isthizlove

[isthizlove]

Why I Don't Date.....Reason 1,001

The reasons why I no longer date are numerous. However, a few dozen or so stand out as completely horrendous. This one was the icing on the cake so to speak. I met “Rob” on a dating site. A “Christian” dating site to be exact. Let me warn you that the people on the so called Christian sites seem to be worse than all the others. Rob had a good job with a well known reputable company. He was single. He had two kids. Owns his own home, etc. He seemed like the perfect catch.

We had been talking/texting for a while. One night he called and my daughter had just left to spend the night with her friend. He said his kids were gone for the night also and asked if I wanted to meet him for dinner. I said yes. We decided to meet at a restaurant which he chose. He lived near my job which is about an hour from my home. I had to work the next morning so I decided to drive into town and got a hotel room.

I was about halfway to the hotel when he called asking if I’d mind swinging by his house and picking him up. “Ummm. No. I won’t pick you up. You can meet me at the restaurant like we agreed or I’ll just eat alone.” He said fine and hung up. When I got to the restaurant, he was waiting out front. He was wearing some old ratty shorts and a t shirt. Now I’m not one for dressing up or fancy dinners, but It was obvious he went to no effort whatsoever to get ready for our date.

We ordered food. He got chips and salsa and began to pig out. He barely spoke to me. Hell, he barely looked up from his food. I tried to spark conversation, but he seemed uninterested. Mercifully, our food arrived. He continued to pig out like he hadn’t eaten in days. But he did pause long enough to ask if I’d like to come back to his place after dinner. Hmmmm, no.

In my head, it went something like fuck no. Not if you were the last man left on earth. He then asked if he could come back to my hotel room with me. OH HELL NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! He said ok and went back to eating. I had long since finished my meal but he seemed intent on eating every last crumb in the restaurant.

The waitress came over to ask if we wanted dessert. He said yes. I told her no thank you. We were finished and she could bring the check please. She wandered off to total the bill. We sat in silence waiting for her to return as he even cleaned the last little crumbs off of MY plate too! She brought the check. He grabbed it and began this over dramatic act patting all his pockets looking for his wallet. He then said he must have left his wallet in the car. Ooooooohhhhh you must be kidding me!!! I refuse to go home with you so you’re going to stick me with the bill???? Nope. No way. I wasn’t born yesterday. I ask the waitress to get me a manager please.

The manager comes over and I ask him to please escort the loser to his vehicle to collect his wallet so he can settle his bill. They did go get the wallet. I was pissed as hell already but when he opened his wallet and I saw he had plenty of cash and obviously paying the bill was no issue for him, I nearly lost it. Grrrrrrr. I was furious. I just couldn’t believe the audacity. He had no plans of paying for my dinner if I wasn’t putting out. He paid the bill finally. I ran outside. I jumped in my car and drove away as fast as I could making sure he didn’t follow me.

He had the nerve to call me a couple months later and ask me out. I guess I made my feelings plain and clear cause he’s never called again. Lol. I feel like putting an ad in the paper warning other women about what a douchebag he is. But I know how we women are. We don’t listen. We have to find out for ourselves the hard way.

[isthizlove]

At A Loss...

There is never any shortage of men in my life.  There are always men around.  So why is it that I feel so alone? 

There’s Mr Perfect (in my mind anyways).  The one that is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a man.  He has a great job.  No kids.  Works his ass off.  We have so much in common.  We share the same dreams and ideals.  He thinks my sarcasm is funny!  We have the best talks.  Then, reality sets in and he’s busy.  His life is so hectic.  I’m so grateful for the little time he does make for me.  It just isn’t enough.  I want more.  So I keep looking for it in all the wrong places....

Next, there’s the married guy.  I like him a lot.  It’s never going to be love or happily ever after.  Obviously.  He’s the one that looks at me as if I’m something unique.  Something special.  He compliments me.  He tells me I’m beautiful and makes me believe it.  He takes me out.  Pampers me.  Listens to me when I talk---AND he pays attention. He makes me smile. It’s all great while he’s here with me.  Then he leaves town and I don’t hear from him until he’s coming back.  Is it really too much to ask for a text or call here and there?  A simple “good morning sunshine” or  “good night, sweet dreams”?  Just something to let me know that I do cross his mind at least every once in a while.  I’m feeling pretty used at this this point.    

Then, there’s the hookup.  Sad to say, he pays more attention to me than the others do.  And they claim to care.  He was a mistake in a drunken stupor one night.  But he gave me what the other two take for granted.  He tells me what beautiful eyes I have.  He holds me.  Cuddles with me.  He takes time out of his day to text me.  Yeah, it’s all just to get back in my pants...but he does it.  And that’s what counts these days.  

I’m not a demanding woman.  I like that my man has his own friends and hangs out with them.  I like my me time.  I don’t need to know where he is every second of every day.  But what I do need to know is that he’s thinking about me and I matter when he’s not with me.  Why is that so much to ask for? 

I give all of them what they want and need.  So when do I get what I need?  All I’m asking for is attention.  If I don’t get that, I won’t be around. They’re going to wake up one day to find I’m just gone.  No arguments, no screaming, no yelling or crying (well....there will be lots of crying, they just won’t know about it), I’ll just be gone.  No looking back.  A whole bunch of what could’ve been sitting out for the garbage.  I’m tired of playing this game.  

[isthizlove]

Dating Sites......You’re Out!!!!

Over the last 6 years, I have tried out quite a few dating sites.  I’m a single mom and I don’t have an opportunity to get out much.  I live in a small town and I don’t do bars.  So my chances of meeting anyone are slim.

But I just don’t get men on the dating sites.  I mean, why did you sign up to start with?  You have no info on your profile, you don’t fill anything out.   You refuse to load a face pic claiming your job won’t allow you to??  Come on, I’m not stupid.  There’s practically no job that won’t allow you to be on a dating site.  They may monitor your activities and reprimand you if you’re acting scandalous, but seriously, if you’re acting right, they can’t stop you from trying to date and meet new people!!!

Ok….well, I’m extremely bored today, the kids are fighting, work sucked, and I need a little distraction, so I log onto the latest dating app I’ve uploaded.  It’s ALL the same guys from all the other sites.  My intuition tells me that if you’re on all those sites at the same time, you’re just looking for a hookup….OR you’re a real loser, a scammer, etc.  

So…when you send me a message and you have no face pic and no info on your profile, I’m probably just going to delete it and block you, or….if it’s a good day and I’m feeling chatty, I’ll send you a message back that says, no face pic, no chat.  Strike 1!

All the messages I get seem to be from foreigners.  I mean, they don’t talk the way Americans do. “How’s you?” “I will like to be ur friend”, “I will like to know you more better” and on and on and on.  I always immediately ask where they’re from…the answer is always that they live in the United States.  They are in the army deployed to some third world country etc. They talk different because they grew up in Nigeria or someplace after their mother was murdered by their father and they were adopted by some couple from Nigeria?  You couldn’t come up with better than that?  Strike 2!!

But wait…NOW you’re willing to email me a pic from your yahoo account because you really really want to know me “more better”.  LMFAO!!!  Yahoo is for scammers and married men.  But….I’ll bite, I’m bored after all.  I give you my junk email address and you send me a pic of some cowboy in army fatigues wearing sunglasses holding a small child.  Clearly an American in the pic but you can’t talk like one?  Strike three!!!

There is where I delete my account and give up on my hopes of finding someone to share the rest of my life with.  Time to get me a bunch of cats and a rocking chair for my front porch.  Oh, and don’t forget the shot gun so I can chase all the neighborhood delinquents away when they come in my yard.  I’ll be the crazy old cat lady at the end of the street.  So…do you STILL want to know me “more better”? Bahahahaha!!!

[isthizlove]

The Living Hell That Is Life As A Single Parent

Life as a single mom is hard.  VERY hard.  There are so many things that we give up.  Well, we give up our lives for our kids.  Kids that never appreciate it.  Never even say thank you.  But they don’t forget to tell you how much you’re ruining their lives or how much of a failure we are because we can’t afford to give them the things all their rich friends have.  The things the kids with two parents have.

I guess I should start off with explaining what a single parent really is.  I often hear guys tell me that they are single parents too.  Ummmm, excuse me…..having your kids for a few hours every other weekend and a couple weeks during the summer does NOT a single parent make.  A single parent is one who does it ALL by themselves.  No child support, other parent MIA, no friends or family to help out…..THAT is a single parent.  When it’s all you 24/7 365 days a year.  No breaks.  No freetime.  Hell, even if you had free time, you’d still not have the money to go anywhere or do anything or have friends to go with because you don’t have time for friends.

Dating is completely impossible.  Few men are willing to take on the responsibility of dating the single mom.  She isn’t free to be spontaneous.  Plans have to be made well in advance.  And of course, they usually fall through at the last minute.  Guys rarely reschedule or ask you out again.  Pretty much the only guys that will hang around or show an interest are the ones that are unemployed, usually with no car, and they live at home with mommy and daddy.  These men aren’t looking for a wife or partner, they are looking for a new free ride because mommy and daddy are kicking their worthless butts out.  Then there’s the married men.  They tell you what a great catch you are.  They aren’t happy with their home life and they just want you on the side.  I guess for some this works.  But not for me.

But the REALLY hard part is trying to give your kids a better life.  This often means living in a wealthier community that you can’t really afford and working your butt off but never, ever being caught up on bills or able to afford the random emergency that always comes up at the worst possible time.

I choose to raise my kids in what is considered a whealthier community.  At the time I moved my son back there, my parents were to babysit for free.   That would have been a huge help as I was paying over $400 a month in child care expenses.  That lasted a couple years until my parents announced they were moving over 2 hours away.  Thanks mom and dad.  You’ve been a huge help.  I made the decision at that point that I was not moving my son away.  I wanted him to stay in his school and continue with the sports he was in.  My parents made it as hard as possbile for me to remain there as they want me to move to live near them.

The town I live in is a pretty town.  A lakeside community.  The crime rate is low and the schools are good.  Some of the people are nice, but there’s those rich people that make life hell.  I always thought it was just me.  From the time my son was 6, those rich bitch types were always looking down on me.  They got to be stay at home moms because their husbands worked while they voluteered their time at the school and the PTO, etc.  They have always given me a hard time because I wouldn’t volunteer my time also.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to with all my heart, but in order to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, I had to work.  Every year it would get worse.  They would put more and more pressure on me to volunteer and be nastier and nastier to me when I couldn’t.

Then there was the soccer moms.  My son really enjoyed playing soccer as does my daughter.  But those women are just plain nasty sometimes.  Looking down their noses at me because half the time I can’t even afford the registration or uniform fees, but then beccause I have to work on Saturdays and I couldn’t take off to be at the games.  I’m sorry I’m not rich like all of you, and I’m sorry that the worthless sperm donor nor the state of Texas sees fit to give me any child support.  I do the best that I can.  I’m sorry that isn’t good enough for  you.  I always thought it was just me they treated that way.  That’s why I’ve always sat in the car at practices and at games when I get to go, I keep to myself.  But I found out this year that it isn’t just me they treat this way.  I was forced to sit back and watch them rip apart another mom and ruin her child’s interest in sports completely.  There was nothing I could do to help and it ripped my heart out.  That’s what prompted me to start this blog.  Our lives are hard enough without you treating us like outcasts. I really hope that karma does exist and all you nasty women who have treated us single moms so horrible all these years get an extra heaping dose of what you have coming to you.  

[isthizlove]

Too Damaged To Be Loved....

Too damaged to be loved ?

I’ve been told I’m too damaged to be loved. I’ve been used, abused, lied to, cheated on, taken advantage of…..and worse.

My ability to trust is practically non existent.

But I still long for my soul mate. The one that’s going to come along, sweep me off my feet, and make this horribly torturous journey to him all worth while.

I take a chance time after time only to keep getting disappointed more and more Everytime.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If that’s true, I must be insane to keep trying to date when it always ends the same way.

So WHY can’t I let go of this need to be loved? I know I can’t handle anymore hurt. Maybe I am insane. Bring on the men in the white jackets. Bring on the padded room and straight jacket. Just make sure to fill me full of meds til I don’t hurt anymore.

[isthizlove]

"MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE"

I’m so sick and tired of hearing people say “God will never give you more than you can handle”. That’s total bs.

I have a friend that has been through soooooooooo much suffering the last year and a half and life just continues to dump load after load of crap upon her. She handles it all like a trooper and I find myself amazed how she’s able to still be one of the sweetest people you could ever know. She truly is a role model for us all.

She’s currently going through more issues and on one of her posts on Facebook, someone posted that God will never give you more than you can handle. Really??? It was all I could do not to jump all over them.

Show me where in the Bible it says that??? I grew up in church. Attended private school at a church. I was in the church everytime the doors were open. I’ve read the Bible through more times than I can remember and memorized thousands of Bible verses. I don’t ever remember reading that. Soooooooooo I did some research.

I never found anyplace where it says that God will never give you more than you can handle. What I DID find though is this…… 1 Corinthians 10:13…….“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. ” This must be where everyone gets that phrase from. The Bible is talking about temptation here—–not suffering.

God allows us the suffering. We are to go to Him with our suffering and find peace and comfort in Him. If we don’t go to Him, yeah…..it just may be too much for us to bear.

In closing…..until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes, you don’t know crap. You don’t know what’s too much for them to bear or how long it will take them to deal with it. Stop with all these meaningless phrases that aren’t based on anything factual. If you can’t offer direct help, just keep them in your prayers that they’ll get the help they need.

Ok, I’m done preaching. Getting off my soapbox now.

[isthizlove]

So confused.....

When you walked through my door a year and a half ago, I never imagined we’d be friends much less anything more.

Now, we talk almost everyday and I find myself looking forward to your calls and texts. I can’t stop smiling when I talk to you! You give me chills and shivers in a good way.

I had reached the point in my life where I had accepted that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life and the dreams I had were never going to happen.

Now here you are…… The one who could give me everything I want or destroy everything that I am in a instant. I’ve always been pretty confident when it comes to men, but I guess it was never this serious. You’re the real deal. The one that fits every ideal I’ve ever had of the perfect man. We have so many things in common. It’s almost like you’re the male version of me. Except younger. The age difference does bother me some. You could do so much better than me. What would you want with my old ass? And you want kids. That tugs at my heart strings cause I’ve always wanted more. I’m willing to give it my best shot. But what if I can’t have more?

We keep going back and forth with this flirting and testing each other but neither of us seems to be able to cross that line. Why is that?

You keep telling me I’m scared. Well you’re correct in a way. I’m not scared of you, just scared of the hurt I’d feel if we didn’t work out. I tried to go all in last night. I chickened out. But you already know that, don’t you? You’re so busy and stressed out right now. I don’t want to add to it. Somehow you make the time to talk to me during your day. Don’t think it goes unnoticed. It means a lot.