intj-explained

[intj-explained]

Any tips for an INTJ trying to make it as a pro musician?

My friend, you’re asking somebody with an art degree who wound up working a production job in a horrible little town for advice on how to make it in a competitive creative field. Unfortunately, I don’t think my advice will get you very far. All I can say is, work hard, but don’t forget to play. Follow your dreams, but recognize when they’ve become nightmares. And sometimes, living comfortably off a crappy job can make you happier than pursuing that pie in the sky.

[intj-explained]

I saw on a blog that if an INTJ expressed their feelings, they are only hypothesizing. As an INFJ with an INTJ boyfriend, does this mean that when he is expressing his love for me and how much he misses me when apart, or other expressions for that matter, it's not "true"/ I shouldn't take them at face value?

If there’s one thing you can rely on from your INTJ loved ones, it’s their honesty. I also have a hard time imagining an INTJ with the energy or inclination to feign love.

Take him at face value and ignore the bloggers who want to pretend INTJs are sociopaths.

[intj-explained]

do you think intjs can be good friends with enfjs??

I think any type can be good friends with any type. It depends more on the individual person than what their personality type is. So, yes, I do believe INTJs and ENFJs can be good friends.

I think the more mature both parties are as people, the more likely they are to get along. As you get older, you get more patient and tolerant of things you didn’t, don’t, or can’t understand or experience yourself.

Can any readers personally attest to friendship between INTJs and ENFJs?

[intj-explained]

totally not mbti related, but did you some how disable chrome user's ability to use keyboard arrow keys to navigate your blog? it seems to be specific to the theme of the blog and it makes it way inefficient to nav. small thing, love your blog otherwise!

I apologize, that’s not a feature I use and I didn’t think to test for it. If anybody could recommend a more suitable theme that allows for this but has the same basic structure, please do recommend it. I can make cosmetic changes but I don’t really have the time for anything in-depth.

[intj-explained]

Is it common for an INTP to be mistyped as an INTJ?

Yes, and vice versa.

[intj-explained]

You could practice this logical INTJ-thinking of yours by checking the legitimacy of MBTI. It's an unscientific personality test based the outdated and 100% untested theories of Carl Jung and is now known among academics for its methodological weaknesses, poor statistical validity and low reliability. The main reason it's popular is the marketing/production by the company behind it, which makes around $20 million off it each year.

You do know you’re more or less preaching to the choir, right?

I’ve stated before that MBTI is unsound. I don’t treat it like it’s a religion, or a dogma to live by. It is what it is- a somewhat useful, but ultimately unreliable tool. Or did you not notice how almost every post on this blog lambasts the stereotypes and zealous adherence to MBTI on the whole?

In my personal opinion, it is useful in that it helps people think about how others may be approaching a situation. Even if you’re wrong, you’re at least forcing yourself to empathize, and that’s an enormously important part of successful communication. It may come easy to some people, but others- many of whom type as INTJs- have difficulty with that.

This blog has always been about bridging gaps between types and creating empathy and understanding between people who think and operate very differently. It has never been about preaching MBTI as indisputable truth.

[intj-explained]

I've noticed that most INTJs and INTPs are highly intelligent. Is their type caused by their intelligence, or does their intelligence cause them to be INTJ/INTP?

Oh, good lord. I’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s just that particular stereotype- it has me groaning and shaking my head every time I hear/read it.

We aren’t any smarter or dumber than any other type. We may be more predisposed to enjoy research and scientific rigor. Maybe. This doesn’t make us more intelligent than somebody who takes interest in other things. Look at the happiest people in the world. The most successful business people and politicians. The greatest philosophers and naturalists and explorers. Do you really think even most of them are INTJs and INTPs? Half of them? A quarter?

An INTJ can be the brightest, most successful, most wonderful human being. An INTJ can also be a horrifically self-centered, mal-adjusted, socially incompetent idiot who never makes an impression on the world. It depends on the person.

[intj-explained]

Is it normal for INTJ's to not enjoy fantasy-esque books or movies all that much? I'd much rather read or watch something that was based off a true story rather than just made up out of thin air.

I’m pretty sure that’s just personal preference.

Anecdote: My dad exclusively reads sci-fi novels. I really enjoy sci-fi, fantasy of all sorts, spy-thrillers, and some nonfiction. My brother steals whatever he thinks is most exciting out of our libraries, usually sci-fi and fantasy.

[intj-explained]

dearpolonius​ said:

It is easy as INTJs to follow our own logic and be baffled by how other logical beings can arrive at different conclusions. In regard to questions about personality and politics, I think it is important to understand that the two are only related in that personality directs how one develops one’s own belief system. INTJs observe the world around them, seeing the problems of the present and mistakes of the past, and use those observations to logically build their own belief systems. Remember that we all see only a small portion of the world and receive different histories that may or may not have been tampered with. It is vital that we do not make the mistake of thinking that we do know everything and thus have the only correct solution.

Very well put, in my opinion.

Anecdotally, my dad, my brother, and I all had relatively comparable upbringings in the same area, but my dad is staunchly right wing, I lean toward the left (independent; I’ll vote for Democrats but not religiously, I’ll vote for whoever scares me least), and my brother is a nervous, uncertain centrist. Environments are the same, genetics are the same, personality type is the same, but our experiences and educations have been so different, we all came to different conclusions.

It’s like when somebody asked if more INTJs were statistically more likely to be vegans a while back because it made more sense in their mind to be vegan than omnivorous, when really, it’s a subject to much debate and there is no clear right answer and everybody’s values and experiences are different.

[intj-explained]

Hi I did some research and found that out of the INTJs who replied to a survey studying correlation between political stance and type, most of them were actually Republicans. Is there any reason for this, because I thought most people like us would be libertarians or progressives (leftists) due to our disdain for tradition and authority... Thanks for reading

I would expect each personality type to more or less be a microcosm of any political stances. The way we think does not determine what we think.

I have to wonder where the survey got their people from. I mean, if you conduct a survey about politics at a Texas gun show or something I’m pretty sure your results will be skewed.

[intj-explained]

So I'm a big fan of MBTI and have taken multiple tests. My friend and I are both psych majors but she's at berkeley and I'm not. She likes to go off on what BS the Myers Briggs is and how it's not founded in real scientific evidence. Generally this makes me feel shitty and not want to bring it up, so I was just wondering what your thoughts are?

Well, I'm not a psychologist and have never studied it in any formal sense, so please take my thoughts with a grain of salt, as usual.

I believe MBTI is a useful, if broadly misunderstood and overestimated, tool to help one understand how other people think. It is simply a crude way to categorize by personality. It isn't even close to perfect, and like all the "soft" sciences, I have a very hard time putting too much faith into any one system or theory. I mean, look at Freud- he was taken very seriously in his day, but now, he's viewed as a crackpot who projected himself on literally everyone around him. The human mind is just so nebulous, so diverse and adaptable, so impacted by culture and age and experiences, it is very difficult to think that it could be so easily generalized by something like MBTI.

I think the best way to look at MBTI (and Socionics, if that's your cup of tea) is as if it were an early taxonomic key- for me, anyway, but I was in evolutionary biology. Back in the day, all living things were sort of lumped together, with one or more "scientific names" if they were even known to natural philosophers. Eventually, a gentleman named Linnaeus came along and put together a way to organize these species so that they would be given one name, and could be organized with like species. It was Linnaeus who put together the basic system we keep today, with kingdoms, classes, orders, genera, and species.

Now, the thing is, because taxonomy was so poorly structured before this, and because Linnaeus didn't have the benefit of hundreds of years of research and advanced technology, he ended up grouping things visually. Therefore, fungi were put in the plant kingdom. All reptiles and various fish (rays, sharks, lampreys, sturgeon, anglerfish, and ratfish) were classified as amphibians. Spiders and crustaceans were named as Insects. All vaguely wormish things were grouped together in kingdom Vermes: earthworms, leeches, slugs, etc. And then there was the Mineral Kingdom, which was rightly trashed very soon after conception.

What I'm getting at is this. Linnaeus made enormous leaps and bounds in trying to organize something entirely too large and unknown for any one person to know everything about. He also made enormous mistakes. His taxonomy was massively incomplete. And yet, it organized huge collections of data into something usable and understandable... and that's more or less was MBTI does.

I think it would be dangerous to put too much stock in MBTI, especially in the long run, because that would be like continuing to argue today that anglerfish and bearded dragons are amphibians. But it has given us a way to broadly categorize personalities, the way Linnaeus broadly categorized living things. It is imperfect, yes, and there are millions of unspoken "species" within each "kingdom" of personality type. Within the "kingdom" of INTJ, two INTJs could be as similar in personality as a sponge and a peacock are in relatedness. There is incredible, generally ignored, diversity in each personality type, because like all the different species of each kingdom, we are all built by different environments and adapted for different behavior.

So, do I implicitly believe every little thing about MBTI? Not at all. Do I think it's complete garbage? No. It is not perfect or complete, but it is useful, as it makes something incomprehensible by the average person into something that can be understood. But it is very, very important not to treat it as the end all, be all, especially with so many people like me out there, untrained in psychology but talking about it to a surprisingly broad audience. It makes me very uncomfortable to assert anything about MBTI as fact or truth because of all of this, but many people don't have the same qualms, and that's how we end up with people discovering they're INTJs and ending up in my ask box feeling alone and confused because they don't fit the descriptions everybody has written about us.

I hope I've answered your question to satisfaction.

[intj-explained]

(As an INTJ female,) what kind of expectations should I hold/not hold for a close male INTP friend of mine? Lately I've felt like maybe I'm putting in more effort than is worth and it feels like he doesn't care much about me at all. At the same time, I know we think entirely differently...but I still feel tempted to do what I've found out is called the 'INTJ doorslam.' I'm tired of feeling taken for granted.

You can expect nothing from a person that they have not agreed to, especially if they don't even know what you're expecting in the first place. Have you told this INTP friend of yours what you want out of your friendship? Are you expecting more than friendship from this friend, and again, is he aware of this?

If you really are friends with him, then I honestly think he deserves enough benefit of the doubt to have a conversation with him before you take any drastic action. Talking about feelings can be difficult and awkward, but clearly your friendship as it is isn't doing it for you.

[intj-explained]

Is it common for intjs to have a 'fluid' sexuality and/or have problems in the bedroom with intimacy? I am bisexual but I am only romantically attracted to women and am in a relationship with a woman I love and am attracted to physically. I experience severe delayed ejaculation issues and cannot orgasm through sex with either men or women and only when alone. I think it is psychological. Is this common?

I don't know how common it is, to be honest, but I am sure you aren't alone. Every person is unique and has different experiences, preferences, needs, and approaches to life. For some, sex and intimacy come easy. For others, not so much.

The important thing, I think, is that your partner be understanding of your limits, and that you work together to find something that works for both of you. Sex should not be an uncomfortable experience.*

*I would like to note that it is okay if sex makes you uncomfortable, whether you are a sexual person or not. It's not a fault with you as a person. It just means that something about the sex just wasn't jiving with your needs. And all you asexual/graysexual folks out there- you aren't broken. You just don't want or need the same things in the same amounts. Don't let people make you feel bad about that.

[intj-explained]

I was wondering if you/other INTJs can relate to not having experienced m/any of the romantic "firsts" until much later than one's peers (first starting to date, first relationship, first kiss, first time etc). I'm...rather older than most people who've never even kissed someone (or had the opportunity to, even) and though it doesn't bother me in the ways that it might, I do feel like it's probably a bit weird but it occurs to me that it may be an INTJ thing.

As most of you probably already know from the recent slew of romantic asks, I'm in my mid-twenties and I've never gotten anywhere with anyone in any sense of the word. It doesn't bother me any, either (just one of those shrug and move on things) but I also feel it's pretty unusual, when compared to the general populace. Especially when most of my friends have been dating since junior high and are now currently in serious relationships, engaged, or married. Hell, a few even have kids, which makes me feel vaguely spinsterish in comparison, even if I have no real romantic aspirations and never want to reproduce. It feels weird being old and "innocent." It feels even weirder when friends and relatives insist on constantly making it the topic of conversation. I think it would seem a lot less weird to people if we all stopped acting like sex and dating were the only reason to live. I would much rather take a five hour nap or eat a whole pumpkin pie by myself than go on another date any time soon. I think I'd rather have teeth pulled than go on a date any time soon.

In comparison to my comparative romantic retardation, my INTJ brother was way ahead of me, having been in multiple relationships of varying duration and seriousness since his late teens, and is now married in his mid-late twenties. From what I can gather from the few anecdotes I can coax out of him, my taciturn INTJ father somehow had an active social life when he was my age, and dated several girls before meeting my mom and marrying her when he was around my brother's age.

Part of it might be, however, that I don't want kids. My dad and my brother and all of my friends, including the occasionally mentioned INFJ and INTP friends, want(ed) kids, and presumably felt more pressure to pair up and settle down than I do since they are/were racing the biological clock. Me, not so much. If Mr. Right comes along tomorrow, cool. If he comes along when I'm 50, cool. If he never makes an appearance, cool. I don't need him. I'd like a trusted partner, but I don't need one. Like a puppy. Or a sports car.

TL;DR-- I think it's statistically unusual that some of us (or many of us, if it is truly an INTJ thing) "blossom" so much later in life, at least in the contemporary US culture I'm used to. I don't think we're weird because of it. I think society thinks we're weird. But then, I also think society's weird for thinking single people are weird.

weird.

[intj-explained]

As I understand INTJs are very unforgiving. What are some things that one can do in particular to facilitate forgiveness from an INTJ? Or is it one of those things where you just have to maintain as much distance as possible while they work through it themselves?

Most of the INTJs I know are incredibly slow to anger. We get irritated, annoyed, but not downright angry. We don't often rage at the world over day to day matters like some people do, because as long as we see a way where things turn out okay, there's nothing to rage about. When we get angry, it's because somebody has done something truly destructive to the relationship, that makes trust difficult or impossible.

Now, if you simply annoyed or irritated an INTJ, just get out of their hair and stop doing whatever is pissing them off, and things will probably turn around quite quickly.

If you did make an INTJ truly angry, though... well. There is no real solution except not to screw up in the first place.

We do not forgive the people who majorly screw us over in one way or another because they remove all potential futures where we can continue trusting them implicitly. When you screw up that bad, there's no recovering, because if it can happen once, it can happen again, and again, and again... We are highly selective people, seeking peaceful, easy, and lasting relationships, and there simply isn't the social or emotional energy to maintain any sort of relationship with somebody who has proven they are untrustworthy.

So if you forget about plans you made with the INTJ, or spill your latte in their brand new car, or something else unpleasant, they will likely forgive you quickly and easily. When you betray their trust, it is impossible to just forgive and forget. How, exactly, is a person supposed to just ignore when a person they thought they could trust was going around talking shit about them, or stealing from them, or cheating on them? How can a person know that's happening, know that people don't often change, and naively expect that person to change their entire nature and collection of habits after they've been found out, when they've already proven themselves willing and able to betray trust once?

Maybe the INTJ will deign to keep the person around, but they will never hold them in the same high regard again, or trust them with anything remotely important to them. The walls go back up. Effectively, the relationship is permanently terminated. Trust is the keystone of all of our relationships, and once it is broken, the relationship crumbles.

Yeah, we're not easy people to get close to and stay close to, but as long as you don't do anything malicious, things should generally turn out fine. We are incredibly forgiving... when forgiveness is deserved. Apologizing can't hurt, if you really mean it. We can see through insincerity, so don't try to bullshit us with a fake apology. If the thing you screwed up can be fixed (reschedule the missed plans, or have the car detailed like the spilled latte never happened), then fix it. Actions speak louder than words. Ask the INTJ what they feel, and what they want. Just don't expect to be forgiven and remain friends wit an INTJ whose trust you betrayed.

What are your thoughts, readers?

[intj-explained]

To the INTP in love anon: As an INTJ female, I actually behave the way you described when i'm with my friends. There are few of them and so I allow myself to tease, to let my guard drop (a little), to smile, etc., because they are my friends and I trust them. When I had to "flirt" I completely failed at it and just took the direct approach and asked my now boyfriend to hang out. So be careful, it doesn't always mean flirting.

Thank you for your thoughts!

[intj-explained]

I've been invited to a Christmas party for my job, but I'm not comfortable around groups of people. (I'm an INTJ.) I feel like I'm obligated to go, seeing as how my boss is the one who sent out the group text about scheduling it. Any ideas on how to make this party more bearable??

If it were me, I would invent a previous engagement that would only allow me to stay at the party a short time. "Oh, sure, I'll make an appearance! I'll have to leave pretty quickly though because ________."

Or, just send your regrets. "I'm sorry, I'd love to but I can't make it/something came up/whatever." Nothing wrong with that, in my book.

If for some reason it takes place during work hours and you are actually obligated to be there, I'm not sure. I'm not one for parties myself, and generally tend to try and escape to the bathroom/balcony/quietest most remote place at the first opportunity.