iquotemyself-blog1 - Tumblr blog

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Once upon a time, a hornet heard the song of an electrical toothbrush and fell madly in love with it. They never got married, never had children, and both died before winter of planned obsolescence.

[iquotemyself-blog1]

I am so good at being a narcissist I might be the best.

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Ode To A Spider : A True Story There was a spider in my trousers today There was a spider and it wouldn’t go away Picture this: I was frolicking Around the local supermarket When suddenly I felt a sting O the despair ! I was the target ! I plunged both hands deep down my pants And jumped around frantically While around me the “cool” parents Stood there silently judging me.

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Once upon a time there was a really long butt-hair that, fortunately enough, turned out to be a fallen head-hair instead.

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Tiny curse idea : condemning ppl to drink their orange juice right after they've brushed their teeth and have to poop right after they've showered. Forever.

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Has anyone else noticed how Kellogg’s Honey Smacks look like a bunch of tiny cunts ?

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The kid has an uncanny ability to get creative when it comes to sharing private details with random strangers. For instance, he recently deemed fit to perform a song, the lyrics of which were my phone number followed by two variations on my last name and a little side dance move. In the tube.

[iquotemyself-blog1]

A month into festival’s season and I can confirm that the MRI machine drops better beats than a lot of the djs I’ve heard.

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According to the kid, there are tiny people living in the jaccuzzi who spend their lives dipping tiny empty cups in water then tipping them to make the bubbles.

Well as long as they don’t fart.

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Everytime someone calls their dog Lola, a unicorn is savagely slaughtered (and gang-raped, yes, in that order).

Lola

[iquotemyself-blog1]

Touch screen makes it way too easy to accidentally like a post while stalking.

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On a side note, I’d like to point out that the collective noun for kids is, and I shit you not, an *ingratitude* of children.

[iquotemyself-blog1]

So the kid watches youtube videos of other kids playing with toys he fancies. Its basically porn for children.

[iquotemyself-blog1]

TFW at the hair salon you wanna show Vulcan hair but end up googling vulvan hair instead..