itsofficiallyme-ailnrms

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Hello my online diary!

There’s a loooooot going on in my life and I don’t know where to start. Hmm siguro lets start nalang sa dami ng problema para negative tas positive na sa dulo haha!

Ayun nga, si mama super nabaon sa utang :( it started kase may utang na talaga kaming malaki before pero nakakayanan bayaran because malakas naman tindahan. Nasa 1.5m yung utang before tas nakalahati naman na nila and continous paying naman ang kaso dumating yung inflation diba halos lahat nawindang na ang mahal ng presyo so yung tindahan namin naapektuhan. That time madami si mama bayarin, utang kay alex paluwagan dalawa ata tas may mga side trip utang na maliliit lang naman before.

Edi ayun nga nagkaroon ng changes, naapektuhan yung tindahan humina yung benta. That time dalawa pa kase yung tindahan namin and si mama nalang mag isa nagtitinda kase may work na ako e. Kumbaga di ko nadin kaya tumulong pa kase pagod din mentally isama pa na unstable ako kase mejj di ko dama yung work environment ko anyways sa next nalang yan haha. So yun nagkaroon ng problem di pa naman malaki pero nagstart na nga si mama umutang utang. Siguro around March 2023 ko din yun nalaman na mejj nasasanay na syang umutang kung kani kanino kase nabubuksan ko messenger nya before e and sobra sya magmakaawa na mangutang. Knowing mama di sya gaganon e. Tsaka sa isip ko non may pera kame kahit ano mangyari. And then yun nga nalaman namin na nalulubog pala kami unti unti. Right there and then binenta namin yung isang lupa para makaraos. Akala namin makakaraos na hindi pa pala :(

Napaka malihim kase ng mama ko, akala nya pag di nya sinabi mareresolve nya mag isa lahat pero no! Di nya kinaya. Little we didn’t know tuloy padin pala utang nya hanggang sa umabot na umutang nnaman kame ulit kay bente uno ng 1.5m ulit and thats another 5yrs to pay ni papa :(

Papa didn’t deserve all of this. Dapat nag eenjoy na sila now. Konting galaw nalang kase nagwwork na kame eh kaya na namin ang bills pero it didn’t work that way.

Now, we are doing the best we can to pay the debt of my mama. Grabe na iniyak ni mama sa mga utang nya balde balde na siguro yon. Nakakaawa oo pero nakakagigil din kase at the same time. Ang taas kase ni mama akala mo perfect. Sya yung example ng tita mong ang daming kuda pero wala naman napatunayan. I know its harsh pero kase tru. Mapanlait pa tsaka she only wants you kapag may pakinabang ka. She is not humble or alam mo yun mabait na mabait talaga. Basta hirap explain. On the other side sywmpre wala naman kame choice kundi intindihin nalang. Nangyari na e. What more can we do diba? Edi mag solution nalang.

So that’s what we are doing right now. We have side business nadin na fishball halo halo and mini tindahan na hoping lumago ( cross fingers) and gcash cash in cash out. Grabe tong pagsubok samin as family.

One good thing about it is mas pinapatibay neto yung pasensya, tinuturuan kame magpatawad sa pagkakamali and inuuwa nalang ang sitwasyon. I can say na we are holding together to fight this problem as family. We are more open yo how we will solve it, how to handle our finances and its quite working naman. From time to time we are still going back na bat kase umutang ka ng ganto ganyan but at the end of the day we still reminded na pera lang yan sige lang matatapos din natin yan lahat. Unti unti lang. kakayanin natin yan🙏

Lord, we might see the problem bigger and think that hope is so small to hold on but please always guide us that you are with us, please make us feel that u are with us in this journey. Its so painful and its breaking us all but we know you have much bigger plans with our family. Please make our problems go away and give us your comfort. In jesus name amen🙏🥹😭

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Dear Lord,

I know u will be able to read it and I know that you know whats on my mind and my hear really desire!

Lord, im lost right now. I wanted to cry out loud but I dont know where i dont know when. I am really really lost and I need you to guide me where should I go what should I do what will I do lord. I am really praying to have around 40k basic salary lord! I am praying that I will have a money that will be stable! I really wanted to give a lot but i dont have a lot. Please lord sana makakita din ako ng work na around 40-50k ang basic salary🙏🏻🙏🏻 please😭😭😭

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Lagi nalang ako nagrereply ng mabilis. I am always available for everyone pero not everyone is available for me. Palaging ako yung nag addjust pero no one can adjust for me. Haysss.

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Someday magkakabahay din ako at sasakyan!!!✨✨ Manifestinggg

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Bakit ganon, I dont feel any happiness specially dito sa bahay :( Feeling ko di nako part ng family. It started nung di ko pinansin sila mama at papa kase nasaktan ako don sa pag iwas nila sakin nung tumatambay ako sa tindahan. I feel like they didn’t like me. And now I feel like everyone didn’t like me at all. Naghahanap ako ng care and affection pero ang nakukuha ko puro rejections. So glad my bf is there but still not enough e. I dont know what to do anymore. Im so tired of everything. Ni hindi na ko naeexcite sa work. Wala ng excitement akong naffeel. I dont know kung ano nadin ang gusto ko mangyari. Like i feel numb na. Hays. God if you can read this take me na po. Coz i dont wanna feel this pain or this sadness in my heart. Im so coward to face everything in my life right now. Deserve ko pa bang mabuhay?

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Lord, whatever it is na pinagdadaanan ko ngayon I hope po na makayanan ko🙏🏻🥺

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

May ikkwento lang ako very quick HAHAHA

First anniv namin ng jowa ko nag samgyup kami don sa mag Q. ave dinayo pa namin tas ang daming taong nakapila kase nahype yon ng tiktok. Tas nung turn na namin dun kami banda sa mag garahe naka pwesto. Okay naman pinaprepare yung foods ganyan. Tas kase yung paglulutuan de kalan. Tas mejj nasira yung moment namin dahil sa kalan hahahaha di kase sya marunong magbukas, I mean akala nya daw ganon magbukas tas medyo nagtatalo na kami kung hanggang saan dapat paaabutin yung pag ikot nung pag open sa kalan. Basta ganern. Nagkainitan na hanggang sa nawalan na ng gana kumain di na namin naenjoy yung foods hahaha wala lang naalala ko lang. kulit kase first anniv pa namin nagtatalo pa kami hahahahah

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

03/23/22 9:48pm

Magkaaway kami ng boyfriend ko tonight because of hindi ko pagtawag sakanya. He always the first one to call. He is the first one initiating the call. Basta palaging sya ang nauuna magcall. This is the second time na hindi sya tumawag para magkusa ako. That is his point.

This second time around, hindi lang naman ako tumawag dahil sa dahilang matagal syang magreply at I have feelings na nakaidlip sya sa bus. Kaya hindi ako tumawag. And also I was asking him what he is doing. Ang sabi nya umiidlip. So why would I call him to break his nap if ever na matagal nnaman syang magreply.

Pero nagrereply padin sya. He is asking me if I am busy. I said no. I was waiting for him and matagal syang magreply. Sorry diko na sense na free sya sa time na nagrereply sya because I was thinking na kapag tapos na sya magreply he will go back to his nap. I don’t mind him taking nap kase palagi syang inaantok. So it’s better for him.

Gusto ko lang i-rant na bakit parang ang bigdeal kung sino palagi ang tatawag at hindi saaming dalawa. Oo, I know madalang akong tumawag pero once I know na you are not busy or just scrolling I will call you. Tumatawag ako sakanya medyo madalas na nga eh. Pero I don’t mind.

Diko gets bakit parang nagbibilangan kami kung sino ang palaging tumatawag. He even said na kung hindi sya tatawag we are not going to talk na :(

That make me sad. Should I sleep naba and not make a good night with him? Or should I fix it already?

I dont know if he really loves me. Is he taking advantage me?

He also told me not to share our problems with my friends or to anyone. He is not comfortable with it. And now I am suffering from overthinking what went wrong since I’m not able to share it with others. He is also not responding to my message. So I dont know.

Should I run?

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

THIS GUYYYY UGHHHH! God THANKYOU FOR GRANTING MY ULTIMATE WISH🥺🥺🥺

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Sarap ohh

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Sometimes simple words of encouragement can made your whole day. Just this kind of simple message will make you feel unexplainable. Unexplainable of happiness, kilig, amused, inlove, even sadness. Yes may sadness na kasama kase you would like to get this kind of simple message from time to time and kapag nawala sya you wouldn’t get that again. But let’s go back to the brighter side pips. Nakakawala ng pagod ang mga gantong klase ng messafe (sorry for being overthinker in the last part of convo I didn’t mean it tho)

Wala lang, sarap mo magmahal, mahalin ka. Hihihi.

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Hello!

I’m still alive people!!! HAHAH kala mo may nagbabasa ng mga hanash ko dito eh no! So gusto ko lang ulit magkwento.

Nung isang araw nag tanong si Cath kung nappraning din daw ba kami minsan na may ibang kachat mga jowa namin. And then I said no- eh kase hindi pa naman talaga and mas praning ata sya kase sya nagccheck eh. Then sabi nila cath and yana sa una lang daw yun. Kase ganon daw sila dati. Ngayon nabaliktad na. Sila na yung mas praning. Kay yana naiintindihan ko kase they have past issue, kay cath hindi masyado kase sabi nya wala naman daw nagbago sa treatment ni pp sakanya mas lalo nga daw naging sweet (well dun sa part na yon siguro nakakaduda) hahahahah anyways ang hanash ko lang naman is baka sa una lang ganon ang bebe ko din🥺

Ayoko namang i-compare or isipin lalo or idrama ng todo to no pero wala lang, kung ako kase yung mappraning feeling ko nakakairita yon. Feeling ko mag aaway kami ng sobra unless sobrang patient nya sakin. Unless kaya nyang patigilin pagiging praning ko. And yung thought din na may iba syang nakaka chat na babae😤 I mean yung wala namang kwentang usapan🙄 laro? Tshhhh edi magsama kayo.

Sabi ni yana napatunayan na daw nya na ang mga lalaki talaga sa una lang magaling. Napatunayan ko na din naman yan before, ayoko lang din mapatunayan ko yan kay joms. Gusto ko iba sya. Kase iba naman talaga sya. He is so special- especially in my heart.

Feeling ko mas mahal ko sya🥺🥺

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

It’s funny how he can tell me easily how he fall in love with me. Funny to know na he just stay coz he is my first. Funny to know that he just like me at first and just stay coz maybe he’ll fall in love with me and he will eventually love me. Funny to know that he just stay there. He fall in love with me. Ang funny lang. Ang sakit din. Ewan ko bakit masakit. I really don’t know why my heart aching knowing that he is already inlove with me just because he stays.

I cried last night kase punong puno nnaman yung emosyon ko. It feels great after crying kase ewan ko din hahaha I feel relieved after that tho, I doubt a lot today. I can’t tell ano ano mga dinadoubt ko😅 plus my confidence...... bumababa sya...... for some reasons I can’t control what I’m thinking neither what I’m going to act. Ano nga ba dapat? I feel so ugly and unwanted :((((

But I will be okay. I need to be okay. I know my worth. I know what I am capable of. So yeah! Cry is for the stronger people only.

PS: to my bebe, don’t worry I just need to feel sadness sometimes and that’s okay. I’m human after all. I still love you. Hindi nabawasan yun, mas nadagdagan pa nga. Hays ganto pala feeling ng mainlove and magcompromise. It feels great 😌

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

HE IS INLOVEEEEE!!!!!!!

Yeahh, he is finally in-love with me! I don’t know what to feel or react but I’m happy. My heart is happy. I think it’s another level unlock, how many level paba😅 How did I know he’s inlove na? I ask him or ewan ko napunta nalang kami don sa part na kumportable na syang sabihin sakin lahat ng naiisip nya. Siguro nafeel nyang safe na sya. I really love him to the point na naiiyak ako kase diko din alammmm😭 umaapaw ata yung emosyon ko sa diko malamang dahilan. Diko mawari huhuhu

Sabi na eh, kaya laging tumatawag madaming time and all eh kase nga inlove na hahaha. Siguro ang lakas talaga ng mga instinct ko sa mga gantong bagay. Laging tumatama eh. Anyways I still wish na sana magtagal kami syempree with the guide of our almighty🙏🏻 Sana di kami magsawa agad sa isat isa, kung dumating man yung point na yun sana makahanap kami ng paraan how to spice it up. Sana laging may way para piliin ang isat isa. Ang sarap mainlove hayssss.

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

I’M HAPPY INLOVE RIGHT NOW??

Can you imagine how I feel right now??? Lol bet u dont know hahaha COZ ME ALSO I DON’T KNOW!!! Am I inlove?? FORREAL? Char ang arte HAHAHHA We are now at the second month of our love story can u believe it? HHHA parang di kapani paniwala talaga no? Well i know myself as a picky person so kaya ang oa ng reaction. So yun nga, bet ko di nnaman ako babatiin nyan ng monthsarry namin. Aantayin nnaman nyang ipaalala ko sakanya. Haysss Nakakatampo slight but on the other side it’s fine with me, I mean it’s not really big a deal with me. As long as he’s faithful and loyal (sana lang)

So we stayed last saturday night kase we missed each other! Oh I wish I could be with him everyday so I can hug him and kiss him🥺 Ughhhh he is so cute!!!! Why am I so attracted to him haysss. Guess I really love him ha.

I just wish that sana may makilala nako sa side nya, kahit tropa nya lang or relatives. Sana man lang mapakilala ako no? Kase parang super secret ng relationship namin. Nakakainis nakakayamot pero ayoko i-demand yun kase basics yun eh. Kung walang plano edi tigil nalang. Or sana bigyan ako ng lakas ng loob magtanong. I dunno why I’m tired of asking or to demand to the things I deserve.

Nawawalan ako ng gana mag ask ng mag ask to what to do or palalimin minsan yung usapan. I’m not like this I dunno what happen but yeah it’s kinda sucks. Pero I know in my heart he loves me kaya kumakapit pa din ako. Sana lang panindigan nya talaga no?

Hays. I really wish he knows what my heart wanted! It’s all his sincerity. Sana maging vocal sya sa naffeel nya. I wish he could tell me how much he loves me not just basta alam mo namang mahal kita diba? Like no!!! I want moreee!!! Details!!!! About!!! How what why when did u love me!!!! And makilala ko na relatives nya!!!!

Happy monthsarry to us! Stay strong lovebirds❤️

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Long Story

So I have a boyfriend na guys!!!!!!! Can you believe it? No? Yeah me too! I finally commit to someone na. HAHA Feb. 07, 2021 we are doing fine as of now. Malapit na din kami mag one month. Today is march 2nd! We met sa dating online app! Yeaaaahh finally someone’s decent and a lot better, I finally get what I want. But hey our story doesn’t end there actually, we are just starting✨

Mid of October I remember we match and started to chat. Chat na puro stickers lang haha. That time may nanliligaw sakin, remember james? Yeah James the builder charot. I was so focus kay james kase bet ko sya ih. But at the same time I’m checking my tantan from time to time kase si james walang pake sakin. I felt it. He just want me kapag convenient sakanya. It sucks I know. I even had a hard time leaving him coz akala ko magbabago pa sya. Stupid me for believing to that idea lol. Anyway, so yeah I’m talking to Mr. Bean and also there’s another guy that wanted to meet me that time din. Mr. bean is malayo and the other guy is malapit lang buttttt Mr. Bean wanted to see meeeeee! Yieeee kahit malayo sya. Si other guy kase palagi din busy so we didn’t have a chance to met di nagtutugma sched.

Hiningi ni Mr. Bean yung messenger ko but I give him my ig account and from there I found out what’s his name. My loves name is Jomel🌻 HAHA lagyan natin sunflower coz he is my ray of sunshine! Uhmmm okay ang lande HAHAHA We first met December 1st. That’s also the time I ended on what’s going on between me and james. I reject him na finally. I also send long messages to him rejecting him I dunno if he read it but whatever, I need my peace of mind. Kase feeling ko that time when James started to court me ang gulo gulo ng buhay ko. Bigla akong nabobo naging tanga. Bastaaa HAHA ang sama. Butttt little did I know there will be someone na ibabalik ang inner peace ko. Pasokkk baby! HAHAHA chz.

So yeahh we started dating Dec. 1st I don’t know if he’s real or just wanna play games..... until now I’m not yet so sure about that. But he always says he serious about me- well lahat naman ganun talaga sasabihin if ever you are attracted to someone for a while (oh sorry for being overthinker😅) but can you blame me? Nakita ko na yan before eh. Naranasan ko na. Potekkk. Marami lang talaga kong bad decisions that’s why I overthink a lot. If we continue dating is it the right choice I’m making for the first time? You know??? I want to do right choice now. I guess I’m making right choice. You are my right choice Jomel💕 cheezy ko mejj kadiri.

So yeah, dating dating dating hanggang sa naging kami na. And sana tumagal pa. I really hope we ended up marrying each other. I just want him. And he’s so nice. He always assured me that he loves me everyday. He’s making effort to see me. To feel loved. Ang kinaiinisan ko lang sakanya, parang tinatago nya ko. Hays is it becoz maaga pa? Kase feb lang naman naging kami eh😏 haysss siguro legal both sides ill be satisfied kung ano meron kami. Diko na hihilingin ipost nya ko sa socmed nya. Makilala lang ako ng side nya okay nako. That’s my only wish right now.

[itsofficiallyme-ailnrms]

Hi, so FEB 07, 2021 I do have my first boyfriend and my first experience with s*x.

Why am I not happy, as in yung happy na happy. Yung feeling na wow he is really the one. Parang may kulang, parang mali. But I hope he will be the one until the very end, I will choose him until the end.

I hope sya na talaga ang para saken.