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Nikita Gill, from Your Heart is the Sea: Poems; "Your Heart is the Sea," originally published in 2018

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“Sometimes not telling people anything is a good thing.”

— Jason Myers

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So this is what it feels like to rebuild walls. I had almost forgotten the sense of disappointment that came with the action.

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What. The. Fuck.

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What’s so fucking wrong with me that I constantly feel like I’m in competition with another. I understand sometimes a person needs to be “won”, but I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired of trying and my efforts still feel as if they’re not enough.

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If it comes down to being a choice, and you have to choose, don’t choose me. I shouldn’t have been a choice to begin with.

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I’m in my head again. If you only understood the jumbled fucked up mess that it is.

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I love you. It’s ruining my life.

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Is there potential that I’m going to have to worry about someone else stealing you away? Will I ever feel 100% secure?

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Why does the fucking past still haunt me?

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There’s something I want to say to you, but I can’t.

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Sometimes, I wonder if you regret being with me.

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God damn.

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— k.p.k

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I wasn’t the destination. Just a stop along the way.