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welcome back to 22 ineffable street

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     “my to do list: consume all, leave blender on %°, turn off bones. . .”

          “. . .”

          he’s not ready for this bullshit this early today.

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welcome back to 22 ineffable street

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aziraphale: my husband loves his car more than me

*cut to crowley*

crowley, crying in the bentley: aziraphale smiled at me today I love him he’s so cute and kind and soft and cute I wonder what he’s doing right now is he thinking about me will he like these flowers only three hours and thirty two minutes until we have dinner I love him so much

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Send a 🥖 to throw a baguette at my muse.

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I truly don´t know how anyone made this before, but I felt like the fandom should have it. 

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HAPPY ESCAPE DAY (hap birth) entei / @ineffiblystupid !

if anyone’s known me any significant amount of time, y’all know i do these birthday things for some of my real close friends. bc it’s a thing. and i gotta.

anywho. lemme tell y’all a story.

i’ve known entei for a wholeass seven years. that is the LONGEST time i’ve ever been able to keep any friends around, and it means a lot to me that entei happens to be one of them. we’ve known each other for so long. we’ve pulled each other into various fandoms and muses, even entire au’s just for the hell of it. we’ve made the dumbest jokes ( a la ‘captain jack standing on TARDIS babies’ and just– the master, in general ), and mutually scream over gr.avity fa.lls’ resident murder dorito and NATM’s salty mummy who deserves more hugs.

you are a wonderful beautiful person and i love you so goddamn much.

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Warlock on Twitter: Fun fact: my parents were married on April Fool's Day so when I was seven I tried to be funny and I made them an anniversary card that said, "Your marriage is a joke," and my mom cried. P.S. my nanny told me to do it.

Crowley, in a retweet: You told everyone this when I specifically told you not to even tell your mum and dad.

Warlock, retweeting from Crowley: lol rip

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Send in “...Wow.” to walk in on my muse singing their heart out to some music!

Send in “H..How long were you standing there?” for reversed effects.   ((If a mult-muse blog, please be clear on which one.)) 

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MY  FAVE  MB.MBAM  BITS  (PT1)  SENTENCE  STARTERS.

these sentence starters are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. also, this sentence meme isn’t for kids, which i mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for reblogging. what’s up, you cool baby?

‘does anybody know how to curse a real sword?’

‘does he wanna curse a nerf sword?’

‘can i ask what’s bothering you about this?’

‘it seems like you’re upset about literally every word in this sentence.’

‘what did you want to happen to the real sword?’

‘i see that you have a real sword that you brought with you.’

‘can you enchant a real sword?’

‘what kind of enchantment are you wanting?’

‘that wasn’t even the question!’

‘… why did it increase?’

‘are you gonna curse this fucking sword for me or what?’

‘i will, if you keep your voice down.’

‘i also need you to buy some of these unicorn figurines.’ 

‘as long as it is not… ah, gosh, i can’t even say it.’

‘why can’t you just walk into a store, take something and walk out? like, who is going to stop you? you could just walk in, take whatever and go out, as long as it doesn’t have one of those things that make the alarms go off on it.’

‘if no one sees you, then you’re good.’

‘i’ve never shoplifted anything in my life.’

‘you’re not exactly pink panther-ing this shit.’

‘i’m a fucking adult and they have no legal authority over me.’

‘are you implying that all of capitalism is just a smokescreen, and we only do it because we think we have to do it?’

‘you’re not my dad, like, later.’

‘they can’t touch me, that’s for fucking sure. it’s like haunted house rules.’

‘he’s not gonna fucking shoot me.’

‘he is not a cop, later dog. later.’

‘peta called the cops on the furry convention?’

‘i can’t arrest a fucking dog.’

‘HOLD UP! YO! YO YO YO! FURRIES CAN DO INFINITE CRIME!’

‘what are you talking about? that’s a big dog.’

‘nice try, that’s a panda.’

‘we call it the safety zone, that’s the spider-free castle.’

‘so you have brought approximately two hundred thousand spiders into my home.’

‘here’s an interesting thought: actually, fuck this!’

‘let’s always have at least two spider cups open at the same time.’

‘you yelled! you’re the spider guy, and you yelled at it!’

‘this is not a joke. this is not a goof.’

‘please don’t touch me right now when we talk about spiders.’

‘don’t hit!’ 

‘don’t do that shit again.’

‘did you really think we were gonna find the illuminati?’

‘we can’t do easy things, and you wanted us to do a hard one?’

‘you’re a jerk person.’

‘hold on, let me look up your address in the yellow pages. oh, it says ‘a trashcan.’‘

‘you know what i like to say with doughnuts? oooooooooooooooo!’

‘you dumb piece of shit. i can’t believe we share genetic material, you make me so angry. i hate your guts!’

‘you look like a businessman with a very specific fetish.’

‘you look like the halloween costume for farts under a blanket.’

‘you look like if hepatitis was a person.’

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“Naaaaaaanny!” Warlock dropped himself into his nanny’s lap. “Hi.” (Notwizard)

@notwizard​

     is she going to complain? absolutely not. “shona,” crowley purred the nickname as she brushed some of the hair from the boy’s face and smiled warmly. “what have you been up to, love?”

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     “the only reason i'm alive is because god's playing a game of solitare and i'm the asshole that turned myself into a yu-gi-oh card.”

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Manhandling symbol starters

Send one for your muse to…

★ - drag my muse by the arm ⁂ - grab my muse by the front of their shirt, possibly shoving them back ✱ - take my muse by the hips to carefully move them out of their way ➜ - smack my muse upside the head ⌧ - grip my muse by the back of the neck © - put a hand on my muse’s back to steer them somewhere ✂ - point sternly at a chair and tell my muse to sit down ✉ - push my muse back down when they try to get out of bed (perhaps involving illness, injury, or sleep deprivation) ☛ - press a finger to my muse’s lips to shut them up ♚ - put a hand on my muse’s knee while sitting next to them, to discourage them from standing up ♧ - slap my muse’s hand away from something they shouldn’t touch ♦ - grab my muse’s hair and yank ♤ - slam a door shut before my muse can leave the room ♞ - physically pick my muse up and carry them ♭ - grip my muse’s jaw to make them look yours in the eye ♨ - rub my muse down with a sponge/wet cloth  ☀ - pin my muse with their arms behind their back ☠ - slam my muse into a wall ☾ - wrestle/pin my muse to the ground

Add as much or as little context as you’d like!

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Look, it doesn't matter how he got the flower arrangement to Heaven, let alone getting it to Gabriel's desk, all that mattered was they were there. Crowley's choice of flowers were absolutely intentional, but would that go noticed? He doubted so. In all honesty he expected them to be burned as soon as Gabriel read the card, 'I may not know my flowers but I know a bitch when I see one 😇 xoxo your favorite serpent, crowley` and a lipstick kiss because he really was That Bitch apparently.

“… crowley.” well, there was no point in tossing perfectly good flowers. gabriel moved the vase from his desk to another surface in his office, though made sure to send the not to the center of the sun. no need for anyone to know where they came from.

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FIRST FIVE ASKS GET A KISS

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SENT TO HELL FOR BOYFRIEND CRIMES