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[interviewsbyjoe]

Lou, 34

It was an early morning, mostly because I lost an hour of sleep due to daylight savings and recovering from a slight hangover after a fun night out with friends at The Eagle. It was my first time visiting in a while and while my body dysmorphia didn’t kick in, I had a good time. I made my way to Brooklyn that morning to meet up with Lou. Lou is 34 years old and an acquaintance from college. I ran into him a couple of weeks prior at a bar and he was as kind and sweet as I remember him. 

The last time I had a conversation with Lou was when he was 27 for my 20 Questions series. So I met up with him in his studio in Dumbo where we got to chat and I got to inquire about his life, what’s changed, and what hasn’t.

Joe Rodriguez: How are your 30s going so far? Lou V: Great, they’re the best years of my life

JR: Would you say that it’s better than your 20s? LV: It’s different than my 20s, but I feel like I have a lot more freedom in a lot of ways.

JR:  How old do you feel? LV: I feel 33. First of all, I think it’s a beautiful set of numbers and I think that it comes with age and experience and a greater degree of wisdom than you’d have when you were turning 22. It comes with more clarity and what you desire in life, it comes with that experience and it comes with more freedom. I feel like I sort of have. I don’t care as much about what people think as I did when I was 22. I make more money than I did when I was 22 and I wake up in the morning feeling less pressure when I was 22 because you were really trying to make it in life. I feel like I’ve landed in a space where I’m happy and comfortable with who I am as a person, as a professional. I’ve always had the best life, I‘ve always worked really hard and been in amazing situations so even when I was 22 I was super happy, but I’m even more happy if you can think of it that way.

JR: Do you think you’re peaking or think about plateauing? Or can it only go up from here? LV: I feel like I haven’t peaked. When you think about peaking in life, high school was not it for me so I have, through my art and a series of experiences in my life, have come to embrace a couple of philosophies - one of them being “The best is yet to come.” I think that through this experience that I’m receiving from my craft, I’ve learned that life will only get better and things will only get better and I think that’s the key to my optimism and happiness.

JR: So you’re originally from New York. What do you love most about it? LV: You can be whoever you want to be in New York. You can just disappear into the background and go out with your friends one night and the next, go out by yourself. I remember being a kid and taking the ferry into the city without anyone knowing and just looking for gay men because they were not visually present where I lived growing up in Staten Island. I think all of that makes New York such a special place. There’s a hustle, grit, determination, and opportunity about it. Nowhere else in the world do I think there’s as much economic opportunity as in New York City which in my opinion is the key to freedom.

JR: Do you think you would ever leave? LV: Never say never, but I think I’m very happy here and I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else at this point in my life. I do hope to one day be an internationally recognized artist - that’s my life passion that I’m working towards right now. So you never know.

JR: What do you hope your 40s will look like? LV: I hope my 40s are as good as my 30s and 20s. I hope I’m a little wiser, a little more mature. I see life as having different buckets. So for me, there’s fitness, family, work, art, and friends. The bucket that's not full is love. I have a lot of platonic love with my friends that I very much care for, but I don’t necessarily have the true love of my life that I wake up to every day. I’m dating, but single which is fine because I enjoy my singleness but one day I hope to have a shared experience so whether I find it or not is another story.

JR: How is life on a scale from 1-10? LV: It’s a 10, I have so much to be grateful for. I have a beautiful life, I couldn’t imagine my life being better. I wake up every day and I’m grateful.

JR: What is the title of the current chapter of your life? LV: In The Studio

JR: What would you title your 20s? LV: At the Bar

JR: What’s something you wish you knew about finances when you were younger? LV: Money comes and money goes. I’m not great at managing my finances but I’m becoming much better at it. I prefer to just enjoy my life and not worry about having a million dollars in my bank account, I could care less about that because I could drop dead tomorrow and I’d rather know that I’ve lived a happy, healthy, and fun life to the fullest rather than have money in the bank account.

JR: How do you measure success? LV: Based on my happiness. I’d rather be an administrative assistant and live a happy life than be a CEO and hate my life. Somewhere in the middle is where I’d like to be.

JR: Fill in the blank: “The world would be better with more ______ in the world” LV: Understanding. There’s so much division among people. It’s gotten much more polarized and people aren't talking to one another and there’s a diminishing sense of togetherness among people is what I’m observing. I don’t think there’s enough attention on the middle and because of that, there’s no interest in getting to know one another and understand one another and the hardships we all go through.

JR: Fill in the blank: ________ is my favorite season because… LV: Summer because I get to go to Fire Island, I think it’s such a special place. If you had told me when I was 17 that I’d be on the beach with my closest friends for a week and doing family dinners and being silly all the time, I would’ve never believed it.

JR: What are your thoughts on the dating landscape today?  LV: In New York City there are so many distractions because you meet one guy and maybe you’re talking to five others and then you forget a conversation you had with someone because you’re on another. There’s no lack of smart, talented, handsome, determined guys in the city and that’s what makes New York such an amazing place, but finding the right one is like a chemistry experiment. 

My beef right now is how many people are in open relationships making the busy marketplace noisier. It just makes it a little difficult to settle down and I think as I get older, I’ll get more fixed in my ways and need space and time to work, do my art, see my family, go to the gym, and see my friends that it gets harder for me to invest in someone.

JR: What does an ideal night for you look like? LV: It’s funny, I feel like as I get older I get less wild. It would be going out to a really nice dinner with friends and enjoying good food, drinks, laughing, and maybe going out to a bar afterward. But for the past two nights, I’m in at 11 reading so I can enjoy the weekend.

JR: Do you believe in love? LV: Yeah, of course. I had two beautiful relationships in my 20s that were extended three years each and I felt very lucky to be with the two people that I met and I loved it.

JR: Describe what the feeling is like LV: Being in love is somewhat clarifying, it felt secure in a lot of ways. Having someone present to celebrate you, to laugh with you, to cry with you, to wake up next to you is really beautiful. There’s a lot of work that goes into love and making it special

JR: How do you mend a broken heart? LV: It comes with time and for me, staying busy.

JR: How do you show someone you love them? LV: Being present and checking in and telling them. I think it’s important to tell the people that you love that you love them.

JR: What’s one red flag and one green flag in a potential partner? LV: A red flag would be doing something unkind or mean intentionally, making someone feel less than. A green flag would be a beautiful smile and a gaze when you’re together when there’s silence.

JR: What are three things you love bout yourself? LV: I love my determination, I love my persistence, and I love that I’m a caring person.

JR: Describe your kid self in a couple of words LV: Daring, Sensitive, Social, and Colored within the lines

JR: Do you think that kid still exists? LV: Yeah, very much I look at old photos of myself and see myself. The only thing I could ever wish is that I would've known then that life would be so beautiful now.

JR: What advice would you give to your teen self? LV: Continue to be yourself and don’t ever try to be something that others are expecting of you.

JR: Would you consider yourself confident? LV: Yes, I think I’m overly confident which I think is a key to success. I don’t let anything get in my way of me trying.

JR: Where do you think that comes from? LV: I think it’s something I was born with. I was born a confident, outward person.

JR: What advice would you give someone who’d like to be more confident?  LV: Just get out of your own way. We have one life to live and you don’t know how long it’s going to be. If you’re not confident in yourself, no one else is going to be confident in you and it’s only you that can get out of your own way. Try something new and if it doesn’t work, just know that a lot of people fail at things and failure is good. Failure keeps your feet on the ground. It also helps you understand what you like, what you don’t like, and what can go differently.

There are so many things you can workshop in your daily routine whether it’s going up to someone at a supermarket to try to ask them on a date, or painting a painting and putting it on Instagram saying it’s available for purchase. You won’t know unless you try.

JR: Do you think a symptom of getting older is caring less about what people think? LV: Yes and no. I care about what people think about me, I hope they think nice things. I think it’s important for us to care about what people think about us because there's a reality in what people perceive of us. It may not be 100% true, especially with your social media persona. I want people to think I’m the nicest guy and that’s what I try to embody every day. I try not to be a mean person. Yeah, we make mistakes and say stupid things sometimes, but I would never intentionally be mean to someone. If I die tomorrow and someone put “he was a nice guy” on my tombstone, I’d be the happiest. There's a misconception that being nice won’t get you far - but it’s about kindness. It’s not about being nice, it’s about embodying kindness, and embracing it as a life philosophy is very important.

JR: As an artist, do you ever find yourself suffering from impostor syndrome? LV: I don’t think so I think this is part of my confidence factor. Impostor syndrome is not something that I keep in my vocabulary because nobody was born to be what they are and they have to work at it. If you’re not believing in yourself, no one is going to and everyone starts somewhere.

JR: Where do you hope to be in the next six months? LV: I hope by then I will have a show for my art.

JR: Where do you hope to be in five years? LV: Life is so good right now that if I can continue doing what I’m doing now in five years I’ll be very happy.

JR: How would you describe the relationship you have with yourself? LV: Loving. I love myself in a way that’s respectable, and challenging. I love myself in the sense that I accept who I am, I don’t regret the things that I do, and I don’t wish that things were different. I’m just happy with who I am, where I am, what I have, and with where I go.

JR: Fill in the blank: “Life’s too short to _______” LV: Not do the things you wish to do

JR: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned so far? LV: Keep an open mind

JR: What’s the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn so far? LV: Life is not always fair.

JR: Name three things that bring you joy LV: Family, Art, Friends

JR: Name three things that make you angry? LV: War, Poverty, Injustice

JR: Fill in the blank: Love is ________ LV: Kind

JR: What is the best piece of advice you want to leave the world with? LV: Take care of one another.

[interviewsbyjoe]

Get to know Louie, 31 - 

On a brisk, windy day in Manhattan, I made my way down to the Lower East Side to my friend Louie’s apartment. I walk up the five flights of stairs to Louie’s cozy space with as much natural light as you can ask for. I settled in as he was wrapping up a meeting. I know Louie through a mutual friend, and he’s one of the most effortlessly confident people I’ve ever met. A person who is ready to praise you or check you when necessary, he’s always made me feel welcome in spaces where I feel nervous or shy. Even though I’ve known him for a couple of years, I was excited to get to know him a little better. 

Joe Rodriguez: How has this year been so far?

Louie Z: It's been crazy with work coming out of the pandemic. The live music industry came to a halt and so it was scary for a while because I didn’t know where the next project was going to be. So now, it feels like everything is back in full force. I think those tours and festivals that have been postponed are now happening at the same time. So last year was a surge of things coming back so for me that was great because I’m busy again, but it’s never been that stacked. So at least this past year has been crazy and will continue to be crazy but that’s fine because I miss it all.

JR: What’s it feel like to be in your 30s?

LZ: I’ve always been excited about my 30s. I think people romanticize their 20s and I think that’s fair, but I also think your 20s are a lot about figuring it out and messing up and I think you learn a lot about yourself in your 20s. So for me, my 30s were always knowing that I have a better sense of self, where I’m going with my career, and my relationships. I’m excited about my 30s because I feel like it’s going to be the best version of me. I’m more situated, I have a steady income and I wasn’t at that place in my 20s. My 30s feel like they’re going to be more fun because of the stability.

JR: How old do you feel?

LZ: I feel my age. I feel like people who know me would say that I'm still in my 20s in that I’m go, go go, and I like to do things and be out there and social. But I do feel in my 30s because I feel balanced to that and I have a maturity that I didn’t have in my 20s. So I feel my age but in a good way.

JR: Are you originally from New York?

LZ: No, I was born and raised in Florida and lived in Atlanta for four years and have been in New York for almost six years.

JR: What do you love about New York?

LZ: I’ve always wanted to move to New York. Growing up in Florida it was very old and white. Sarasota is a beautiful city, but it’s one note. So I knew I wanted to go somewhere with more diversity and New York was always the hub of everything I wanted to do.

JR: What do you miss about home?

LZ: I miss the beach, I miss being close to a body of water. It’s the one thing where you can get in your car, drive a few minutes, and you’re at the Gulf of Mexico so I would do that a lot on the weekends or after a day to lay out and put on some music. You can find that in New York, those moments of solace, but I miss being able to go to a beautiful beach on a beautiful day.

JR: What were the peak and pit for you last year?

LZ: I put a lot of my value into my career and getting a promotion last year was very important to me because it was the next step. More responsibility, visibility, money, and I felt more fulfilled. A low, I think those moments are introspective when I’m go, go, go, you’re lost in it and lose your center and that’s hard to reconcile with. I’m so in it and I don’t recognize that I’ve lost a bit of me. Just a thing that comes in waves.

JR: What do you hope by the end of 30 looks like?

LZ: I would love to own property in New York. It’s a dream, I love this city so much I want to live here so I want to own something. We’re always so transient, we can re-rent, we don’t own, we can move whenever, we buy cheap furniture because it’s there. By the time I get to my 40s, I want to be more situated and have a better sense of stability, and continue to have great relationships in my life.

JR: What is the biggest misconception that people might make about you?

LZ: That I don’t get run down. It’s very easy to look at my social media or all the things that I do and think, “He’s so busy and having fun. I want that.” Yes, I do that, but I know that my flaw is that I can go fully into that and not take care of myself as much as I need to. So yes, it can look fun but I tend to burn myself out. I’ve gotten better at it, but my friends have gotten good at recognizing when I need a break.

JR: Fill in the blank: Happiness is ___________

LZ: Having fun with the ones you love.

JR: What’s your definition of the American dream?

LZ: It’s a cliche. I think it’s meant so many different things throughout time to different people. My family immigrated to the U.S. before I was born and their American dream was a stable place to raise a family and to provide opportunities. My dream is to be successful in this crazy world and give back to my family. All the money and time my parents invested in my future to ensure I benefitted - I don’t even know how you begin to pay that back, you can’t. For me, the American dream is being able to take care of yourself and being able to give back to your loved ones.

JR: What would you title your 20s?

LZ: Trying to Figure It Out

JR: What is the title of the current chapter of your life?

LZ: Almost There

JR: What’s a song that is guaranteed to turn your mood around?

LZ: No song, but an artist. When I’m in a mood, I go back to anything by Carly Rae Jepsen. I’ve always described her music as joy. I think she writes and produces music that is pure pop and I love it. I oscillate between her and Kylie Minogue. Those are artists that are pure joy and always make me feel good.

JR: Do you like what you do for work?

LZ: I do, I love what I do.

JR: Is this the kind of job younger you would’ve dreamed up?

LZ: No, younger me was always creative. I was a drawer, painter, and thinker. I always knew I was going to do something creative though I would be a graphic designer when I was in middle school. Then in high school, it pivoted because I’m a strategic thinker. I don’t know how I came across it, but someone mentioned advertising and I always thought of advertising like Mad Men and selling people things they don’t need. But it was my avenue into being a creative and making money off it but it’s much more fun because I get to use those skills and what I’m naturally good at but I get to use it in the world of music and that’s really fun. I don’t think I’ll go back to traditional advertising.

JR: If money didn’t matter, what job would you want?

LZ: I would probably still be doing some version of this but more on the ground. On set and on experiences. I loved theme parks growing up and I love the idea of making a theme park. Like Rollercoaster Tycoon. My dream theme park, what would that be? Coming up with how it’s built, the design, what are the experiences, and making sure it’s fun. That’s always been really interesting to me and I love watching Defunctland on Youtube. In the future, I see that as an avenue I want to explore.

JR: What’s something you wish you knew about finances when you were younger?

LZ: It’s what my mom has told me from day one: It’s the allure and false promise of credit. I wanted a certain lifestyle. I wanted to have an apartment with nice things and wanted to wear nice things and travel. A lot of that debt came from traveling. It was so fulfilling, especially for shows and to see friends and family but it adds up though. 

So it’s hard because I feel like we deserve those things and it shouldn’t be so expensive but in a lot of ways, credit is how you make things happen. So when it comes to finances, I wanted to have my cake and eat it too and as I’ve gotten older, I learned that “no” has to be much more part of the conversation. You can’t do every trip, see everything, and see every person as much as you want, and that’s not a fun reality. That’s something my mom has instilled in me and I think it resonated more as I got older that you have to live within your means.

JR: How do you measure success?

LZ: As being self-fulfilled. You can’t put a dollar amount to it, you can’t put fame to it. I think success is asking, “Are you doing what you like? Are you creative and personally fulfilled by it? Is it sustainable?”

JR: Fill in the blank: “The world would be better with more ______ in the world”

LZ: Kindness. People can be so awful and intentionally mean-spirited. I think if we tried to be good people, the world would be better. It’s so simple and so silly but some people are just not interested in that.

JR: What does an ideal night for you look like?

LZ: My favorite kind of night out is just exploring the city whether that’s a great meal or show or checking out somewhere new and walking around and doing it with someone you love or a best friend. It’s not a fully planned thing, you’re just enjoying someone’s company and doing something together.

JR: What’s a comfort / important movie for you?

LZ: Apocalyptic and disaster movies are my comfort movies, I don’t know why. I love disaster movies, they’re my favorite thing.

JR: Do you believe in love?

LZ: I do

JR: Have you been in love?

LZ: I have

JR: Describe what the feeling is like

LZ: I think you’re in love with someone you think about them constantly. They’re always at the top of your mind. When you’re watching a movie and think, “I can’t wait to show this to this person.” Or you’re having a meal and think, “I want to make this for this person.” I think being in love is when you deeply care about someone because you want to not because you have to.

JR: How do you mend a broken heart?

LZ: Time and friends. When you’re hurt, you need a moment to process that hurt and be with people that will give you that love in other ways. If it’s not coming from a significant other, it can come from your best people. Your friends, your family, I think you need to get that love from different avenues. So that when you’ve built yourself back up, you can try it again. But when you’re hurt, you just need to be with people that make you feel good.

JR: How do you show someone you love them?

I know myself enough that I show my love with gifts. I’ll be out and see something and be like, “I want to get this thing for this person.” Another is doing something for them. “Oh this thing that’s been stressing you out, let me handle it for you.” Being able to show someone you love them should be something they will appreciate and you’re not just doing it for you, you’re doing it for them.

JR: What’s one red flag and one green flag in a potential partner?

LZ: A red flag is someone who is mean just to be mean and being mean to anyone in the service industry. There are so many thankless jobs out there. The person operating the train, the person taking your ticket stub at the theater, the person who is making your meal. There are so many roles and jobs that are working a hard life and I think it takes a mean, bad person to treat anyone in that position with disrespect and meanness. A green flag: I love it when someone can be a little spontaneous. I’m someone who loves surprises, so someone who is more go with the flow.

JR: What are 3 things you love bout yourself?

LZ: I love that I’m a kind person. I’m generally optimistic and a nice person. I think I’m confident, I know I am. I love going into a room and making friends with anybody and making them feel welcome because that’s good energy to put out into the world. I don’t take things too seriously. If something is really wrong or awful or isn’t going the way I want, I take it with stride.

JR: Are you close with your parents?

LZ: I am

JR: Do you think the phrase “our parents did the best with the tools they had” is accurate?

LZ: I can definitely agree with that, my parents absolutely did. They worked a lot, we didn’t have a lot of money, and it was a small place. So they did the best they could and I think I still turned out alright. As you get older, you learn the position your parents were in because you’re now at that age. My mom was 18 when she had me. Me at 18, was working myself to the bone trying to get into college, imagine having a kid? I think you gain a lot of perspectives and I think you give your parents more grace as you get older.

JR: Describe your kid self in a couple of words

LZ: He was a good kid. He didn’t know his people yet. Got along with everyone.

JR: What advice you would give to your teen self?

LZ: Give yourself a little more bandwidth. It doesn’t have to be perfect and if you lose out on something, it’s not the end of the world.

JR: Do you think the younger versions of you would be proud of you today? What do you think your teen self would say about you?

LZ: I think so. I think younger me would look at me now and see that I’ve mellowed out a bit. I think teen self would say, “That’s cool. What’s next?” Teen self wanted to do everything and was never content.

JR: Would you consider yourself confident?

LZ: I do

JR: Where do you think that comes from?

LZ: I think it comes from self-awareness. Knowing what you’re good at, how you treat people, experiences, and who you surround yourself with. Confidence is something you can have but surrounding yourself with good people who are also confident and know who they are, you feel comfortable being that. 

I think if you’re not confident it’s because you’re not in a place where you want to be or you’re not surrounding yourself with people who empower you to be confident. It’s a lot harder to be self-confident when outside factors are not helping you be your best self.

JR: Who inspires you? Why?

LZ: My parents inspire me, my friends and mentors inspire me and my chosen family inspire me because they’re confident in what they do and they lead great lives.

JR: How important is it that you cultivate your chosen family? Is it as important as finding a romantic partner?

LZ: I’d argue that it’s more important than a romantic partner. There have been some rough times that my chosen family has gotten me through. Romantic partners come and go. Relationships and dating are tough but I think it’s easier when you are most content with yourself and when you have a great support system in your chosen family. Because you have something that matters to you and you’re good with yourself. Once you’ve got those kinds of things, it kind of doesn’t matter if you find someone or not because you have what you need. Then should you find someone, great! If not okay, because you’re not missing anything.

JR: Where do you hope to be in the next six months?

LZ: I’ll still be in New York. I want to travel more. Now that things are good, I want to take a step back and have some fun and travel.

JR: Where do you hope to be in five years?

LZ: I want to have my own business. I want my own bar or cafe or creative shop, something though. I would love to own a bar, set the vibe, choose the music and have a space that I would want to go to as a queer person.

JR: Were you always this ambitious?

LZ: Yes, and I think it comes from not having a lot of things as a kid. All my toys and clothes were from Goodwill and Salvation Army and not a lot of things were mine. I wanted to do cool stuff and travel and be in exciting cities so that’s why I hustle because that’s always been interesting to me. And I knew that to get those things you had to be ambitious.

JR: Fill in the blank: “Life’s too short to _______”

LZ: Do things you don’t wanna do.

JR: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned so far?

LZ: Health is wealth. Take care of yourself because you’ve got one life.

JR: What’s the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn so far?

LZ: Saying “no.” I want to do it all and be there for everyone and be present and you can’t do it all and learn your own limits.

JR: Name 3 things that bring you joy

LZ: Music, People, Good Food

JR: What is the best piece of advice you want to leave the world with?

LZ: It’s not too late to try to be happy. Whatever you hate about life, I feel like there’s a way out. If you’re truly unhappy in this life, do whatever you possibly  can to try to find that joy whatever it is for you. You’re not promised anything so in the time that we have, wouldn’t you want to be as happy as possible? Whatever that means for you.