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SEKAI NO OWARI DOME TOUR 2022 「DuGaraDiDu」　 2022.09.15 ＠東京ドーム

撮影機材 α1 / FE 70-200mm F2.8 GM OSS II

[isingtothesky]

SEKAI NO OWARI DOME TOUR 2022 「DuGaraDiDu」　 2022.09.15 ＠東京ドーム

撮影機材 α1 / FE 70-200mm F2.8 GM OSS II

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Mistakes after mistakes.

Not improving at all.

What am I supposed to do?

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They keep telling me I’m not good enough.

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I realized that I am not important to him.

He never realized how much he meant for me.

I should feel better now.

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10 Aug 2022

His last day in office.

I watched his Teams status turned offline.

His farewell letter was too heavy for me.

I wish him well.

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05 Aug 2022

I need to write to figure out why I’m so upset.

I need to be saved.

Manager A’s going back to Japan next Friday. I lost someone who had backed me in the cruel workplace.

He was alone and powerless, and no one worked for him. I did all I could to help him. I was forced to deal with too many tasks beyond my job level.

I was exhausted. I cried. I bursted out. But in the end, I still helped him, even though he didn’t ask. It’s been like this for half a year.

He’s not reliable at his work. I did what I could to make myself feel more “secured”.

His leaving is not the end of my sufferings. There are tasks harder than the job he assigned to me. There are much more for me to undertake.

I’m scared.

Once he’s back, he will reunite with his families and get promoted. How will he mention the experience in China? To me, his experience in China should be unpleasant. Everything here was harsh and hopeless. I hated to watch his helplessness without doing anything.

What’s wrong with me?

To me, he’s special. He taught me much at work. He’s been the reason I still could speak Japanese. His existence made me feel a sense of meaningfulness for myself.

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I didn’t do anything.

I feel guilty.

I can imagine the helplessness in him.

I would help if he asked.

But he hasn’t.

I just hate to see the helpless face.

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Didn’t know I would be involved in such disasters.

Who to hate?

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2021年11月、Aマネージャーの仕事を手伝いました。

その時、ある会社の財務データの修正をやっていました。過去のエラーはどうしても分からなくて、Aマネージャーから何回も教えてもらった結果は、そこから手放しました。新人として許されました。

2022年の決算期になって、またその会社の残ってるエラーの修正に戻りました。また半年ぶりの悩みに入りました。

私は、成長していないです。理解できていませんでした。

会社は間違ったデータを提出した後、Aマネージャーは修正を提出しました。

やっとわかりました。

こんな簡単の問題にとどまった自分が愚かだと思っちゃいます。

半年間、何にもできていないです。

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I feel really bad about myself.

I don’t really need to question everything. Anything as previous is right.

I made too many mistakes at work, and the consequences could destroy me.

It’s too unbearable.

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2021 Annual Review

It’s a life changing year to me. I graduated from master school, and had a long enough holiday at home. Then I started working in September.

My job is much more exhausting than I expected. It’s exhausting my emotions and health. I’m getting used of working from 8 am to 25 am. Working hour is gonna be even longer during peak season. I have no time to worry about future.

I don’t know if I love my job or not. They all say I look happy during work. I don’t know the other way to behave. The duration of one small project is only one week. I got to know different people. I like reaching to more people.

Command of Japanese doesn’t really help me here. The only chance to use Japanese is to communicate with a project manager who is Japanese. He taught me a lot and his existence meant a lot to me. As for other managers, they are indifferent.

I have a work supervisor. He’s somehow different from those rumors I heard about him. He and I have something in common, same university, and Japanese speaking. He rates my performance. I’m not outstanding at all. I don’t need to justify my worthiness to him.

I should have thought about my future. How long will I persist here? I feel unfair about everything, especially pay and working hours. But it’s not the worst yet, so I will stay.

I hope to find someone worth to love this year.

I hope all to be fine.

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This winter is warm.

I need much sleep in winter.

It's my December, my favorite month of the year.

I don't know what to expect for. I want to celebrate Christmas and New Year even I'm alone.

Everything's gonna be different after this month.

It will be as if I never met Allen. But I still wish him to keep me in his memory. Allen once said I was special. I wish I would always be that special, and unchanged. Every day spent beside him my heart ached, which wasn't worthwhile. I tried avoiding eye contact but I smiled. Will there be a hello next time when I meet him?

Everything is temporary. When I remind myself of it, I feel like nothing matters.

This emotion doesn't really matter.

I should expect for nothing.

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I wrote something but it wasn't uploaded to tumblr.

I should give up waiting for its appearance.

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Tree Whisperer