iridescentbeams

[iridescentbeams]

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they will come back to you

Semakin lama semakin sadar kalau apapun yang kita berikan, usaha, reaksi, rasa, dan asa, semuanya akan kembali ke kita lagi, entah kapan, entah bagaimana. 

Dulu waktu masih SD, papah udah mulai sakit dan mamah ngurusin adek yang masih kicik. Jadilah berangkat sekolah jam 5 kurang, naik angkutan umum (dari rumah jalan/dianter sampe pasar, terus dari Pasar Prumpung naik Bis Perdana Jaya/Pusaka langsunggg sampe tujuan/kalau mau lebih cepet berhenti di Muncul dan naik mikrolet kijang ijo biar lewat Tekno, terus turun di depan Giant Villa Melati. Jaraknya sekitar 16km lah.. Laluu, lanjut naik ojek sampe ke sekolahan. Pulangnya pun sama, cuma bedanya ke depan Giant nya jalan kaki dari sekolah. 

Waktu itu ngejalaninnya biasa aja sih, apa karena masih kecil jadi gaada pikiran khusus/capek gitu.. I just felt like that was something that I had to gone through in order for me to go to school, jadi yaudah dilakoni aja. Pernah hampir pingsan di bis karena sesuatu wkwk sampe dikasih duduk dan minyak kayu putih. Beberapa kali kelewatan turunnya karena ketiduran :) kalau ketidurannya ya gausah ditanya ya, ya emang itu yg kulakukan di angkutan umum~

Fast forward, sekarang 23 tahun, baru mulai kerja di IP. Rencana perjalanan kalau mau kerja tuh ya naik motor dan nitip di St Cakung/dianter sampe St Cakung, lalu krl an sampe St Cawang dan gojek ke kantor. Pulangnya pun sama.. tapi entah kenapa kok jd dianter terus sama Papah berangkatnya. Alhamdulillahnya emang sekarang kondisi kesehatan papah udah much much much better.. Bahkan kemarin baru ngeh kayanya pas ngantor di MT ini belum pernah berangkat sendiri. Sampe suatu ketika pas di perjalanan, teringat dulu pas SD gimana, eh sekarang semuanya dibalas pas udah gede, di waktu yang sebenernya udah ngga perlu-perlu amat dianterin karena udah bisa sendiri. But my father just did it still.. even without me asking, whenever I get ready to work, he gets ready as well. 

Huf, jadi terharu. Jadi sadar, kalau porsi suffering dan porsi bahagia itu udah diatur sama Allah dan ngga akan lebih berat satu dari yang lainnya. 

Soooo.. yang lagi suffering, hang in there! It will get better, I know it will. It’s what I’ve been telling myself too whenever I face a struggle. Ngga perlu muluk-muluk mikirin besok gimana, when will it get better.. ngga usah, just hang in there for today. just for today. besok, hang in there lagi.. focus in those 24 hours of the day. You’ll get through it eventually.. I believe you can. 

Dan yang lagi bahagia, I’m happy for you! Mungkin karena sebelumnya kalian habis suffering dan mungkin lupa suffering apa tapi yg jelas, you deserve to feel happy in this exact moment. Embrace the feeling, be grateful for it. <3

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in case you forgot

im feel like i’m forgetting what kind of person that i am

because i was constantly changing, though for the better (i think) but i feel like i’m losing my genuine self. 

so in case you forgot, dear self, let me remind you of what you really are.

you are funny. don’t let people call you a cold hearted b just because you have that resting b face. your closest ones think you are hilarious. 

you like flowers. if other people said that flowers are useless, then it is for them, not for you. flowers do soothes you. flowers calms you. have them anytime. you love peonies the most but chrysanthemums are great too.

you exercise regularly not to get skinny, but to be healthy. you know you’re a weak a b if you don’t exercise, so get on your mat at least once in two~three days. 

you control your food intake to prevent you from being sick, not because you are picky. it is OKAY. 

when you walk, sometimes your steps get bouncy and you jump around. but you never do that in proper occasion so it’s okay. 

when you eat yummy foods you get all excited and start shrugging and you move your head to the left and right.

when news about disaster/unfortunate events you tend to not look at it, but that’s because your heart can’t take it. you’ll eventually find ways to help. it’s okay if you can’t look at the news intensely. 

you are not afraid of cats. you actually find them cute. you just scared that they might jump on you (though most likely they won’t cause why bother?-said them cats). you just need some time to learn to hold them. 

you are fully aware of the situation that you are in, and you are instantly finding ways to adjust to present in the moment well enough. but still, you often find yourself not doing your best, even though you have tried. so just remember that what’s past is past. you can always try again next time.

you like babies, and kids. watching them put a smile on your face. every time you feel low, just scroll picts or vids of them. thank me later. 

you like to learn anything. if you don’t find sleeping for hours recharges you, then it’s okay to get up and read something. 

you like someone that treat you gently and with care, because you also will definitely do the same to them. it’s okay to admit that you are bucin maksimalll type of person. 

you like to go to nature as much as you like going to the mall. it’s okay.

you like girly stuffs. though lately you tried to use sneakers (because it’s comfortable that way especially since you get to work by krl everyday), but if you want to wear those sandals/shoes that got a lil bit of heel, so be it. WEAR THEM.

if you can only eat one food in your life it must be sushi and sashimi. YES THEY’RE COUNTED AS ONE you can’t debate me on this.

you enjoy to go somewhere to do anything by yourself. it’s okay if you enjoy your own company.

you wish for a stable future with a comfortable house of yours with lots of plants, open space. you can get it. believe me. 

you love your friends to death. they’re all your savior. you won’t survive this life without their existence. you’d do anything for them.

you can ride motorcycle for hours, but still you may need some caffeine to get by, go drink your americano.

you are lactose intolerant, kopi susu is nice but getting kembung is not. just drink your americano.

you like to take care of your body from the outside and inside and you always find ways to take care of them better everyday. cherish this behavior of yours.

you like to watch horror movies, thriller, gore, action, sci-fi, war, crime, romance, classical, historical, comedy, you like all of them. you don’t have to stick with particular genre. admit that you enjoy them all. 

same with music. you enjoy listening all genre.

you love watching the sunset.

you enjoy socializing as much as you enjoy being alone. but one thing for sure is you loveee talking to people. 

you survived the darkest years of your life. remember late 2018 til mid 2020 where you lost 5kilos and cried almost everyday? but in the meantime still got things done, took care of your fam, cooked for your fam, cleaned the house, managed to passed your cpns tests, and still maintained a great relationship with your friends? YOU ROCK. admit that you earned it. take credits for all the things you’ve suffered and survived. YOU EARNED IT.

you’re not stupid. but there are still many things in this world for you to learn, explore, and discover. if you learn something new everyday, instead of shaming yourself for learning it just now, appreciate the fact that you are constantly learning. 

it’s okay to admit if you don’t know about something. more chance for you to learn something, right?

you are still learning.

there’s nobody in this world that’s perfect all around. people are multi dimensional, they can be good at something and lack in other things. embrace your flaws.

you are still a work in progress.

it’s okay. 

[iridescentbeams]

Happy Birthday, you.

“kalo lu tulis sendiri, kaya gratitude for whoever yang melintas di benak lu tapi gak actually sending it to them tu bisa gak ga.. cem lara jean gt lahh”

-her, Monday, 20 April 2020, 02.50 a.m 

Remember that midnight, I randomly messaged you at 02.30 a.m and you actually replied.

When I read the conversation that we had, I can’t help but laughed because it was so random yet you were still responding them seriously. You never one that brushed me off even when I came up with those trivial, insignificant things. I could just talk to you about anything, just anything..  You’re always been my safe haven.

Sometimes this thought come across my mind..

When I think of you, it never ceases to amaze me 

That you, someone that is not even related to me

Nor that you have the obligation to care for me

But you always do it, oh so wholeheartedly.

So, happy birthday to the sister that I have always wished I had. Happy birthday to the one that I can turn to unfiltered, raw, and vulnerable. Happy Birthday to the one that never condescending and judging, but rather accepting and cherishing. 

Through all the time that I felt like drowning, you were always there. You never tried to pull me out of the water, instead you encouraged me that I can get out from it, that I have the ability to power it through. There’s one gift from you that you may never realise giving it to me but I’ll be forever thankful for it; is the way you have always believe in me.. 

Happy Birthday, Anggita.

Thank you for still walking on the same earth as mine.

Thank you for the strength and the love you always showered me with.

Thank you for existing. 

I purple you! #teteupami 

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God keeps on giving and taking anything in my life. I'm constantly running between being thankful and forlorn.

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“When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.”

— Lisa Unger 

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self care sunday done by uri appa❤️

My mother said that my father has been taking care of me, with his own hands, ever since I was still a baby. Katanya, mamah ngga pernah ngerasain ngga bisa makan karena harus nyuapin anak; karena saat mamah makan, papah ya gendong dan ngajak main bocahe.

Dan sampe gue gede gini, 22 tahun, ya masih diurusin.. dipijetin kalau sakit, atau dipakein hair oil gini.

Jadi, sekarang tuh udah ngga jaman mengkotak-kotakan peran ibu dan ayah dalam mengurus anak-anaknya. Keduanya bisa melakukan hal yang sama. Cuma ya.. mau gak~

Sekarang jamannya ayah turun tangan secara langsung menyayangi dan ngurus anak-anaknya (as he should). Kuncir rambut anak perempuannya, main bola sama anak laki-lakinya.

Bisa.

Us girls just need to find and be with the right man for that to happen.

[iridescentbeams]

“Your body is like a guest house” ~Yogi Turtle

Inspired by Rumi’s beautiful poem “The Guest House” Attend to your feelings like precious guests. Listen to the messages they try to bring you: Sadness may be telling you: you need to stop, cry and let it out. You may have been trying to be strong for too long. Let go, let it out, it’s okay to cry. It’s just old, normal energy that has been stuck in you for too long, that is trying to come out. It longs to be welcomed and honoured. Loneliness might be telling you, you need to connect with someone, call someone, or stop and connect with yourself or with your source. Pray, meditate, give yourself love and attention. Shame might be telling you, you need to forgive yourself for something. Stop and investigate what is causing shame gently. find the story behind the feeling. Journal about it. Put the story on paper of what is causing this emotion. Give yourself compassion and don’t judge yourself for feeling that feeling. Stress might be telling you that your attention is too much absorbed by thoughts about the future and that’s okay. Stop and look at what is causing the stress. Slow down, for a moment, breathe and come back to the present moment. You may be stressing about something that may never happen. That’s okay. No matter what it is, be gentle with yourself. Validate the emotion, journal about it, thank the emotions for what it is trying to tell you. It is asking you to be gentle with yourself at that moment. Maybe it is trying to tell you you are in danger when actually you are not. That is okay, be grateful for the anxiety for trying to keep you safe and send it lovingly on its way. You can say: “thank you “anxiety” for trying to keep me safe, but I am fine right now, I am grateful that you try to protect me but I am fine right now. Thank you, go on your way.“   Once you attend to your feelings, everything is embraced in love. YOU embrace yourself in love. You embrace every part of yourself in love. You are not at war with yourself but at peace with yourself at that moment. All those little parts of yourself have been suppressed for so long they long to be accepted and loved without judgment. Here is Rumi’s beautiful Poem: The Guest House ​ This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. ​ A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. ​ Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. ​ The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. ​ Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. ​ ​ Rumi

[iridescentbeams]

choose wisely

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notes on self-compassion

learning to embrace yourself and your imperfections gives you the resilience needed to thrive

asking yourself: how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment? what do i need to hear right now?

when we’re mindful of our struggles and respond to ourselves with kindness and support in times of difficulty things will start to change

having compassion for yourself means that you honor and accept your humanness

suffering and personal inadequacy is part of the shared human experience. we are never alone

[iridescentbeams]

arin would love this vid

Ducklings having their first swim 🌼🌸😍 

(Source)

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Please don't stop in hell (ó.ò)

-selfcaresquid🦑💪🍀💙💕

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Making progress on your health and yourself will help your make progress on your dreams too! 🌟

Instagram | Chibird store | Positive Pin Club

[iridescentbeams]

Your burdens are not insurmountable! With the right tools, you can make them lighter! 💪

Chibird store | Positive Pin Club | Instagram

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mountain autumn dress

Bavaria / Germany

by Denny Bitte

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smile of dawn

by Denny Bitte

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Happy Father’s Day to uri appa~ ❤️

I feel like anyone can tell how much I adore my Father.

In my 22 years of living, I could even count in one hand on how many times he got angry at me.

One time when I was 6, couldn’t remember why he took me to our bedroom with the lights off. He got so mad I even peed my pants.

One time when I was 7 or 8, when he found out that I stole a coin from the cabinet. He laid me down and hit me with a stick.

One time when I was 17, the moment I started to convert, he ignored me for months, we grew apart for that moment.

But I guess that’s that.

All my life, he’s just so patient and so loving, forgiving.

It always scares me to do something that might disappoint him.

He respects my decisions.

He believes in me.

He treats me like his forever princess.

He lets me, be me.

Bahkan ketika nonton BTS pakai TV dan aku fangirling over oppas pun dia nggak papa. Cuma sekali nyambit pake lem uhu (gak nyambit kena badan kok🤣) gara-gara terlalu histeris🤣. Pas aku bilang mau nabung untuk nonton konser juga malah didukung.

I would definitely set your treatments towards me as the bare minimum of finding the right man for me to be with for the rest of my life.

You raised me so well, you poured so much love for me, by that I shall respect it by not settle for any less in a man.

Thank you for being the great father figure that you are.

I can always feel your affection and prayer in every step that I take.

Love you lots, appa❤️