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[inventoroffish]

[inventoroffish]

black cats are wonderful because you can stare into the void and not only does the void stare back, sometimes it trots up to you happily and begs for pats

[inventoroffish]

i think its funny that after you give blood, they keep calling you every once in a while to ask if you want to give more blood 

and i get it, blood is important and in short supply, but it just seems like

hey… we heard you made more blood. can you… can you give us that new blood? that sweet sweet fresh blood? its been a while, jacob. we know you have it. we know you have the blood jacob

[inventoroffish]

ah yes, the four main food groups: chinese takeaway, coffee, carbohydrates, and pussy

[inventoroffish]

Six Ways to Divide England.

More stereotype maps >>

[inventoroffish]

the real secret to immortality? not dying. you want to be immortal? ok. easy. just don’t die. that’s it. refuse to die. there you go

[inventoroffish]

Reasons straight girls need to stop calling their female friends “girlfriends”:

- The word “friend” already exists and is gender neutral you don’t need another word for friends of the same gender

- I’m gay and confused

- That’s it

[inventoroffish]

here’s a hot take: giftwrap is dumb, 95% of the time you can just hand someone the thing and accomplish the same task. Society has conditioned us to love wrapping shit up for no reason, probably by gift wrap industry people.

[inventoroffish]

textbook: (historical figure) remained celibate throughout their entire life

me, a homosexual who Knows Better: sure

[inventoroffish]

charlie brooker literally said in the post-emmys interview that he initially tried to write san junipero about a heterosexual couple and it kinda sucked and he switched them to a same-sex couple and it immediately became much better and also easier to write and he finished it with ‘so that’s my writing tip’… the only true ally

[inventoroffish]

I cAN’T BELIEVE i used to think I was a straight girl

[inventoroffish]

How to survive college

1) GET FUCKING NETFLIX 2) Jack off everyday 3) Cry occasionally to let out the pain 4) ALWAYS keep ice cream on hand

[inventoroffish]

Whingy straight male and Deputy PM complains to marriage equality campaigners to “get out of my face” because he’s immediately sick of the debate.

Deputy PM, Barnaby Joyce, has shown just how fragile he is by asking for people to shut up about marriage equality.

“Do gay people have any idea how hard it is to constantly hear people go “stop being demeaning towards the LGBT+ community”, or “you’re wasting millions to torture the LGBT+ community with unregulated slander, abuse, and misinformation”, or “you’re literally not listening to us and trying to hurt us all”, etc, etc?” He made a long groaning sound. “It hurts my self esteem. I’m not used to it being hurt.”

“I hate it. How am I meant to maintain my feeling of superiority if people keep pointing out my moral deficiencies?”

The gay community has reacted in a diverse manner of ways as they’re a diverse group of individuals but a recurring theme is going “ooooooooooooohhh nnnooooooooooooo that must be haaaaaaaaarddd” really sarcastically and then pouting in an exaggerated matter.

[inventoroffish]

Are you straight?

don’t insult me

[inventoroffish]

[inventoroffish]

me at a fast food place: oh the prices have gone up

server: oh yeah sorry about that like it’s management i can’t do anything about-

me:

[inventoroffish]

French written like it’s German