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iovjun · 9 days ago

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Bad Desire — Yang Jungwon

PAIRING: royal knight!yang jungwon x princess!reader

GENRE: historical, yearning, forbidden love

WARNINGS: political marriage, forbidden love, class division

SYNOPSIS: You were born to wear the crown, he was sworn to guard it. Duty-bound, forbidden to feel, you both know that desire is a dangerous thing. Yet, in the quiet hush of your chambers, longing speaks louder than loyalty, a bad desire that refuses to be forgotten.

WORD COUNT: 6.2k

A/N: I’m so down to write a part two of this fr but I think this is good as is, I need ideas omg. I hope you enjoy, it took me a very long time to write ><. Let me know your thoughts, I love reading comments! Reblogs are also appreciated :)

As a princess of a powerful kingdom, you had many things on your agenda today.

Getting engaged was not one of them.

Of course, you’ve known since a very young age that you would one day be married off to a noble house. You’ve accepted your fate a long time ago.

However, marrying the prince of an overseas kingdom and being shipped off all the way over there? Also not part of the plan.

“Are you listening, Y/N?” Your father’s voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You focused on him once more. “The wedding date has already been set to a few weeks from now. I need you to help your mother oversee the guest list and begin measurements for your dress. Go now. And that expression is unbecoming of you. Fix it. Go, my daughter.”

You closed your mouth, smoothed out your furrowed brows, and swallowed your words away. Standing from the seat, you gave him a polite bow and turned away, resisting the urge to kick the door open.

Leaving the king’s office, you spotted your personal royal knight waiting for you outside. His silver armor glinted with the late evening sun as he stood by the open window. His eyes snapped up to meet yours and he immediately straightened up.

“Your Highness,” he said softly, sensing your foul mood. “Is everything alright?”

You let out a sigh and walked, Jungwon falling into step slightly behind you like always. “I’m getting married,” you said simply. You couldn’t see his face, but you knew he heard and was contemplating.

You didn’t speak again until you reached your chambers and Jungwon clicked the large doors shut behind you. He watched you wordlessly while you started to pace in front of him, waiting for you to speak. His gaze was calm, unlike your stormy thoughts. You clenched your hair and sighed loudly again.

“A few weeks, he said. Weeks! How is that enough time to prepare for a royal wedding?” you exclaimed, waving your hands around.

Jungwon tilted his head. “Correct me if I’m wrong, Princess, but you’ve been preparing for this for your entire life. What’s more, you have an entire royal cabinet at your disposal to help plan. And…you told me before that when the time comes, you are more than ready to marry.”

You frowned and looked at him. Ever the voice of reason by your side, you knew he was right. “I am! But I’m marrying a prince from overseas, which is unlike anything I was told before. I was raised around the ducal houses, I know them! I was so sure I was going to marry House Kang and I was ready, but this- how can I cross the sea and leave everything behind? The sea is vast…and I don’t know what’s on the other side.”

Your royal knight stepped closer as you flopped down on your couch, unladylike behavior you only displayed around him. “You will manage just fine, Princess,” he said gently, leaning into your line of sight with a kind smile. You looked away, refusing to mentally acknowledge how handsome his dimples were and the way your heart clenched when they appeared.

“You don’t understand, Jungwon. How can I look after my kingdom from all the way over there?”

“Marrying is how you will look after your kingdom. After you do, your duty will be to your husband and his house.” Jungwon spoke as if reading from a script, the smile not quite reaching his eyes.

You scoffed at his words. “You sound like my mother and father.”

What Jungwon didn’t know was how afraid you were to relinquish the crown to your cousin. You had no brothers, no one eligible to directly inherit the throne from your father. Your father would rather enthrone a smaller branch of the Blackwood family than allow a woman to be reigning sovereign, even if it was his only daughter. You were promised a position of power by marrying into a noble household loyal to the crown, a position you planned to use to supervise your cousin who clearly had his own ideas for ruling Blackwood. But that would be impossible if you were halfway across the world married to a prince you’ve never met, ruling a kingdom you’ve never been to.

“Princess—”

You sighed for the thousandth time. “I just need to think. You are dismissed, Jungwon,” you stated, rubbing your eyelids.

“Dismissed? I’m your personal knight, Your Highness.”

“Then send someone else to stand outside! I need to be alone!”

He stayed silent for so long you almost apologized, but then he bowed deeply and left the room. You almost cried. You didn’t mean to lash out at the gentle boy, but his presence alone was grueling for you to endure. A constant reminder of something you’ve always wanted but could never have.

Yang Jungwon, a royal knight sworn to protect and serve you. He’s been at your side for a few years now— polite, strong, loyal…handsome. His feline-like eyes always glittered like stars and your heart fluttered every time he smiled at you. He could easily sense your mood and always made feeble, tentative attempts to raise your spirits which somehow worked every time. He was like a gift you wanted to unwrap, beautiful on the outside but you knew something even better awaited you inside.

However, you’ve never let those feelings develop any further. You were born and raised a princess of the powerful Blackwood kingdom. Duty was so ingrained into you, you ate it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Jungwon was intriguing and great, but your responsibility to your kingdom was greater. The only thing he had to his name was his title as a knight and by no stretch of the imagination would the king ever approve of him.

Besides, Jungwon was a loyal knight. You firmly believed he would never see you as anything more than his charge, so you sometimes felt silly for thinking such things. Still, you couldn’t help your wandering eyes when the knight raised his sword for you, when he trained by himself without any armor—his muscles bulging against the clothes he wore, the sweat running down his neck, the calloused hand he used to wipe it away.

Eye candy, a faithful knight, you told yourself. He will never be anything more.

OUT IN THE WORLD, YOU’RE JUST AN ANGEL; BUT HERE IN THE DARK, MY SACRIFICE

Jungwon liked to imagine his life was very good.

Growing up impoverished and climbing his way all the way up to serving the royal family, Jungwon thought his circumstances were extremely favorable.

Nonetheless, he was rather miserable.

He had never meant to fall for his princess, but who wouldn’t fall for your beauty, your righteousness? He had been by your side every single moment since he became your knight, and when he wasn’t with you, he was thinking about you. The way you withheld your lovely smile in situations that shouldn’t be humorous, how you liked to recite poetry even when you didn’t understand it, how you always put your kingdom before yourself no matter what. Jungwon could list a thousand things he liked about you, things he wanted to protect forever.

That’s why he pathetically sat by himself at a local tavern after you kicked him out of your chambers, staring mindlessly at the empty cup of liquor. It wasn’t his first time there, and he knew it wouldn’t be his last. It was the only place he went to when you talked about getting married, which happened more often now that you were of age. Jungwon couldn’t stand the thought of another man marrying you, holding you in his arms and whispering sweet-nothings in your ear.

Alas, he was only a knight. There was nothing he could do but drown out his desires with alcohol. He had no right to want you.

The tavern keeper placed another drink in front of Jungwon, already familiar with the palace knights’ needs. The knight raised his head he didn’t realize was dropping and thanked him with a nod. As he reached for the drink, a warm arm snaked around his neck and embraced him.

“Big brother! I knew I’d find you here!” Even in his drunken state, Jungwon recognized the voice as Ni-ki, a younger stable hand who was always up to no good.

“Ni-ki,” Jungwon murmured in acknowledgment.

“Keeper! A drink please,” Ni-ki called, sitting down next to Jungwon and leaning closer to inspect his face. “You always look so sorrowful when I see you here, big bro, drinking your brains out. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were sending you off to war.”

Jungwon downed his new drink in one go, feeling the burn in his throat and the effect in his blurry vision. “There’s no war. You know that, Ni-ki.”

“Exactly! You should be happier! You’re serving the princess, an honor only second to serving the king and queen. I bet life in the palace is so fun.”

The knight thought back to you at the palace, close to tears as you told him about going overseas to marry some pompous, rich prince. He remembered how much he wanted to hold you, kiss your sweet face, fall to his knees and worship you like the goddess you were. Yes, that was so fun.

Jungwon could barely think straight with so much spirits in his system. “It’s alright,” he said slowly.

Ni-ki frowned. “Yet here you are guzzling booze like it’s water.”

The older froze, trying to focus his swimming vision. He wasn’t sure if he was the one swaying or the room was. “She’s getting married,” he mumbled after a long bout of silence.

“Who? You have a lover at the palace?” Ni-ki asked. Jungwon couldn’t very well say who he was thinking of. He knew that, drunk as he was. Your name still remained at the tip of his tongue. “No,” he replied solemnly. “Just…someone I work with. She’s getting married soon. Keeper—”

Ni-ki cut him off and took the new drink from the tavern keeper for himself. “I don’t think you should have any more, big bro. Who knows what a brokenhearted knight with a huge sword will do in the town square,” the boy said with a chuckle. “Why don’t you tell her how you feel?”

Jungwon laughed out loud at Ni-ki’s comment.

Because they’ll have my head if I do.

He just shook his head. “I can’t. It’s just the way things are.”

“But you’re the bravest knight ever! You can do anything, can’t you?”

Jungwon stood, stumbling slightly as he rubbed Ni-ki’s dark hair, resting his hand on the sword hanging from his hip. “Ah, I wish, little one.”

“Little?” Ni-ki retorted immediately. “I’m old enough to order my own drink at the tavern now, you know!”

“That so?” Jungwon slurred slightly, walking away. “Then you’re old enough to pay for my tab— I’ll see you later Ni-ki.”

“Hey!”

A HEAVEN WITHOUT YOU MUST BE LIKE HELL.

“This will be your last birthday ball before you’re married, my lady! Aren’t you excited?”

Your handmaiden spoke to you through the vanity mirror, brushing your hair out with fervor. You gave her a small smile, knowing she would never understand if you tried to explain how unhappy you were.

Not everyone could sit comfortably at their mirror, a maid waiting on their hand and foot, adorned from head to toe in diamonds and silk, ready to attend their own birthday ball. You looked at yourself in the mirror, your face beautifully drawn and powdered, the tiara feeling heavy on your head.

How selfish of me to be miserable, you thought to yourself, swallowing hard. I have everything I could ever ask for, and yet I…

Your gaze drifted over to your knight, standing at attention near the door. Jungwon was as handsome as ever, his dark hair tousled over his face, deep in thought as he watched the open window with hand on his sword.

I want more.

The maid finished your hair at last and praised your appearance gleefully. “Have fun at the ball, my lady! And remember to smile,” the maid reminded you as she went to leave.

You stood and examined yourself in the long mirror. Your maids insisted on going all out for your birthday ball. The dress you wore was a glittery midnight blue, a velvety garment that closely hugged your torso and flared out elegantly at the bottom. Matching gloves were fitted onto your arms and sparkling silver jewelry across your smooth skin completed the look. Your father loved when you wore huge, glittery gems and precious metals because it was an indication of the vast wealth and power of the Blackwood kingdom.

“Sir Jungwon, let us go,” you said softly, tightening your diamond earrings for good measure before turning away.

Ever since that night where you dismissed your knight, your relationship had felt strained. Jungwon never said anything about it, but you noticed he talked and smiled a lot less. You were a princess and you apologized to no one, but as a friend, you felt like you treated him too harshly. Even so, it was already too late to lament.

Before he opened the door for you, he stood in front of you and blocked it with his body, his hands behind his back.

“Wait, Your Highness, I…”

You tilted your head at him, his cat eyes indicating his hesitation. He opened and closed his mouth, as if deciding what to say, before pulling his arms forward and revealing a box.

“Happy birthday,” he said cautiously, his eyes searching yours for your reaction. It was a small wooden box, no bigger than his palm. You looked at him in surprise, your eyes widening instantly.

Not that you expected him to, but he had never gotten you a birthday gift. It was a pleasant surprise.

You broke out into a smile. “For me?” you asked, taking the box from his grasp. It barely weighed anything, but you could feel something moving inside.

Jungwon pursed his lips, resisting the urge to give you an excited grin. “Yes, princess. Open it.”

You glanced at him once more before taking the box and gingerly opening it, uncovering a sparkling necklace. The pendant was tear shaped, the size of your fingernail. The cut caught the light in curious ways as you moved the box up for a closer look.

“Oh, Jungwon,” you murmured gratefully. “It’s beautiful. You didn’t have to.”

Jungwon cleared his throat and looked away bashfully, a blush creeping up on his cheeks. “It’s a one-time thing. I had to save up for a while to get it.”

You laughed. “It’s perfect, exactly what I needed in fact.”

It was true. You had an overflowing box of jewelry on your vanity; diamonds, rubies, sapphires, gold, silver, platinum. And many more in your closet that you barely touched. However, none of those was a simple, tiny pendant hanging from a small chain—an intricate piece that was beautiful and not at all gaudy.

You patted the heavy diamond collar on your sternum. “I want to wear it. Here, take this one off,” you said, handing Jungwon the box and turning around, lifting your hair so he could access the clasp.

Jungwon coughed and clenched the box. “Oh, now, Your Highness? Your current necklace is better suited for your ball. I didn’t mean for you to wear it at this moment.”

You shook your head. “No no, it’s beautiful. I want to wear it tonight. Help me, please.”

The knight took a deep breath, his hands beginning to shake as he touched the clasp of the collar. When he exhaled, goosebumps raised along the nape of your neck, his breath tickling the small hairs.

You were grateful you couldn’t see your face because a slight blush began to dust your cheeks.

He removed the clasp and the diamond collar fell into your hand, then he gently wrapped the small chain around and fiddled with the clasp. You looked up and caught sight of the reflection in the mirror, your breath catching at the sight.

Jungwon was standing impossibly close, his hands warming your skin as he concentrated on getting the necklace on. The chain was utterly delicate in his large hands and he had to maintain maximum focus to get it on you as best he could with his vambraces on. When he was finished, he glanced up to look at you in the mirror but he froze mid-breath. You were staring at him through the reflection, your smile replaced with a serious expression.

You loved it. You loved the small necklace, the sensation of his hands on you as he helped you put it on, how your frame perfectly matched his tall one.

Your knight finished with the clasp, but he didn’t remove his hand. Instead, he dragged it along the top of your exposed shoulder, his thumb almost caressing the back of your neck.

“Beautiful,” he murmured. You prolonged the eye-contact, neither of you saying a word as you both realized what he just said. Jungwon almost never touched you, always keeping a respectful distance, but his touch was awfully gentle and you didn’t pull away.

After a moment, his hand fell away and you blinked, snapping back to reality.

“We should get to the hall now,” you whispered incredulously, releasing your hair and rubbing your throat.

Jungwon’s eyes were wide and he nodded in agreement, the tips of his ears burning. “Yes, Your Highness.”

A HELL WHERE I EMBRACE YOU MUST BE LIKE HEAVEN.

Jungwon was in trouble.

He’s spent the entire night of your birthday ball regretting every action he did leading up to the event. It was a cruel act of fate that he was a lowly knight protecting the most beautiful woman he had ever met. He couldn’t help himself back in your chambers–your exposed skin, your delicate neck and shoulders, and the way you insisted on wearing his humble gift drove him crazy.

Why, why couldn’t he withdraw his hand? Why couldn’t he suppress the word spilling from his mouth? Jungwon hadn’t even realized what he was doing until it was too late, until you were both wordlessly staring at each other in the mirror. It was embarrassing. To make matters worse, you didn’t acknowledge it all. The knight felt himself burning in shame every time he thought about it.

A moment of weakness, he kept repeating. It won’t happen again.

Jungwon stood by a wall with the other royal guards, hand on his sword and eyes on you as you paraded through the sea of nobles seamlessly. Like always, you were ethereal. Everyone in the room was always attracted to you as if you were the strongest magnet.

Being by your side at all times, it was something Jungwon could witness firsthand.

The familiar son of the Duke Kang approached you, fitted in a finely embroidered surcoat and a shining brooch. Jungwon’s heart clenched as he watched you smile radiantly at him as he took your gloved hand and kissed it.

The bastard still thinks he’s going to marry her, Jungwon speculated.

If there was one thing he hated, it was attending these events with you. Surrounded by high-born, wealthy nobles all vying for the favor of the royal crown was his least favorite thing to be. Not only was he forced to watch from afar, but all he could think about was how he could never be in that position, flaunting a decorated brocade surcoat and attempting to impress you with his money and house name.

Not that you actually cared about that, though.

He did have something, however. You were wearing the tiny diamond necklace he gifted you. The fact lit a minuscule prideful flame in his heart.

The unfamiliar guard next to him sighed and spoke in Jungwon’s ear. “The princess is so beautiful, it’s a shame she doesn’t take lovers. You are so fortunate to be her guard. If it was me–”

With a disgusted glare, Jungwon shut the man up. “You’d best keep that filthy mouth of yours sealed before I cut it off. And get your eyes off the princess before I cut those out too.”

The knight grimaced and leaned away. “Goodness, what a stinkpot you are. She can’t even hear me.”

Jungwon didn’t respond and looked back at you as you snatched a drink from a servant’s tray and drained it. It wasn’t the first time a fellow royal knight made comments about you, but Jungwon always made sure it never reached anyone’s ears. He was notorious around the Royal Knight Order for being strict and unfriendly, but he was compelled to be so. If he wanted to keep his role as a knight of the realm and continue serving you, he had to practice utmost discipline and loyalty. It was a position that was difficult to attain and he was proud to be in it.

After a long time of him standing and guarding, Jungwon saw you slip away from the guests to the outdoor garden. Of course, he left his spot by the wall to follow you. With his eyes on your exit, he missed the maid passing by with a tray of appetizers. Luckily, Jungwon reached out and helped her steady the tray after they bumped into each other and it remained intact. He recognized the girl as Hyuna, one of the maids that frequently cleaned your chambers.

Hyuna laughed lightheartedly. “Nice save there, Sir Jungwon,” she said, her smile remaining as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

“You should be more careful, Miss Hyuna,” Jungwon replied while releasing her, looking back at where you had disappeared.

The girl turned a faint shade of red. “Of course, Sir. I’ve been meaning to ask—would you like to meet sometime—”

Jungwon brushed past the girl, effectively cutting her off, too distracted by losing sight of you to respond. “Please excuse me, Miss.”

He headed toward the garden, the cooler air immediately blasting him in the face as he stepped outside. There you were, your back turned toward him. You had a slight stumble in your step, evidence of how much you’d had to drink thus far. Jungwon sped up to reach you, a bit concerned.

“Princess,” he called out.

You turned at his voice, squinting a bit. A smile spread across your face as you recognized him and you giggled.

“Jungwon.”

He gently placed a hand on your back and guided you to the fountain bench. “It looks like you had a lot to drink, Your Highness.”

You giggled once more, facing up at him him as you sat down. The fountain behind you gurgled with water, bubbling like a mountain stream. “It is my last birthday celebration before I get married.”

It felt like your words reached into Jungwon’s chest and ripped out his heart. “I suppose you are allowed to celebrate,” he said slowly, trying not to let the agony show in his eyes. “But you shouldn’t allow the guests to see you this way. You have an image to uphold.”

You regarded him silently. “Once again, you sound just like my parents.”

Jungwon blinked, unsure of how to respond.

Another soundless moment passed.

“Do…do you only serve me because my father commanded you, or are you truly loyal to me?” You spoke finally, your words slurring still.

Your knight shuffled slightly, hesitating.

“Whatever do you mean, Princess?”

“I mean, if I chose to disobey my parents would you serve me still?” Your words continued to blur together, your face flushed with inebriation, but firm determination shone in your eyes. “Sir Jungwon, how far does your loyalty reach?”

Jungwon didn’t understand what you were talking about, but he dropped down to one knee nonetheless, offering you his clasped hands.

“My Princess, there is nothing in this world I would not do for you,” he said gently, bowing his head. “I vowed to uphold your will and place your good above all else, even unto death. I am your knight forevermore.”

Instead of taking his hands, you placed a warm hand on his cheek and tilted his head to look back up at you. He waited with wide eyes, confused as to what you were doing.

“You should smile more,” you murmured, caressing his cheek. “I love seeing your dimple.”

Before he could respond, you closed the distance and crashed onto his lips, taking the soft flesh and biting into it, forcing his mouth open. Jungwon let out a muffled yelp and attempted to withdraw, but you put another hand on his face and forced his head to stay in place as you moved your lips against his.

It was warm. Jungwon could taste the alcohol on your tongue and could feel it in the way you kissed him lazily, leaning forward into him.

It was wrong. He knew that. Jungwon knew how wrong it was, but he couldn’t pull away.

He closed his eyes and allowed you to melt into him and lead the kiss while he put his hand on the back of your head, digging into your carefully arranged hair.

When you finally pulled away for air, your hot breath dusted his skin and your eyes were glazed over as you licked your swollen lips.

Jungwon’s heart pounded so hard he was sure he was having a heart attack. He’s never seen you so beautiful, your gaze flitting to his eyes then back to his lips in the same second. He would have fallen to the ground at that moment if he wasn’t already on his knees.

“We shouldn’t—” he began, trying to gather his wits.

“Are you still mine forevermore?” you asked, brushing over his bottom lip with your thumb.

Jungwon’s chest heaved up and down. “Of course.”

You attacked his lips again, this time more passionately, your tongue delving into his mouth. Jungwon couldn’t suppress the groan escaping his throat as you both poured pent-up desire and frustration into the embrace.

Suddenly, a voice called out from behind the bushes. “Princess Y/N?”

Jungwon nearly fell over in his attempt to stand and put distance between you. As he straightened up, the son of Duke Kang emerged from the path behind the bushes, his eyes searching.

Lord Kang Taehyun.

Jungwon recognized his prideful stride immediately. However, the young lord didn’t acknowledge the knight. His eyes were on you as you swayed by the fountain, wiping your mouth nonchalantly. It was a good thing Taehyun didn’t focus on Jungwon, or else he would have seen his flushed face, wide eyes, tousled hair, and lopsided armor.

“There you are, Princess Y/N,” the young lord said, reaching you with a smile. He sat by you on the fountain’s bench and Jungwon wanted to push him into the water and hold him there until he drowned. Instead, he discreetly fixed his appearance, trying to calm his hammering heart.

If Lord Taehyun had not announced his arrival, he would have caught you and Jungwon in your sinful act.

And yet there you sat, giving the duke’s son a gentle, crooked smile, acting as if nothing happened.

As if you didn’t just disrupt the axis on which Jungwon’s world turned.

“You are mildly intoxicated, Your Highness,” Taehyun noticed, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. It was a good thing you were actually inebriated, because then the young lord didn’t question your unkempt appearance.

“Yes,” you replied slowly. “My knight is here. I am alright.”

Taehyun looked up and behind you, finally spotting Jungwon. He gave him an amused smile. “So he is. You can be dismissed, Sir.”

Jungwon wanted to roll his eyes. He’s barely ever interacted with the man, but his haughty attitude always prodded at his patience. The young lord was commanding him like he already married you. But Jungwon only took orders from you, and you alone.

“No, the knight was about to escort me to my chambers. I’m afraid I cannot rejoin the celebration, but please, continue without me. Sir Jungwon?” Even compromised by spirits, your speech was eloquent and lovely.

In an instant, Jungwon was at your side, taking your extended hand and helping you stand. It was obvious you didn’t want to speak to Lord Taehyun, and Jungwon didn’t want you to either.

“I can escort you, Princess,” Taehyun insisted with a charming smile as he took your other hand.

Jungwon finally spoke, grasping the young lord’s wrist and stepping in front of you protectively. “I’m afraid that would be inappropriate, my lord. The princess is still unmarried and has no official chaperone. Please, leave it to me.” His words were respectful, but firm.

You grasped Jungwon’s rerebrace, pulling on the piece of armor to steady yourself. Taehyun squinted at the knight, frustration clearly written across his face. “And yet it is appropriate to allow her a grown, low-born man to accompany and watch her every move?”

Jungwon felt anger bubbling in his chest. “I am an honored knight of the Royal Knight Order, sworn to serve and protect the princess with my life. You cannot be speaking such dishonorable words, especially in her royal presence. Good evening, Lord Taehyun.”

Jungwon turned with you on his arm, leaving the young lord behind in the garden. You giggled. “That was so brave of you, Sir Jungwon. You saved me, like always.”

The knight’s heart stuttered. “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

“Whatever could you be sorry for?” you asked lightheartedly, your voice almost singsong. “Taehyun won’t do anything. He can’t. He deserved that.”

“No, for…before that. You’re drunk and I—well I was wrong. I apologize. I’ll accept whatever punishment you decide for me, Your Highness.”

You stopped in the middle of the corridor, the hem of your gown swishing as you turned to face him. Jungwon kept his eyes respectfully lowered, trying to ignore how warm your hand felt on his arm.

“Do you believe I would just kiss anyone?” you asked, your voice softer now. The teasing edge in your voice was gone. “I know I’m drunk, Sir Jungwon—but I am not foolish.”

His breath caught.

“I would not have let it happen if I didn’t like you,” you whispered.

He finally lifted his gaze, searching your expression for doubt, a jest—but you only looked at him steadily, eyes glassy with wine but filled with fiery determination.

“Your Highness, I—”

“Let us go,” you interrupted gently, your grip on his arm tightening. “Before anyone else comes looking for me.”

He swallowed hard and nodded. “Of course, princess.”

The two of you moved quietly, your clicking heels the only sound echoing throughout the empty hall. Jungwon almost felt like he was the drunk one, his heart pounding incessantly and his vision unfocused. The tension between you remained taut and unspoken.

He opened your door once you reached it and you sauntered inside, turning to him once more.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” you asked.

Jungwon’s brows lifted slightly but he didn’t step away. “You should get some rest, Your Highness.”

“Just as Yang Jungwon, not my personal knight. Oh, please?”

Jungwon couldn’t bear to deny those gorgeous eyes of yours.

“If you ask it,” he said softly. “I will.”

You stepped aside, letting him follow you through the door. Once again you both stood in your chambers, silent, the air charged with energy like a lightning bolt was about to strike. He stood still, his hands clasped behind his back as if he was awaiting orders, eyes not quite meeting yours.

You plopped onto your perfectly made bed and closed your eyes, sighing. “Can you please help me, Jungwon?” You stuck a heeled foot out, dangling it in the air.

Jungwon quietly made his way to you and knelt, pulling the heel off and doing the same for the other. You giggled. “Thank you.”

You reached out and fiddled with this pauldron, attempting to pull it off. “Let me help you too,” you mumbled absentmindedly.

The knight laughed and gently grabbed your hand, wrapping it in his and pushing it away. You clearly had no idea how armor was actually put on.

“Why did you drink so much, Your Highness?” he asked.

You didn’t let go of his hand, staring at it blankly as you toyed with it. “Did I? I don’t remember how many glasses I actually drank.”

Jungwon let you gather your thoughts as he stayed kneeled by your feet.

When you finally spoke again, your tone was sad. “My father saw my necklace, the one you just gave me, and he was disgusted by it. He didn’t make a scene because of the guests, but his face was unforgettable—he was clearly debating ripping it off of me.”

Jungwon rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb, his eyes filling with sympathy. “That’s why I told you, Your Highness, you should have—”

You looked in his eyes suddenly, the same fiery determination shining in your gaze. “No. It made me realize something. He doesn’t care about what I like, the things I prefer, he sees me as just another piece on his chessboard. I’ve worked my whole life to be recognized by him, but tonight, the truth hit me hard. The only person in this kingdom that cares about me is you, Jungwon. You pay attention to the little things. You’re always there for me on good days and on bad days. You’re so good to me, I’ve always thought it would be selfish of me to desire more of you but I—”

Jungwon wanted to believe it was just the alcohol talking. Because if it was, he could just listen to your monologue and wish you good night, knowing you would forget by the morning. Because if it wasn’t, then that meant everything changed. The line he’d so carefully drawn between you and him—his sacred duty—was already shattered.

He fist clenched at his side.

He had sworn himself to the crown, to protect you from harm and scandal. And yet here he was, wishing for nothing more than to give in to every unspoken feeling he had buried for years.

I’m too weak for this, he told himself. She’s drunk. She’ll regret this. This isn’t right.

But when he looked at you again, really looked—you weren’t swaying or lost in a drunken haze. You were staring at him with more clarity and conviction than he had ever seen in your eyes. And that broke him.

Slowly, wordlessly, he unfastened the straps and buckles of his armor, the clinks and clangs echoing as the pieces hit the floor. Neither of you spoke, didn’t move.

The last piece slipped off and suddenly, it wasn’t Sir Jungwon kneeling at your feet—it was just Yang Jungwon. The boy who had to learn how to properly bow and address nobility. The boy who would steal treats from the kitchens for you when you were grounded, even if you didn’t ask him to. The man who always stood one step behind you, never too close, never too far.

His hand flew to your cheek as if drawn by a magnet. He felt like a blind man seeing for the first time, drinking in your beauty that left him paralyzed.

“I’ve loved you for a long time,” he whispered, his hands trembling. “I didn’t think I was allowed to.”

You closed your eyes, leaning into his warm touch, like a parched woman finally tasting water. “You weren’t,” you said, your voice small. “And I wasn't allowed to love you back. But I did. I do.”

Then the space between you disappeared.

His lips crashed against yours—gentle at first, reverent, but that restraint didn’t last. Years of longing spilled into the kiss, all the things you never said unraveling between gasps and shivers. His hands cupped your face like you would slip away any second, like this was just another dream soon to end.

You pulled him into you, until your bodies collapsed on your bed, his form hovering over you as he feathered kisses along your jaw then back to your lips. His eyes filled with tears and he finally pulled away, hiding his face, silent sobs shaking his shoulders.

“Forgive me, my princess,” he said ever so gently. “I have faltered in my oath to—”

You traced his wet cheek with your thumb and ran your hand through his dark hair. “I forgive you, Jungwon. I’ll forgive you a million times over if it means I get to kiss you like this. I love you.”

Jungwon stilled.

Your words sank into him like sunlight into frost, melting every fear, each layer of ice coating his river of emotions. He let out a shaky breath against your collarbone, and when he looked up again, the remaining tears glistened in his soft eyes.

“I love you too,” he whispered, his voice cracking like old parchment. “More than the sun loves his moon, more than anything in this realm. I hope the old gods will forgive me.”

You smiled, pulling him close until you could feel his heartbeat through his hot skin. “They will.”

For a long while, you lay there, tangled in each other’s arms. Whatever came tomorrow didn’t matter now.

Tonight, you weren’t the tired princess and the dutiful knight. You were just two souls who had finally stopped running.

And that was everything you had ever wanted.

IT’S ALL MY BAD DESIRE.

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