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“Grief is not yet a question you’ve answered with sex.”

— Donte Collins, “Don’t Tell Your Uber Driver You’re Going to an Orgy”

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“Let the body convince me I can grow and shatter at the same time.”

— Desireé Dallagiacomo, from Sink

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“Boy wakes up with one hundred faces, none the one he started out with.”

— Bill Moran, “Eat Your Way Out”

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“Sometimes writing feels like I am turning the ugly history of my body into stone.”

— Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak

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“I don’t know how to talk about the rabbit hole without accidentally inviting you to follow me down it.”

— Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak 

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Execution of the nihilists Kviatkovsky and Presniakoff, Le Monde Illustré, 1880

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Death please

Can I fade? Shimmer away? Into the skies of grey. Fluffy clouds that sway in space, raining on a delightful parade Can I just burn? Red firery flames, orange colors of pain. Can I just rage? Myself ive killed today! A zombie ate away my brain. In limbo I stay. I wish away my days .

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Extinction of the lonely fish

We are so done with eachother.

The thought dawns

No, haunts

In a memory we wave hello

You slip me

Hiss me

Pandora's box

A wound unable to be sealed

Pouring screams and squeals

Black tar dripping away the plump roses withered

Attempting a kindling

A burning

Hello? Can you still feel me?

Thoughts unheeling

Me away you peeling

Thoughts caving

My fingers grasping

Attempting the catching

A novice, fishing

And here she stood with the hook baited

will faded

A lifeless pond

In the past a vigorous swim

You were my fish

The only fish

Ill mourn forever for this.

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Burn and sprout

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I want to be someone special

Some necessary cosmic part of the whole turning of the world

We all just desire to be crucial parts of this machine

But then I see the globe bursting at it’s seams

The planet turning off its axis

The human violent epidemic reactions

My mind slowing, my stomach’s churning, our hearts yearning

As I over heard a boy once say; “A machine never comes with any extra parts, only with enough to complete its purpose, it’s function.”

We are all adequeate pieces to be used

I say this whilst inquiring our pondering ques

Why do we feel like an extra in a movie?

Expendable, irrelevant automated copies

Successfully undermining our potential

The nuts and bolts, so minor, unnoticed 

The screws nailing us down effortlessly

We are not special, however, that’s the irony

Without us the world would not be.

Let’s put our insecurities away, for whatever we are, we are here to be.

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Do you wish to go home? When home is nowhere

Sinking abyss

rising heavens, Or the grey

Everything colored atoms Keeping us at bay

The alien uncertainty Where is home?

Where to go?

Where to stay?

For home we fucking pray..

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Mind a million times an hour Firing Imploding debilitation Causing hurtful reactions And domino effect irritations Quiet the chatter For there is power in the silence I’ve come to admire Quiet the chatter Or else Quiet the chatter Avoiding damnation and planned demolitions And i can feel the voices fading The tongues translating The hand of God himself Duality imperfection on a journey Never ending glories The bittersweet grasp of love hurting Why am I here if not to be weak Why are we here if not to be And we are his children in a suffering bliss I am afraid of everything Here I remain What else is life if not this ?

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I am glad to have my mind To hide behind Judgement free Love for self Unaltered way to be Im glad Im glad At the least I have me

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Your glimmer is blinding

Lovely lights

Protecting Once an ally now only harming

Could it be your presence is only a passing

My mind; impossibilities grasping

My power dampened by my choice cling on to whats burning

A death with honor A martyr

To an alternate destiny

Though my decision harm me With out the lights I would not be.

Maybe ridiculous jumbled gibberish Rattling