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hi all! i do just want to make a post notifying the intersex community at large that the word "futanari" is not a word that is widely reclaimable by white or otherwise non-east asian people.

while the word does roughly translate to hermaphrodite in english, this is not the end of the cultural context. the word did not originally come about to describe the anime trope of a woman with a penis and vulva until the 1990s (warning on this link for... a lot of porn), and was first used in a journal describing diseases in japan in the 12th century to instead describe someone with ambiguous genitalia. it was then afterwards used to describe art and gods of individuals with 'both sets' of genitalia and continued to be used in medicine to describe this experience.

it did not begin being used for a porn category until the 1990s. before then it was just a niche japanese derogatory word. it is culturally charged. please do not reclaim this word if you are not an east asian person.

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the beauty of the world is that there are people out there having basically indistiguishable gender and sexuality experiences and one has several microlabels and an army of pride flags, one says "idk i guess im nonbinary or something" and the other is comfortably cis with a little flexibility. and all of them are correct because your identity is whatever you make of it.

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Imagine someone struggling with a mental health symptom, like sensory processing disorder, for instance. Now, imagine someone comparing them to an abuser, because, "this abusive person definitely had sensory processing issues imo, because they'd blow up out of nowhere over the tiniest things."

That's what a lot of the stigma against npd feels like.

For one, I think a lot of people don't necessarily understand what a symptom actually is, like with the above example. For another, even if someone actually does have a symptom, it's a whole different issue if they choose to display it in an abusive way--and the same goes for any other symptom in any other disorder.

My grandiose sense of self doesn't mean that I'm going around yelling at retail workers or exploiting people to feed my ego or turning every minor conflict into an emotionally blackmailing pity party. It means I have incredibly high standards for myself that I don't hold anyone else to, and when I inevitably can't measure up to my perfect, flawless, godly self-image, I crash very hard and have to fight back intense urges to punish/hurt myself.

My arrogance doesn't mean that I'm criticizing, cutting down, and silencing others. It means that I feel like I'm the best at everything and am incredibly over-qualified and that I can do anything, which results in me struggling to actually do anything, because if I run into a road block my mind will go "this is boring and not worth my time right now, let's drop it" instead of acknowledging that I just haven't learned how to do it yet, and if I try to learn, my mind goes "no, you already inherently know this better than everyone, so their flawed teachings will only corrupt your natural talent". It means constantly changing goals and dropping hobbies and feeling directionless and passionless because I'm so high above everything that I can't reach anything, and if I try to reach, it inevitably means a long fall and hard crash.

My sensitivity to criticism doesn't mean I harm people who I felt slighted by, or that I refuse to acknowledge and improve on behaviors that may be harmful to others. It means I withdraw from people or groups easily, keeping everyone at arm's length and hiding any part of myself I view as a "flaw". It means I beat myself up over absolutely nothing, and that I deny any perceived weaknesses and let them fester and grow and disrupt my life because I can't bear to acknowledge they exist.

My low empathy doesn't mean that I ignore people if they say I'm doing something that's hurting them, or that I inflict pain on others for fun, or that I refuse to listen to and compromise with loved ones. It means that I grew up surrounded by emotional blackmail and severe second-hand trauma, and to survive, my brain numbed out that part of itself. It means I don't feel much when someone around me is extremely upset, and that I usually prefer that people don't vent to me because I mostly feel vaguely anxious in response, and my urge is to distract the person, not listen or sympathize.

My need for excessive admiration doesn't mean that I threaten or guilt people into giving it to me. It means that my motivation plummets without consistent praise, and that I'm driven to do whatever gets me positive attention, even if it's dangerous or self-destructive. It means I feel lost and hollow and depressed without positive reinforcement, and I struggle to find self-fulfillment in many of my passions.

I don't really know how to end this post, but... I do hope this can help some people understand misconceptions about narcissistic personality disorder.

Also here's a post I wrote about subjective and emotionally-charged wording in the DSM.

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Hey not saying this as aggressive I genuinely wanna hear your takes on the situation but do you have like examples of intersex people being outright transphobic bc I've seen alot of intersex activists talk about experiences where trans people being asked to care about intersex people cry wolf about it being transphobic when it's not the case (eg being asked to stop gender labeling things and stuff about abolishing the sex binary not just the gender binary).

Again I do wanna hear you out I just imagine many people might think of this stuff when they see you talking about it

I'm not ready to post about it yet as I have a post I'm working on with 2 intersex people to talk about this sort of thing (thank you to both of them who have graciously lent their time and take the issue seriously). I will be posting that when it's done but as of right now, it is still a wip.

I do want to point out something though in your ask (/not mad) -

You talk about trans people who have been crying wolf on intersex people's posts - and to be clear, I don't condone other trans people claiming someone is being transphobic when really they are being challenged on intersexism - however, the phrasing crying wolf in your ask actually inadvertently stumbles upon something I've been trying to put into words.

I think we're into very, very dangerous territory if some of our closest mutual allies (intersex people) are more likely to assume a trans person calling out transphobia is crying wolf than assume the trans person is telling the truth. I mean this seriously. Some perisex trans people have been intersexist and then claimed transphobia where there is none. That is not okay in the slightest. But if intersex people are then assuming all perisex trans people are likely to do this, then that is transphobia.

No ifs, no buts.

Marginalised people who call out bigotry should always be taken in good faith first - and if an individual marginalised person makes a false claim, that's on them. They should be ashamed of this because it leads to this situation - where people (like me) who have genuinely seen a worrying rise of transphobia in (some) intersex people's posts on here (and for what it's worth, a few intersex people have concurred) are viewed as suspect or likely to "cry wolf". Making false accusations makes it harder for people who share your marginalisation to be believed and also can cause people who aren't in your marginalised group to form negative opinions about your group. No one wins and the seeds of discord and mistrust are sown.

This is what I've been worrying about - it's hard to call out a "vibe" but the phrasing of your post does represent that vibe quite well. Increasingly, perisex trans people are being viewed as inherently suspect by some intersex people on here. Good faith is not assumed and crying wolf is scrutinised for. This "vibe" is teetering on the edge of becoming transphobic and fast.

I'm not mad at you, to be clear - nor do I think your phrasing says anything about you /gen. But the fact of the matter is, we both are aware trans people might be disbelieved because of the actions of a few individuals. This is not good.

I try to raise awareness of the problem - but if some intersex people are dismissing genuine complaints of transphobia as "crying wolf" then how are we ever meant to be believed and the problem solved? It wouldn't be tolerated if the cis gay, lesbian or bi communities assumed trans people were crying wolf whenever we bring up transphobia in those spaces. So it shouldn't be tolerated from intersex people either.

Trans people need to do more against intersexism. But I get the feeling that some intersex people have more transphobic beliefs than they may realise - and this has to be a 2 way street, or we will get nowhere.

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Like infighting is the last thing we need - but it feels like some people have it in their heads they can't be transphobic, when that is very much not the case. The trans community needs to unlearn intersexism, yes. But the intersex community is not immune to being transphobic and I wish more people would keep this in mind.

Hmm - I'm still working on a post about transphobia from the intersex community I've seen lately (that kinda needs addressing) and I keep seeing more transphobia go unchecked.

I feel like one shouldn't have to have impeccable phrasing to be taken seriously - but many trans people are allies of intersex people and it does hurt to see intersex people not taking the same amount of care re: trans issues as they would ask of trans people re: intersex issues.

I just feel like I'm watching so many things backslide atm and to see it here too hurts.

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Hmm - I'm still working on a post about transphobia from the intersex community I've seen lately (that kinda needs addressing) and I keep seeing more transphobia go unchecked.

I feel like one shouldn't have to have impeccable phrasing to be taken seriously - but many trans people are allies of intersex people and it does hurt to see intersex people not taking the same amount of care re: trans issues as they would ask of trans people re: intersex issues.

I just feel like I'm watching so many things backslide atm and to see it here too hurts.

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people saying the yellow stripe in the nonbinary flag represents "people outside the binary".

guess what? the whole flag represents people outside the binary. that's the whole point of being nonbinary. being partially a binary gender is being outside the binary. being between binary genders is being outside the binary. not having a gender is being outside the binary. being nonbinary is being outside the binary.

the yellow stripe stands for those with genders that are not related to either binary gender at all, a group continuously erased out of every nonbinary subcommumity and apparently commonly our flag as well.

"not related to binary genders at all" and "outside the binary" are not synonyms. not only are you erasing who the yellow stripe is for by basically saying it's for all nonbinary people, you're also spreading misinformation about midbinary, multigender, agender, genderfluid, demigender people supposedly being "inside of the binary".

the only way to be inside the binary is to be... binary.

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"trans women HATE trans men. they're oppressing you bc of their socialization" <- this is a manipulation tactic by terfs to isolate you from the broader trans community to more easily groom you into detransitioning (and possibly to groom you sexually too tbh). call it out for what it is

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This is a bold take, I’m sure, but as one of the resident Transandrophobia Bloggers, transfem supremacy kink posts are not that relevant unless you can prove that the OP actually thinks trans men are inferior.

I get being horribly uncomfortable with those posts. I have those specific tags blocked because I personally hate that content. I like trans supremacy plenty, but this is just not for me. Thing is, kink is entirely separate from how you treat people outside of it. If you’re perfectly capable of being supportive of trans men and transmascs, I couldn’t give less of a shit what your kink is and how it involves us. Yes, that means I’m gritting my teeth and saying I’m okay with transfem supremacy cnc posts about transmascs, just as I’m doing the same with femdom cnc content. It’s upsetting for me to see unprompted and I avoid it. Hell, I had to basically leave a discord server dedicated to general trans supremacy kink because it was way too transfem heavy and I got tired of everyone either pretending I didn’t exist, forgetting that bottoming and being the sub are hard limits for me, or treating me like a novelty. But it’s allowed to exist and all I ask is that these people not involve me and treat trans men and transmascs with basic decency.

It’s not often I see anyone getting upset about this specific niche kink content from corners of tumblr that are easily avoided, but when I do see it, I seriously hate it. Please be reasonable about kink. Especially be reasonable about trans people with kinks.

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Days since transandrophobes have made frankly wildly offensive comparisons between transphobia and racism: 0

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So is tumblr going to do anything about the porn bot spam specifically in trans tags or are they just going to keep sniping real trans sex workers who dont even post porn directly onto tumblr?

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Need to be louder about my support for trans men, too many intersex people who think they can become sell-outs & throw others under the bus for their spot in the sun as if that's ever lead to liberation.

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""TRFs love complaining about how they personally are not doing the things for transfems that transmascs do for each other""

You hit right into the center of something that's been sanding at me. So many examples of "transmasculine privilege" I have seen in posts by TRFs are pointing at resources made by transmascs for transmascs. Stuff like hand-me-down binder programs, curated lists of top surgeons with reviews, hosting free volunteer panels at community spaces. I've seen numerous posts about how these are all examples of the supposed dominance trans men and mascs hold over trans spaces but like... these weren't handed out by the cisheteropatriarchy as a free privilege, those resources were fought for and are maintained by marginalized people, almost always for no compensation.

And usually it's asked why the same people don't run equivilant programs for transfems but like... it's because every example I've ever seen criticized in this way is sustained by the resources members provide and nothing else. They can't give out clothing items that were never donated, they can't recommend surgeons and procedures they've never experienced, and they can't manifest transfem panelist volunteers out of the aether.

TRFs deride the community at every opportunity but refuse to participate in ways that would strengthen it for everyone

I don't really have a point here. I'm just someone who helps manage a community resource similar to the ones TRFs like to lambast as an unfair privilege and it's shitty to see the hard work of my close friends and colleagues hand waved away by people who won't even help their own

They still even complain about things that are just handed to them, too. Like, yes, it would be better if more stuff like feminine things intended for people AMAB were less cissexist, but they're out here acting like they have to sign a document stating they aren't a Trve Wymyn every time they buy underwear marketed "for crossdressers" as though the vast industry built when the distinction between genderfucky people AMAB was less militantly drawn in the sand is not still something to be thankful for and could even arguably be called a privilege itself regardless of if the products are not ideally labeled. But I think calling that a privilege would be exactly as stupid as calling transmasc resources a privilege, it's just that only one of those things is actually happening.

(OP is a trans woman)

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male privilege =/= manhood

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tagging this so hopefully anyone sees it

u dont need to "pass" to be trans. at all. ever. you dont need to "pass" now, you dont need to "pass" outside your home, you dont need to "pass" around ur friends and family, you dont need to have the goal of "passing", you dont have to have any "passing" friends, you dont have to own a "passing" wardrobe, you dont have to have a "passing" hair style, and you dont have to have any "passing" surgeries or hormonal treatments. EVER.

the idea of needing to "pass" is there for cis and binary comfort, and to further divide the trans/nb community from the inside

the only requirement anyone needs to call themselves trans is being trans and anyone who says otherwise should be shunned from our safe spaces unilaterally

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“contradictory” or “confusing” labels…i luv yiu….

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Yes this -

I'm a disabled trans man and things associated with hegemonic masculinity are not rewarded in disabled men by and large because again, the patriarchy rewards conformity to an ideal (being disabled is often antithetical to that ideal with few exceptions).

Like, aggression is not inherently masculine, we (i.e. those of us who embody non-hegemonic masculinities) know that. But for people who *do* percieve that as a masculine trait (unfortunately, far more of society than ideal) - a disabled man acting aggressively for whatever reason is percieved as a loose cannon, unwieldy. Hegemonic masculinity contradicts itself all the time - on the one hand, it can encourage and reward violent outbursts in (generally abled) men. On the other, it condemns and ostracises violence (valid or not) from those who are percieved to be inappropriately wielding it (which includes, but isn't limited to: men of colour, disabled men, trans men, intersex people, women (cis and trans) etc.).

A disabled man in a wheelchair standing up for himself angrily when someone moves his chair without consent is viewed as speaking out of turn, or as unjustified. Anger or aggression in this scenario is seen as either perverse ("how dare a member of the out-group try to behave like the in-group") or as pathetic ("lmao look at this member of the out-group fail to behave like a member of the in-group).

In this way, ableism against disabled men for displays of traits viewed by most as masculine is functionally the same as transandrophobia against trans men for doing the same.

When I was outed to my dad against my will, his first 2 reactions were: to mock my future adoption as masculinity as pathetic and (to him) probably unsuccessful. And then to argue that "ugh but you'd look like a MAN!!". Validation and condemnation at once. Treating members of the "out-group" as both strong and weak.

Which, if you didn't know, is a tool of fascism.

Disabled men (and trans men, men of colour etc.) threaten the white, perisex, cis, abled etc.-rewarding structure of the patriarchy. Therefore they are an "out group" (the enemy). If "the enemy" displays feats of strength (e.g. aggression, anger) the enemy is too strong and a massive threat to everything and the whole system of society. If "the enemy" falls short of this behaviour, it is a pathetic farce that could never threaten "real" men/manhood/masculinity.

Non-hegemonic masculinity isn't rewarded. And hegemonic masculinity performed by members of the out-group isn't universally accepted either (or else only conditionally rewarded)

Sorry for the essay op 😅 but these are ideas I want to expand on some day.

So it really seems like a lot of you have never spent time with or spoken to high support disabled men, schizophrenic men, bipolar men, or autistic men with high aggression symptoms the way you speak about masculinity and being perceived as men as always being rewarded.

Say that to the black bipolar man getting the cops called on him by a white woman while he's having an episode.

Tell that to the autistic boy getting restrained in school and then sent to a separate class that is essentially a prison pipeline for having "loud scary meltdowns" when he gets overstimulated.

Tell that to the man who gets muscle spasms, or the man who doesn't have control over his facial expressions, the man who has hearing loss, or the man who has mobility issues. Who are immediately side eyed, assumed a public threat and subsequently put into danger because of the way these symptoms in men are perceived by abled people.

You cannot say "But masculinity is always rewarded" and not show your ass being ableist and racist. You cannot claim to care about disabled men only when you only care if you can strip them of their manhood, masculinity and in turn, their humanity and autonomy. You cannot erase the men who are attacked because of how anti-masculine sentiments intersect with their disability.

And guess what? It compounds on disabled trans men, who yes, do exist, whose issues need to be seen, are not just "outliers", and are already facing violence because of socially accepted hatred of trans manhood on top of the prejudice of being a man while disabled. Whether you want to see it or not, it happens. We are actively attacked for the masculinity many of us have to fight for years to finally have the ability to express.

We should not have to shrink ourselves into an accepted box of femininity, mask our disabilities and have our ability to self actualize stripped from us because our identity and disability make you uncomfortable. We should not be expected to stay silent because you only want to see manhood as encompassing a white, abled, cis strawman.