itsaysebuntion-blog

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

"Many people left,

but the only one who

came back everytime

was me.

That's how I knew

I really, truly, and deeply

needed me."

AUTUMN ‘Ayse” BUNTION

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

MY HEART TO PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION;

(Pt. 3)

be. People say you have to get to know someone before you judge them or before you love them. Get to know yourself, spend time with yourself. You will find that you love yourself a lot more than you ever thought you were worth. I fall apart too. And even though I do that by myself, away from others. It is not because I am ashamed or weak. It’s because I took the time to know myself, and that is where I found my strength. Depending on others because you’re unhappy with you is the worst thing that you can do. People can not always hold you up, and some do not even care to try. That’s destructive to depend on someone else. I’m not saying that I have everything figured out, because I don’t. I still struggle with depression. But I have figured out how to lay my falls in the hands of my own, and how to be comfortable and dependent on what I say about myself and feel about myself rather than that of others. So I’m going out of my comfort zone and going out on a limb to tell you that no one has everything figured out, no one is always happy or upheld strongly. Quiet and self-kept people aren’t always that way because they hurt. And I’m one of those who don’t fall under that category. I am self-kept because I am self-held, not because I’m scared to be held. No one has it all figured up and added together. Not even me. But I want you to know that there is still hope for you. And it comes with a price. One of HARD WORK, and DEDICATION to falling, fixing, re-building, and constructing yourself. You are the only one who cries alone to yourself, you’re the only one who will always care enough when your heart is ripped out and you’re hurting, to want the pain to end for you. You’re the only one who will always want to see yourself happy, even when you feel you hate yourself. You always care even when your feelings for yourself aren’t really there. I have figured out how to balance out myself, and how to be a balance for others. I have figured out how to keep personal to myself and how to find comfort in my own arms. And even though I don’t have everything figured out and never will, that STILL makes things so much better and easier to fall down on your own hands then to expect or depend on someone else’s to catch you or pick you up with their own. We all break, and that’s okay. I promise you that the time you give to yourself make the minutes you hurt and are lost so much easier once you figure out how to be with yourself before anyone else.

wtbfy, Ayse xx

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

MY HEART TO PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION;

(Pt. 2)

People say it gets better with time. But the truth is that only get better with effort. Without effort to be happy and to love your life by the way YOU live it instead of by the way others live theirs to look down on others for differences and materialistic appearance, things DON’T get better. You just gotta do you and be you, along with learning to LOVE you. And the rest is absolutely history because in the end, what matters in the message you leave behind and the love you gave in each step you take in life that’s left to those who will follow in your footsteps, isn’t added up by the way you look or what you had in materials. It’s all summed up to the way you loved others, yourself, and your life. And by the way you valued each heart and respected each life with gentleness, with kindness, with love and light, and with integrity and pride of having a heart that beats for others. It’s not having love and pride in what you do and what you have that’s makes happiness, it’s in having love and pride in what you ARE that creates happiness; and happiness in light. Respect yourself and accept what you’re meant to be instead of putting yourself down for what you aren’t. Love is the almighty power. And even though people can tell you that you’re not worthy of it or that the ways you Love and what you Love are wrong and right, that DOES NOT make it truth. Anyone can tell you that you’re not worthy, but it’s a matter of knowing what worth is and having faith that it’s there right inside of you, that determines your happiness. So what you need to do is STOP talking to yourself and at yourself as if you are the enemy. Do not talk down to yourself. The way you speak of something determines the way you think of something. The way you think of something determines the way you see it. Even if you don’t believe it at first, talk to yourself with Love and kindness like you’re the epitome of worthy. And eventually you will began feeling, believing, seeing, recognizing, and knowing that you ARE. You will never get somewhere in happiness if you do not change the route that lead you to the wrong and belittling destinations. You are worthy of having happiness no matter where your love is placed in it. I can tell you this all day, but it will not make a difference is you do not start telling yourself that same thing too. Love the way you love, and love the way you are. We all falter, we all have things we’d change about ourselves, and we all fall victim to lowness. But you have to value the right things, which is what and who you are. And you have to stop valuing the things that you are not as if you could be them and as if you should be them. Of course, value those things in other people. But don’t value them as if that should be a part of you. Because it’s not, and it’s not meant to be.

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

MY HEART TO PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH DEPRESSION;

(Pt. 1)

So many people struggle with depression. And a part of that demon is uncertainty of self-identity, of the identity of happiness, of downwards perspective of one’s self, of trying to build yourself according to society rather than your own natural structure, of fear of change but hoping for one, of hopelessness, loss, and being lost or unloved... Other parts of depression are unacceptance of the things are, the way they change, and the way you change not accordingly to your idea of what is right and deserving of acceptance in love. So many people struggle now in this time and day with depression than ever before because of the constant change and spread of socially acceptable standards and belief in ways that people should be, should live, or love. I am a very well put together person when it comes to my values, my strengths, my identity, and in general, MYSELF. I am very strong-suited and independent in my feelings, my morals, faults, and pains. I do not depend on others for acceptance of what goes on inside of myself that creates and constructs who I am. I do not depend on others for a sounding board or validation in the the things that I feel and experience. I do not need advice or a listening ear. I do not need opinions of others. I am like standing next to a brick wall when others stand next to me. I listen, I am sturdy if you need support to lean against so you don’t fall. I do not tell anything that has came from your mouth to me unless you ask me to tell or you give me permission to, because I respect and honor your trust in me. I do not fall into the arms of others, the bricks of my structure and my temple are strongly held close together. I’m always working on myself and strengthening the balance of my structure on my grounds, and I’m constantly building onto myself and finding ways to strengthen the bonds between each brick that makes up who I am. I do not faultier at someone’s feet, and like a brick wall, I do not speak. I do not speak against you, I do not advice to your words. I do not disarm you or gutter you. I do not suggest new comings and better change. I do not respond to you in word. I respond in Love. I will be there to hold you up as you lean on me. I will comfort you, and be there. I do not respond, I support you and keep you up with quietly unaffectionate Love as you figure things out for yourself because that is the only way of learning. People can say things to you and try to direct you or help with words, and even if you listen (which most don’t), you will never truly understand unless you witness or experience. But even though I am quiet and I am strong, I also fall victim to depression, and I know how it is to flounder. Most people just let themselves drown in it without any try to swim. And other people also unintentionally fill those drowning people with false hope. Which some later just believe is either 1) a lost cause that will never happen. Or 2) true and will happen, but effortlessly. What I’m meaning by this, and the one thing people with depression hear over and over again is a false cliche. I want to tell you the truth. So I’m going to. Carry your beliefs in this I’m about to say. And listen...

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

The “Golden Rule” Is Still In Style

“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”

Such a common quote, yet it’s so uncommon to see this rule applied to every day life. Everywhere you go, no matter where you turn, there is always somebody who is downsizing another person. There is always belittlement wherever you go. We want a better world, yet we do nothing about the condition it’s in now. It’s like we just expect life to give us goodness and happiness without putting in the work to get it. That’s not how that works. You have to focus more on the message you leave behind, the choices you make, and the way you affect others. The world would be so much better off of people wouldn’t just complain about how bad the world is getting, and actually used that time to turn their negative energy into a positive; DOING SOMETHING ABOUT THE PROBLEM AT HAND.

It’s so simple; Be kind to others, love everyone, respect people, and accept people. Get past our differences, accept them. Move on, and continue giving good to people’s lives. The more people you affect in a good way, the more good they do, and so on and so fourth. GIVE LOVE. BE KIND. That is all we need to focus on. That is a start to something BETTER. Not just for you, but for the whole world also. So use your heart, and give your love. WE CAN MAKE A CHANGE! IT JUST TAKES YOU TO STEP UP AND BEGIN A CHAIN!

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

‪”Silence is the answer, listens the open mind. Kindness is the savior, speaks the open heart. We are the key. We are the start. And the open mouth, the closed mind, is much more destined to tear us apart. Our love, our lives, and in our minds, our heart thrives for peace. Practice, demonstrate, all that is done in the heart, through the mind, and placed onto good. We are good. We are varitidy. Let us be good. Let us be kind. Let us be LOVE.”

-AUTUMN ‘Ayse’ BUNTION

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

It feels good doing good; For others, and for all that nature is consistent of. Always do good, because good will come back to you. Maybe not suddenly, but it will. Maybe not obviously, but most times the best changes and gifts come consistently in small accommodations that the eye can not see... But that makes the heart feel deeply.

Much love, Ayse xx

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

Can’t believe it’s already been a month without you. You weren’t just my granma, you were the only mother I ever really had. Nothing is like your love, and I miss it every day. And I miss you more and more as days pass. Love you, Mama. 💓

[itsaysebuntion-blog]

“Nature is the best gift to all of human kind. The nature of self, the nature of difference, the nature of love, and the nature of life; they all mean something, and they all are everything. Accept them, respect them, love them, and cherish them.”

-Autumn “Ayse” Buntion