infamyoverinnocence

[infamyoverinnocence]

happiness in the little things but sadness in the bigger ones.

my(your) old shirt still smells like you.

/

"but this time, i mean it

ill let you know just how much you mean to me

as snow falls on desert sky

until the end of everything

im trying, im trying

to let you know how much you mean."

imstillstuckonyou. x ౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆

[infamyoverinnocence]

seeingyouinmydreamsalwaysseemsmorerealthanthefirsttime. (again, i miss you like no other.)

i met you in a dream. you didnt seem so happy to see me until you said you would kiss me for every chance you didnt get to. still the first words out of your mouth was his name, so i guess reality isnt much different when youre unconscious. /ifyoulovesomethingletitgo. i told you about that letter you might never get. every dream feels realer than the last. now im left with a hole in my chest all day about not being able to see you. maybe soon we can sit in sweetness and i can tell you all ive thought about you. youll understand when you remember my care for you. i wonder why you come to me late and mostly at night. love knows some bounds but you only reciprocate at night. maybe when youre next to him you think of me. but funny i dont even hate him. just hates when he makes you cry, or when he makes you laugh. or when i think of you and him and how happy you may be that you might not even think of me at all. we were playing wars as soldiers we didnt understand yet. borrowed nights and borrowed words. vintage letters and doves that dont send them on time. sorry so many of my words were about him and that fact you would roll your eyes when you hear it. roll your eyes but look at me twice because he wont treat you right. its not the expensive things but i can always give you a paper house. i was always told "its the thought that counts." hopefully it still applies. recently all my words have been "you, you you" but not me being your world. its funny when you finally have an experience and not playing with little toys dreaming of things thatll never happen. but in a certain case i guess thats where i am now. we were a gamble but i always said "place your bets and put em forward".

mywordsarebestwhentheyreaboutyou x ✮⋆˙

[infamyoverinnocence]

my best (worst) decisions come to me at night. /myfinalthoughtsbeforebed.

when i let you choose him, i was drifting off to sleep. i told you if i loved you then i would want you to be with him and i can stick to the little moments. now ive decided to get over it, since i doubt you think of me once like i think of you. now that im writing this i doubt that my decision was final. hows your voice to my understanding ear? how well can he comfort you when you cry? since the day i left i have not been without your gift. sweater to skin and imagining you to keep me sleeping at night. bracelets too big for my wrists and sweet gifts you send me because "i thought of you when i saw it". last night you were in my dream. maybe because i fell asleep in your clothes. i miss drawing hearts on your hands and using excuses to sneak out and leave. how else would you dream of me if not to think of that point of your life? maybe you can see my face in his. hear my voice in autumn winds because the later months never pass me by. if you loved me in his hand you might find someone else to replace me.. sorry, im upset again. and again. probably will be tomorrow. but weather forecasts are never certain so i might be your sunshine by the close. "herecomesthesun". cheers to sobriety and first words that set you off. you knew you loved me by day 2 and i loved you by the time i saw you. im infatuated. in love. its sweet. like sugar. pure sugar. he can love you but i appreciate you. i havent stopped smiling your way since we met. its not that i hate him. i just hate that i gave myself away. but missed opportunities and crying in sync is more to me than years. the day i left marked a weird day for us both. i wonder how you faced him after telling me you loved me. /cryingwhenwesaygoodbye.

thought of you as my mountaintop.

thought of you as my peak.

thought of you as everything.

ive had, but couldnt keep.

imstillyourporcelaindoll x ⁺ 𓂋 𓈒 ♡

[infamyoverinnocence]

i wish i made you choose.

you hung up on him the night i left but we both know who you picked. leaving you was hard enough but im a car crash waiting to happen. guess ill leave you as a line in my obituary if i never see you again, but call me a sucker for getting so attached. i just wanna be your princess and hollywood dream. evenings in new zealand and flowers by your doorstep. hes more to you than i can ever afford. i have my own and if i dont think he can be like you. hes not you but he can suffice. imnothimandyoumightbeglad/ you would never say my name to him so why keep our love a secret?

𓈒ㅤׂㅤ𐙚 ࣪ ⭒ istayinbedandonlywearyourfavoritecolors x

[infamyoverinnocence]

calls that never go through and dreams of telling you that you look great. (youwereneverliketherest.)

tonight my invisible ring has cut through the city and traveled back into my mind and made me miss you more. i wonder if youre with him and if he makes you smile. but i made you smile once so he cant be so special. sorry, im just bitter or what you can call envious. i dream of your face and the day i can finally tell you more than i already did. forever thankful for you. your hearts, my stitches, his ring, our season. fall over summer and skylines that touch the sky like my hand on your head and my lean to your shoulder. i communicate with my eyes and you noticed. im lovesick and sick in love simultaneously. put your spotlight on me and never take it off. flower fields and sunny valleys. concrete heads and lipstick on paper. the combination of the music in my heart and the intertwined of our hands. secrets kept in a heart locket. "one billion lovers wave and love her now,they could love her now and so could i". im still on my sick sweet dream veils on thin touch and hoping for a yearning moment in paris, where you tell me im your option. to the secret you keep from him and the tears in my eyes when im at your window begging for the painkiller to cure my shaking. im sad and its unfair. no bride deserves to cry on her honeymoon. im holding those roses and the thorns are cutting the skin in my hands. to my head and my heart you know i miss you. i wonder if you think of us and what was in his face. if you cried at the lollipop crushed candy hearts that beat in a cotton candy chest. theres always a difference between "i want to be your bottle" and when you kiss his lips and tell me how he tastes. thinking of calling it a night. but im enough to open it up by the morning. technicolor dreams. sweet love and small regrets. whispers on communications thru doors. thoughts of a future. youre stuck on cherry vines and pink skies and beauties in cyanide. he made you cry but i wipe your tears. your words werent false on my tongue.

. ۫ ꣑ৎ . youmakemyheadspin.

[infamyoverinnocence]

imaghosthauntingyourhospital.

i wrote a letter to you that im sure you would never get. havent written in weeks but lately my mind has been consumed. grey on headstones because im flavored by death. "you were erratic". in love again but waterfalls last by watercolor and it stops. still again songs that sound like love and the prettiest green eyes ive ever seen. that ring on your finger and trace it to your hand on my waist. ive been unmedicated for days and now im grey. worried that you might find another and regret i didnt kiss you. im sure to him i am nothing but to you i cry when you left. "my heart is in that hospital and lying next to you". every word feels like a death wish and a stake to my heart. i bite. im a vampire. ever since you gave me that sweater i held it like my heaven and knew my heart was in love. i knew since you jumped by the front. sunsets over skylines. hand holding under tables. "good luck" because i loved you. fighting for you not at you. engaged but to him not me. love you stuck between us both. crying because i love you. "anddoesyourhusbandknowthe waythatthesunshinegleamsfromyourweddingband?". im waiting for you to call but my mind is out of service now i kiss the bracelet you gave me. im glad you sing and i want to hear you. hearts that burst on late night wood floors. please know i miss you. maybe he means more than i ever could but ive never not thought about you since my tracks home. i miss your hair and the way you would tear up so i could hold you again. sorry for every time he made you cry but thank god i was there. insane three days of my life and im sorry. sorry is all i can say because those are the only words on my tongue. everything else is stuck. words when you go out to fight is the new form of expression. using your eyes is (old) new love. too far for me to touch but close enough for him to reach. i miss the way you loved my hands and the way you panicked if i left. sadness on pills and bites on nails to go back. pure love and first times. intimacy that melts on skin. channel my hands to your tears on my waist. hes in love with you as am i, but in the end you picked him. hearts over my mind and guitars that sing my love. love love love love love love love love love love love and live.

xx heavenisforyou ♬⋆.˚