innsmouth-osha

[innsmouth-osha]

(OOC)

Maybe the real friendship was the wildly unethical sentient buildings we made along the way

[innsmouth-osha]

Time to actually flesh out lore instead of just doing nothing with this account.

The Innsmouth Branch of OSHA, separate from the main building, is a ramshackle mess of sea-soaked wood and nails stretching upward into the sky, and it somehow never falls no matter how hard the wind (or even the tide, occasionally) tries to knock it down. Its interior is utterly labyrinthian, halls twisting at odd angles or leading to dead ends even in paths that *should* take one to a place they'd been before.

The following is a collection of statements from the employee’s handbook that pertain to navigating the Innsmouth Branch’s twists and turns.

Employees are encouraged not to think too hard about how much sense the layout makes as they travel through the halls, and should always be sure to follow the signs scattered throughout the building unless they're absolutely certain that they're familiar with the building's whims.

Should an employee find themself in a place with no signs, the employee's handbook recommends the following course of action:

First, ask yourself this question: "was I following the signs, or did I stray from the path?"

If you did not heed the signs, lay on the floor. Do not panic, and do not make a sound. If you are lucky, your absence will be noticed and an employee trained in navigation will find you before starvation sets in. If you aren’t found, then remember: You did this to yourself. We at the Innsmouth Branch are not liable for any damages, mutations, or other unwanted alterations to your body, mind, and/or spirit that may occur.

If you did follow the signs but have still found yourself lost, then congratulations! It has chosen you. More information on what this means for your future in the company can be found in page 57 under the header that reads: “TALENT HUNTING.”

================================================

While journeying through the halls, please be sure that you have treated the building with respect. We’ve listed some do’s and don’ts below that should help you keep the Innsmouth Branch a safe, sanitary space for yourself and others!

DO:

1. Wipe off your shoes on the welcome mat when you come in from the outside world. Janitorial work is already hard enough to perform inside a structure with this much splintered wood. Do not make it harder than it needs to be. (Employees who do not make contact with the ground during movement--or employees who are otherwise incapable of bringing filth into the building--are exempt from this rule.)

2. Clean up after yourself when you finish eating in the cafeteria. Yes, this does include crumbs on the floor.

3. (Optional) Compliment the architecture. Employees who really want to go the extra mile and increase their chances of being chosen may wish to pay the building a compliment. This decision is encouraged, but be certain that you do not leave your statement of admiration open ended. Make it decisive, with a sense of finality. Do not linger, or otherwise make it seem as though you want to hear a response back.

DON’T:

1. Forget to wear your gloves. It is in the nature of this place is that even though employees are allowed to personalize their own offices, the halls will always be covered in splintering wood. For this reason, you should always be sure to wear your company-issued safety gloves. If you are punctured by any needle-like wood, (as in: splinter(s) penetrating your scales, or whatever your species’ equivalent is) whether it be due to ignorance of safety precautions or just an unlucky fall, try your best not to cry out in pain. If you do, look at the area where the injury occurred as though addressing a superior and apologize for your mistake.

2. Verbally insult the architecture. Do not, under any circumstances, berate the building. We understand that its strange machinations may be frustrating to the average person, but please wait until you’re well out of earshot from the building’s location before voicing your chagrin. It is for your own safety.

3. Take relics out of storage unless necessary. Relics are not toys, and are often dangerous when used improperly. Dangerous relics should only be used by those who have been trained in the usage of the specific relic that is being taken out of storage.*

Some relics have been deemed benign enough that you may check them out of storage should you need to use them for something so long as you provide a definite time at which you will return it.†

================================================

*More recently printed editions of the handbook as well as the online edition add that it is permissible to use an artifact without proper training “should the situation be truly desperate.”

†Recently printed editions of the handbook as well as the online edition have stated that (as of the recent theft of Gilmore’s Dagger) physical security around the building has been ramped up, and you must now provide a place where you can be located should you not have the artifact back in the storage room when your time with it runs out.

You may find a link to the online edition of the handbook here: 52656672616374696f6e2e2e2e20416d204920646f6f6d65642061732077656c6c3

[innsmouth-osha]

IT’S HALLOWEEN!

Feel free to send trick or treat asks!

[innsmouth-osha]

[!] Attention New Yorkers!

A dimensional rift has opened above New York, and the resurrected corpses of the Dread King Walt Disney and Colonel Sanders of the Endless Refraction have engaged each in a high-stakes battle to the death. They are both incredibly powerful warlocks, so please calmly flee the area and try not to get crushed under the weight of collapsing buildings!

[innsmouth-osha]

[innsmouth-osha]

Send in asks!

See title!

[innsmouth-osha]

Oh, well I’m not much of a medical specialist, but I can probably send you a digital textbook on the subject of fishfolk anatomy.

As a general rule of fin- er... thumb, though, fishfolk patients will have special needs. Keep some saltwater in a spray bottle on hand, and keep the room a few degrees colder than usual.

[Attached is a PDF copy of Fishfolk Anatomy and Physiology]

I wish to conduct a survey of OSHA, if you don’t mind: Out of these terms, which do you feel fits your species? 

- Human - Demon - Fair Folk (Or any related terms) - Animal/Animal-Adjacent  - Undead - Any Form - Post-Human/Previously Human - Robotic/Android/Otherwise Mechanical - Eldritch/Eldritch Decendant  - Ghost/Dead - Angelic - Vampiric - This Includes Vampiric Thralls, Dhampirs Etc - “Monster”/Non-Specific Humanoid - Other (Please Specify)

You may choose as many catagories as you like, and if you wish to elaborate, please do so!

[innsmouth-osha]

Hey it's me, Mike, the @osha-cafeteria-worker. I remember you telling me stuff the fish people aren't allowed to have, but I forgot to ask you what foods they like?

Aside from the ones they can't have, of course.

Do they have anything they like?

Oh! I forgot to send you a notice, but you should be fine to go back to normal feeding everyone as normal. You may want to give it a few more days, though. Can never be too sure that you won't tear the veil and merge every inhabitant of the room into an awful flesh heap!

As for favorite foods, taste among my kin and I varies, just as it does among humans. If you're asking about any traditional meals, though, might I suggest Eel Lemons? They're a fruit endemic to Innsmouth, named for their strange shape. You'd have to import them, though.

[innsmouth-osha]

Hmm... I believe the best way to describe my kin and I would be eldritch descendant post-humans. Provided, the nature of the post-human aspect is debatable given that we typically don’t remember much of our past lives.

I wish to conduct a survey of OSHA, if you don’t mind: Out of these terms, which do you feel fits your species? 

- Human - Demon - Fair Folk (Or any related terms) - Animal/Animal-Adjacent  - Undead - Any Form - Post-Human/Previously Human - Robotic/Android/Otherwise Mechanical - Eldritch/Eldritch Decendant  - Ghost/Dead - Angelic - Vampiric - This Includes Vampiric Thralls, Dhampirs Etc - “Monster”/Non-Specific Humanoid - Other (Please Specify)

You may choose as many catagories as you like, and if you wish to elaborate, please do so!

[innsmouth-osha]

Greetings, outsider. It would seem that you have found your way to Innsmouth. Are you here for simple sightseeing, or did you come here because you felt somehow compelled to, as though some invisible force is tugging you by a thread? If you answered yes to the former, welcome to Innsmouth! If you answered yes to latter, welcome home. I am sure that our accommodations will be of the liking to travelers and new kin alike!

[innsmouth-osha]

Send in asks before the roiling cosmos consumes me!

[innsmouth-osha]

This fucken guy

I just realized that Blackbox kind of looks like Nemo from Library of Ruina

Who??? /gen

[innsmouth-osha]

...Alright, you could’ve worded that a bit less suspiciously, but I’ll trust you there.

[OOC: Oh yeah, I meant to say this last RB but forgot, but I’m already in the Discord I’m just not very active there lmao]

Hello. This is the head of OSHA's Innsmouth branch, warning you 24 hours ahead of time that we will be sending an inspector to your department to ensure that there have been no hidden tears in the fabric of reality. Please warn anyone on the premises to hide and immediately cover their ears as soon as the blaring of a foghorn is heard. All personnel must be sure not to peek outside of their hiding spots during this time, no matter how tempting it may be.

As soon as the foghorn's wail ceases, you may resume ordinary functions.

--@innsmouth-osha

What

@innsmouth-osha

[innsmouth-osha]

Er... They don’t seem to have actually reached you. They lost signal with us somewhere in the ocean.

Hello. This is the head of OSHA's Innsmouth branch, warning you 24 hours ahead of time that we will be sending an inspector to your department to ensure that there have been no hidden tears in the fabric of reality. Please warn anyone on the premises to hide and immediately cover their ears as soon as the blaring of a foghorn is heard. All personnel must be sure not to peek outside of their hiding spots during this time, no matter how tempting it may be.

As soon as the foghorn's wail ceases, you may resume ordinary functions.

--@innsmouth-osha

What

@innsmouth-osha

[innsmouth-osha]

ACTUALLY send in some asks before the roiling cosmos consumes me!

I had asks off like a dumbass lmao

[innsmouth-osha]

Ah, nevermind. It would seem that the inspector was... cut off during their traversal.

[OOC: Apologies if that ask went against went against any general OSHAverse etiquette, I’m still learning the Do’s and Don’ts of it.]

Hello. This is the head of OSHA's Innsmouth branch, warning you 24 hours ahead of time that we will be sending an inspector to your department to ensure that there have been no hidden tears in the fabric of reality. Please warn anyone on the premises to hide and immediately cover their ears as soon as the blaring of a foghorn is heard. All personnel must be sure not to peek outside of their hiding spots during this time, no matter how tempting it may be.

As soon as the foghorn's wail ceases, you may resume ordinary functions.

--@innsmouth-osha

What

@innsmouth-osha

[innsmouth-osha]

Hey, any good fishing spots out in innsmouth?

-weresha intern

Yes, the docks are quite a great spot. Just be sure to tell somebody where you're going in case you fall into the water.