insominac-nyx

[insominac-nyx]

Jealous Of The One Thing I'll Never Get To Have

Date Posted: 9/18/24

Beta read: Kind of?

Summary:

"The sight of their phone on the floor gave Neon some insight, but she wanted to hear it from them. Not the screen. With a shaky breath and a hand running through their hair trying to straighten out the mess of it, they'd begun to speak. “I will never get older.” They said their voice was shaking as they fought the urge to cry again. “Gods this is stupid. I’m sorry.” They watched Neon frown. “It's not stupid. I wanna know, I wanna help.” She gestured for them to keep talking, they wiped their eyes on the sleeve of their shirt." or Clove doom scrolls really bad and has a panic induced breakdown over all these anti aging videos they keep seeing on their phone. Neon finds them sobbing over it.

Other notes: Hyperfixation so strong it threw me headfirst into being a fanfic author again. The author curse is strong but I prevail(die). Enjoy <3

--------------------------

Immortality was fine. Useful, even at the best of times, but mostly it was tedious. They were immortal but not invincible, and  it hurt like hell to get hit, to die, to come back. The very thought that they will not age haunted them for so long, the very idea that they won't get to experience the way their body should naturally deteriorate was almost disappointing, there were of course things they were grateful for like the fact that, Clove could push themselves harder than they should because of it, simply because they could. Their bones would never brittle and their muscles would never snap so long as they took care of themselves. They would be on this earth forever and they would fight for it until they could no longer. Or until they won. 

They truly did hope there was another universe where they would grow old happily. 

Immortality didn’t bother them, not like it used to. What bothered them was everyone else's view on their own mortality. They were so sick of seeing ad after ad for retinol and face cream and wrinkle remover. Why did these people need a “cure” for something as beautiful as seeing the evidence of the life they lived? They were jealous, sitting and seething over someone talking about laugh lines like they were the world's most common evil. They put their phone down with a loud sigh curling up on their bed as they thought about the whole thing. Their mind desperately needed a minute, they didn’t even know how they got down this rabbit hole. They were watching someone make some new recipe they found and then they were here, scrolling for hours, retinol, anti aging medley, manifestation to live longer, anti aging diet. Fuck. Every single thing ran through their brain at once; they felt like they were going to explode. They were going to live. Forever. They would watch all of their friends grow old and die and maybe even that was too much to hope for. One wrong move on a mission and they could be burying their best friend the next morning like it was a completely normal thing to have to do. 

Clove didn't notice when they’d started crying, wiping furiously at their face trying to stop it, the tears kept coming, eventually turning into heaving sobs as they fell to pieces  on their bed feeling like a blubbering child crying over something they felt was so stupid. They could see their face in the mirror across their bed puffy, red, miserable. A face they would see forever in the mirror and it only made it worse. Their misery was quick to turn to anger. Without thinking they hurled the heaviest thing they could reach at the mirror, it shattered on impact with the force they threw it with. 

“Ah shite.” they muttered moving from their bed to the floor to pick up the pieces. Enraptured in the task they didn't hear Neon come up to the door, knock and call out their name. They felt the smaller  pieces of glass digging into their knees through their leggings felt the small cuts on their hands as they picked up the pieces of the mirror they’d broken. They felt like they broke part of themself in the process in a way. They didn't register the sound of the door clicking open and latching shut. They were too focused on cleaning their mess. Until Neon knelt to their level and started sweeping up the bigger pieces into a pan throwing it into a trashcan in the corner. She didn't speak. Didn’t need to, there was nothing she could say that could make this better. 

When she noticed Clove’s bleeding knees she sat them on the bed, grabbed a first aid kit and carefully worked to pull out whatever pieces got lodged in the skin. Neon didn’t scold them, didn't chastise them for being reckless with the glass and Clove didn’t speak, the tears in their eyes never fell. Their mind was simply too loud. A dull static filled by the sounds of everything they saw. When Neon had finished bandaging up their knees she pulled them into her lap, careful of the scrapes on their hands. She took another rag gently cleaning off their hands. Even still said nothing, tossing the rag into the hamper nearby, Neon simply held them, her hands gently running through their hair. She took the clips out of their hair, placing them on the nightstand and it was so gentle Clove thought they’d start sobbing again over the softness of it all. 

“Clove?” Neon’s voice shook them back out of their thoughts, and they realized that they had in fact begun to cry again. “What's wrong ang sweet ko?” When Cove said nothing, simply holding onto her shirt like it was a life saver and they were a drowning man, she said again. “matamis na bagay, what's going through your head?” It took them a few moments to finally say a word and Neon sat patiently waiting for them to be ready. The sight of their phone on the floor gave her some insight, but she wanted to hear it from them. Not the screen. With a shaky breath and a hand running through their hair trying to straighten out the mess of it, they'd begun to speak. “I will never get older.” They said their voice was shaking as they fought the urge to cry again. “Gods this is stupid. I’m sorry.” They watched Neon frown. “It's not stupid. I wanna know, I wanna help.” She gestured for them to keep talking, they wiped their eyes on the sleeve of their shirt.

“I don't even know what happened.” They said, they wrapped their arms around their knees bringing them up to their chest. Their phone was still on the floor next to the little figurine they’d thrown at the mirror. “You’re my.. friend, and you're upset. Take your time, I’m here when you want to talk.” Neon said softly, brushing their hair out of their face and wiping a tear from their eye. 

“You're a really good friend Tala.” Clove didn’t miss the little smile she gave them at the sound of her real name. When it came to her there wasn’t a lot that they did miss. “These people are so angry about the fact that they're getting older. All those stupid, useless creams and serums all to what? Fill in a wrinkle? It's stupid. They're so obsessed with how they look and how they age. I’ll never get that.” they said, feeling a little like a spoiled child pouting over a toy they didn't get to have. 

“Everyone I love will die and there's nothing I can do to stop it.” They said their voice trailing into more of a whisper than anything. That jealous rage had long subsided and all they felt was misery and that ugly sort of grief that comes from mourning someone who hasn't yet died. 

Neon listened patiently, a stark contrast to her normal demeanor, she was still as she sat in their bed, the only movement coming when Clove jumped up to hug her tightly. She held them for a long time, the two residing in silence, as they often did. Neither of them expected anything from the other, they just happened to gravitate to each other, finding themselves after missions, patching up little wounds that were too small to bother Sage with, and falling asleep in one or the other ones beds. There wasn’t a word for what it was, and there never could be. Clove wouldn’t let it happen, and Neon respected that. The routine had become so ingrained in them that it felt weird to go without it. 

Neon ran her fingers through Clove's hair until she drifted off to sleep. They removed their rings fidgeting with them for a moment before placing them down. Once assured that she was well and truly sleeping she leant up and placed a soft kiss to her cheek.

��“I’m sorry I cannot love you the way you deserve. But I really do love you Tala.” They said leaning their head back down where it was and letting themself drift off. The original thing that upset them had long gone, replaced with an emotion they were unfamiliar with but they didn’t dwell on it. The last thing they felt before they too were asleep was Neon waking for a moment to kiss the top of their head and they both fell asleep. 

[insominac-nyx]

This is my very first fanfic for Valorant so I hope you all enjoy it! Please gimme any and all constructive criticism or grammar fixes if possible!

Cold Hands

Deadlock x Gekko

TW: None! Just wholesome and cute!

It was a particularly chilly night for those within Valorant Protocol headquarters. The reds, oranges, and yellows of the trees had long turned brown on their descent from the boughs surrounding the undisclosed location. Normally, the extensive heating system within the base would alleviate any issues the agents might have with the oncoming chill, but the machine had recently broken down, much to the dismay of the agents who dwelled within.

Many of these agents would bundle themselves in thicker clothing, Gekko would be miserable even after doing so.

His hometown of Los Angeles would rarely get colder than 60°F, and he liked it that way. Always perfect skateboarding weather, and he never had to worry about slipping on ice or getting sick.

But with all this snow and cold?

Mateo was arguably having a worse time than Reyna, who was currently bundled up under a mountain of blankets in her own room. A fact that he would have to keep secret for not only his sake, but for Neon and Clove’s as well, making sure to hide the photo of the slumbering empress in the deep recesses of his phone’s gallery, saving it for a special occasion. He would have to thank Sage for the reassurance that he wasn’t the only miserable one on base, maybe he could repay her somehow?

Walking through the base wrapped in a thick sweater and sweatpants just to keep warm, Mateo went so far as to put on multiple sets of socks and a pair of mittens his mother had knit him. His hand would raise in an awkward wave as he walked up to Deadlock, who was currently conversing with her fellow Northern agents, Sova and Breach.

“Well well, I didn’t realize we had polar bears over here!”

The Swede would call out as Gekko entered into view, swaddled in enough cloth to make the red-haired man sweat just from looking at him. Deadlock’s normally stoic expression softened at Gekko’s sight as she gave a nod of recognition. While he loved the brief moments that Deadlock lowered her guard, it was just as refreshing to see her cold demeanor return right after. Never before has he had someone be so honest and brutal with their opinions; it was leagues different from the pampering and smothering he received from his mother.

“If you think this is cold, maybe you should come with me to Sweden! I’ll show you a real winter!”

Deadlock and Sova would nod in agreement with Breach’s statement, discussing briefly the various places from their home countries that they could take the Latino.

“No mames güey! (No way dude!) I can barely handle this, and it’s barely even snowing! If you think I’m making it a whole winter in that place, eres loco! (You're crazy!)”

The three northern agents exchanged amused looks with each other before bursting out laughing. Breach’s booming laughter made him sound like a certain red-clad saint as it mixed with Sova’s more reserved but hearty chuckle as their laughter echoed through the common area. All the while, Deadlock’s stifled giggle, though barely perceptible over the two men’s amusement, drew Gekko’s attention more than anything else in the room.

She sounded like every good thing. As if those little giggles alone could convince him that anything bad would be okay. And on the rare occasion that she smiled in his direction, he felt like the sun was beaming down on him. Warm and soothing, as if capable of thawing out the coldest of winter. Little did the Latino know, Iselin felt similar in regards to Mateo.

The two had grown closer than Deadlock would have liked, hating how she would find the melancholy of her days thinking about her fallen sister interrupted by Gekko. The mere thought of him would put a smile on her face that took great effort to wipe away.

Mateo couldn’t help but stare for the brief moment her face lit up with elation. The normally serious and guarded Norwegian let her walls down just long enough to show the person underneath all that coldness. He enjoyed seeing this side of her as it slowly emerged more and more as she grew comfortable in her new environment and worked through her emotions.

Luckily for him and his little crush, the two were slowly getting closer after their mission at the Kingdom facility in Los Angeles, her aversion to his crew dissipating just slightly after Wingman’s efforts to keep them safe by closing the portal.

“W-Well at least I don’t make puddles when it’s barely warm and sunny out! And my arms don’t glitch out when I’m sweaty!”

Sova and Breach chuckled again at Mateo’s comeback, the Swedish man nodding in agreement before he walked up and pat Gekko’s shoulder innocently before slyly sticking his hand down the younger man’s back.

“Touché, you’re absolutely right!”

Gekko would immediately react to the ice cold metal that reached past the back of his neck down his back, shivering as his hands reached to pull the Swede’s mechanical arm out of his sweater.

“¡Híjole! ¡Chingada madre! ¡Vete a la pinche verga Breach!”

The Latino would screech as he scrambled away from the bigger man, shivering uncontrollably while glaring at the source of the booming laughter that echoed once more through the room.

“Hey, hey! It’s all good fun, don’t take it personal! I got stuff to do, so I’ll leave you alone! Don’t get too cold Gekko!”

With that, the redhead would stride down the hall with a confident gait, clearly proud of what he’d done before Sova walked up to Gekko, stopping briefly to give him a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

“I’ll be sure to talk to Brim and Viper, see if we can get this little heating problem fixed. Believe me, Reyna would be causing a lot more trouble if we didn’t have Sage keeping her warmed up.”

He and Gekko would chuckle softly at the statement before the Russian man pulled a finger to his lips in a playful manner before the blonde turned around and began walking down the hall towards Brimstone’s office, leaving Gekko and Deadlock alone in the common room.

“So… Deadlock, did you still wanna go to the training range? We got some time before dinner!”

A tussle of her wavy blonde tresses would mark her refusal as she looked away and thought, her icy blue eyes returning to Gekko’s chocolate brown orbs after a moment.

“I was actually wondering if I could play with your ‘crew’ again today.”

This was also starting to become the new norm for the two agents. After being told about what happened in the Kingdom facility in Norway and how she lost some important people to the radiant bear, Gekko proposed that one way for her to work through her trauma was to have Deadlock hang out with his little buddies in a safe, controlled environment. Though hesitant, she would begrudgingly agree, but only on the condition that she could use extreme force if they attacked. An agreement that was immediately accepted because he knew for a fact they wouldn’t hurt her nor would he let them.

Their first time hanging out in this way, unfortunately, resulted in Deadlock having a panic attack as the four pounced on her with the intent to play with the new face, overwhelming the Norwegian. Mateo only blamed himself for not telling his little buddies about the situation, but they would try again a few days later after he comforted Deadlock and made sure to tell the crew about his plan.

That next time would involve just Dizzy. Being the calmest of the four proved to work better to allow the Norwegian to settle down after her episode. The little radivore would basically curl into a ball and let Deadlock toss her into the air before Dizzy would float back down, allowing the blonde to release some of the nervous energy that built up being in the radivore’s presence.

Over the last couple months, the two would add another of the radivores into the mix, with the next being Wingman, then Mosh, and finally Thrash due to her over-energetic nature. Deadlock would take her time to adjust and work through the fight-or-flight response that urged her body to react to the little buddies’ presence, which often led to these hangouts having to be cut short to give Deadlock a break to mentally compose herself.

Gekko would be slightly hesitant of her request on this cold day, especially considering they just had one of these little therapy sessions the day before, and though she was making great strides, he was worried that she might be pushing herself more than she needed to.

“You sure chica? I mean, I totes dig it, they are great little guys, but are you ready to put yourself through all that mental stuff again so soon?”

Though she was a professional at suppressing her emotions on the battlefield, even Deadlock couldn’t hide the twinge of disdain that spread across her face as her right arm reached over and massaged the base of her mechanical arm, phantom pains still lingering after all this time.

A small part of her hated the pain and hurt that she continued to harbor from the incident. She hated the phantom pains, the fact that even her own body longed for the part of her that was missing. She hated the long nights where she grieved for her Staljager sisters, the only real family she had until they were robbed from her. But most of all, she hated the nights in her room, alone, surrounded by shadows and nightmares not even the Turkish agent could conjure up.

“Ja, I am sure. We can start off with all four this time as well, I think I’ll be okay. After all, you’ll be there the entire time, right?”

“Oh yeah, of course, whatever you need!”

The two would talk for a bit longer with Deadlock making a few jokes about Gekko’s attire before the two agreed to meet at his room after dinner, the Norwegian woman walking off in the direction of Killjoy’s lab while Gekko made his way back to his room to inform the crew about what was going on.

He hummed softly to the music playing in his headphones, not noticing the cameras in the halls that seemed to follow him after his encounter with Deadlock. Putting in the pin code to unlock his quarters, his eyes would be drawn to the corner beside his bed.

The four little buddies huddled up underneath a heat lamp the Latino had bought to keep them warm. The fact it helped warm up the otherwise cold room was an added bonus.

Thrash was the first to react to Gekko’s return, shuffling off the other three who dogpiled onto her as she made her way to the green haired young man. Pouncing him onto the ground in the middle of the doorway, Wingman, Dizzy and Mosh would wake from their slumber and make their way to Gekko soon after.

“Oi! Cálmate cálmate Thrash! Mira aqui, chiquitos! Blonde lady is going to hang out with us for a bit, okay? Best behavior everyone, especially you Thrash, no jumping on her, okay?”

Thrash grumbled softly but agreed with a nod along with the rest of the crew before Wingman waddled forward, a warbled tone directed toward Gekko, whose words would be lost on anyone but Gekko, who knew the meaning from his connection to the little guys.

“Look, she doesn’t like being scared of you guys just as much as you guys don’t. I can’t help her by myself, so I need your guys' help. You know our motto Wings. Five’s better than one, remember? We gotta help our friends whenever we can.”

Wingman considered it for a moment, his little arm reached to his face while looking up and thinking. Despite how ready she was to lock them back up like those Kingdom people did when they first met, even Wings would have to acknowledge how she tried to be gentle to himself and the other radivores. Another warbled sound and a nod marked his agreement before he called the others to return to their nap pile under the lamp.

“Thanks for understanding guys, I promise she’ll be on her best behavior too.”

Mateo would take the next hour or so to clean up his room, dusting off his shelf of knickknacks and picture frames from home and tossing all his dirty clothes into the clothes hamper by his desk before finally lighting a candle to make sure it didn’t smell bad by the time Deadlock arrived.

Almost as if she was watching, the woman would knock on his door almost the moment he plopped down onto his bed after his venture, scrambling to his feet before making his way to the door. He’d make sure to try and smooth out the wrinkles of his clothes prior to opening it, wanting to look presentable for the blonde.

“Hey Deadlock! Didn’t realize it was after dinner already!”

She stood in the door cautiously before noticing the radivores in the corner dozing before shoving the warm tupperware container filled with food into Gekko’s hands as she stayed in the doorway while the Latino made his way into the room.

“I know, that’s why I bought you this. Varun made curry, it’s spicy so I thought you’d like it. …You can call me by my name when it's just us.”

“Oh, Coach made it? Hell yeah, thank you Deadlo- I mean Iselin! Feel free to come in, I went and cleaned up a bit and I told the little guys to be on their best behavior around you, so no jumpscares! …Hopefully.”

Mateo plopped down onto his bed, patting the seat beside him before he popped open the container, the spiced scent of curry filling his nose and the noses of the radivores as they groggily woke up once again from their nap and made their way to the source of the delicious smell.

“Alright little guys, you can have a bite but I fed you earlier, this is for me!”

Iselin would watch anxiously as the four would hop, waddle, float, and slither over to Mateo, relaxing slightly once she noticed their complete interest in the food. Taking the opportunity, she would make her way to Mateo’s bed, sitting quietly beside him to not draw the attention of the little beasts.

He would spoon a bite of the curry into each of their mouths, not unlike a parent would their child. Thrash especially seemed to enjoy the spice, ramming into Mateo’s leg as she pleaded for more.

“Oye! Calm down Thrash, I already gave you some, I gotta eat too!”

The shark-like radivore ignored his words as she begged in a garbled tone and jumped onto his shin, pleading desperately for another bite.

“What a shame, and to think I brought these if you all were on your best behavior? I suppose only the good ones get nice things.”

Iselin spoke up shakily as she hesitantly drew Thrash's attention, pulling a small bag of cookie-like treats from her jacket’s pocket before placing one gingerly into the small hands of Dizzy and Wingman and tossing one into Mosh’s mouth.

The three would obviously like the Norwegian treats, audibly garbling and warbling in enjoyment while Thrash would stare at her before switching her gaze towards Mateo, hoping that he would “save” her from the big, mean, blonde lady.

“Nuh uh Thrash, that’s all you. If you want a cookie, you’re gonna need to be good like we talked about.”

With a dejected noise, the most energetic of the radivores would let go of her grasp on Gekko’s pant leg, laying on the floor in front of Deadlock, her tail still wagging at the prospect of food but obediently staying mostly still.

“Flink pike, see? Was that so hard?”

Iselin would reach out with her prosthetic, allowing Thrash to eat the snack from her hand before the radivore joined the rest of her crew who were playing with a little ball, finally giving the two humans a moment of peace while Gekko ate.

“Buen trabajo Iselin, that was really good! You didn’t push them away or nothing! Proud of you, chica.”

The blonde’s icy blue eyes would turn to Gekko, giving him a curt nod as he finished his meal, setting the plasticware on his end table before turning back to face Deadlock on the bed.

“Thank you Mateo, it’s just difficult sometimes. Trying to deal with involuntary responses isn’t easy, thank you for your patience.”

Her prosthetic would reach over to stabilize her remaining hand as it trembled with adrenaline, sighing heavily as she shook the memories of that day from her mind, ice blue eyes meeting chocolate brown as she relaxed slightly.

“But having you around makes things easier, I know you wouldn’t let them hurt me.”

“Of course, I’m glad I could finally help. Ever since I got here, it always felt like I’ve been behind everyone. I'm not smart enough for strategy and my aim isn't good enough to be super reliable in the field. So it’s really nice to finally feel like I’m making a difference, even if it is only through helping you.”

Iselin thought for a moment about his words, the obvious kindness and warmth that was Mateo seeping through. Her warm hand reached over and rested on top of his colder ones, trying to offer some degree of reassurance.

“You help more than you know, Mateo.”

Her eyes would focus on his warm brown eyes, reminiscent of the hot chocolate she would drink with her Staljeger sisters before looking down as her fingers subconsciously entwined with his, her icy blue orbs wide while the slightest tinge of blush dusted her cheeks.

“...Your hand is cold.”

“O-oh! Sorry about that, the lamp helps a bit but it's still pretty cold in here!”

An awkward chuckle came from his mouth, his free hand scratching the back of his head. Iselin would look down at their grasp, meeting his gaze with the flush pink growing more across her freckled cheeks. Her eyes would linger on his for a moment before her attention was diverted to the radivores all huddled up for warmth in the corner.

“Would you like to… cuddle… to warm you up? I mean, only if you’d want to. You can say no of course.”

Iselin had never been so eager… no, anxious, for a response in her life. It wasn’t anything like the anxiety she felt while opening her letter accepting her into the Ståljeger or the worry she felt when her sisters were away on missions she couldn’t join because she was still new.

So why did this moment scare her so much?

Why did the wait for an answer to such a mundane question make her feel this way. Her heart pounded in her ears, her palms felt as if they had been dipped into the ocean, and her face felt warmer than any fire. In those moments before his response, the force of the realization almost made her recoil as a familiar statement popped into her mind.

I’m falling for him.

How could she not when the Latino broke down her walls like they were made of paper. When he effortlessly coaxed the person she was before her sisters’ deaths, before that fateful day in that Kingdom facility, into the light of day? Through his humor, kindness, and dedication to her, she became more confident, less of a slave to her fear, and more comfortable with her situation within Valorant. To Iselin, it seemed like a modicum of her adoration and affection seemed like a good trade, but now she only hoped he would accept her offer.

Mateo’s face darkened with blush as he glanced down at his and Iselin’s hands before looking her in the eye, repeating the cycle a few times before nodding softly.

“Y-yeah, I think I’d like that a lot actually.”

A small smile would spread across her face as she stood, pulling off her jacket and tossing it onto the beanbag chair across from the bed before climbing back onto the bed with Mateo. He couldn't help but stare as Iselin peeled herself out of that signature white down jacket, admiring the toned muscles that decorated her torso along with the subtle curves of her waist and chest.

Gently pushing his back onto the mattress, she’d crawl over and climb on top of him, straddling his waist before laying down as she nuzzled her face into his neck. Her warm breath made him blush even more red than earlier before Iselin spoke up, the Latino smiling playfully up at the blonde, which only served to deepen the rouge that spread across her face.

“What? Don’t look at me like that, what are you thinking?”

Mateo would take this opportunity to grab the Norwegian’s waist, eliciting a soft gasp as he used all those muscles he got from working out with Harbor to pull Iselin down beside him into her new position as little spoon.

“I think this is much better, don't you?”

With a roll of her eyes, the sentinel would relax into his embrace while he laid pressed against her back, his hands cautiously resting on her hips to prevent accidentally touching her inappropriately.

Her smile grew without qualms at how cute he was. Pulling his arms around her waist and placing them on her bare stomach to warm them more, it made Iselin wonder. The infiltrator wasn’t an aggressive person at heart, even apologizing whenever he defeated his alternative self in the field. And yet, How was someone so caring, gentle and kind capable of the same violence and killing as she or any other agent within the Protocol? In her mind, someone like Mateo should never be in a position to hurt others, instead he should be spreading his positivity to those who deserve it.

“This is okay Mateo?”

“Perfecto! Though I’ll be honest, never thought I’d be this close to your abs before.”

“Hold kjeft, dumme idiot.”

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to cuddle with me!”

“Ja, don't make me regret it.”

The two chuckled softly at her reaction before settling in once more, allowing themselves the luxury of relaxing into the calm night. It was just the two of them. In this moment, the rest of the world fell away, and they wouldn’t mind in the slightest as they focused on each other.

Her content smile turned to a playful roll of her eyes as she noticed how lightly he held her, like a doll that might break in half if he held her too tight. She loved his gentleness and kindness, and the way he always expressed them as easily as she might shoot a rifle, even despite her rocky interactions with the radivore tamer after joining Valorant. Seeing Mateo’s hesitance gave her the confidence to tease a little as she tilted her head and pressed her lips against his cheek.

“I'm not a piece of glass Mateo, you can hold me tighter. I'm not going to shatter and hurt you.”

“Alright, alright. I just wanted you to be able to pull away if it was too much for you.”

Iselin scoffed softly, shaking her head at his words. If she didn't know that he came from a place of concern and care, she would've been insulted. But instead, the blonde would turn around to face the Latino before cupping his face in the warm flesh and cool polymer of her hands.

“If it wanted to leave, I would've already. I want to be here. With you.”

A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he squeezed Iselin a little closer, fully indulging himself in the warm smell of the baked treats as he took a deep breath of her scent.

“I’m glad you didnt leave then, thank you.”

“Thank me for what? I haven't done anything. ”

“For being you! If you weren't the way you are, I wouldn't be anywhere near as motivated to work hard. I wanna be strong enough to protect the people I care about.”

“Well, in that case, you are very welcome Mateo. “

The two would hold each other, Iselin’s warm skin warming the cold, shivering Latino as they remained cuddled close. The shared moment’s quiet and serenity would be interrupted by the Norwegian’s soft snoring, a soft smile spreading across his face as he looked at her. The Norwegian's stoic face softened in her sleep, and the lack of nightmares from the Latino’s presence gave Iselin a peaceful trip to the land of dreams.

He grabbed his phone and took a quick photo of her slumbering form, intending to make a little conversation with her at a later point before he cuddled closer to the blonde.

The Latino couldn’t help but take in more of her scent as he nuzzled his face into the small of her neck. The warm smell of almonds and cinnamon wafted from her and Mateo couldn’t get enough as his hands gripped tighter around Iselin’s waist. He loved the way she warmed him up so effortlessly, almost jealous of the furnace that was her body. Just one of the myriad things he loved about Iselin.

He loved her determination, to get over her fears and to protect. To make sure no one had to experience loss because of Kingdom like she did, and how that led them to their current position. He loved this softer, less rugged side of the Norwegian woman. The side that only he got to see, the woman before life forced her to become hardened to the world and to everyone else.

I love her.

The thought flashed into Mateo’s mind, leaving ruin in its wake as he looked down at the blonde he was cuddled with. Her soft snores were almost drowned out by the crew’s snores in the corner. His heart raced at the realization, thinking about how his gaze always seemed to linger on her when they were going about their business on base. The way butterflies invaded his stomach when she looked his way, giving a polite smile in return that the two both knew was for him alone.

He would think about how different she was when talking to other people, like Yoru or Phoenix, her attitude as cold as the winters of her homeland. And yet, for him, she was like a home cooked meal after playing in the snow or the sun on a chilly day. A source of loving warmth that soothed him like no one else could, not even his mother. If he had his choice, they would stay like this forever. Just the two of them, warm and safe. No radianite, no Kingdom. Just them.

Mateo would sigh softly as he shook the thought from his head. It was going to be a long time before that happened, so he would just enjoy the little time they had together as he held her tight.

“Creo que te amo, Iselin (I think I love you). Jeez, I guess I really am a baby for saying that in Spanish but it’s true. Pero creo que realmente te amo mucho (But I think I love you a lot).”

He would slowly join her in sleep, his eyes growing heavy as her sweet, warm scent enveloped him, drifting off to sleep before feeling Iselin shuffle beside him, turning around to face him before planting a soft, tender kiss on his cheek. Her soft and firm lips squished against his face as she looked up at him with sleepy embarrassment.

“I only know a small bit of Spanish but if you said what I think you did… I think I love you as-”

Mateo would interrupt her off with a proper kiss. Cupping her soft face in his rough hands, he’d press his lips against hers for a brief but passionate moment as the two held each other. Taking in the other's presence for this moment alone as their thoughts were filled with nothing but the other. He felt Iselin’s hand tightly grab onto his sweater as her breath left her lungs, the grip loosening as the two pulled away, their soft panting filling the air around them.

“You definitely understood what I meant, copo nieve~ (Snowflake~)”

A soft grunt would escape her lips as she crossed her arms and turned away from the Latino, her back still pressed against his chest while his arms wrapped tight around her waist.

“You’re an asshole, you know.”

“You said you love meeeeee~”

“Don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t, mi amor~ (My love~)”

“Just shut up and kiss me again, Mateo.”

__________________________

*Ding*

Sage would glance over to the endtable beside her as her phone screen lit up with a notification from Gekko. She’d reach over. Trying her best not to rouse the sleeping radiant beside her, the Sentinel would open the text to find a cute picture of a certain Latino and Norwegian. The two cuddled close, as his lips pressed against her cheek while she looked away in bright red embarrassment.

A small chuckle would spill from her lips before Reyna would poke her head out from under the warm cocoon of blankets.

“¿Qué es tan gracioso, querida? (What’s so funny, dear?)”

Sage would tilt the phone slowly, giving the Latina a moment to wipe the sleep from her eyes as they adjusted to the sudden brightness. Zyanya squinted.

“¿Mateo y la Noruega? (Mateo and the Norwegian?)”

Ling Ying hummed softly in agreement,” Indeed, I was under the impression that the two were at odds.”

Reyna just shrugged and shook her head before cuddling closer, nuzzling her face into Sage’s warm bosom.

“Well you know Gekko, always making friends.”

“Would appear that way. Being able to warm a blizzard into a flurry is no easy task.”

The Asian woman’s arms wrapped around and caressed Zyanya’s back, drawing little shapes that elicited another yawn.

“En efecto, nuestro sol radiante (Indeed, our radiant sun).”

“You should go back to sleep, you will be irritable if you do not get enough sleep.”

Reyna leaned up and planted a kiss on Sage’s lips, firm meeting velvet soft before resting her head in the crook of the Chinese woman’s neck.

“Sí, sí, tienes raźon como siempre. Buenas noches, mi media naranja. (Yes, yes, you’re right like always. Good night, my other half.)”

“Tiánmì de mèng, wǒ de yǒngyuǎn (Sweet dreams, my eternity).”

[insominac-nyx]