isshearobot

[isshearobot]

Really wanna die right now but I have so much shit coming up next month that people expect me to be there for. Gross.

[isshearobot]

When you change your name and move to another state it can be really jarring to run into a guy you went on one date with in 2018 (that you never called again because he didn’t feel safe) in the middle of the woods on a hike in your new home town. Did not have that on my bingo card.

[isshearobot]

It’s my birthday today. It has been a year and three hours ish since the last time I tried to die. It seems like I should feel something profound. Joy to be alive or remorse or something. I just feel empty. Empty and numb.

[isshearobot]

Made the mistake of like, announcing I was okay. Immediately, life was like LOL.

[isshearobot]

I have the genes for Alzheimer’s. I’m going to die alone, with no idea who I am. What am I even living for?

[isshearobot]

You said we were better off friends

Wish that you’d shot me

I’d be better off dead

Without you there’s no one for me

No oxygen, no air to breathe

[isshearobot]

To the person in the car next to me watching me cry in the car at kohls parking lot:

You don’t have to feel bad for me. These are happy tears. I’m crying because I caught myself happy and singing in the car, and I never thought I’d be happy again.

[isshearobot]

Last night I considered masturbating and then I just cried instead because I couldn’t remember the last time I touched another human being.

[isshearobot]

I don’t feel like healthy people ever try to “skip a day” or “not exist” and that’s something. It really must be something.

[isshearobot]

There’s no one in my life I’m close to anymore. So I don’t know who I’m supposed to vent to or bounce ideas off of or cry to. Like just my therapist? Literally just my therapist? Somehow that’s worse than no one.

[isshearobot]

I’m over 30. It’s 3:32 am. Currently I’m laying in bed thinking about how one time when I was a sophomore in high school, I was throwing pottery after school I’m the art room. My tank top was riding up as I worked so I pulled it down. I pulled it too hard and exposed my entire bra to the few people in the room. Whyyyyyy is this a thing keeping me up at night.

[isshearobot]

I wanna be dead

And I’m not gonna do it

But it’d be pretty dope

If someone else did instead

I wanna be dead

I don’t wanna wake up

If you could please

Grab your axe from the shed

I wanna be dead

I’ll pay for the gun

Buy you some lessons

So you can fill me with lead

I wanna be dead

It could be peaceful

Slip this is my drink

And I’ll lay down my head

I wanna be dead

We can get creative

I heard back in the day they’d

bake aqua tofana into his bread

I wanna be dead

I don’t say it lightly

I need relief from

My existential dread

I’m already dead

Like a bald set of tires

I’m so fuckin worn down

Don’t have any tread

I wanna be dead

I can’t slit my wrist

Promised my brother

When he saw how I bled

[isshearobot]

Caleb Hammer might have just been my straight awakening. He just yells at people for being bad at money and how good Panda Express is and how much people need therapy and no one matches with him on hinge.

Fucking marry me Caleb.

[isshearobot]

Cats laying at the foot of my bed, I pet her, she immediately jumps to the floor.

I said “sorry you didn’t want that love I offered you.” And mannnnnn that sentence bitch slapped me before it was out of my mouth.

[isshearobot]

When I was in elementary school my brothers friend got arrested for conspiracy to commit murder.

He was really depressed, and hired someone to kill him.

I don’t know what he paid, but I’d give you everything I have left.

[isshearobot]

TW: you’re on my page and I’m unhinged.

Can’t go out on this note, the Rs look like Vs.

[isshearobot]

Hey uhhhhh if anyone out there has a super chill cult and wants to indoctrinate me I am like super ripe for the picking. Prey upon me.