itsbeandean

[itsbeandean]

Hey guys sorry for not being on here for months and then coming back and spamming ds9 love you

[itsbeandean]

found a vintage makeup add thought it would be fun to redraw it

ofc spock only took me like 30mins to render while bones and kirk had me rethink my life choices..

[itsbeandean]

Bro said 🥺👉👈

[itsbeandean]

a sweet token of appreciation for friends 🧁❤️

[itsbeandean]

you know a show is great when you’re only a few episodes in and already have two great queer ships with completely opposite energy

[itsbeandean]

[itsbeandean]

I had to google "ways to ask someone to lunch" for this and so now the fbi thinks i have no bitches i think

[itsbeandean]

some guys and their lizards :3

[itsbeandean]

Sometimes at work you repair people’s microwaves. Sometimes you become the god of an ancient people. And you don’t even get hazard pay because there’s no such thing as pay. You’re there because you like repairing the microwaves.

[itsbeandean]

[itsbeandean]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - 7x04 Take Me Out to the Holo-Suite

[itsbeandean]

[itsbeandean]

haven't stopped thinking about this actually [x]

[itsbeandean]

I've thought about writing this a lot. I can't ever tell if it's coming from a place of happiness or vindication or what. But I feel like if I don't get it out it'll die. I wail all the time about the negative things in my life but everything positive is happening so much and I need to put it somewhere. I need to tuck it away so it's somewhere I can come across in the future and remember.

I talked with her about marriage. We've been talking about marriage. We've got a ring. We've got plans. Just about 6 months together and we know we're the ones for each other. We've known for months. But they were here recently and right before we were falling asleep I told her "y'know. I know really happy couples that just don't get married because of taxes or debt and things like that. I've got debt. Big debt."

and you know what she said?

"Don't be silly. Thats so silly to worry about. We'll figure it out together. That's what marriage is."

I'd been trained to worry. That there was always something. That at any inconvenience I can be left behind. They told me it was silly. They told me not to worry unless they're worrying with me.

And fuck if I've ever been so happy in my life.

I'm moving across the country for this smoking hot enby who loves me and worries with me and has spent hundreds just to see me and I'd never do it any other way. I can't believe I spent so long of my life just stagnant. I can't believe I never strove for the better I deserve. And now I have the better and it's so hard to focus on the fact that it's real and it's now because certainly it can't be, right? There's no way this isn't all going to blow up in my face. Right?

Then I remember us just, riding in the car together. And the thought of the profile of her face makes me smile and I know. That it's real and it's gonna stick. And we're both going to make sure because we belong together and when we're together things just work.

These last few weeks have been maddeningly good. So much so that I don't think anything could get my down if it tried. I got a new job with a new, big, life changing raise. I spent 10 days with my fucking drop dead gorgeous, funny, kind, incredible partner (I've never been told by so many strangers that they like my vibe. I like being a beacon of hope for others. I like being queer in public and having others go 'hey, good for you. Me too." in the most blasé way possible. I like being seen with them. I'm never embarrassed. I'm never scared.) I'm relieved of a debt that would have hung over me into my 60s... I'm leaving. I'm getting the fuck out of dodge.

Thats the bittersweet part, actually. I'm leaving. Going somewhere blue. Somewhere free and unoppressed. But I'm leaving everyone else I love behind which, yes, I've been crying about that. Especially with my family. Especially at night when the zoom call ends and it's just noise videos for me to fall asleep to. But the sadness doesn't outweigh the happy. The joy. The opportunity.

We'll see how I feel when I hug my mom that last time. When I hug my best friends that last time.

The day before my birthday.

Damn, 30 is gonna feel fine.

Anyway I should be working and I'm running out of steam but.

Void, if you're listening just. Take this and disburse it. Take this feeling and pass it around to anyone who needs it. I'm damn near tapped out.

[itsbeandean]

[itsbeandean]

Day 4: Mermaid

[itsbeandean]

Come on: a show in which one queer lead says that about another queer lead ... you don't wann sleep on that!