incorrect-woebegone-quotes

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Skinner: The real tragedy was the friends we made along the way.

Robert: Don’t you mean ‘treasure’?

Skinner: No. Having to care about other people has been a real bummer for me and my personal goals.

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Troy: I drink to forget but I always remember.

Stinky: You're drinking orange juice.

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*at Topher's grave* Ryan: hi everyone and welcome to another unboxing video

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Mikey to Edgar: I hope they put our names next to each other on the government watchlist

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Marissa to Anne: GIRL you are KILLING IT!

Marissa:

Marissa: GIRL I don't think it's MOVING ANYMORE

Marissa: GIRL you can STOP STABBING

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Ryan/Shadow: the path to inner peace starts with four words

Ryan/Shadow: not my fucking problem

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Mike: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Michael, cracks his knuckles: Manslaughter it is.

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Mike: Hey, Michael... I need help with something

Michael, pulling out a gun: Say no more

Mike: No no! Let me say more!

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Mikey: How's the most handsome man in the world doing?

Edgar, without looking up from his desk: I don't know, how are you?

Mikey: *voice cracking* I'm fine.

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Marissa: People say I have a unique way of lighting up a room Jam: It’s called arson. And those people are witnesses.

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Mikey: I’ve got good news and bad news. Which one would you like to hear first? Edgar: Good news. Mikey: It is unlikely I will ever do it again.

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Michael: If Bruno and I were both drowning, who would you save?

Mike: I don't know, both of you?

Michael: No, if you could only save one of us.

Mike: Well, I would probably save Bruno because he can't swim that well and I happen to know you're an excellent swimmer.

Michael: Suppose I was holding an anchor? Who would you save then?

Mike: Well, why don't you let go of the anchor?

Michael: It's a family heirloom.

Mike: I'm leaving.

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Anne: Go ahead, Mikey. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.

Edgar: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation

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Charlie: I printed up a bunch of fake safety inspection certificates. Go slap one on anything that looks like a lawsuit.

Marissa: Charlie, is that legal?

Charlie: When the cops aren’t around, anything’s legal!

Marissa, pulling out a staple gun: See this is why we get along so well

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Stinky: Mikey? Mikey: Yes? Stinky: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on? Mikey: Mikey: Where’s Troy?

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Sly: I love you.

Michael: How many people have you said that to?

Sly: Everyone.

Michael: What?

Sly: I told everyone that I love you.

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Ryan [walks into room]: Sorry I was late, I was...doing things.

Topher [enters the room, noticeably disheveled]: HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS