Please enjoy how much I hate this experience and what I’m constantly stressing about for LITERALLY NO REASON.