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It has been six years since I had an active eating disorder. And still, when I see declarations of happiness in pounds lost and images of shrinking frames, the voice of my eating disorder begins to rustle. Criticizing the folds of my belly and the size of my thighs. If happiness is found in shrinking, why not engage, at least a little?  Perhaps this is where the lies and danger exist in these types of posts: that thin is happy, attractive, and achieving. And fat is sad, unattractive, and failing. The bodies we live in give us so much, whether they are large or slight, tall or short, soft or muscular. The “extra” pounds I carry now allow me to exercise when I chose, work a job that I love, and spend time with my loved ones. We all have so much to celebrate about who we are, what we can do, and how we navigate this world—and these are the sorts of posts I would love to see flooding social media.

Kristy Watson-Ables, “Before and After” (via twloha)

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I get so weary trying to love people. It takes everything. Humility can feel like humiliation. Patience feels like losing. Grace can feel like pain.

But the alternative is far worse. It’s hard to love people, but so much harder not to. Hate feels like winning but it shuts the door. Grace is the only seed that might bloom. Either way there’s a cost, so I choose to invest in love.

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I talk with people all the time who feel like they’ve missed out on their “one great plan” for their life. They wanted to write a bestseller or start an orphanage or blow up in Hollywood or hit the big stage or get a billion subscribers. There’s a painful pressure for “greatness” and “significance” and going “viral.” And it seems like everyone else is there.

These are all good things. It’s good to have audacious goals. But good things also include changing diapers, making your bed, babysitting for your neighbor, showing up on time, replying promptly, coffee dates, blogging for five people, and picking up your phone to call a human being and say hello.

Missing our “big vision” is a hard thing. It hurts. But I have to wonder if our definition of success was messed up from the start. I wonder if “failure” is sometimes too strong of a word we throw around, when we were chasing impossible phantoms. Success does not come in a measuring cup. Often it’s simply a way of being, an aroma you bring to the room, a fullness.

Big dreams are great and you should have them—but don’t discount the small everyday acts of compassion when no one is looking. To bless those where you are, with who you are. Those brief moments of kindness you can hardly remember are not always so flashy and romantic, but they end up weaving a greater tapestry in the end. They can build bridges. They can heal the wounded. They can save a life. Stay faithful in the small things. — J.S.

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I’m a people-pleaser. An approval addict. A codependent. A push-over.

I get into this feedback loop about what everyone is thinking about me all the time. I can’t seem to help it. I like to keep it breezy. I feel connected to everyone. I look up at everybody with these floppy fish eyes. I get high off the slightest glance of validation. I hang on to words. I trust very quickly. If I find out someone said an ill word about me, I die inside. I die a whole lot. My heart just withers.

I slowly and painfully learned to regain my power over Yes and No. To be able to say, “I need ___ right now and nothing else.” To say, “This is what I’m about and I’m okay with that.” To say, “I don’t like it when you do that.” To know it’s okay if nobody likes me, because I’d rather they hate the real me than like the fake one. It’s not an easy journey. It still isn’t. But I am finding my voice matters. I’m grateful to the ones who listen. To those who don’t, I have to tell you something anyway. — J.S.

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mylittlebooktique

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I’m learning to make decisions that glorify God instead of please people.

Marc Phun (via marcphun)

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Pain is not a lesson. It doesn’t always serve a purpose. Not everything happens for a reason. Not for a good one, anyway. Sometimes the reason behind pain is because someone decided to cheat you, abuse you, run you down, push you around. Pain is pain. It’s the byproduct of a broken, fallen, unfair world. Too often, no good will ever come of it. There will be no silver lining, no bow-tie, no song at the end.

When someone tells me that “God is testing me” or “God is using this pain for my growth” or “This is God’s will”—no. I don’t believe in a God who does that sort of thing. I believe in a God who is just as mad as you are when it hurts. I believe in a God who weeps.

Some storms never pass. I don’t know why. We might know one day. Or not. I only know that if I lessonize your pain, I will lessen you as a human. So I will not moralize. I will not spiritualize. I will not advise or throw cliches. I will hurt with you, alongside. — J.S.

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Good people bring out the good in people.

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Listen to music in that language. Listening to music in the language you are trying to learn surrounds you in the language and helps you develop a sense of how it sounds.

Watch TV and movies in that language. Listening to people have actual conversations in the language can help give you an idea of how it works. I recommend watching variety shows and children shows because the language is normally very basic. Plus, variety shows normally have certain words and phrases on the screen.

Use flash cards and take quizzes frequently. This helps you stay sharp with things you really need to know and remember. I personally don’t like flash cards, but when it comes to learning vocabulary, it can be a big help.

Practice writing and spelling. You can do this by writing daily in a journal. This can also help with forming your own sentences. Simply write about things like what you ate or what you did, or your thoughts in general. The more you write, the more comfortable you will be forming your own sentences.

Try speaking in the language whenever you get a chance. Do it with a friend who’s also learning or someone who already speaks the language. If you can’t do either one of those, you can practice by talking to yourself or an assistant on your phone. There are also apps such as hellotalk or kakao where you can talk to people. ALWAYS BE CAREFUL WHEN TALKING TO STRANGERS!!!

Learn words and phrases that you find yourself using often. Don’t try to learn advanced phrases and terms that you don’t use on an everyday basis. You may think it’s helping you, but it’s actually setting you back.

Learn more about the culture that surrounds the language. When you learn more about the culture, you will understand why certain things are said in certain situations. Understanding the culture = Understanding the language

Master the alphabet + pronunciation. Before you learn any sort of vocabulary or sentence forms, fully understanding the alphabet and each letter’s pronunciation is a MUST! In every language, there are those letters’ sounds that change depending on certain factors.

Master sentence structure. Sentence structure is a big problem that many people face when first learning a language. Chances are the sentence structure of the language you’re learning is the complete opposite from your own. (Unless you speak English and are learning Chinese; vice versa)

Become familiar with the keyboard. You will probably find yourself typing in the language often, so you might as well learn the keyboard. I recommend downloading a keyboard on your phone from the play store or app store.

Practice daily. When you do this, you’re bound to remember the information better. If you don’t and you stop studying for too long, there’s a high chance that you’ll forget some of the basics. I would know. It’s happened to me before.

GOOD LUCK

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I want you to know that whether you’re two days out from your loss, or twenty years out, you’re brave every day. You’ve been forced into a club you never signed up for. The price of admission is steep. There’s continual dues to pay. Despite this, your priorities have evolved into honoring your loved one’s memory, navigating a world that doesn’t seem to understand and staying true to yourself throughout the entire process. The grief journey will hone, reshape, and catalyze your life like very few other experiences in this human condition. Please know that even if it doesn’t seem like it, you’re doing a beautiful job. As you stand there with your shattered heart in your hands, please know that today and every day, all of your pieces are absolutely perfect.

Sarah Sterrett, “The Catalyst of a Broken Heart” (via twloha)

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“Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go…. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be…”

— Rick Warren

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I can always tell when I’m not doing well emotionally or mentally because i stop washing my face, and i don’t give myself any meaningful quiet time to journal + pray, and my bathroom counter starts getting very cluttered, and i do meaningless things on my phone for long periods of time. Zach and I call it ‘falling into the pit’ bc it’s really hard to climb out of it once you’re in - its a combination of sadness and discouragement mixed with laziness and numbness? and it takes way more effort to get out than just being comfortable in it, and it’s just hard. it’s like i have enough energy for the bare minimum, but i don’t do any of the things i know i NEED to do, bc i am so tired and just want to go to sleep at the end of the day. And coincidentally, by not doing the things I’m not doing, I’m stressing myself out more. I think everyone has their own version of ‘signs that I’m getting stuck in the pit’, and i think it’s really important to know these little signs so you can do the hard things and start to help yourself out of it. so wash your face! give yourself some good alone time! eat good food, clear off your counter, have the hard conversation! take care of yourself!!! cause you’re the only you we’ve got. 💘#wecandohardthings (talking to you and also myself here 💪🏼) (PS the shadow of me selfie-ing lololol 👌🏼💯) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnjyRRNgZcC/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rw6esyirj0hr

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Don’t listen to yourself. Listen to the advice you give others.

Michael Lottner (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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That’s the thing about introverts; we wear our chaos in the inside where no-one can see it.

Michaela Chung (via onlinecounsellingcollege)