isahgrace

[isahgrace]

I've been working on a story for about a year now and wanted to show a little bit of it.

[isahgrace]

Balancing needs and tasks

Every day was a cluster fuck of tasks you needed to complete and if you didn’t complete them then you would be stuck with more work the next day and the next, so balancing everything was your goal, too bad it barely worked, you were swamped with everything you needed to do and your bodies needs were facing the consequences, well that wasn’t the only thing that was, your friends were as well as your studies but still, it was dragging you down.

Maia had noticed that you weren’t responding to her messages and had tried to hunt you down and make sure you were actually looking after your health and not just your mothers and your studies. But you kept managing to avoid her, after all, if she could see how overworked and exhausted you were she would be dragging your ass to bed and forcing you to recover, but there was no time for that, assessments were due, tests were coming up, your mother's health was going through a rough patch and your father was being forced to work more, you had no time to care about yourself more than you already were.

Nothing was going how you wanted it to go and there was nothing you could do, it was as if someone had been flipping a coin to decide your fate and the outcome kept being negative, truly if you could fight someone so that all of this was easier you would jump at the chance, punch the fucker right in the face and make them apologies, but that was wishful thinking and a small dose of entertainment for you after reading the same texts over and over again.

You were living day to day, just waiting for your workload to lessen, and you didn’t even have time to think how you could have potentially made this outcome even slightly better, still once this was over you could collapse into your bed and sleep for longer than a few hours, you could eat a decent meal and not have to live off of energy drinks and caffeine, but that was the future, right now you had to finish two assessments, study for the test you had the next day, get more medicine for your mum, make dinner for her, the list went on and on, it was just a matter of timing it out and taking it a step at a time.

You would finish off the assessment you were currently working on, go out and get your mum's medicine, as well as ingredients to make a good, healthy dinner for her, then get back home, go over that assessment, send it off, cook your mum dinner, give her it and the medicine, finish off the other assessment eat something then study until two then sleep for about four hours, then start working on the next day's tasks.

Everything would work out fine if you just managed to do what you needed to do, put one foot in front of the other, type as if the keys were on fire and you could just touch them long enough for the letter to be registered on your laptop, multitask when need be. 

Everything would be fine.

Your schedule was just put on repeat, assessments, studying, looking after your mother, sleep, repeat, you were becoming an academic robot, your only focuses being the important things, nothing fun, nothing mentally healthy, nothing physically healthy, which was probably why you started coming down with a cold, burning the candle at both ends would do that to you after all, something Maia had always hypocritically warned you of.

So you worked, answering questions as best you could, giving meaning to things that didn’t need meaning most of the time, analysing book after book, texts, statements, quotes, reading word after word until it became nonsense and reading it more just because you needed to. It was just a few more days and then you would have no more exams, tests, or assessments, you would be given a break from your studies, a few weeks off where you can recover, a few weeks off where you can read the stories you had been putting off reading for your degree, a few weeks off where you can see your friends, catch up with them, see how they were doing, just enjoy yourselves and do some dumb things, a few weeks off where you can waste money on things you enjoyed, like good food, your friends, seeing movies you had been waiting to see, getting more books, going to the Sanguis bookstore and seeing the sweet owner.

But those were things you could wait to do, things you could do when you had more energy, more time. There were other things to do, you had a time limit after all.

And so it would go.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

It seemed to never end, even when you accidentally burnt yourself making coffee one day it still continued, when you nicked one of your fingers cutting up some vegetables for your mum's dinner it still continued. When your dad finally had a chance to talk to you, see how you were doing, and if there was anything that needed to be fixed at home, it still continued.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Have more caffeine.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Have more caffeine.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Have another energy drink.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Have more caffeine.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Have another energy drink.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Have something caffeinated.

Study for tests and exams.

Sleep.

Repeating and repeating until you felt as if you’d collapse. Repeating and repeating until nothing was left. Repeating and repeating until the four to five hours of sleep became four to three hours, three to two hours, two to one hour, an hour to power naps through the day. You lost track of time, it was just work work work, assessments, tests, exams, caffeine, look after your mum, caffeine.

Repeating

Repeating

Repeating…

[isahgrace]

Space goddess idea

I had to create an illustration based around space or deities I believe it was, it was a task set out in a university course and I had great fun doing it, although looking at it now there are things I would change to make it better. I've improved my skills since I created this, hence why I have decided to publish it, as a means to show old work and inspire new work.

[isahgrace]

Lying is the most exquisite form of love

You were perfect, something I had only dreamed of, wished for and desired more than anything in this plane world. The day you first stepped into my store I thought I was still asleep, dreaming of the perfect world I once had, but even with the proof that this was real I still couldn’t believe it, maybe I was just miss seeing the aspects of you, maybe your hair wasn’t actually (h/c), maybe your eyes weren’t actually (e/c), maybe you didn’t have this, maybe you didn’t have that, but the more I watched you the more I noticed.

Your hair was (h/c), the exact colour as back then, sure it was styled slightly differently and looked after better but it had been years, and your eyes were (e/c), the perfect colour, suiting you better than any colour and exactly the same as the ones I used to stare into, even if they were now decorated by dark eyebags now, every little detail was exactly the same, it was you, it had to be you.

Even so, there was no way I could go up to you and just devote myself to you again, shout my love for all the town to hear, let everyone know you were mine again and no one would be able to take you away from me again, not others, not illnesses, not injures, nothing would dare get in our way, but that would scare you away, I know it would, you may be the same but you had no memory of me anymore, no knowledge of what we had.

What if you weren’t the same, your name could be different, your voice could sound different, you could love different things, things you used to hate and hate what you used to love, you could want more than this little town, want nothing to do with what you once desired, you could look the exact same, look like the person I fell in love with all that time ago, but be nothing like them. You could be a wolf in sheep's clothing, a hypocritical thing for me to call you, but still something that could be utterly true.

But then I heard you speak, talking on your phone to someone you knew, your voice was the same, the way you spoke was the same, the emotions your voice surged in me were the same, and when you laughed I felt ready to die for you, as nothing else in this world mattered when you were the stars in the sky for me, you were the moon and the sun. As you approached me with your load of books I felt the world close in around us, your voice speaking just to me, your eyes only seeing me, I wanted to capture you, keep you with me, place you in a safe place and connect you to me so you could never leave again.

But I froze, I did my job, barely speaking to you, even still I let my bias towards you seep in, reducing the amount you had to pay for all those books in the hopes you would come back because of my choice, you were confused and surprised but I could see the happiness shining in your eyes from my actions. I needed you to come back, I needed to see if you were the same, I needed to know you.

I was so ecstatic when you came back, visiting me and my store over and over again, allowing me to get to know the you in this time, you were perfect, exactly the way I remembered, with a little more modern hobbies, more modern thoughts, but still, the amazing and lovely person I fell for all those years ago.

I learnt about the new things about you, how the mother you had now was sick, how the father you had now worked at the local hospital, how before your mother fell ill she was a primary school teacher, the job she had dreamed of doing since she was in high school, how your father became a doctor to support his parents when he was younger but now that they were doing better he still offered to help them if they ever needed it. You told me of your two friends in this life, Maia and Amara, although I thought they could be better for you, they still treated you better than any other friend you had in this life, but once you fall for me those two and their problems won’t be concerns for you, I won’t let them bother you once your mine.

I learnt why you came to my store so much, how you were studying at home because of your mothers' illness, using your free time to either study or look after her, how because of the degree you had chosen you needed lots of books, nearly every course you studied needed at least two different books. Still, you loved it, even if those who had the degree you were going for didn’t really use it, but it was the best for the dream you had, your dream that seemed to be the exact same or at least super similar to your dream back then. You desired to be surrounded by books, and knowledge, may that lead to your writing stories yourself, collecting books to teach others of their words, or even just doing what I'm doing, you knew that the English degree you were studying may not be enough for what you wanted to do in your life but it was the degree you thought would give you the most joy to study.

But it allowed me to see you every week, sometimes multiple times a week, I took those moments we would spend together and cherished them until I could relive them again, but it was never enough, I wanted you closer to me, I wanted you back where you were meant to be, but there were complications to that. We were strangers to each other, well maybe more than strangers, but nowhere close to being friends or what I desired the most, romantic partners, but every time I would try to get closer to you, something would come up. It started off as inopportune phone calls, friends of yours distracting you when I was trying to flirt or keep your attention on me, other customers butting in with their dumb questions and thoughts, whatever happened would cause you to resort back to just being a customer of mine, back to the start of our relationship, I was running out of ideas to keep your attention, well ideas that didn’t involve tricking you.

But that friend of yours, Amara just had to test me, she had come with you that day, something about you two catching up, she had followed you around the whole store spouting nonsense as if it meant something, but that wasn’t what pushed the scales, no. She had brought up some other person, a person she began to describe to you, their appearance, their personality, how they would be a really good person to go on a date with, I had frozen at that, intently listening to what that friend of yours would say next, the garbage they would spew from their mouth. I had known it would be something I would agree with and when it finally fell from their mouth I was outraged, the very idea that you would, no could date anyone else but me was outrageous.

A bang had rung out through the store after what your friend had said, I guess my rage had gotten the best of me, for the books I had been carrying to place back where they belong were now on the ground and my hands were clenched at my sides, turning white from how tight I had them, Amara and you had looked over to which I lied about tripping over something, but it had distracted you both enough to start a different conversation.

If your friends were trying to set you up with other people then I guess I had no other choice left, if I wanted you close to me, where you belong then I would have to play dirty, it was only fair after all.

“I would find you in any lifetime”

[isahgrace]

Life is nothing without you

I grew up in a way people would consider different, I had never believed my family or our traditions were strange, I had believed others lived lives similar to us, experienced the same things we did, and believed in the same deities as us, but as I got older, talked to others, saw the world around me for what it was I knew we were different, but even still I wasn’t alone. When the rest of the kids my age ignored me, left me out, called me names, and treated me like an outcast, there was still a person there for me, someone not from my family, someone I could talk to about the struggles I had to face.

They were a gift in a world filled with disgust, but I learnt that nothing ever stayed the way you wished, my family taught me that, and that disgusting town taught me that, the one I believed to be a treasure taught me that. The world was horrible, nauseating, and bloodthirsty and so I did what I could, I took what I had been taught by others and used it to my advantage, used it as motivation, used it as spite. I read, watched, learnt from everything around me and turned my knowledge to a darker side, I scoured the world to make myself powerful, learnt the good and the bad until all that was left to learn was the forbidden.

So I stole what was condemned and learnt from it, made it my specialty and who I was, after all, that’s what is required for blood magic, connecting yourself to the life force of the world and using it to your advantage. With all of that knowledge and power at my hands, I went back to that town and punished them for what they did, cursed everyone and their families, those who shared blood in any way, until all that was left was a bloody ruin of a town, something to be forgotten by everyone.

But with my sole purpose in life now depleted I had no drive, no inspiration, nothing besides power, so I travelled around, giving others the information they desired, giving others the chance to accomplish their dreams, but it bored me, I desired something but I knew not what, but then that changed.

I came across a small little village, something I knew wouldn’t survive, there was no way it could survive, but still, I took an interest in this pathetic village, maybe it was the people who had no desires besides living their lives, maybe it was the way they accepted everyone in their village, even the strangers who just passed through, or maybe it was the person who took their interest to this tiny village, gave their interest to the village and wanted nothing in return.

The person who I met who took one look at me and thought I was worth their time, worth their interest, worth their love, they invited me into their home and showed me happiness. So I stayed, we read stories, shared experiences, taught the village children and watched as the village expanded slowly but surely. I bestowed upon this person my love and they returned it, I promised them I would be with them forever and they promised to be with me for as long as they lived.

We opened a store in that village, a store devoted to their interest, we lived and we loved, but I knew nothing good ever lasted, they started getting weaker, sleeping more, and then they started coughing up blood, I used all the information I had gathered to try and save them, give them a longer life but nothing worked. The one person I had loved was dying, the person I wanted to spend my unending life with was leaving me and there was nothing I could do, I had run out of things I could do to even try and save them.

We spent the last of their time doing anything they wanted to, reading, telling them stories, and carrying them out for picnics when they got worse, even though I had been prepared for their departure from this world, I couldn’t accept it, so when they finally slipped away in the night I broke, but there was nothing I could do to make myself feel better. 

I kept the store open, lying to the villagers about my history, lying to everyone about who I am, but staying in that village that brought me the love of my life was the only thing I could think to do, I watched the village expand, improve and slowly get relabeled as a country town, but still it grew, I watched it all and became numb from my sadness.

But then something wonderful came to be, something I nearly didn’t believe was true.

“I would find you in any lifetime”

[isahgrace]

Small towns are always boring

Some people go their whole lives living in one area, watching it change by means of progression, others travel around like birds, migrating from one place to the next, only settling down for a bit to nest, everyone is different, but there’s nothing wrong with either outcome.

You had first thought your life would be spent in one area, going to the same primary school then moving on to a singular high school, then maybe getting a higher education, but child you had only dreamed of not attending school and eating junk food, the simple pleasures of a child, still when your family did end up moving you had been excited, a new place with new people, and although making new friends can be scary, there was still a thrill to it all.

So it sucked when on the first day of school at your new primary school you were only interesting, to begin with, people wanted to know what your life was like how it differed from theirs, what made you alien among them, which wasn’t hard for them to find out considering the place you had moved to was a small town.

You were an outcast among your peers, watched like a new animal in an exhibit, you hated it and told your parents about it, but it was only a few years and then you’d be in high school, which your parents had already chosen the singular private high school in the town, sure it was technically a small town but they had two high schools and three primary schools, meaning it wasn’t actually a small town, but it was further away from the other towns and was mildly in the countryside, but it was well off, hence why there was so much infrastructure, still everyone labelled it as a small town and you didn’t care to argue the point.

Still, you grew up, went to high school and made a small number of friends. It helped that some of their parents worked with yours, but then you all graduated and it was time to move on with your lives and become adults, or at least try to be adults. The majority of your high school friends moved away to continue their studies which left you with only two friends who ended up staying in town for different reasons, you three ended up choosing to study online and would hang out whenever you were all free, truly the only way you all stayed friends was because of the dumb hangouts that were planned.

Maia’s dad, like your dad, was a doctor at the local hospital, it was partly how you two became friends, her dad was asked to move to the town with his family and work at the hospital, exactly what happened with your family, although, unlike your family, Maia’s moved just before she started high school, still nothing bonds people more than similar life situations. Maia is a smart, kind of quiet girl, with dark blue eyes and long brown hair, she is above average height and always had her nose in a book, after all, she was studying to become a doctor, something she had always aspired to become, and with her family's situation and the local hospital she was allowed to study and do tests at home and once she was allowed to start working and learning in a hospital she would do it at the local one.

Truly out of your friend group, she was always the one who seemed like she would go the furthest in their life, not to say the others wouldn’t but as you lot had jokingly calculated one day, Maia had the biggest and highest paying goal out of you three, the next best out of you three happened to be Amara, she was currently studying to be a software engineer, and was quite good at it, which gave her extra points in your joke, but they were immediately taken away because she loved to go out and party, her thought being that the best thing about being stuck in a small town was that you could drink the nights away and walk home most of the time.

Maia and you didn’t agree with Amara drinking so much but there wasn’t much you could say against it, she didn’t get black-out drunk, and she didn’t do anything bad when she drank, although she did drink more than was recommended per week, she would have three or four drinks per day, normally it was three drinks, but some days she would have four or five, but that was on bad days.

When Amara did end up drinking too much or knew she was gonna drink more than normal she would message you or Maia so that after a while whoever she messaged would go pick her up and make sure she go home safe, it sucked when that happened and Maia had tried to get Amara to go see someone about it but she had refused. Amara was a pretty lady, above average height, stunning hazel eyes and dyed blonde hair, really it was a surprise that with how much she went out at night she still didn’t have a partner when it was brought up she would usually use an excuse of being too smart for everyone she met, really it was one of the things that made her obnoxious and made you consider your friendship with her.

But Amara had her moments, times she would secretly buy all the books you needed for a class, buying Maia cute scrubs when the only ones in your town were standard colours, making your birthdays the best days of the year, she could be a wonderful friend, she just had a few issues to work out, not to say you and Maia didn’t have issues yourselves, Maia would overwork and overstress herself which sometimes ended up being taken out on you and Amara, sometimes you would be so distracted by issues in your life, or course work and wouldn’t talk to the two for weeks at a time, none of you were perfect but you worked on your issues, that was the main thing.

They were truly the best friends you could have, which was proven true when your mum fell ill in your last year of high school, she wasn’t terribly ill but enough for it to be a problem, most of the time she could look after herself, but some days were worse, those days you would stay home from school, or cancel going out with your friends when that happened during high school your other friends would complain, whereas Amara and Maia would understand, ask if you needed anything, get notes for the classes you missed.

Then you all graduated and seeing that your mum wasn’t getting any better you decided to stay in town, study online and look after her when you could, it saved your parents some money, as well as stress, still your mum didn’t seem to get better, nor did she become worse. On the bright side, staying in town and studying online allowed you to find another bookstore in your town, one you had only heard about and never visited, something had always come up and caused you not to go.

The bookstore was lovely, it was a two-storey building, the shop on the bottom floor and a little apartment up top, or that’s what you believed at least, the store had been in the town for years, run by the same family since anyone could remember, although it’s name was a bit creepy, Sanguis, it was a really nice store, there were large windows at the front that let in a lot of light, a few couches spread out to sit and read in, really it was an overall comfy place, even if the store was called blood in Latin, you believed the store might have been something else way back when but no one was really sure, there was no recorded evidence about it, and the Nexum family had no recorded knowledge of it either.

Still, as nice as the place was, as good as the prices were, something was strange about the place, about the family who ran it, the Nexum family, people who had lived in the family for years, owned only the bookstore and only ever had sons, sure others had questioned the strangeness of it all but answers for things came about, still from your perspective, it was too easy, things didn’t add up still.

But you took it in stride, after all, Sanguis nearly always had the books you needed for your coursework and at such great prices too. You could live with the oddity of the store and its family if things continued this way, it’s not like any of it affected you or the town after all, although most people around your age did think the store owner was stunning. Amara had come with you once and outwardly flirted with him as you tried to pay for your things, you had no idea who was more embarrassed that day, you or him.

But what was his name again, he had told you a few times, but you hadn’t been fully listening any of those times, Kai maybe? He was pretty, with black hair that suited him and was always styled perfectly, and dark red eyes, something that was said to be passed down in his family, thinking about it maybe his name was Kieran, he was taller than you by a bit and had a light scattering of freckles across his cheeks and nose, something you thought made him cute, but you would never say that to him, what if he raised the prices of your books!

Kester was really nice as well, always making sure you had every book you were looking for, searching for books when you couldn’t find them, even ordering in books that you needed, but you were a regular at his store and he was probably just trying to keep the English major that you were interested in your store, it had happened in the past after all.

Still, there were a few weird times when he would offer you things and be disappointed when you declined them, he would go from being smiley and sweet one moment to frowning at your choices the next, one time you thought you had truly made him angry and apologised only for him to snap back to being happy and reassuring you that he was just concerned about your well being.

Keir Nexum was strange like that, pretty but strange.

“I would find you in any lifetime”

[isahgrace]

Bloody Love

Yandere (???) x Reader.

When life gets difficult from schooling and other unfortunate circumstances there isn't much you can do, but bottling up all of that stress can be bad, don't worry though, someone's out there ready to catch you when you fall. He's been waiting a long time to see you again, so won't you stay with him, where it's safe...

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This is just a little description for a drabble-esque story I'm currently writing, I've cross-posted it on other sights so...

Enjoy I guess.

[isahgrace]

i love how puppycat basically saves everyone in this episode out of spite, it’s so fitting

[isahgrace]

Frogmic: Fixer

[isahgrace]

Very cool Merriam-Webster,very cool.