insearchofmoremeaning - Tumblr blog

[insearchofmoremeaning]

I enjoy your musings on whether or not to consider this performance art! It is indeed art. Plenty of others would choose to do homework inside in a protected environment (myself included). Your ability to work in a park is soothing to watch and engage with. Thank you for sharing and creating!

Art Project 4: One Minute Performance

MOTION

For this project, I decided to focus on studying time and motion. I found the readings of the last module really interesting, so I wanted to continue putting them into practice. For my performance, I wanted to do something simple but at the same time meaningful. For me, recording myself while doing homework in the park symbolizes a criticism of the time spent on things that are sometimes not so important. Simultaneously, I wanted my audience to watch how the world goes while I focused for hours on things that may not be as important. While doing homework, I could hear families passing by and enjoying quality time with their loved ones. It made me feel a bit nostalgic. Watching the multiple recorded videos allowed me to see the grass, trees, and clouds, moving as time passed.

At first, I wondered if recording myself doing homework could be considered a performance; however, after reflecting on it, I persisted with my initial idea because there are many thoughts and issues to analyze behind this short video. Finally, I concluded that this is what performance is about, pushing the limits to change the perception of what can be considered art.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Really enjoy the emphasis of your hands in this installation process to represent their presence in your highs and lows of dissociation, depression, and anxiety. The tapping of the hands on the wall at the end was especially satisfying for the viewer. I also quite enjoy the moment of recognition of the camera! It felt like you were recognizing me as the viewer in your world. Thank you for sharing and creating!

Project 4: One minute performance

The Thread to the Hollowed Humans

For this assignment, I wanted to show the finalizing part of the installment of my 3D project. This piece expresses my worlds of dissociation. Living with ADHD and dyslexia assists the unlimited potential behind the dissociation worlds or anxiety/depression lows I've cultivated through my twenty-year dwelling. Dissociation has many positive and negative connotations that are complex and challenging to explain to another being that has not experienced this other world. This work expresses the questions I had during my dissociation highs and lows that always stretched back to the common thread of hands. Specifically my hands.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

A powerful performance! Thank you for sharing and creating. This line of your artist statement was particularly potent to me: "people can forgo these due medical reasons, financial limitations, safety concerns, closeting, comfort, or any number of other reasons, and doing so does not make them any less transgender."

One dose of testosterone takes two needles to administer: one large needle to draw the thick carrying oil from its vial and one thin needle for the actual injection. For this demonstration, I removed needles from my sharps container two at a time and drew a tally mark on myself for each pair, representing one dose or one week of medication per mark.

Sharps containers are designed not to have anything retrieved from within, with edges that catch painfully on withdrawing hands if the whole appendage reaches in. By taking this unintended action for each mark, I sought to represent the burden of performance on transgender individuals: society demands lifelong medication and surgical procedures to grant people a sliver of legitimacy, and those without the means or desire to medically “transition” face scorn or disbelief.

The parts of me visible in frame are arms demonstrating action and racking up tally marks, a bound chest, and shoulder acne. For all its typical undesirability, the acne is one of my preferred traits, as shoulder acne was the first sign that my medication was doing anything over the span of several doses. By contrast, I am medically unqualified for a chest masculinization surgery at present, so the archetypical transmasculine trait of a binder both represents a conformity to the expectations of young trans men and my inability to be fully accepted.

A minute was not nearly enough to extract and count all my used needles, but I sought to demonstrate this weighing of “good trans person” points in that time. Unfair expectations are placed on people who do not bind, tuck, undergo voice training, get expensive surgeries, or lose weight to transition; people can forgo these due medical reasons, financial limitations, safety concerns, closeting, comfort, or any number of other reasons, and doing so does not make them any less transgender.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Hello hello! I enjoy your decision to make this piece about a silent struggle. The angling gives me a perspective that I am a kid viewing the struggle you are going through. This relates back to so many viewers' personal stories. Thank you for sharing and creating!

Art Project 4: One Minute Performance

https://vimeo.com/706805640

Bottled Up

This was a performance I really had to think about. I wanted to convey a message that people could ultimately interpret on their own so that they could better relate to it. Weather it is anger, addiction, depression or something else, I feel like we all can hold things in to a degree. Eventually they can consume us and create a bigger issue. When sometimes we just need to let go and take a second to look around.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Wow wow wow. Thank you for sharing and creating! I'm so grateful to have witnessed a piece of what makes you, you in this performance! Definitely enjoy your goal to break the barrier for people to engage in conversation with you surrounding your tics! Incredible performance!

project 4: tic attack

artist statement

So, I have Tourette Syndrome, and multiple occasions I've been told by friends, an art professor or two, and my sister that I should do a video and/or art based on my tics. However, I have always disliked being in videos or taking photos because they almost always capture a tic or two and I hate the way they look. I avoided the idea of filming. my tics for a while because it felt weird and a bit personal, but I continued coming back to the idea and decided to go for it.

I placed myself in a white "box" that I created and dressed in black. I intended for the lighting to be more direct and shine mostly on my face, but I struggled to achieve this with the supplies I had at home. The goal of the white box, black clothes, and lighting was to capture how it feels for me to tic in public. Most of the time people hardly notice, but it feels like everyone saw or heard it. Now, I know about the spotlight effect where we have a tendency to overestimate how much other people notice about us, but tics take that awareness to the next level for me. As my tic disorder from elementary school developed into Tourettes my freshman year of college, I began to cope through humor (healthy humor!). It's made life with unintentional stretching and shaking, occasional cussing and random sounds much easier. Additionally, it always feels like a bit of a taboo subject for others to talk with me about, and I want to break that barrier. So in my performance piece, my goal was to not suppress my tics, and also not laugh at the bigger ones like I normally do (I slipped up a few times, but that's alright). I filmed myself for about 5 minutes, and then cut the video down to the "best" segments of my tics. (however, the video is sped up to get close to the 1 minute mark)

Although I only have a few at the moment that you can see in the video, I have a whole array of tics that aren't displayed here. In my attempt to become more comfortable with my tics and normalize talking about it, I'd like to share a few with you!

I used to click my tongue with my mouth closed

sometimes I pound my phone screen kind of hard with my fingers while I type

for a while there my right hand would shake like I was doing jazz hands

my vocal tics tend to circulate around words with the sounds "st" or "t" (hence the words in the video shit and just)

luckily, for the time being, my tics aren't hindering my day to day life, but I have one or two that makes eating very difficult

oftentimes, I'll copy a word or phrase that someone says to me after they say it (this one makes my sister mad lol)

The tics in my video include:

I'll clench my stomach a few times in a row

touching the tip of my nose

a weird throat sound?? (i hate this one!)

some words

stretching my neck

and blinking weird

Thanks for reading this far and watching my tic attack video :)

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Hello! Whatta cool concept. I never thought about how eating is art! What drew you to using pictures over a video? I'm curious about this choice.

Art Project and Artist Statement 4:

Eating

     For this project I had no idea what I was going to do and I did not have many ideas. I considered doing something involving flowers and pictures of myself but I thought if I did a series of myself eating would have a better result. I had to set it up right so the viewers could see me eating but also my plate clearly. I propped my camera up so it was high enough to see over the lip of the plate. I used this idea to show myself how important it is for me to eat and how much fun it can be. I definitely do not eat as much as I should so I have been making more healthy foods that are fun to make and enjoy. This series really pushed me to make something good for myself and enjoy it without thinking about it. The final photos turned out exactly how I pictured them to. I had a lot of fun with this project and I hope it represents the performance of eating. 

[insearchofmoremeaning]

I enjoy how present you were in this performance in your discomfort! Thank you for showcasing yourself and for sharing.

THE ART OF DOING NOTHING

Performance art makes me uncomfortable.  I understand that creating discomfort is often part of the purpose of a performance art piece; the artist challenges the viewer to examine the source of their discomfort surrounding an idea or issue.  For me, the source of my discomfort is not necessarily with the issue being addressed.  Rather, it is with the performance itself.  I personally dislike being the center of attention and I dislike causing conflict for other people.  When watching (or even reading about) performance art, I tend to imagine myself in the place of the artist.  Just the idea of my being the center of attention while deliberately trying create conflict for the viewer is generates a lot of anxiety for me.

Needless to say, I approached this assignment warily.  While I could generate several different ideas, I really didn’t want to do anything.  Ultimately, I chose not to do anything at all other than simply confront my own aversion to being the center of attention.  I set up a camera so that I could see myself and sat for a full hour as the camera took a time-lapse video of me watching myself.  I did not enjoy it.  I fidgeted a lot and my expression was often somewhat pained.

I don’t think this exercise changed my discomfort regarding performance art.  Watching other people’s videos will likely be an uncomfortable experience for me.  However, I did appreciate taking the time to really understand what it is that I have never enjoyed about performance art.  Perhaps by understanding what I don’t enjoy will allow me to ultimately get past it and come to appreciate performance art more.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

This line in your artist statement is deeply poetic in my perspective "and that often it is by staying true that we may continue to evolve into greater and greater versions of ourselves." Thank you for this reminder! I found this piece deeply meditative. It was a challenge for me to keep my mind present whilst knowing where the next dot would be. That being said, challenges are good. In an overstimulated society, the piece emanates peace.

Durational Performance: Repetition, 2022

For this project, I was interested in using repetition to explore a meditative state. I lost track of the minute--which quickly turned to three--as I watched paint pool in varying opacities. I wanted to allow mistakes and unevenness. At times, my hand lost the pattern of the grid. The unpredictable end result became a part of this meditative process, a reminder to call in a lot of ease--a tenderness I believe we could all use as the semester winds down. Lastly, here I am reminded that "repetition is a form of change." While I can resist routine, favoring a little controlled chaos, I must remember that no single effort is ever the same as the last, and that often it is by staying true that we may continue to evolve into greater and greater versions of ourselves.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

"Instead I blasted music, drank coffee, and didn’t give a crap." Hell yeah! Enjoy this piece of your artist statement muchly. I want to embody that more fully myself! Watching this performance was very meditative as well as uplifting. Is there significance behind the silence of the film? Thank you for sharing!

Art Project 4: One Minute Performance

Mind-Numbing Crap.

My performance represents the never-ending pursuit of numbing as stress relief. Life should not be so stressful that we need these vices, even the mundane ones such as adult coloring. I have a stack of the same coloring pages, and spent about 30 minutes coloring one sheet of paper. I sped up the video to fit within the ~1 performance time limit. The time could have been used to read textbooks or clean my house, but instead I blasted music, drank coffee and didn’t give a crap. If I was performing this for an audience without a time limit, I would color the whole stack of prints and crumple each one after completing it. Productivity is a human construct that has no real meaning.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

This is genius. I enjoy your direction with getting the viewers' participation without them really recognizing they are in the stare and a part of the work. What led you to choose white noise? I found it to be highly comforting in what is a seemingly uncomfortable situation. Overall, enjoyable performance!

Project 4: One Minute Performance

*I recommend watching this with headphones, so you can hear the white noise, as well.

Forced to Look

Everyone has heard the phrase, “Eyes are the window to the soul.” Therefore in this piece, I wanted the focus of the performance to be on the eyes as if we were staring at each other for one minute straight. Staring often makes one uncomfortable like you’re being judged in some way or another. However, looking into someone’s eyes can tell you a lot about them like the quote above mentions.

The performance itself was uncomfortable for me, but I wanted to try to do something I’ve never done before and that would be interesting. Either way, both artist and viewer participant in the performance and face discomfort through the continuous staring.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

What a meditative performance and a beautiful artform! The angle of the camera felt very intimate as if I was there watching you in real life! I'm curious about your choice to forgo audio altogether! What led you to decide to keep it silent aside from the broken speaker?

A Face in a Stitch: Performance Video

https://youtu.be/qrUe7NTuo8Q

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My camera decided to crash on me and so I had to use my phone which had a broken speaker so the sound was REALLY bad. Doing a performance video with this angle was somewhat in my comfort zone; I don’t like being in the front of the camera and I found an old embroidery project so I decided to “perform” that. The final piece has an antique jewelry chain dangling from her ear. Luckily, the jewelry piece is able to move freely off of the hoop to provide the piece a more 3D effect.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Wow wow wow. After seeing this, I responded with "holy sh*t.... people are so cool." Gabe, enjoy the way that you took personal insecurity and made it into art. The speech on top of the video is incredibly powerful and intimate. The angle of the camera and the light are also phenomenal. Appreciate this video more than words can articulate. Thank you for sharing your art!

acne has been an issue i’ve dealt with since i was 10 years old. 

i remember my first pimple on my nose for picture day. my mother helped me pop my first one. 

a strange memory. 

since then it continued to worsen. 

i’ve tried every acne solution under the sun. 

nothing…

it’s genetic, i’m told. 

my grandpa, my father, even my uncles suffered with terrible acne and eventually scars. 

for so long, it has blocked my confidence and self perception. i try and smile through the pain of wanting and wondering what it would be like not to have acne scars.

i spend a lot of time staring into mirrors for someone who doesn’t like their own skin.

so i dressed my scars up with little stickers to make them seem beautiful and not ugly for today.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Artist Statement 4: “Static”

This piece was performed as part of the “MSU Denver Dance Works with DTAPP’s Metamorphosis” show on April 30th and May 1st. While I wait for the final cut of the video from the videographer to share with y’all, I’m uploading the rehearsal footage. I’ve edited the hue of the video to mimic the lighting we had in the live performance piece.

Hannah Slate and I started creating this piece over a year ago with the intention of

crafting a live performance piece together. Overtime, this work became about exploring the concept of anxiety.

When anxiety strikes, how do we manage? Do we shut down? Do we go into overdrive to ease our anxious thoughts? How do we handle anxiety as individuals? How can we collectively handle anxiety as interconnected beings?

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Technical Exercise 4: Transforming Richard Serra's Verb List

The chosen verbs: to flick, to hide, and to enter

Total verb list:

To flick

To munch

To enter

To depart

To slide

To pinch

To gaze

To scramble

To stack

To connect

To push

To stare

To lay

To hide

To approach

To giggle

To shy away

To start

To stop

To hear

[insearchofmoremeaning]

Reading Response #4

Reading response to Roselee Goldberg:

Performance art is a way of extending art beyond the walls of a museum to be experienced with living beings. While art can exist for centuries, a live performance is somewhat of a vanishing act. It is a unique experience that lends itself to a finite end. It prompts response of the spectacle and confronts societal narratives that may be otherwise untouched in the arts scene. It challenges the notion that art can be found only within walls of a museum; it surpasses the notion of art as a means of commercialization and goes against art as a static establishment. Performance art can take on the form of “body art, living art, living sculpture, and autobiography”. Perhaps the best message derived from performance art is living, in and of itself, is art.

Reading response to Fusco:

It is tragic and bewildering to know the actual roots of performance art were based on whites exploiting the other for the sake of entertainment and science. In most cases, those who were displayed did not consent to it. Through Coco Fusco’s ongoing choice to confront this dynamic in live performance, she revealed that colonialist narratives and stereotypical fears of the other had been internalized effectively in the viewers’ minds.  People desired to view others speculatively from a distance. However, children would boldly examine and question the confines of a being in public view. Hearing littles choose to interact with the other and understand the other gives hope for the abolishment of otherness. It is a joy to see how children naturally gear towards unity unless conditioned to disrupt it. From Coco Fusco’s article, I have gathered the importance of one choosing to put themselves on display. Performance art gives the ability for one to own their power of being seen and witnessed, not as exploitation, but in an act of sharing an idea or concept with others.

[insearchofmoremeaning]

I enjoy this celebration of other artists' works in supercut form. I think it is easy as creatives to compare instead of encourage and find inspiration. Thank you for including the affirmations as well. They certainly made a difference in my day :) I enjoy life better when putting it in the perspective of being a bundle of cells floating on a rock in the middle of a galaxy.

Art Project 3: One Minute Supercut

Title~ some•day

I've recently visited the CVA 2022 BFA spring student exposition to expose myself to other artists' work and gain confidence/inspiration for my submission for the fall applicants' work. As an artist, I constantly compare myself to others' work and how I can improve myself along the way. I just transferred to Metro this semester because I want to pursue something that makes me and others feel passionate about the work I can create. Getting accepted to the BFA program is a big step forward in developing your character and work as an artist. So that's why for this project I chose different clips of multiple students' work from the spring exhibition to put into one coherent viewing clip that has a calming vibe. I knew the beginning and end of the video had to be connected somehow and thought that some trippy colors could add to the viewing experience. I took the artistic liberty to rename each clip by the emotions or thoughts that occurred when critiquing their work. I included two different quotes or affirmations as an introduction and end of the video. These sayings I use daily to help ease my anxiety and allow myself to remember we are all just cells floating on a rock in the middle of a galaxy.

Song~ The Weekend by SZA and Calvin Harris

[insearchofmoremeaning]

What a great snippet of a larger story! I am grateful you decided that the original audio was crucial to the content. I find it to be very honoring that you decided to keep it with the work of the sound designers in mind!

Three houses but just the single combat cinematics