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judcthedude‌:

having time before his next class began, jude was wandering around aimlessly through the halls of the school — his phone tucked into his pocket, music blasting un-naturally loud as he hummed along. not paying the least bit of attention where he was going — ( what’s new ? ) he found himself colliding with another body. able to catch his balance, he removed the buds from his ears before peering down at the unknown person on the ground. “ oh shit dude, i’m sorry ! “ he apologized, hand reaching out for the other to take as he bent down. “ i wasn’t looking where i was going — had my head floating off somewhere. “ he chuckled. “ hey, since you’re here can i ask you a question ? “ he asked, brows raised. not giving the person any time to give an answer, he gave a clap of his hands. “ so listen here, my professor told me that i can’t simply stick everything on a stick, and call it a ‘ creation ‘ — i don’t know where that dude heard that before, but that is the biggest load of bs i’ve ever heard. i mean, i work at the mall, and my entire job involves me sticking greasy, fried food on a stick. “ he rambled, hands moving around wildly as he continues to rant. “ you have to agree that i have a point, right ? because i’m convinced my professor just has it out for me dude. “

she should’ve known she would end up here one day. ‘ those who can’t do — teach , ’ that’s how that goes , right ? of course, diane had successfully put to use both of her degrees , publishing several best-sellers , but what did that get her ? rhetorical question. one would at least expect that after teaching at toonsville for a few months , she would stop looking like such a mess walking from class to class. hair disheveled , loose papers folded into her arm , her bag still open , like someone who ran out of her office a few minutes too late for her next class. just like no time had passed since she was a dorky high school student , she walked to her classroom without even looking where she was going , which is how she ended up colliding into someone , papers flying everywhere and glasses sliding off her face. “ dude ?? is that how you talk to all your professors ?? ” she remarked with a little laugh as she picked up her glasses and perched them back on the bridge of her nose. “ or , i mean , i guess you could be confusing me with an older student , in which case , thanks. ” she gathered her stuff ( she’d have to wing it in class — again — there was no way she could get all those papers in order in time. so much for lesson planning ) and stood back up. “ well , uh , one of the defining qualities of postmodernism is subjectivity , which tells us that our judgment is shaped by our own personal opinions and feelings , destroying the notion of objectivity and absolute truth , so , um. i guess you do have a point there. sort of. ”

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wallabee-tles‌:

“Shrek 3 is the best out of the entire series and I think each and every one of you is too chicken to admit it.” Okay, maybe this was a dumb thing to argue about, but Wally would take any excuse to avoid doing schoolwork.

“ that’s ... an unusual argument to make , but i’ll allow it. ” what started out as a discussion about modern fairytales and the role of women had somehow veered off into a ranking of the shrek movies. “ wanna state your case ? explain why you think the third installment is superior to the previous two ? ”

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being on campus felt like being back in school. despite her past successes , years of therapy , and the fact that she was old enough to be most of these kids’ mother  — diane walked down the halls with this feeling that at any given moment some pretty blonde with a perfect manicure was going to stuff her in a locker. even walking into her own classroom , feeling her students’ eyes on her made her anxious. she always tried to avoid drawing attention to herself , but that kind of difficult when everyone was supposed to be paying attention to her. all this anxiety resulted in her spending most of her free time out on the quad , having a smoke and going through her lesson plans. “ hey , sorry to interrupt , ” she started , trying to get the attention of the person next to her , “ but do you have a pen ? i usually carry one with me , but i guess i must have dropped it somewhere and i really need to change this tiny little thing in this plan. ”

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Mitski performed a set for SiriusXM and of course I needed to have the audio of it. As Mitski says in her tweet 

Did a fully acapella version of Nobody, for all the commenters on my Genius video asking for one. Please enjoy this musical theater audition. Think it’s fitting that I’m singing with nobody and nothing - the song in its truest form

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uwu

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(  maggie  q.  thirty - nine.  cisfemale.  bojack  horseman.  )  ——  i  think  i  just  saw  DIANE  NGUYEN  walking  around  in  the  employee  lounge.  SHE  is  a  professor  and  teaching  in  LITERATURE.  their  coworkers  have  described  them  as  being  IDEALISTIC  &  OVER-CRITICAL ,  and  they  even  remind  me  of  COFFEE  STAINS ,  NAIL  BITING  &  UNREALISTIC  EXPECTATIONS.

hello helLO !! i’m super excited to be here playing what is probably my favorite fictional character ever , diane nguyen !! if you’ve never seen bojack horseman , below is a brief summary of the events that led up to her teaching at toonsville. i’ll be posting some wanted connections later today , but in the meantime , feel free to message me or hit me up on discord @dumb libra#4945 !!

“ are you PROUD of who you have become ?? “

name: NGUYEN, diane. aka: deedee , blarn , cryanne , glasses , asian daria. age: 39. date of brith: march 19th, 1980. hometown: boston , massachussets. marital status: divorced.

current location: toonsville. occupation: professor of literature at toonsville university.

“ i’m sorry i’m not the person i THOUGHT i was. “

DIANE was born in BOSTON , massachussets. she’s the only daughter of PA and MA nguyen ( first names are never revealed ) , vietnamese immigrants , and the younger sister of TOMMY , MARTY , ARTIE , and GARY ( the literal black sheep of the family ).

childhood was TOUGH. her parents and brothers bullied and tormented her. her father was a MEAN , sadistic alcoholic who never supported ANYTHING she did and actively delighted in watching her fail. her mother is an OBNOXIOUS and condescending woman who CODDLES her sons , but frequently nags and guilt-trips diane , never forgiving her for leaving the family to make something of herself.

in SCHOOL, she never had any friends. she was mocked and bullied for being a NERD ; never invited to any parties. she had ONE friend , abby , until she became one of the cool kids , and diane was left all ALONE.

diane attended BOSTON university ; majored in literature and EQUINE studies. a few years later , she packed up and moved to LOS ANGELES , california , with dreams of writing IMPORTANT things and making a positive impact on the world. instead , she got a job at STARBUCKS.

in 2007 , she met tv star MR. PEANUTBUTTER. shortly after , they started dating. SEVEN years later, they got married on JUNE 13, 2014.

 in 2009 , she met BOJACK HORSEMAN at a halloween party , but he didn’t even acknowledge her. a few years later , she was hired to ghostwrite his memoir , meant to serve as his comeback. that was the start of a profound , yet complicated friendship. the book, titled ONE TRICK PONY was published a few years later as a biography , instead of a memoir.

after the publication of her book, diane worked for a few months as a character consultant on the SECRETARIAT movie. a few months later she embarked in a six-month trip to war-torn CORDOVIA with celebrity philanthropist SEBASTIAN ST. CLAIR. mr. peanutbutter didn’t want her to go , but diane instisted , believing that helping people and making a DIFFERENCE would finally make her happy. shortly after arriving , she was disappointed by the discovery that her reason for being there was NOT to help people , but to write a book about how GREAT sebastian was so people would donate to his organization. diane returned to LA , but was too ashamed to tell her husband , so she hid at bojack’s house for three months.

her marriage with mr. peanutbutter was STRAINED , but they tried to make it work. she began working as a ghostwriter for celebrity TWEETS at a talent agency. after that agency closed down , she became a writer for feminist website GIRLCROOSH. her articles about real-world issues ere typically overlooked in favor of celebrity gossip.

when mr. peanutbutter ran for governor, diane tries to be SUPPORTIVE , but instead sabotaged his campaign by writing an article against his pro-fracking views. their relationship was strained for the next few months , until diane realized that she was tired of trying to make the relationship WORK , and the two god a DIVORCE.

she then moved into a crappy apartment and worked for a while as a writer for the show PHILBERT. a gritty detective drama that attempted to deconstruct toxic masculinity , but as diane later realized , only succeeded in NORMALIZING it. ashamed that she contributed to this, she decided to pack up and move to TOONSVILLE.

ADVICE YOU’VE GIVEN OTHER PEOPLE THAT WAS REALLY ABOUT YOU :

zodiac sign: pisces. personality type: intp — the logician / the thinker. enneagram: 4 — the individualist. temperament: melancholic. hogwarts house: ravenclaw. moral alignment: lawful neutral. primary vice: pride. primary virtue: dilligence. element: water.

+ idealistic , intelligent , bold , determined , dedicated , moralistic , generous , forgiving.

- over-critical , pessimistic , stubborn , hypocritical , temperamental , spiteful , judgmental.

the first thing anyone can see about diane is that she’s somewhat reserved and introverted. he’s quiet  and keeps to herself. she’s very dedicated and focused. she’s socially anxious , hates parties and any situation in which she’s the center of attention ( grand gestures , public displays of affection , etc. )

she’s a third-wave feminist , and is constantly questioning the world around her , always looking at everything with a feminist perspective ( which probably makes people dislike her a bit , as she has a habit of being a bit of a killjoy ). despite her social anxiety , she’s quick to stand up for what she believes in when she feels something is unjust.

she’s very stubborn , and is always convinced that her way of doing things is the correct way ( even when she’s not even directly involved with the issue at hand ) , so she tends to be very judgmental , but it all comes from a deep desire to help people and make a difference in people’s lives ( help them her way , of course ).

she can be spiteful at times , but she always finds ways to justify her actions ( the end justifies the means and all that ). for example , leaking a few chapters of a book against her friend’s wishes because she believes that in the long run , it will make everyone love him again , even if he can’t see it.

she holds everyone , including herself , to an impossibly high standard , which makes her incredibly critical of everything and everyone , which then leads to disappointment and unhappiness , damages her relationships and self-worth. it also makes her quite hypocritical , and she’s quick to point out the flaws in others , but can’t recognize those same flaws in herself. when she does , she does her best to conceal them instead of working on them to improve.

i know this is a lot , but as you can probably tell , i love diane very very much.

here is her pinterest board !! here is her playlist !!

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「 TAG DUMP. 」

「 ❝ parties make me anxious in a real broad sense. ❞ — INTERACTIONS 」 「 ❝ everyone has a story ; your phone's story is that it's ringing. ❞ — TEXTS 」 「 ❝ i’m a pit. i’m a pit that good things fall into. ❞ — MUSINGS 」 「 ❝ love is an illusion ; happiness is fleeting. ❞ — AESTHETICS 」 「 ❝ i’m glad i never got famous. ❞ — FACE 」 「 ❝ i don’t think i believe in deep down. ❞ — PLAYLIST 」 「 ❝ did i just say hashtag out loud ?? ❞ — INBOX 」 「 ❝ hashtag oops. hashtag oh no !! ❞ — OOC 」 「 ft. — CHAR NAME 」