inspirationjyoti

[inspirationjyoti]

Gone is that girl, who was so deeply immersed in books that she could barely see anything beyond them, the girl who used to stutter before saying anything firmly, the girl who needed others affirmation before reaching any conclusion. Where is that girl, who was clear in her head, but was hesitant to speak in favour of that. She would cry whole night feeling bad about something that pinched her last day but did not argue. Where is that girl, who used to look into others eyes to read if she was looking good in any party. That girl would plan a thing 10 times before actually executing it. The one, who would think once, twice, thrice, about one line statement that anyone spoke to her in a rude way. The one who always felt dependent and inferior, for no reason, the one, who was not very demanding. The one, who grew up watching the daily soap TV in which the lead role was all about shedding tears for the sake of kindness and family's hapiness. That tiny girl is really lost somewhere.

Look, who is that budding new personality? She looks slightly like her, but wait... Is she really that girl ?

Now she is hardly seen reading any book. Even if she tries, book don't fascinate anymore. Now, this tiny- turned- little girl can do things on her own, can even help others doing their chores. Increased confidence, better personality, better management, is all this a magic?

I don't think so. Magic happens in a fraction of seconds, but this personality evolution took my 3 years, 3 months, and 22 days (still evolving), and today suddenly something reminded me about how I was before my marriage. Actually after a very long, I mean really after very long, someone addressed me as 'Di' . It's really a very small thing, but it just touched my heart suddenly. After marriage no 'new' person has spoken to me as 'Di'. I am now a chachi, bhabhi, mami, bahu, (even auntie) to some, and others call me by name. Hearing that virgin type of word actually made me feel good about myself, as if I am still very young. As if I don't stand far apart from this fast-paced gen Z. Then my mind recalled the time when the young people used to call me 'Di', unlike now, when a 12 year old neighbourhood boy is always like- 'Namaste Auntie'. That really pisses me off. If that boy meets me 4 times a day, he greets me everytime in the same way and that's undesirable. Funny no,... but may be having that little sindoor, small bindi and one or two bangles actually makes you auntie, even after one day after marriage.

Not to be blamed, but yes, marriage changes a person completely. After marriage, you are no longer the same person you were earlier. If thought negatively, then freedom is gone, responsibilities and burden are the future, 'me' time is lost somewhere, you become answerable for every part of your life, as you can barely hide things from your partner (talking about majority of Indian couples). But if thought positively- you get a lifelong partner to share your thoughts, concerns, each and everything you possess. I mean that's really beautiful, as well as frustrating at several times. Earlier I was too lazy to cook chapatis for myself and later I am happily cooking a whole meal for family. Earlier I was not confident enough to order for myself and now I do it for my family. I mean post-marriage I realize that I can't be the same, dependent kind of person, as I will be the one taking responsibilities down from others shoulder on my own. That's not something that is under pressure, it's just comes naturally, from within.

Moulded in that marriage setup, I became so busy that I eventually end up having a mindset of making in-laws satisfied; always giving shagun envelope to the younger ones; taking sweets to and fro both houses; remembering the customs and rituals, even the days when we can wash our hairs, and the days when we should not go to our mother's place; the amavasya and ekadashi; that diwali pooja, govardhan pooja, etc. etc. I mean the things are the same, just the mindset around them has changed. I was never like that.

Before marriage, I used to take care of parents but barely would help them in their chores as I was always tired and sleepy (haha..). The tasks that I found uneasy to do were simply ignored or denied, without giving explanation, and others will automatically understand that unwillingness or may be because I am unable to do. Even the tasks that were easy and competitive among sisters would be excused by me, for no reasons, as I had fear of being less capable. It was just that simple. If I would want, I would do everything. But If I don't want to, there was always an escape route, my esteem protection mechanism (what a weird scientific term I have mentioned. I doubt if it really exists).. That way I surpassed many fields in which I could learn, as I always put my books above all (why not? they were my comfort zone). Earlier, festivals were all about good food, sweets, decoration, get together, colors, and enjoyment. But now comes into frame are- ghar ki safai, types of dhok- puja (kabhi chawal se, kabhi kheel se, aur kabhi gehu se), pujan ka saman ready karna, festival se agle din saara sametna, and many more. Earlier, I remember only till festival part. I seriously don't remember in my ages what has to be done next day after Diwali or Holi. What happens to those cow dung cakes, I never cared about. Hahaha, very funny no. Many of you don't even know this now.

But now, as I have improved in several ways- like stepping out of comfort zone, trying out new things and facing uncomfortable situations, when I think of my past life, I feel nostalgic. I mean yes there were certain things to be remembered and cherished, but there were certain things to be forgotten. The past sad memories could be forgotten only if replaced by good ones.

That simple, bookworm, no-makeup, lazy, introvert, sincere, less-confident, and obedient girl had her own aura, her own light. And this relatively lipstick- powdered, always in a working mode, no-more-bookish, little disobedient, slight less introvert, sometimes overconfident lady has her own importance. I believe both are well- suited as per needs.

Rightly said by Darwin, 'Survival of the fittest'. Obviously If one would remain exactly same from past till date, then that person will be outdated and won't be able to survive. I know, my relatives whisper about how much attitude I have gained after marriage, how rude I have become, and whatever. But I instinctly feel I am not that wrong. It's just a matter of time and situation. That transition from a girl to lady is very progressive, although I still hate to hear 'Auntie'. Haha

Again,

My life is not perfect, but I am grateful to that Supreme power for holding me back whenever I was about to fall.

[inspirationjyoti]

Words.. can be very few during a talk, but may leave a long- lasting impact on the one who is listening. While some people will deliver them as it is, others have the habit of manipulating and making them more spicy. That added extra spice can sometimes be just for some comedy, on the other hand it can actually create a serious misunderstanding and fight if unresolved. If you are already holding a grudge against someone, then even a little spark of words from them (specially when delivered by the third person), will make you angry.

Well said, never be rude to someone just for the sake of what others told you about that person. The words they were speaking,the way and expression they were using, there are many factors which you will miss if you were not present during the conversation. Although it's a human nature to react to things that goes against us. But it's worth giving a try that we should never trust 'A' telling that 'B' was saying a particular thing about you. The words delivered to you could be the same , but the way and context in which they were said could be completely different.

So we should not allow any third person to create differences between you and second person (not necessarily the loved ones). That second person could be the school teacher of your kid, could be a salesman, or any other. For example- a salesman is trying to convince your neighbour to buy his product in a polite manner and also telling that the product doesn't comes with any warranty as they don't have any fixed shop. Then his same statement, if narrated to you by a wrong neighbour, would sound like as if the product is of bad quality, has no brand, thus no warranty. Suppose your friend comes to you shouting over a guy living next door for his bad behavior. You quickly ran to that guy's house angrily and even slapped him. Out of that conversation, it might come out as your friend's fault. Then it would be your dilemma either to support your friend or to support what is right.

Moral is that we should never respond in a hurry, atleast not according to other's reaction and mood, just because you heard some words. The other person might have some past grudges, could be pre- irritated due to other reasons, might be unable to understand what others are explaining, and hence outraged. Any word from the mouth of an angry person would be provoking, which can land you into a serious fight. Whenever the other person is telling you something out of frustration, grief, or anger, try not flowing with their emotions. They will be with their normal mood after a while, but If you reacted instantly then you might regret.

Same as for grief, the other person might be very upset with life for a moment due to several possible reasons- a bad day, hormonal changes, dissatisfaction, comparison etc. Then this person is sharing his feelings with you and you also start feeling very low. But if you start flowing with their sad emotions, then it would be very difficult as you would try to help them. But actually they don't need help. Most of the times we all need non- judgemental ears who can calmly listen to our thoughts and feelings. We done always need a gennie who can grant wishes and takes all problems out of our lives.

Heard somehere - tongue itself doesn't have any bone, but it has the power that can lead to breaking of bones.

Hence, its important to choose our words wisely in every situation- hapiness, grief, and even during laughter. Although I am myself not that perfect, but deep down this is what I really feel that being silent is sometimes better than saying something disastrous.

Not only during speaking, also during the process of hearing, we should be mindful enough so that we don't pass on rumours or misunderstanding.

Life is imperfect, but it's beautiful.

[inspirationjyoti]

Sometimes I feel really pissed off, of the people around me. Either I am a strong privileged personality unaffected by mini sorrows and pain, or other people are poor weak personalities who are largely affected by their sorrows and pain. Is this something decided by God's grace, or genes, or it is all in our minds? I really don't understand.

I do feel intolerable pain, I too feel upset, sad, tired, and every emotion, but does telling everyone around makes things easy? Really??

I don't find any point in crying over our own problems in front of everyone and showing off how miserable our life is. I mean everyone have their own set of struggles and ups and downs in their life. While sharing these sometimes can make you feel better and other people will try to console you, but always sharing can really irritate others.

The one who constantly make others aware of their problems actually creates negative environment where other people try to ignore this person.

Obviously their pain could be bigger, extremely intolerable, but apart from doctors no one can really help them cure physically. Mentally we can support them, but the constant negative environment around them where they are always in a state of crying is really really irritating and cause anger.

Those who don't share much about their problems in life doesn't mean they are some monk unaffected by these things, but may be they are mentally strong who are trying to cope up with the condition on their own, with the minimal help from others. Its all in the mind, I think. The more you feel poor and helpless, the more you actually become.

Heard from a psychologist, if we repeatedly tell anyone about the same problem, then the other person becomes insensitive.

Not 100%, but If someone is determined towards a healthy life, then minor problems and illness can be easily coped up.

[inspirationjyoti]

Sometimes it happens, when we see our life as boring and not so happening, whereas the life of some other person may seem very happening. It can be in terms of beauty, wealth, intelligence or skills of our partner. In that case, there might be something like...Ghar ki murgi daal baraabar, i.e. home chicken is equal to cooked lentil. A time comes when we start to undervalue the things or people we have in our life. May be there is something more interesting that is keeping us busy, due to which we start ignoring our own happy life. We compare our wealth with others, start finding faults and lacks in it, and same goes for our life partner. The small expenses, such as buying chocolates for loved ones, then might seem a very little thing. Also, small gestures like giving a phone call once in a while, going out for a walk, everything seem childish, as the head is busy preparing certain big things- a long vacation, or something expensive. The head is all time busy, planning so much for a perfect future, that we neglect the small issues arising in the present.

Read a short meaningful story somewhere.... A girl cooked rice and wanted to enjoy it hot and fresh. But then she thinks that ok the rice are ready and I will enjoy them after doing this small task. After completing that, she got engaged in some another, thinking that only few minutes have passed and the rice would be still hot. But when she actually realized, few hours passed and the rice were no longer hot or fresh.

I think, same goes for life. Sometimes we just think that we would complete every work and then at the end we would take a nap, or enjoy a hot cup of tea, or go for a vacation. But..but ..but... my point is, is there any end to this long long long list of tasks? Be it household chores, classes and lectures, meetings and conferences, or money earning in business. These are something which are not meant for few minutes or few hours, they are something which will be with us for a major part of our life. Should they stop us from enjoying our life?

I myself have been a part of this .."first complete everything and then relax"...mindset. But that actually exhaust our mind and body, because then we are in a constant hurry to complete a particular task so that we can relax and rest.

Now, twisting the angle of that story.. Obviously she can enjoy rice after finishing her work by reheating it. That can happen, as rice were there and she was still hungry. We can still enjoy our life after earning a huge sum of money, after buying a new home, after having a new office. There is no doubt about it.

But, as a couple, does both have the same mindset of "first complete everything and then relax"?? May be one want to enjoy every week or month, or year, in small installments but the another one is interested in that lump sum enjoyment. Then there is a huge difficulty in being together. No one is wrong, as that frequent outing will be more or less same and will have low budget, whereas that one shot outing will lead to an altogether different memorable experience..

[inspirationjyoti]

Sometimes I really feel as if I'm going to take a second birth (with memories of this life), as there are so many things that I wanted to achieve in this life,so many fantasies i wanted to fulfil, so many dreams I wanted to come true,and many more. But since I really stand nowhere in my head, i genuinely want my life to take a restart, may be by taking a new birth.

Being a huge fan of bollywood rom-com movies, i have imagined a rainy season, with me standing on the road and singing 'bheegi-bheegi sadko pe main'. Haha... but barely the business men have such time to stand and enjoy rains, without their mobile phones. I have imagined a roadside 'chai ki pyaali' with some namkeen and tonns of gapshap. I really wanted to go on long bike rides, rather than car rides, in a nice weather and good mood (no fights during ride, or else one would fall, haha..). Getting a bagpack ready and moving out whenever I wish, has always been 'impractical' for someone like me, who takes time to plan first, although unplanned outings are fun (no offense).

Being a full time housewife (homemaker is a better word although, but just the term is different), and a mother of one naughty toddler, having some 'me' time seems heaven. Leave that chai ki pyaali roadside, one relaxing cup of tea (not self-made please..) with some namkeen and music at my home gives me 'din ban gaya aj to' vali feeling. Bike rides are like a big no-no, as the naughty toddler will either jump himself, or will push you to jump. I am not counting the cons of being a mother, as I know this is just a short temporary phase that every lady has to go through, either she is working or not. But deep down, this transient phase just pisses you off. OK, so these were the reasons in my personal life, because of which i want a second birth.

Now my professional reasons- I really wanted to be a get a respectable position in society, both in my behaviour and my work. Nothing such happened, and I landed up being that I really never wanted to be. Anyway, it's not that bad that it could be (Grapes are sour obviously).

I really want to argue with those who in their self-help books say that everything that you can imagine, you can achieve.

-I didn't.

Or, no matter what you desire, you will definitely achieve, as the universe catches energy.

-Nah

Or, power of positive thinking

-no result

Or, what you think, you become

-not till now

Or, just think about the goals, and you will find ways to achieve them

Or, being consistent is the key to success

All bull shit, as per my experience.

Neither hard work, neither prayers, neither constant efforts, neither positive thinking, neither self-help books , nothing, why?

Did I really expected too much for my life, without doing efforts on my part?

Neither i became successful professionally, nor some bollywood romcom is happening in my life.

May be "destiny" rules everything, above everything, which is beyond my thoughts. Don't want to demoralize someone, but yes i really feel i will take a new birth with memories of this life, where all will come true.

Comments invited.

[inspirationjyoti]

There was this one girl- Amayara, who loved books a lot. Books were stress buster for her, as she used to read them wholeheartedly. Understanding and resolving tough topics, bringing a clarity out of complicated book language was a kind of fun for her. She was too much career oriented until one day when she starting getting stress out of that career oriented mind. She was stressed that her planning was not working, things were not going according to her plans and there was no way to get a desirable and stable career for her. This really made her pissed off. Inspite of hard work, nothing worked at all. The one, who was inspiration for others, started finding her inspiration to live a happy life ahead.

Then one fine day, when she found a path away from this stress, she immediately took that road and just wanted that career-oriented thinking to let go. She wanted to move away from that stress for always, as fast as possible. In so much hurry, that she didn't even gave it a second thought. A feeling of relief filled her heart and made her happy.

Years later, after becoming busy in her second life, which she could not imagine in past (without books and career), some memories striked around her. Before the books turned into stress for her, they used to be her stress buster. How could she forget that time. It was like, that her negativity around books has dissolved and positivity is what that remained. Now she started thinking of how this life can keep her close to her love. After brainstorming, she conclude that there is no way time can rewind and take her to the past, even after a very strong desire.

Isn't it?

Even if we want to run away from our home, our responsibilities, our boundations, our relationships, just to get a life of our own choice, is it possible that the life we will get will completely be of our own choice?

Can we design our life, may be something called 'life designing'??

Amayara also thought that she would leave everything owned by her, be it money, home, relationships, luxuries, all boundations, and would go for her love towards books.

"This path is not worth my journey any more", she thought.

But was that for real ?

Obviously everyone will miss her after she was gone. Slowly all would be habitual of her absence, although there would be a void in their lives.

But will she be able to survive alone? Seriously???

Even after she leaves all these relationships and boundations behind, she had to make new friends, new family and this will definitely create new set of boundations for her.

Humans have always evolved to live in a society, where there is a set of some "good" and "bad" things. We have not learnt to live alone. We may feel like we don't need anyone, but we really do. Sometimes we may say "leave me alone", but next hour we need someone to pour our heart out.

Then what is the solution??

My current opinion (subjecting to change with time) is that escaping from a situation is actually not the solution to that situation. Life might be really really harsh, but there is always a way.

I watched an episode of a TV serial where one poor boy protested extensively against the fees hike in college. He went on a hunger strike with some of his friends but the administration didn't roll the hike in fees. He then decided to leave the college and told hmthis to one of his uncle who was paying his admission fee. He said a great thing. He said-

"All this definition of loyalty, honesty, good things or bad things might fail when you face the real world. Sometimes honest people suffer badly. But this doesn't mean you shouldn't be honest anyone. If you will leave the college, no one would really care and this will prove you to be a failure.

अगर सिस्टम पसंद नहीं है, तो सिस्टम से भागो मत I सिस्टम में रहो, और उसे बदल दो I

This line hits really hard!!

Thinking all this, Amayara started finding another way that could connect her to books other than escaping.

[inspirationjyoti]

Modernisation...is something which I find a little difficult to adapt to. Whenever I have seen people of my age group around me, whether in metro, or classroom, or even cousins in my home, I always found myself someone who is quite more inclined towards the thoughts and values of elders instead of those in my age group. Be it fashion sense, dressup style, hobbies, I have always been a step backward as compared to my generation. I am among those kind of people who always boast about what used to happen in my time (although I am not too old for that..but still). Like exams and syllabus were tougher, laptops and phones were a luxury, vacations with parents were a dream, and air conditioners were considered as the asset of the rich. I am not against what happens in this modern era, but I feel myself isolated. I am not against shorts, loud headphones, english songs, social media content, late night parties, hostel life, solo trips, live-in relationships...but neither I have the courage to admit that I support all this. I have observed all of these very closely, whether through movies or through my fellows and colleagues, and I didn't find anything wrong, provided that one is mature enough, and if not, then atleast mentally prepared for the consequences. Although I am far way from all this, but I look at those people with excitement and smile, for atleast they are living a life different from mine.

I always find myself a bit hesitant to try something new. I always overthink before trying a new look, even before bying any latest gadget, or before attempting any new thing. It's like I try to avoid changes as I am good in my comfort zone. Whenever I find something new or different, my mind starts giving reason against that.

For example- lifts are everywhere these days. Obviously they are useful and thus installed at many places, such as metro, malls, and even residential buildings. But before I started using them during my metro journeys, I was always sure that stairs are the better option and I won't go for lift. But slowly and gradually, I realised that using this machinery can actually ease the struggle of climbing so many stairs to and fro the metro.

I am sure that I am not alone in this, to hesitate the change. But it's always better to look at the other side of the coin too. Having a specialised niche (environmental biology) can actually decrease the survival rate in some organisms. In case of humans, a highly strict mentality (even if it's positive and work in most of the cases) can create differences between two people working together. Also if our thinking doesn't work in case, can make us feel a little bit ashamed.

Neither the old generation nor the new generation is completely right. Its a human nature to remember the memories of the past, but one should also be flexible in thoughts so as to support the modernisation. It's ok if one (like me) doesn't fit well in this modern era with western culture, but it doesn't mean that those who have adapted are wrongly influenced. The different thinking can create distances between relationships.

There is a commonly used term 'generation gap'. I have also faced it. Although I am not old for this. But I really believe that having flexibility in thoughts, and healthy conversation can cause this gap to be vanished. Its just as simple that two people should sit together irrespective of their age and thinking, and together they can understand each other point of view, no matter how different they think. Then no young will resist the old customs and no old will be against this modernisation.

[inspirationjyoti]

A change...it is something which can be challenging, scaring, or more beautiful. Sometimes the change which seem to be tougher for future can actually ease the life. When we are guilty about something where we felt that we were wrong, then a change can help us to understand that we were not so wrong. Those were just not so appropriate conditions or people who made us feel guilty about ourself.

For example- in a school, everyone cannot follow a disciplined routine, and those who can't should not be held guilty about it. May be there is something more interesting for them than that old daily routine. Then why the late comers, the girls with big nails and open hairs, bunkers are stood separate in a school and then punished. That behaviour may seem inappropriate to the school staff, but it can be quite enriching for the particular student. Those late comers might be engaged in study over whole night. The girls with big nails can actually turn out to be nail technicians, those with open hairs might be more concerned about their looks. And those who bunk classes might find their partners or school terrace more amusing. This all might be unacceptable in a school, but quite normal in a college. It's just a matter of conditions, place, and time. Then why such people are judged that they will never be able to succeed in their life. More and more restrictions can seem to be necessary for a better future, but is it really necessary??

The school staff was not so wrong, but nor were they completely right. There are so much rules and regulations imposed in our education system that it mainly focus on studies. A change from school to college seem to be a transformation in the life of someone.

To prove my point, the one on one tuning of a person is different for everyone around and it also keeps on changing. Those who were too decent can turn out to be naughty and vice versa. The ones with whom we used to have close bonding might seem stranger sometimes. Its not that they have changed or you have changed. Its just the matter of time, place or conditions. May be they were engaged in something important when you need them, or the vice versa. So it would be unfair to say that he/ she was not there for me when I needed them the most. We can only see the conditions from our angle, but the other side is invisible to us. We often hear that they have changed after marriage, or they have changed after becoming rich, but first we should consider that are we the same with them? Obviously time changes, and we also change. Sometimes it was our fault and sometimes it was theirs, which eventually spoiled the bonding.

Those who are too soft can also not well adjust with everyone. The more clever one can treat them as a fool. And its not also like that a very rude person will never find a friend. Its just some combinations of behavior that can go well with each other. The one who is too harsh can not live with a very humble person. There is usually a tug off war between those with different behaviours that eventually balance the relationships.

As we grew up from being child to an adult, we realize our responsibilities, our rights, struggle and a lot more. Then we miss the past childhood days. We miss the time when we were carefree. Same happens when we enter the old age, then we miss our adulthood. When we enter the phase of marriage, there is a lot of fear and nervousness. Most of the times, it is difficult to accept the change. Its a human nature to remember the past. But a change is obviously very necessary for the growth of a person or society. We cannot always stuck to the past golden days, nor we want to get trapped in the sad memories.

Rightly said, change is the only constant thing in life. Whether it seem to be beautiful, or challenging, a change always teaches us something. It fine tunes our behaviour and make us well equipped with qualities that gets added to our personality in form of experience.

[inspirationjyoti]

Feminism... Female rights... equality...these are the topics that I started hearing and observing when I was in my undergraduate college. Before that I never noticed that the women around me are always busy in household chores. They rarely complain, usually listen to male members without objecting and still stays happy. And then, I realised that they were being dominated, not given their rights, were refrained from equality, and many such things. This all was the HD impact of what I read, and what I heard.

Now, try to understand my point. A married couple, where one is the bread winner, whereas other one is the homemaker. They are happy with their roles and are living peacefully. Then one fine day, their grown up children introduced feminism to them. Everytime the couple argued, the children supported mother (impact of feminism) and left their father alone. This was all because he shouted at her, or even lift a hand against her. The children took stand of their mother, and obviously they should. The children took their mother away from father and provoked her against their father. The father, who is not given a chance to apologise, to explain anything, is left all alone. Everytime he tried to talk to his wife, their children came midway and didn't let both of them sit and talk. They just decided on their own that father is wrong (feminism). It was like, the father is held guilty without even a hearing. Obviously violence in any form is unacceptable. Now, mother is with her children, away from his husband. Yes, the children love and respect her. They try to fulfill all her needs, and try their best to make her happy. But, will she be really happy, away from her husband? Also, the father is now with his mother who obviously loves him a lot and takes care of her. But also, is he happy, away from her? Obviously the children will have their family one day. No matter how much they care for her, how good they are, obviously they would also expect their privacy with their spouse. They would go on family trips with their mother, but also would enjoy their friends party without her. After marriage- children, parents, friends, or anyone else couldn't replace the life partner, never ever. Yes, the upcoming generation talks about equality and feminism, but in many ways they are ruining the kind of long term relationships that used to exist in past days. (I am talking about healthy families with no domestic violence). In those days, there were not much rules about the equality and rights, but that time also decisions were taken. I don't know much, but as per my knowledge, if the men disrespect women, he was denied the pleasure by the women, leading him to apologize.

Obviously feminism can bring positive changes in society but..but..but.. this doesn't mean that we take a flag and start embarassing men at every point. Not only women needs supports and rights, but men also need the same. Obviously we have seen male dominant society, that not at all care about respect and equality of women. But this doesn't mean that we want something opposite to that. Imagine, a female dominant society where males are the one being exploited. I am totally against that too. Infact, there should be no dominance at all. As their duties are divided, they should respect their roles in the society. As men can't carry a fetus inside their body, females lack the ability to fertilise. No matter how much noise we make for the equality of men and women, they are not at all equal. They are obviously very different - physically, mentally and socially. No matter how much women take part in body building, weight lifting, boxing, it's just not a female nature to be so harsh to anyone. Also, no matter how much men try to become gentle and soft, they are not just that way to have much patience and softness. In case any men becomes this way in a society, we all know how we percieve them. Just as women are known for peace and calmness, men have that aggression. It should not be taken as a challenge that ok... If he can do it then why can't I. Nah... Even men can't compare themselves to multitasking done only by women.

If both the partners are working, then obviously they divide their duties and both should help each other in paying expenses and household chores. And..if the man is earning and woman is a housewife, then how can one expect the man to help in household chores. In that scenario, the way a housewife can't help a man in earning, the man cannot help woman in household chores and raising children. It's always hyped that a housewife is a full time worker without a salary and off days. But it is also true that a housewife gets relatively more time to take rest as compared to men. On the other hand, men are always portrayed as the ones overburdened with responsibilities and expenses of whole family. But it is also true that they always have the opportunity to buy their dream car, or anything that comes under their budget. So, in short, i just want to say that both men and women cannot compare their capabilities and worth in the society. They have their own niche and they both are expected to respect the space of each other. Not only mother, sister, wife or daughter deserves respect. Even father, brother, husband or son do so.

[inspirationjyoti]

Sometimes I really wonder, why certain words such as selfish, jealousy, anger, attitude, hate, are considered so negative. If we look at them closely, the one who fulfills the desire of their soul first, before doing it for others is 'selfish'? Although that doesn't mean you murder someone for your benefit. The one who doesn't feel good after seeing their beloved one being close to someone else is 'jealous'? Although it should not cause any harm to that someone else.

The one who empties all their emotions in one go are showing 'anger'? It may be bitter to hear, but whatever we say in anger is what actually what is in our mind. Better say it loud, than keeping secret in heart. If used wisely, actually anger can clear the long term differences between two person that love was unable to do. It's true!!

The one who is actually a master in something, and can boast about their capabilities or possessions is showing 'attitude'? Hey! one actually need something special in them to show attitude about. It might be their beauty, asset, or talent in cooking, dancing or anything. Obviously if I am not beautiful then I can't show the attitude to someone who is beautiful.

Now coming to hate, it should not be like that in CID where hatred leads to crime and loss of lives. It is actually an emotion where we avoid someone or something with whom we have experienced some bad memories in past.

Now... I also wonder why certain words such as love, compassion, help, care, forgiveness, so overrated. (We can have a healthy discussion about this if you wish. You can message me after reading this). Loving someone from the bottom of heart is really a heavenly feeling but it can also lead to disasters if one doesn't get that in reciprocation. Beyond a certain limit, one can actually feel trapped in the cage of love and feel suffocated. Compassion, help, care, if done blindly, then others may take a notable benefit out of it. Forgiveness obviously relieves our heart but doesn't apply in all situations. That's why the concept of revenge exists.

So, the moral of the story is that- every emotion, I repeat...every emotion- love or hate, being selfless or being selfish, emotional or emotionless, anger, jealousy, can be actually healthy on one hand, or disastrous on other hand. Obviously one doesn't decide before feeling any of these emotions, they are usually natural. But one needs to understand that they all are natural. All good ones..as well as bad ones...

Showing anger, jealousy and selfishness doesn't make me villain and showing love, care compassion and forgiveness doesn't make monk.

Ending my post by saying..

There is a fine line between being cruel and being angry, jealous, or selfish. Also, there is a fine line between becoming a devil and showing love, care, and forgiveness.

This is where our mind comes into picture to see that fine line, and needs to be guided in appropriate direction.

[inspirationjyoti]

Good or bad.... Worth giving a thought.. There are people in our lives whom we often categorised as either good or bad. It's actually not our fault, but it's the impact of those daily soap TV serials that portray main character as good and the other one as bad. The good one- who always thinks of others first, always works in a good way, is not influenced by money and power, and is usually the favourite of everyone. The so called bad one- who is seen making plans to hurt the good one, is selfish, and just tries to control everything, usually for the sake of money or power.

But...but..but..

Is this the truth in the real world? I often tried to implement this into my life and often ended up being guilty about what assumption I made about the people in my life. Based on life incidences, without even knowing the whole truth, we often misunderstand people. There were certain instances where I literally made a perception that this person is completely wrong, not only in one aspect but in everything. And I am glad to confess that I was so so so wrong. It's like- there are not actually good or bad characters, what exists is the different shades between them (Fifty shades of Grey..hehe).

One thing I actually learnt is that there is nothing called 'right' or 'wrong'. Whenever we think that this person is wrong, just sit beside them and carefully try to understand why he/she did that. And after listening to their story, you will truly realise that sometimes one can't explain their decisions to everyone.

Even in TV serials, somewhere it is shown that even the "bad character" had faced some emotional issues and is behaving 'bad' for the personal reasons. And if their past is explored more, their is usually a really sad story behind their bad behaviour.

Wait..wait..wait..

I am not trying to justify the behaviour of those who are involved in robbery, sexual exploitation, and other heinous crimes.

The mindset of those people is beyond my thinking. Also, I am little hesitating to even talk about that topic. So, I am just talking about our daily life normal behaviour.

Read in my one of the courses (Animal Behaviour), how we behave is actually decided by the conditions around us at that point of time. We may not behave same everytime. For example, a lion being the king of jungle is often considered a predator for other animals. But sometimes he doesn't kill the animal in front. There can be multiple reasons for this behaviour- either he is satiated, or tired, or too old.

The thoughts and behaviour of someone may vary from the majority of people in one family and that doesn't make them wrong. It's just their uniqueness of thoughts, which is not influenced by the other members of the family. One who doesn't agree with the majority, is not always wrong. Nor the whole family is wrong.

"Sirf alag hone ka matlab galat hona nahi hota."

And it is often seen in real life, that those who were not supported by anyone around, those who were misunderstood most, those who were considered 'bad', and those who were known for their failures, actually shine out as the most successful, hardworking and strong personalities.

But..but..but

That doesn't mean that the other ones fail. It's just that everyone was already expecting them to win and there will be nothing different if they win.

Those who wins unexpectedly, actually create a story to tell to their upcoming generations.

[inspirationjyoti]

When to say "yes" for a marriage...it was something that was very very very confusing for me.. who is my another half? Who is that special person God has selected for me? These thoughts were always into my mind since my teenage. But now after getting married, I really doubt (based on my personal experience) whether our instinct works or not in this case? Because everytime I had a crush on someone, I genuinely started thinking of that person as my man. Everytime I imagined that my instinct is pushing me towards him and my God has selected him for me. Whether talking about the crush during school, college or even after that, every single time I really thought that "he is the one". I really don't know how people on earth exactly identify their soulmate. If I were to identify, then surely I have multiple soulmates, starting from that smart guy next door, to the guy who initiated a conversation with me during my old education days. Whenever I used to hear and read love stories, I really wondered when will I get my love story. I really believe in true love, but slowly and eventually i realised that may be I am not someone who can go for love marriage. Not only due to family restrictions, but I really never missed most of my crushes once I passed out. May be it was just infatuation, or because I never gathered the courage to take a step towards that person during that phase. Those are just my school- college memories and nothing else.

When I could not really fit into the concept of love marriage (where both gets time to understand each other, love each other and decide to get married), I eagerly waited that I would feel something when I would meet my soulmate , who is going to be my husband. Whenever my relatives used to send any biodata for marriage, my family members and even my own my mind used to think about the positives. It was like, ok the guy lives alone so it's good as I could easily focus on my career. Next biodata, ok the guy lives with family so it's good as there will be relatively less burden of household chores. Next biodata, ok the guy lives in Delhi so you will be close to your parents. Next biodata, ok the guy is in another city so you will get a chance to explore that city. It was like, ok every single guy seems perfect for me. Eventually a meeting was fixed so that the two families and us ( me and my now-husband) can decide. Although I had met him during family functions, It was just a casual meeting. I didn't felt any goosebumps, or any special instinct (because that had already happened with all my crushes). Honestly telling, It was like, so he is one with whom I can roam around and chill ( with my parents consent...hehe), go on long drives, share my sorrow and happiness, and make future plans.

And now, after living with him for 1.10 years, one thing I realised ( I might be wrong), that one thing that makes the relationship work, is conversation. Whether girlfriend- boyfriend, husband- wife, or any any any other relationship on this Earth, this is my observation. Till date, I have seen many successful as well as failed relationships, and I have observed them closely. Two people are never perfect in themselves, but found that perfection in togetherness. I don't know ki actually jodiyan aasmaan me banti hai ya nahi par agar sach me aisa hai then why there are divorce, verbal and mental abuse in marriages. I remember in movie Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Shahrukh said ki hum ek baar jeete hai, ek baar marte hai, aur shadi bhi ek hi baar hoti hai. In the same movie, Shahrukh himself got married twice.

So, coming back to where I started, whenever you say "yes" to a marriage, whether it's a love or an arrange marriage, keep in mind that there is never a perfect partner, perfect marriage, perfect time or a perfect life. So it's only both the partners who can make things work for the whole of the life.

[inspirationjyoti]

Over exploitation...ye kuch aisa h jo hum humans har useful resource ya knowledge ka karte hai. Jab hume pata chalta hai ki ye cheez hamare kaam ki hai to hum baar baar uska use karte hai taaki hume jyada se jyaada benefit mile. Lekin kya overuse aur differently use karne se hume actually benefit milta h??? Ya fir uske side effects saamne aane lagte h? It's something worth giving a thought.

For example- hume pata hai ki adrak me antibacterial properties hoti hai aur usse hamara gala thik rehta hai. Lekin agar ham 3 time har roz vahi adrak vali chai peete hai to kya gala kabhi kharab nai hoga?? Nah...usse hamare gale ke bacteria itne resistant ho jayege to us adrak se bhi koi farak nai padega. And another side of the coin... adrak ki taseer garam hoti hai to vo hume nuksaan bhi kar sakti hai.

Coming to some useful knowledge, ki laughter can act as a therapy to reduce stress and can enhance the affect of medicine. Lekin iska matlab ye nai hai ki park me khade hokar jabardasti hasne se humara stress kam ho jaega. It is something that should come from within. Jab hume sach me kisi baat par naturally hasi aati hai, then the whole body and mind gets engaged in that process and that laughter act as therapy.

Our market is mainly based on over exploitation. Copper is very useful for our body isiliye ajkal market me copper utensils aane lage hai jaise ki copper ka jug, glass and water bottles. There is no doubt ki us paani ko peene se hume bahut faayde hote hai lekin agar hum har baar usi paani ko peete hai to excess copper se hume bahut saare side effects face karne pad sakte hai.

Neem has excellent anti- microbial properties isiliye market me neem toothpaste, oil, shampoo, scrub, soap, gel, facewash, aur jaane kitne products available hai. Same case aloevera ke saath bhi hai. It's like running after any good thing that you come to know. Main ye nahi keh rahi ki the stock of neem on earth will be exhausted due to its use. But still, it's products should be used wisely, as they can be a waste of money.

These days we all are looking for natural herbal products, the green products which have least side effects. But are these products really natural?? Doesn't they contain several chemicals? Herbal tea, medicine etc. in sab ke side effects hote hai.

Advertisement plays an important role in high demand of these things. These days use of air purifiers is trending and many companies are convincing people abouts its benefits. But seriously, kya ye sach me possible hai ki koi machine air ko purify kar sakti hai, because we know air is everywhere. Suppose the air in a room is getting purified by a purifier and suddenly the door of room opens and a lot of dust enters the room. Then what about the person who is enjoying *pure air*? And also, will that person be able to get that so called pure air outside that room, or we are really going to install such purifiers everywhere in the city.

If something is useful doesn't mean we should start overexploiting its properties in one or another way. This can be harmful. It's use should always be balanced. Also, we should also search about the side effects of these products we are using.

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion. Please correct me if you feel I am wrong somewhere.

[inspirationjyoti]

A happy housewife (homemaker).... Yes aapne sahi padha. This is what I am now. Aur ye mujhe ab, yaani shaadi ke 1.9 years ke baad realise hua. Vaise, to be frank, ghar ke bado ne decide ye kia tha ki main shaadi ke baad job nahi kar sakti. Lekin ab me sochti hu, ki job karni hi kyu hai. According to me, as a girl, there are two reasons for doing a job... Ya to paisa ya to respect. Lekin jab yehi do cheezein mujhe apne comfort zone me ghar baithe mil rahi hai toh what is the point of exhausting myself after a job or money.

Now you must be thinking ki someone like me, jisne hamesha apni studies pe focus kia hai, apni sisters aur friends ko independent banne ki, job karne ki advice di hai, vo aisi baatein kar rahi h.. ki padho aur housewife ban jao. Pakka dimaag kharab ho gya hoga.. But wait..wait... wait...

I am absolutely fit and fine.😃

Even now, I am not saying ki mat padho, ya mat independent bano. Nah.. this is not my thing. Ofcourse a girl should study to the farthest point jitna vo padhna chaahti hai aur jitna uski kismat allow karti hai, har ladki ko independent hona chaiye taaki vo society me respect ke saath reh sake. And specially in this kalyug vala scenario, jisme har dusra aadmi aurat ko apne se kam samajhta hai. Ye sab hum apne gharon me (exceptions are always there) notice karte h. I believe a girl should always be self- sufficient enough ki apne chhote chhote kaam...jaise bank account khulwana, online fee pay karna, public transport me travel karna etc. (a long list to go) khud kar sake.

Coming back, i was saying ki I am a happy homemaker.. yes... i did my best. Jitna mujhse ho sakta tha maine kiya. Jitna apni limits me rehkar me explore kar skti thi maine kia (praising myself a bit). In terms of education, i am proud to say ki apni bachelor's, masters sab acche se ki with an impressive grade. Uske baad, with my dedication I cleared JRF- NET as well as GATE with good ranks (top 50), sacchi, i am not lying.. I can even show you my score card (DM me ☺️). Itne hardwork ke baad, what I expected from my life was that I will live a life full of sukooooon. But lol, couldn't find that sukoon, not in being an online tutor (resigned from private company), not in offline tutoring ( quit tuitions conducted at my home), not in PhD (mostly logo ko lagta h ki maine shaadi ki vajah se chhodi). Is that something too much I expected from my life???

After 24.9 years of my student life, mere lucky stars aur parents ne decide kia ki I should get married. At that time, I was so stressed from my professional life ki mujhe apni life me ek major change chaiye tha, and I said yes for the marriage. And I think that 24-26 is an ideal age (after that wrinkles start appearing) for girls to get married.

And now...it's me jo keh rahi hai ki I am a happy homemaker. I believe that life me sabse jyada important hai ki hum khud apni life se kitna satisfied hai.. I know kuch soch rahe h ki me paagal hu, mujhe akal nai hai, maine apni padhai apna career chhod dia aur shaadi kar li.

Lekin sirf mujhe pata hai ki maine apne career k liye kitni mehnat ki hai, aur shayad jo mujhse close hai unhe pata hai. But I know... ki kismat se jyada aur waqt se pehle kisi ko kuch nahi milta. Toh me kyu apni lakeeron se ladu, insaan se to hum lad skte hai par apne khuda se nai lad skte.

Log kya kahege, career, job, money, in sabse upar kuch hai mere liye, aur vo hai mera sukoon. Ab jab apne pati ka haath pakad kar me raat ko soti hu na (getting a little personal), toh i just have one thing in mind... Thank you God .. I love my life..

Is there any career that can give me itna sukoon? May be there is.. but this is not the perfect time for me. So let me enjoy this phase of my real life happily and my god will decide what's the best for me.

Have a lot more to say.. but I will end up by saying....

My life is not perfect, but I am grateful.

Stay in touch ☺️. Stay happy.

[inspirationjyoti]

Kya jitna hm dekh paate h vo pura sach hota h? Kya sach me koi sirf acha ya sirf bura hota h, ya fir unke beech bi koi lakeer h. Kya sirf sach aur jhooth hote h, ya fir inke beech bi koi adha sach ya aadha jhooth hota h.

Jaise rango me sirf black aur white nai hote vaise hi hmare behaviour k bhi alag alag shades hote h. For example- Hmse aksar kaha jaata h ki bado ki hmesha sunni chaiye ya fir bado ko palatkar jawaab nai dena chaiye. Lekin kya iska matlab ye h ki chhote hmesha galat hote h ya fir unhe bado ke saamne bolne ka koi haq nai h.

Sorry to say, i completely deny this thing.

Jaise ki 10 saal ka ek baccha jisne bhut gareebi dekhi h, aur usi umar ka ek dusra baccha jisne gareebi dur dur tk nai dekhi. Sirf superficially dekhe to aisa lgega ki pehla baccha bhut bechara h, uske paas rehne ko ghar nai, pehenne ko kapde nai, khane ko khana nai h. Vo badi mushkil se survive kr rha h.

But deep insight, agar koi us bacche ko sirf observe kre to pta chalta h ki us bacche ko ghar nai chaiye qki vo bahar ki mitti me khelke khush h n ki ghar ki chaar deewaro me. Pehen ne ko bhale hi uske paas shareer dhakne ko kapde bi na ho, par isse uski tolerance aur immunity ka pata chalta h. Tapti garmi me hme AC k saamne bi garmi lgti h aur bahar niklte hi loo lag jaati h then we r the one to rush to doctor immediately. Khane me bhale hi usne pizza, burger na khaya ho par jo baasi roti milti h use bi agar ache se garam krke namak se khaya jaaye to vo itni bi tasteless nai lgti.

Wait.. wait...wait.. Now you might be thinking that money can't buy happiness or only the poor one is actually happy in life.

Take your time.. aur ab apne thoughts ko ek twist dete h.....

Us ameer bacche k paas bada aalishaan ghar h, isiliye use bahar maidan me jaakar khelne ki jarurat nai padti.... Usne alag alag food ki variety ko taste kia h. Pehen ne ko ache aur saaf suthre kapde h to vo har kisi ko pyaara lagta h. Lekin ek ghareeb baccha bi to apne maa baap ki aankh ka taara hota h.

Ek agar school me apne dosto k saath basketball, soccer, volleyball khelta h to dusra bi to gali k dosto k sath gully danda, patang bazi krta h.

I have lot more to say, but would like to conclude by saying that kisi ko bi....( I repeat..). Kisi ko bi kabhi bhi judge nai krna chaiye.

Kahi kisi newspaper k kone me do lines padhi thi kabhi...

मैदान में खेलता हुआ बच्चा ऊपर उड़ते हवाई जहाज को देखकर सोचता है कि काश में भी पायलट बन पाता। और आसमान से नीचे देखते हुए पायलट ये सोचता है कि काश वो भी अपने बच्चों के साथ मैदान में खेल पाता।

Coming back to where I started, kya jitna hm dekh paate h vo kabhi bhi pura sach hota hai...???

[inspirationjyoti]

There is no way to go back!! All you can do is to move forward..

[inspirationjyoti]

Is this the point where I wanted to reach? Is this the stage of life for which I struggled so much? With all my study in vain I feel helpless. So helpless that I can not think of crossing my boundaries. But I have a hope in heart that yes things will change for good.. Everything that happens is for a reason and my life will surely find a way. What if my life right now is not how I wanted it to be, somewhere someday it will change.