inahfranco-blog

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 21: February 14, 2018

Dear Victor,

Happy Valentines Day! As my Valentine special for you, after reading this please scroll all the way down to Day 1, and start reading from there and all the way up to present day. Trust me, you gotta start from there. Why? Because as you go along these 3 weeks you've left me, I can probably say that I've grown, matured, and somehow became better. You'll see how much my beliefs, way of thinking, and faith has changed on those days you were gone. And like always, I want you to take credit for it, if not because of you I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

So thank you for leaving me when I have just fallen way waaay too deeply in love with you. My love for you has transformed me in so many unexpected ways that even I myself was caught unprepared.

Of course, I wouldn't make it without The Almighty One up there. It's been a struggle, you know. There were days when I felt like giving up on you already and when I felt too crazy about what's happening. But with God's grace, because He hasn't allow me to give up on you, I somehow managed to reach up until this day when I can finally have you read and know everything.

Please know that everything you are about to read is also my everything for you.

Since today is a happy hearts' day, I guess the most awesome gift I could probably give you is my very heart itself, and you will know as you go along each day. This gift is not just a one day effort of trying to nake you feel special and loved, it's my every day trying and doing my best while you choose to be away, it's the gift of my love for you all wrapped up in hope and faith.

But for today, I wanna thank you. Thank you for everything that you are, for everything you've had for me, for teaching me what it's like to love under any circumstances, for giving me the space to realize all that I have realized today, for making me happy once more and for bringing back the color to my dull every day, for reminding me of my dreams, for making me a better person, for giving me the opportunity to love you, for loving me, for making me stronger, for giving me something to look forward to and to hope for every day, and most of all for teaching me how to rest my faith and surrender my belief to God. It only proves how much of a good man you are, and how much of a blessing you are to me.

A blessing that I shall always be grateful for. All the more reason for me to love you.. All the more for you to deserve all the love I can give you.

I couldn't even imagine my life now without you, or not having met you at all. Indeed, God and all the universe up there has conspired and worked together just so they can have our paths crossed. Two broken people from different places. They all had to break both of our hearts first para pag nagtagpo na tayo mas mapahalagahan natin ang isa't isa, and it's God's way of telling the two of us that we both deserve better, that we both deserve to be loved, not to be taken for granted, not to be treated like shits.

You are a good person with a good heart, Victor. That's why God asked me not to surrender for you because He wanted me to shower you with the love that you deserve, not of the pain that you don't. He made me strong enough so when this day come, He knows that I'll be ready to deal with your fears, to love you at your most vulnerable (though you try to hide it). To give you the another chance that you deserve.

Alam ko sobrang anxious ka lang, believe me I am also anxious as much as you are but love, sabi nga it takes a rare person to love someone with anxiety and it’s not always that easy. But if you can figure out how to, you’ll receive a love that is unconditional. You’ll be with someone who truly appreciates and accepts you. You’ll hear thank you too often and I love you even more. It’ll be a love that tests you and challenges you but it will make you realize some people are entirely worth it.

As I have always believed that our love story will never be easy, but it's definitely going to be worth it. Love will always be a struggle, you just have to choose who you want to struggle with.

I love you, VP. I love you..

Now start reading from day 1.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 20: February 13, 2018

Dear Love,

Alam mo meron akong isang favorite na love song na isa sa mga pinakauna kong natutunan na kanta simula nung bata pa ako or magkaron ako ng sariling isip. And just like the sunrise and the sunset, I haven't truly thought of sharing it to somebody until today. And the song is? Your Love by Jim Brickman.

Nakalimutan ko na nga yun love eh, kasi ang tumatatak na sa isip ko pag may nagtatanong ng favorite song ko I would always answer "Superman". But then ngayon narinig ko ulit yung Your Love.. And it says:

If you could give me wings to fly, and catch me if I fall. Or pull the stars down from the sky so I could wish on them all. But I couldn't ask for more, 'cause your love is the greatest gift of all.

Love, at this point in my life, sabi ko nga sayo ang hinihingi ko na lang sa langit ay ang mabuksan mo ang puso mo para sakin at ang makasama ka. Yung family at career naman at ibang pangarap, requirement yan eh. Nasa pagttyaga naman lahat yun. Pero yung taong mamahalin mo at mamahalin ka rin, hindi yan basta basta. It takes a lifetime for God to bless you with somebody to love and to be loved in return. And I've been so blessed to have you since day 1, which you already know. But in case I haven't told you yet, that your love is the greatest gift of all. Lalo na ngayon.. Should you ever find yourself loving me back, please know that I will always be more than grateful to God for it.

Totoo nga yung sinasabi that it takes someone to leave first before you can truly feel whatever you have inside. Well hindi naman na bago sayo to hear that I love you,kahit naman nung nandito ka at okay tayo hindi naman ako nagsayang ng pagkakataon to tell you how much I love you. But love, you were gone for 20 days already. And in all these 20 days without you, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. And now more than ever alam ko kaya kong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa magisa at panindigan ang bawat salitang binitawan ko sayo. Sabi ko dun sa video na nagtanong ako sayo, last na yun dba? Pero obviously, I have swallowed my word to stay away from you. Because the truth is, I can't. So hindi ko na lolokohin pa ang sarili ko na lalayo ako sayo or ayoko na. And just as I have always told you:

I will love you.. I will love you as long as I can, I will hope and wait for you as far as I could, and I will fight for you as long as there is a fight left in me. I will love you, whether you like it or not. I will love you, sa malapitan man o sa malayo..

It is obvious that God has made me stronger in all the years before we met just so I can be here for you today. So I may love you today.. And it took Him 25 years to mold me and to lead me to you. At kahit ganito tayo ngayon, I've never been more thankful all my life. There's always something about you, my love. It's like my heart had always known you..

I love you, Victor Percival Del Castillo Chavez.

Advanced Happy Valentines Day, My Valentine.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 19: February 12, 2018

Dear Love,

As I came across my IG feed, somebody posted a photo of the sunset in Amanpulo, Palawan. And suddenly, I was in tears. Why? Because I thought of you. Dba sabi ko sayo everytime I see the sunrise and the sunset, you are the first and the only person I could think of. I used to love the view of those two thinking only of my own self, nagagandahan akong tanawin sila para sa sarili ko lang. Gusto ko silang tinitignan ng ako lang magisa.

But ever since you sent me that photo of the sunrise that you took, I knew there's something special about you. But at that moment, as you have shared the photo personally with me, something has touched my heart. And since then I knew, my life will never be the same again now that I've met you. Should you ever ask me what's my favorite photo among all you've sent me, I'm sure you already know the answer. But hindi pa ako inlove sayo nun, alam ko lang noon that you'll be someone special.

Simula nun, every time na makakita ako ng sunrise and sunset, naaalala na kita. Until I finally fell in love with you, hindi lang kita basta naaalala. Because I can finally imagine myself watching all those wonderful phenomena with you and beside you, all the days of my life. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayan may makakasama na akong pagmamasdan ang ganda ng langit, hindi yung ako lang magisa. Hoping that you would also want to share those view with me.

What makes that sunset in Amanpulo extra special? Love, pangarap ko ang Amanpulo.. Pangarap ko para sa sarili ko dati, na kahit magisa lang ako pupunta ako. Pero nung nakita ko tong picture na to? Naisip kita. Naisip ko na gusto kong pumunta sa Amanpulo ng kasama ka, gusto kong makita ang paglubog ng araw at pagsikat ng araw sa Amanpulo ng kasama ka.. Na kasama ko yung taong pangarap ko sa lugar rin na pangarap ko... Pero sa totoo lang, ang pangarap ko na lang naman sa ngayon eh ang makasama ka eh.. Bonus na lang yung ibang blessings pa.. Kasi love, ikaw yung pangarap na hindi araw araw dadating sa buhay ko. You are more than just a dream come true, you are a blessing that must be given extra special care and irrevocable love, every day..

As I stare at the picture, I began to realize that maybe you are my very own sunrise and sunset that God has specifically designed for me. Ikaw ang sunrise, kasi ikaw ang nagbibigay ng liwanag sa araw araw ko. You have brought so much joy and brought back the color to my every day. You made me want to become a better person every day. Iniilawan mo ako sa mga pangarap ko sa sarili ko na minsan ko ng nakalimutan. You are the sunrise that reminds me that there are lots and lots of endless possibilities that awaits each day..

Ikaw rin ang sunset, because at the end of a long and tiring day, you are my peace (after and with God's grace).. Pinapaalala mo sa akin na may magandang bukas pa na dadating. You are the hope I never saw coming.. You give me something to look forward to and to be excited to at the end of the day, and at the beginning of tomorrow. Ikaw rin ang sunset ko kasi sa paglubog mo at sa pag alis mo, shadows na lang ang naiiwan sakin. Ang anino ng maganda nating pinagsamahan sa araw araw, ang anino ng kung paano mo binago at dinala sa mas mabuti ang buhay ko.. Ang anino ng mga pangarap ko para sayo, at para satin.. Ang anino ng pagmamahal mo na hinahanap at inaasam ko pa rin..

I will always be grateful about you and for having you. As I have once told you, you will always be one of the best gift and blessing God has given me. I can't thank Him enough for allowing someone like you to enter my world and for giving me the privilege to fall in love with you and to love you even more..

I love you, Victor.. Will you still watch every sunrise and sunset with me? I hope every time you see them you'll be reminded of how sincere my love is for you..

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 18: February 11, 2018

Dear Love,

It looks like I have nothing much to say to you today. Masyadong malungkot eh. Sobrang miss na kita. Tahimik lang ako maghapon.

Earlier this afternoon about 3pm dumating na yung gown ko for the initial fitting. It was kinda maluwag, I dunno kung pumayat ako or maluwag lang talaga yung pagkakagawa. Anyway, sabi ng mommy maganda naman daw bagay naman daw sakin, but then again I wasn't that much at ease without you seeing it. How I wanted to take a photo of myself to ask you about it. I wish I could tell Mom that I had your approval first of the design prior to letting her see it. Haha.

You know what? To be honest, I think I probably look more of a debutant than of a bridesmaid. Which is funny, because have I told you already that I never had those 18 roses and candles stuff on my 18th? If I haven't, well I celebrated my 18th travelling. We went to Cebu and Bohol for a week, that was also my first time flying (to ride an airplane). Naisip ko kasi kulang ang debut ko pag hindi ako maisasayaw ng Lolo Dad (Mom's dad yung nasa US), eh they cannot make it home daw at that time so sabi ko sige hindi na lang ako mag-gaganun ganun besides sayang lang pera itatapon lang overnight eh kung magtravel na lang eh di di nakasakay pa ko ng eroplano. So instead of a ball gown, swimsuit ang suot ko nung debut ko. Hahahaha. Ikaw? What did you do on your 21st?

Natapos ang araw ko love ng yun lang ang ngyari. Nothing extra special. Unlike nung okay tayo, everyday seems so bright and beautiful.. Mahal ko, naman kasi eeeeh.. Gara mo naman eh. :(

I miss you. I love you. ❤️

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 17: February 10, 2018

Dear Love,

I tried not to write anything for you today but unfortunately I cannot. Hindi ko kaya. I don't want to break my every day promise not to let a single day pass without expressing how much I thought of you, and how much I love you.

How's your day? Ako nung umaga I was busy helping my Mom to prepare for the upcoming opening of our food biz again. And then nung hapon Dad asked us out to watch The Greatest Showman. Of course, they didn't know na napanuod ko na. Secret lang natin ah. Ssshhhh. Anyway, surprisingly my parents loved the movie too! Mom was like "Bukas ulit panuorin natin, magpareserve na tayo ng tickets ngayon pa lang.", and Dad was "Naiyak ako dun sa kantang From Now On ah" dba? I told you love, napakaganda. And the whole cinema was clapping during the movie credits at the end, I gotta say the crowd at SM North was better than those on Powerplant Mall.

As for me, I was crying pa rin kahit 2nd time ko na. I still felt the same feeling as the first time I did. So that means, yeah, I still wished that you were with me. Yes, I can still imagine you and me..

"However big, however small, let me be part of it all. Share your dreams with me. You may be right, you may be wrong, but say that you'll bring me along. To the world you see. To the world I closed my eyes to see."

I love you, Victor. I love you with every love I have right here (in my heart). I think you should know it by now, by this time, by these 17 days that you've left me hanging and all alone. It may be hard for you to believe and imagine but hell yes, I remained faithfully loving you in all these days.. It was hard for me too, real effin hard. Staying was hard, but my heart isn't ready to let go of you yet, as my faith isn't ready to give up on you as well.

Faith, love.. Faith. Believing and trusting something I cannot see, something without any guarantee or maybe even nothing anything at all. There's only one thing that's certain, it's love.. Love. My love for you, withstanding all these madness you've had for me, enduring all the days when patience and understanding is most vital, overcoming every fear present, and surpassing all uncertainties that lie in between you and me. It was never easy to be strong, even more so, to be strong by myself, to be strong all alone. But as long as there is faith, love, and hope, no measurable amount of hardship will suffice.

Faith is from God, Love is from the deepest part of my heart and soul, while Hope-- is from you. You are my hope, as I have once said kasama ka na sa lahat ng pangarap ko ngayon, hangga't may pangarap, may pag-asa. Before I met you, I was a nomad. I was lost. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako pupunta, kung anung gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko, at kung may pag-ibig pa ba. But then you came, and my world was turned upside down, and suddenly I found myself inspired enough to make myself strive to be a better person than I was before. Suddenly, I want to become somebody again, I want to go places again. You gave me something to believe in once more, and most of all you gave me something worth fighting, worth waiting, and worth praying for. It seems like you are the hope I never saw coming, you are the love I never thought I needed (not anymore, at least).

You are more than enough of a blessing to me, my love.. Though you fail to see, appreciate, and accept it.. Though you fail to see, appreciate, and accept me. But it doesn't matter to me now, what matters is that nalaman mo kung ano ka sa akin, kung gaano ka kahalaga sa akin at sa buhay ko. At wala na akong ibang hinihiling sa Maykapal kung hindi ang pagbabalik mo, ang pagbubukas ng puso mo, at ang makasama ka..

Hindi pa naman siguro huli ang lahat, at ang lahat ay posible sa Diyos.

Mahal kita, Victor.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 16: February 09, 2018

Dear Love,

I have changed my eyeglasses na, because my eyesight has gotten worse. Nahihilo na ko dun sa red ko eh. I chose a bigger frame na para mas convenient for my eyes. They said mas bagay daw sakin to kaysa dun sa red, but I'm not convinced though unless ikaw ang magsabi. I've been wanting to hear your opinion about it, wondering would I still look beautiful to you though half of my face is covered with glasses now. And God! I miss you.. More than 2 weeks mo na akong iniwan, mahal ko.

Alam mo ba the MRT is getting worse rin? Napakahirap na magcommute lang. Mas ginagabi na ko ng uwi araw araw. Sa umaga naman napakatagal ng alis ng train, every 15mins ang dating ng train tapos 30mins magpupuno ng passengers. Hassle na dba?

So habang naghihintay, nagbasa muna ako. And ang ganda ng morning devotion ko kanina, eto:

"Two is Far Better Than One"

Godly friendships are the best friendships a person can have. The support and encouragement that you can offer one another is more than enough to help you through the toughest of times. Friendship was designed for people to help one another out, love one another, and give one another the lifting they need. Friendships that are rooted in Christ are the most fulfilling to have because you have an opportunity to grow as Christians together. You can trust each other for the right advice and you can pray together. Amazing things happen when a group of friends come together to pray and worship God.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were not alone when they stood against idolatry. They stood in their decision together – from the beginning to when they were thrown in the fire. They trusted God together and look at the miracle that happened. They survived the burning blazed and served as testimonies of the power of the God they served and believed in. Such things have not stopped happening. When your circle is comprised of people who love God as much as you do, you become unstoppable. No matter what the enemy tries to throw your way, you are all able to keep moving forward.

No one was born to be an island. When we choose to live in isolation it affects everything about us. When we isolate ourselves from people, we don’t get to experience the love and care that people are so willing to give. We are also more susceptible to the wiles of the enemy when we live in isolation. When we try to face challenges on our own, it can become very overwhelming. This is why God created us to be companions with one another. He has never desired us to be alone, without a person to call a friend.

It is always far better to have at least another or two or three people in your life who are for you and are for God, too. Such assurance can help you through the worst of things.

Whatever you do, do not choose to live in isolation. Yes, there are people out there who may not have good intentions toward you. But you need to remind yourself that there are also people out there who will love you, fight for you, and wish to see you live in God’s will for your life.

Ako love, I will love you, I am here to love you, and am obviously fighting for you. And most of all, kaya ko shineshare sayo lahat rin ng natututunan ko everyday is para rin marealize mo ang mga bagay bagay and eventually learn to just trust God's will and stop over thinking and thinking negatively. Minsan love naiisip ko na rin sumuko sayo eh, satin.. Pero parang God is telling me to just trust Him and follow my heart, because everything will be alright. Sana love, maging ganun rin ang thinking mo..

Just feel the faith, feel the love.. And believe in the many endless possibilities that await us. Kaya natin to, love. Kaya mo yan. Ako? Nandito naman na ko love. I'm not going anywhere, or if I would sayo pa rin naman ako pupunta eh. Ikaw pa rin ang gusto kong puntahan, makita, makasama, makapiling, at mahalin..

I love you, my love..

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 15: February 08, 2018

Dear Love,

Dahil sa sobrang pagod at stress ko maghapon I fell asleep right before I finish (this) my every day letter to you. We had an interdepartmental meeting, and guess what? Pinabayaan ako ng mga kasama ko to raise all the concerns and proposed solutions. Syempre yung head nurse ko, ni isang salita wala nanaman rin sinabi. So yeah, I had to deal with everything and with everyone by myself nanaman. Imagine my stress level earlier.. Buti na lang the medical director was on my side, and trusts me so much kaya thankfully my concerns were raised and heard enough by everyone. At the end of the meeting, one of the other deparment heads grabbed me by my arms and whispered on my ear: "Rein great job, ang galing mo. It was a one woman show for your group yet you were so efficient. And thank you for making sure that all department agrees to your proposed solutions which are very systematic. You did well." buti pa yung iba love, naappreciate ako. Etong mga kasama ko mismo eh ni wala akong nadinig na suporta, puro nagmamadali lang umuwi.

Anyway, thanks be to God for this new lifestyle and thinking He had me into. It seems like this meditation and everyday scripture reading is working out for me and making me feel good no matter how BS my day has been. So, here's what I have learned and read today:

Romans 12:3 For I say, through the grace that was given me, to every man who is among you, not to over think beyond what he ought to think, but to think so as to think soundly, as God has apportioned to each man a measure of faith. 9 Love without hypocrisy, abhorring what is evil, clinging to what is good, 12 rejoicing in hope, enduring tribulation, persevering in prayer.

Love tignan mo oh, it is very clear that God doesn't wants us to over think. He just simply wants us to have faith in Him, and to trust Him. Kaya ako love kahit hindi ko alam kung ano na mangyayari satin or kung may hinihintay pa ba ako, mahal pa rin kita. Because I am everyday rejoicing in hope and obviously persevering in prayer that everything will be alright soon sa ating dalawa, na babalik ka rin, na mabubuksan na rin ang puso mo, at makikita mo rin ang pagmamahal ko sayo at hindi kita pababayaan.

Hindi Niya rin tayo pababayaan, mahal ko. Kaya there's no point for us to over think. Let's just surrender all our worries and take this leap of faith together. Together love, because no matter how hard I pray kailangan pa rin kita.

I love you, Victor. Basahin mo naman na mga messages ko oh. Sige na. Sayang naman yung poem na sinulat ko at lahat ng ito kung hindi mo babasahin. :(

[inahfranco-blog]

"Pinagpala (ng Maykapal)"

Masalimuot na nakaraan

tayo'y kapwa mayroon,

dahilan ng ating takot at pangamba,

huwag ng balikan, bagkus

sa isa't isa halina't kumuha

ng bagong lakas,

ng bagong simula,

at ng bagong pag ibig.

Tila sinadya ng tadhana,

tayo'y sinaktan at tinuruan muna,

upang sa araw ng pagtatagpo,

kapwa tayong nakahanda.

May dahilan ang lahat, ika nga.

Ilang sulok na ba ng mundo,

ang ating nilakbay?

Ilang tao na ba ang sinubukan

kilalanin at sinugalan?

Gaano karaming luha na ba,

ang pumatak at naubos?

Ilang beses na ba?

At ilang beses pa ba?

Nandito na ako, hindi ba?

Nandito ka na rin,

Nandito na tayo,

Palalagpasin pa ba?

Sa malayuan, mananalangin na lang ba?

Sa malayo, mangangarap na lang ba?

Aasa na lang ba sa malayo?

Magmamahal na lang ba sa malayo?

Hanggang sa malayo na lang ba ang lahat?

Humawak ka lang sa akin,

Pangako, hindi kita bibitawan.

Buksan mo ang iyong mata,

ang ganda ng bagong pagkakataon,

pangako, ipapakita ko sayo.

Maaari ka rin pumikit,

Damahin mo ang aking haplos,

pangako, ikaw lang ang mamahalin

pangako, sa iyo, ako'y tapat.

Huwag ka ng matakot, mahal ko.

Tayo'y magtiwala sa Diyos,

Sapagkat Siya ang may akda,

Ng istorya ng ating pagtatagpo,

Ng kwento ng ating pagmamahalan, kaya't

Huwag kang sumuko, mahal ko.

Huwag tayong susuko, mahal kita.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 14: February 07, 2018

Dear Love,

Today's another day, miss na miss na miss na miss na kitaaaaa. Haaaay. Tagal tagal mo ng wala love. Tagal mo naman eeeeeh. Hmmmp. Pero alam mo, mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Gustong gusto kong iparamdam sayo.. Gustong gusto kong sabihin ng harapan sayo. Gustong gusto kitang yakapin. Haaaay mahal ko. Mahal kita. Mahal kita.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam how all of these is possible, and how your love and your heart will be possible. I dunno know. But I still believe, though. I am still believing.. And I do have faith.. Minsan sabi ko sana huminto na tong puso ko eh, huminto na maghintay at magmahal kasi wala na akong naririnig sayo, wala na yata akong aasahan. Baka nga wala ka na sakin eh.. Pero no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, ayaw tumigil eh. I can feel my love for you coming from every inch of fiber in me.. Hindi ko nakikita pero ramdam na ramdam ko eh. Hindi ko alam kung pano, hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hindi ko rin alam kung hanggang kailan..

Mawala man to, tumigil man to sigurado ako hindi ako manghihinayang at wala akong pagsisisihan dahil alam ko sa sarili ko binigay ko yung best ko, nanatili akong tapat, at nagmahal ako ng walang pagaalinlangan. Mas nakilala ko ang sarili ko, at mas naging malapit ako sa Diyos ng dahil sayo at satin. Bahala na.. Naniniwala na lang ako na may dahilan ang lahat. At mamahalin pa rin kita hangga't mahal kita.. At mananatili ako sayo hangga't kaya ko..

To be honest, hindi ko alam kung pag napagod ba ako makakapagpaalam pa ko sayo, o parang ikaw bigla na lang ba akong mawawala. Hindi ko alam.. Kaya hangga't nandito ako sasabihin ko na ang lahat. Sasabihin ko sayo at susubukan kong iparamdam kung gaano kita kamahal.

Know that before I walked away, I have agonized over it for a couple of times. Thinking ‘should I try harder or give up now?’ Thinking accepting defeat was a failure.

But for now, I will love you as long as loving you is possible. I will love you, Victor. I will love you.

Ang sarap magmahal Victor.. Ang sarap mong mahalin, mabuti kang tao.. I feel so alive more than ever before since the day I realized that I have already fallen in love with you. Love is alive in me, love is alive because of you, love is true for us.. It feels so magical lalo na pag naiisip ko kung pano at saan tayo nagkakilala. For several times feeling ko ikaw na eh gusto ko ikaw na. Kaya pinagsisikapan ko rin na maging para sayo. Iba yung happiness na dala ng love at hope eh. It's more of "joy". It's something that dwells and emanates from within. It's bringing out hope, faith, and love.. Hindi lang basta saya at tuwa.. It's something deeper..

Kung papipiliin ako love, I wouldn't have chosen our story any other way. Ganito pa rin ang pipiliin kong kwento natin, it was never easy.. But sure it's going to be worth it.. And it is definitely one of a kind.

Alam ko this time, may ginawa akong tama. Hindi ako nagstay dahil naaawa ako sayo, o dahil alam kong kailangan mo ko.. Unlike before sa mga ex ko.. Ngayon nagstay ako because it is solely my choice to stay, and to stay in love with you.. It is my choice to step up and try to be the one for you.. With God's guidance, of course. Siya naman ang nagbibigay ng strength sakin eh. I can feel it in my heart that He's telling me to just believe and trust His plan this time. Kasi this time with you everything just feel sooo right. And again, I just don't know how to stop even if you're showing me that I should..

My love.. I can't wait to talk to you again, I can't wait to hear your voice again..

I love you.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 13: February 06, 2018

Dear Love,

Yesterday a patient of mine has encouraged me to try out meditation. He taught me how to do it. Sabi nya it’s a way to connect with God daw, it’s a moment in which you are fully surrendering to Him and you cast everything else out. In that way also you’ll get to hear more and understand what He’s trying to tell you. He also said that traumas of the past would come knocking every once in a while as you meditate, but it will help you heal.. What’s important daw is your presence on that moment. Twice a day ang recommendation nya.

So I tried it last night before going to bed. I have to say finally, for the first time simula nung iniwan mo ko nakatulog ako ng mahimbing and without disruptions. And then I tried it again today habang nasa byahe ako. I read some bible verses muna, among all I’ve read (so far) this is what caught me the most:

James 1:3-4

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Luke 18:27

And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Kaya love naniniwala ako na hindi pa naman siguro imposible na lumambot ang puso mo at magbago ang takbo ng isip mo. Naniniwala ako, pinakikinggan Niya ang bawat dasal ko para sayo at para satin. Konting pasensya, pangintindi at dasal pa..

Joshua 1:9

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

1 Peter 5:10

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

eto love, kaya dba wala tayong dapat ikatakot. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng sakit at hirap na pinagdaanan natin individually, He blessed us with each other. At ngayon naman, I am pretty sure pag nalagpasan natin to, He’ll bless us with a stronger love for each other, and a stronger faith. We’ll be better.. Both as individuals and as a pair..

Galing love. Kahapon at kagabi sabi ko susuko na ko eh. Ayoko na. Susuko na ko sayo.. But then… I felt so instantly renewed today. Parang hindi ako nasaktan, feeling ko I am so strong and indeed it feels like nothing is quite impossible nga, just trust Him. I feel like a better person already. I feel like kakaahon ko lang mula sa kaila ilaliman ng dagat.

Parang He’s telling me na “Reina, anak wag ka susuko. Ako na ang bahala sa inyo ni Victor.”

and I found myself crying again. This time hindi dahil nagdadasal ako out of desperation, but because ramdam na ramdam ko yung tinatawag na “Faith”. Kahapon feeling ko I am so unloved. Unloved by you.. In fact, I almost forgot that The Lord loves me and kaya Niya siguro hinayaan to mangyari satin, to draw me closer to Him, to deepen my faith, and to further believe to the endless possibilities that awaits us, that awaits love. At para maishare ko sayo ang lahat ng ito. Hoping that this time, ikaw naman yung mainspire ko..

God is great, love.. And we are blessed in this situation that we are facing. Dba? Pinagtagpo Niya talaga tayo love eh. Kaya natin to.. We can do this.. We can work this out..

Take my hand, my love.. Take my hand.. And let’s take His hand, together. Hindi Niya tayo pababayaan. He got us together..

I love you.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 12: February 05, 2018

Dear My Love,

Today I feel like I want to dissociate myself from the whole world, and yes that includes you. Wondering if my disappearing would mean anything to you, or would you even notice at least. I am thinking of getting my data plan disconnected already since the purpose of me applying for it was to always have a means of communicating with you anytime and anywhere. But since you left me, I got no one and nothing to use it for anymore.

I feel like taking off my own heart from my chest throw it away in the ocean hoping you might find it (since you love the ocean and to swim) and put it back to my chest yourself. I don't want to feel anything at all, at least not for this moment so I won't mind being ignored, being left hanging, being not reciprocated, being alone, and not being loved back by you.

I want to tell you to please, don't let me be the one that got away. I want to be the one who stayed and never left. Don't make me feel tired, tired of trying, tired of waiting, tired of hoping, and tired of praying for us. Because once I did, there might be no turning back. You might regret it, or you might not. When that happens I may have to cut out everything that would remind me of you, and of us. I can't see you happy with someone else because I know I will always wish that it's me you're happy with, that it's me beside you, that it's me loving you, and that it's me that you're loving.

I don't want you to see me happy with someone else either, you might regret it. You might wish it was your hand I was holding, it was your eyes I am looking back at, it was still you I am fighting for, it was you kissing my forehead. Regret always comes in the end anyway, when all is said and done, when the person finally leaves. You can't rationalize me with "we're not really meant to be" bullshit or with "destiny doesn't want us". Fuck it. Destiny already gave you the chance to choose me and to love me several times already, yet you still choose to stay away and treat me less than I deserve.

Is this how you will always love me? By ignoring me every day, making me feel worthless all alone, keeping me hanging because you don't have the courage to tell me that you don't want to be with me or the goddamn courage to tell me that you want me so much and you're too coward to give us a try because you are underestimating my love for you because you are afraid.

Destiny have given you the choice to be the one, but you choose not to be. Don't you dare tell me that "you deserve better" crap thing, because I know what I deserve. I deserve the person I love, I deserve to have my choices, and therefore I deserve YOU.. It is you who doesn't want me to be deserving and worthy of you..

Don't wait for me to stop singing you those shitty love songs, don't learn them and start singing them by then. Don't make me stop writing for you, because until then you will no longer hear anything from me.

Until then, you might miss me telling you how much I love you when you need love the most.

I know you will probably not, knowing how hard your heart is, for me at least. But I'm sure one day you will realize..

One day... You will see the kind of woman you have ignored and whose love you've taken for granted. One day you'll realize that you just let your chance go by and slipped through your fingers.

All these time I thought you loved me. Maybe you did for a moment, but it is pretty obvious now that you love your fear more than me. That you'd rather see me hurt than to make me happy and to make yourself happy with me. I thought you can't say no to people, but why of all people you have said no to me and you have rejected me. Yes, that's how I feel now, rejected. I thought you will never leave me, as you have told me the first time you've chosen to walk away from me. But for the second time around, you did leave once more.

If there's anything I am guilty of today, and the only thing I am guilty about is that I have loved you too much. Maybe you were right, this is too much already.. Me giving you too much love vs. you giving me too much rejection.

But still, I love you.. And I will live up to what I've said that life will never be the same without you anymore.

You will always have a home right here inside my heart.

Right now all I have left is a faint spark of hope, a small leap of faith, and a weak heart clinging to the silver lining that things would turn out differently, and positively. Believing, that maybe just maybe, miracles still do exist.

The miracle of your change of heart, the miracle of you fighting for us, the miracle of you telling me to stay..

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 11: February 04, 2018

Dear Love,

It was just another usual day for me, nothing so special. Nagdinner lang kami sa labas. Pero ganun pa rin. Another day without you. Kulang.. Malungkot.. All I ever had to do was to maintain my "Babalik na si Victor" mantra the whole day and say it over and over a million times to keep my spirits and hope up. I miss you terribly. Empty eh. It's like I am hollow, empty sa loob as if there's a huge hole in me that only you can fill and fit into.

Ikaw? How have you been? I hope you are doing well. Sana unti unti ng bumubukas ang puso mo at nawawala na ang takot mo. Sana naman paunti unti ng natutupad ang panalangin ko. Iniisip mo rin ba ako? Do you even miss me at all? I hope you are, and I hope you do. Mahal mo pa rin ba ako? Sana oo. Sana ako pa rin.. Sana pwede pa rin.. Sana posible pa rin.. Sana may patutunguhan pa rin tayo tulad ng sinabi mo minsan.

Hindi mo pa rin binabasa yung poem ko sayo. Alam ko naman pangit pero ang importante naparating ko sayo yung gusto ko. Bakit nga pala ganun.. Inaabot na ng ilang araw bago mo basahin mga messages ko. Talaga bang wala na ako sayo?

For some reason naalala ko yung first time natin nagvideo call. Christmas party namin yun eh. When I sent you that photo of my Filipiniana get up, in full hair and make up.. And your reaction upon seeing my photo was "Marry me" dba? That's what you told me.. I know at that time nasabi mo lang yun without really meaning it. Nung nabasa ko yun, I told myself "I will" it was like saying "I do" to you from afar. And up to this day, unsure ka man or hindi sa pagkakasabi nun sakin, I would still want to marry you in time.

Victor, sana nga.. Sana nga mangyari pa yun. Just by thinking about it naiiyak na ko, I can't wait for that day already.. Sana I could always look beautiful to your eyes, beautiful enough to keep you thinking and wanting to marry me.. How silly of me dba? To think of the future, to think of us marrying each other eh ngayon pa lang naman malinaw na ang present.. Iniwan mo na ko minsan (past), at ngayon (present) iniwan mo nanaman ako pinabayaan mo nanaman ako magisa, kaya pano pa magkakafuture dba?

Tanga tanga ko talaga eh noh? Ano nanamang kahibangan to alam ko yun ang sasabihin mo.. Dibale mahal ko, libre lang naman mangarap eh. Mukhang unti unti ko na rin ata natatanggap na hanggang pangarap na lang kita, na hanggang pangarap na lang tayo.. Ganun pa man, wala pa rin imposible.. Walang imposible sa taong nagmamahal kaya ayoko pa rin mawalan ng pag asa.. May awa pa rin naman ang Diyos..

Haaay osya sige na muna love, tatapusin ko muna ang pagiyak. Hindi ko na ulit kaya eh.. Pakikinggan ko na lang muna yung Marry Me ng Train hanggang maubos ang luha ko ngayong gabi. Good night and good morning na sayo diyan, 2:00 am na nga pala riyan eh.

P. S. Hindi masarap ang InfiniTea.

I love you.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 10: February 03, 2018

Dear Victor,

After being overwhelmed yesterday because of that awesome movie, today seems to be so forlorn. I am once again lacking of your presence.

You know what? It feels empty without you.

Looks like I'm gonna be in desolation today. I can't think of words, I can't think of what sane things to do today. I don't think I how can I be productive today. If there's anything I hope I can do today is to just look at you straight in the eye and tell you how much I love you, and give you every assurance I could. And yes, on that case you are allowed not to say a word because I would rather want you to feel everything I am about give. Every love, every hope, and every dream I have for you and for us. This time, I don't want to be the one whose wrapped in your arms, instead it's I, who's going to envelope you not just within my arms but within my very soul and with everything in me.

Just feel it. Just feel me. Feel everything I have to offer. Feel my warmth, my breath, my skin, my never ending beating heart (for you and YOU ALONE). And then I shall kiss every pain, every lie, every bruise and scar, and every fear you possess. I will kiss them until you forget them.

I will love you until you have finally let go of them. I will love you until you have finally learned to embrace me back and to answer to every kiss I ever gave you. I will love you until you have finally conquered your fears. I will love you until you have finally found your peace and taste of heaven.

I will love you,

with every tear and with every victory.

Let me love you,

in every place, every time,

and every thing.

I will love you,

even if I can no longer speak the words.

I want to love you,

'till the verge of giving up,

'till every oxygen had run out.

Let me love you,

though you don't want to love me back.

I shall love you,

when all has been said and done.

I will love you, Victor..

And, I love you..

Always.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 9: February 02, 2018 (Part II)

*And behold my favorites (just the words I wanted to tell you):

1. "Rewrite The Stars"

You know I want you

It's not a secret I try to hide

I know you want me

So don't keep saying our hands are tied

You claim it's not in the cards

But fate is pulling you miles away

And out of reach from me

But you're here in my heart

So who can stop me if I decide

That you're my destiny?

What if we rewrite the stars?

Say you were made to be mine

Nothing could keep us apart

You'd be the one I was meant to find

It's up to you, and it's up to me

No one can say what we get to be

So why don't we rewrite the stars?

Maybe the world could be ours

Tonight

All I want is to fly with you

All I want is to fall with you

So just give me all of you

*And finally, these last two that had me sobbing, and gave me goosebumps all over, these has always been my dream for the two of us: (I LOVE YOU)

2. "A Million Dreams"

However big, however small

Let me be part of it all

Share your dreams with me

You may be right, you may be wrong

But say that you'll bring me along

To the world you see

To the world I close my eyes to see

I close my eyes to see

3. "Tightrope"

Some people long for a life that is simple and planned, tied with a ribbon

Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land, to follow what's written

But I'd follow you to the great unknown

Off to a world we call our own

Hand in my hand

And we promised to never let go

We're walking the tightrope

High in the sky

We can see the whole world down below

We're walking the tightrope

Never sure, never know how far we could fall

But it's all an adventure

That comes with a breathtaking view

Walking the tightrope

With you...

Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between, desert and ocean

You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream, always in motion

So I risk it all just to be with you

And I risk it all for this life we choose

Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?

But it's all an adventure

That comes with a breathtaking view

Walking the tightrope

With you...

Victor ko, mahal na mahal na mahal kita..

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 9: February 02, 2018 (Part I)

Dear Love,

Love! Guess what? Nanuod ako ng The Greatest Showman. Grabeeee ang ganda love. It was musical and magical. Umpisa pa lang naiiyak na ko eh. It was moving indeed. I was deeply moved.. It inspired me to dream bigger, to love even more, and to believe that nothing is impossible.. I watched it alone, so para akong tanga na umiiyak magisa at ngumingiti magisa.. The weird part is magisa lang rin talaga ako dun sa row ma inuupan ko and I was just right at the very middle of it. It's like it was really reserved for me and meant for me to watch. I just wished na sana kasama kita habang nanunuod ako para sana dalawa tayong nainspire.. While watching naimagine ko tayo.. The many things we can do and the dreams we can achieve together.. I can swear by it..

If there's a moral lesson na natutunan ko is to never give up on your dreams, and as you reach for them never forget the people who were there with you when you had nothing and when you were at your worst. Never take those people who chooses to stay with you and to love you during the hardest of times. Don't wait for that person or for them na mawala muna sayo before you'll realize how much they actually mean to you. And that success can't really be measured by the amount of money you've had, the number of places you've been to, and how many properties have you owned.. It's about the number of people whose lives you have touched and made happy.. Especially those who loves you and those you love..

The soundtrack was amazing, sooo damn amazing.. Here are some of what has inspired me and those that really had me imagine everything with you and made me want to believe in us together, so much more:

1. "Come alive"

No more living in those shadows

You and me, we know how that goes

'Cause once you see it, oh you'll never, never be the same

We'll be the light that's shining

Bottle up and keep on trying

You can prove there's more to you

You cannot be afraid

2. "From Now On"

I saw the sun begin to dim

And felt that winter wind blow cold

A man learns who is there for him

When the glitter fades and the walls won't hold, cause from then, rubble

What remains can only be what's true

If all was lost there's more I gained

Cause it led me back to you

3. "The other side"

Right here, right now I put the offer out

I don't want to chase you down,

I know you see it, you run with me

And I can cut you free

Out of the treachery and walls you keep in

So trade that typical for something colorful

And if it's crazy, live a little crazy

You can play it sensible, a king of conventional

Or you can risk it all and see

Don't you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play

'Cause I got what you need

So come with me and take the ride

It'll take you to the other side

'Cause you can do like you do

Or you can do like me

Stay in the cage, or you'll finally take the key Oh, damn! Suddenly you're free to fly

It'll take you to the other side

Now is this really how you like to spend your days?

Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays

Wake up and cure your aching

Take your walls and start 'em breaking

Now that's a deal that seems worth taking

But I guess I'll leave that up to you

4. "This is me"

And I know that I deserve your love

There's nothing I'm not worthy of

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown them out

This is brave, this is bruised

This is who I'm meant to be, this is me

5. "Never Enough"

I'm tryin' to hold my breath

Let it stay this way

Can't let this moment end

You set off a dream in me

Gettin' louder now

Can you hear it echoing?

Take my hand

Will you share this with me?

'Cause darling without you

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 8: February 01, 2018

Dear Love,

Hello mahal ko. Medyo better na ko ngayon kaysa kahapon. Hindi na masyadong mainit ang ulo ko tska buti na lang absent yung head nurse ko. Hahaha. Anyway, kanina konti lang naman mga surgeries namin so nagkapetiks moment kaming lahat at heart to heart talk. February na nga naman love! Buwan ng mga puso.. Eh sabi ko yung kabiyak ng puso ko nasa soul searching mode pa. Hahahaha. Hmmp. Kainis ka! Akala ko pa man rin eh magiging masaya ang Valentines day ko ngayong 2018 kasi may Victor na ko.. Eh kaso si Victor ko feeling superman. Tinamaan na nga ng pana ni cupido aba'y tinatanggal pang pilit yung pana sa puso nya.. Buti na lang malakas ako kay cupido, binaon nyang mabuti yung pana sayo kaya kahit anung gawin mo sa ayaw at sa gusto mo ikaw pa rin ang ka-Valentines ko. Hahahaha. Kala mo ah..

Anyway, so ayun nga nagumpisa sa usapang Valentines day at Ash Wednesday ang kwentuhan kanina, hanggang sa umabot sa religion kasi iba iba kami dun love eh. At di ko na matandaan kung pano umabot sa sex ang usapan.. Palibhasa puro may mga asawa na, at yung isa samin ikakasal this year. Hanggang sa napunta sakin yung topic.. Kasi ako na lang ang maiiwan na single at dalaga.. Magboyfriend na daw kasi ako para daw sa Valentines may kadate ako at may nagreregalo sakin, eh sabi ko nga nagssoul searching pa. Hahaha. Tapos ayun nga, tinanong nila ko ano daw gusto ko, lights on or lights off. Sabi ko syempre lights off o kaya dim lights lang para mas intimate. Tapos sabi nila ano daw gusto ko daw ba rough and wild, sabi ko hindi gentle and sweet nice and slow. May sumagot maganda yan rein maguumpisa muna sa tongue to tongue tapos necking tapos hawakan na kung saan saan. Jusko love, hindi ako nakatagal namiss kita lalo. Naaalala ko mga usapan nating ganun.. Naiimagine ko nnman tayo.. Kinikilig ako at nalulungkot at the same time kasi sobrang miss na kita.. At one point naisip ko matutupad pa kaya natin yun, magagawa pa ba kaya natin.. And yes, talagang walang ibang pumasok sa isip ko kung hindi ikaw.. Naimagine ko talaga doing all those with you, love.. Until finally uwian na, hindi ako sumabay talaga sa kanila love.. I want to be alone eh.. Gusto ko muna magisa..

And right now, I am eating alone. . Eto shawarma tska fries tska coke light.. These aren't my comfort food naman talaga pero at least nagkaoras ako para sa sarili ko kahit pano.. I can't drink coffee muna eh 3 days in a row na akong nakaka 7 cups of coffee in a day.. So that's 21 cups of caffeine in 3 days.. And I can feel my acid already.. So enough na muna yung 1 cup in the morning.. I can't eat ice cream rin, too much sugar naman.. So pwede na to..

Napakaraming tao dito ngayon love, nasa foodcourt ako eh. Imagine sa dinami dami ng tao sa mundo, ang layo layo natin pero pinagtagpo tayo at ang mga puso natin sa pinakahindi inaasahang pagkakataon at lugar (dating app). Kung tutuusin mahirap paniwalaan sa ganung klase ng mobile app.. But here we are, our feelings are true, and there is a reality that's happening to us right now.. At hindi lahat ng bilyong tao sa mundong ito nabigyan ng pagkakataon na magmahal at mahalin in return.. Pero tayong dalawa, eto.. Biniyayaan tayo ng isa't isa, mahal kita mahal mo rin naman ako.. Wag sana natin sayangin..

Oo hindi tayo masasagasaan ng bus sa loob ng 50 years, pero love, isang beses lang ako makakatagpo ng Victor Percival Del Castillo Chavez sa buong buhay ko para mahalin ko ng buong puso at walang pagaalinlangan.. Kaya ako hindi kita sasayangin.. Mamahalin lang kita hanggang sa abot ng makakaya kong pagmamahal na maaari kong ibigay.. Kaya wag kang magalala.. Basta bumalik ka lang sakin...

You know, you don't deserve to live every day agonizing over the one who has left you and made you look like shit. Because you deserve someone who stayed, and never left.

I love you.

[inahfranco-blog]

Day 7: January 31, 2018

Dear Love,

5:17am

Good morning, my chest feels heavy. Kung pwedeng wag pumasok di ako papasok. Galit pa rin ako eh. I am thinking of resignation na nga eh kasi I don't think it's worth stressing for every day eh. Kaso ayoko naman sumuko agad, baka maayos pa naman at maisip nila na tama ako, dba? Sa tingin ko rin you wouldn't want me to give up as easy as this lalo na galit lang naman ako. Alam mo love, that is one of the many things I admire about you, your passion and hard work for your job.. Lodi kita eh, petmalu ka. Hahahaha. But seriously love, para kang tatay ko.. I wish I can be more like you guys, kaya ikaw at si daddy ang inspiration ko sa pagttrabaho. You see? You're not the only one trying to be a better person here, ako rin love.. Para sayo.. Para sa future natin.. See that good influence you had on me? Thank you, love.. Kahit ganito tayo, ikaw pa rin talaga eh. You are one of the many beautiful things ever happened to me. Blessed pa rin ako love kasi dinala ka sa buhay ko kahit nasasaktan ako ngayon..

I was beginning to think na nga bakit parang hindi nanaman Niya ko pinapakinggan. All I ever did was to thank Him everyday for giving you to me. Pero bakit parang binabawi ka nanaman sakin.. But then, I came across those thoughts I have mentioned above.. And I realized na hindi eh, He knows that I would need an inspiration para sa pangyayaring ito sa trabaho at para siguro matest rin Niya ako kung gaank ako kasigurado sa pagmamahal ko sayo. Kaya rin siguro of all the days and years that passed, ngayon Niya pinatawag si Miguel para igauge ako kung talagang ikaw ba ang gusto ko. Eh nasagot ko naman eh. At hanggang ngayon nga oh pinagsisiksikan ko sarili ko sayo.. But I don't mind, mahal kita eh. And I am definitely sure about you, kita mo naman kahit iniignore mo ko.. Hmmp..

Tuloy pa rin ang pagasa.. Tuloy ang buhay.. Tuloy ang pagmamahal.. Tuloy ang paniniwala sa bawat milagro at magandang posibilidad na dala ng bawat umaga. Tuloy ang pag-ibig para sayo, Victor..

9:30pm

I arrived so early at Guadalupe station, past 5:30am lang so I still got lots of time and guess what I did? For the first time in my 3 years at Makati, I decided to take the courage of dropping by at the Nuestra Señora de Gracia Church, also known as the Guadalupe church. Araw araw kong nadadaanan yun, dati lagi kong sinasabi sa mga kasama ko na dumaan kami dun kapag may time. But no one bothered na samahan ako at natatakot naman ako pumunta magisa kasi the area is surrounded by informal settlers. Pero kanina di ko alam kung anung sumapi sakin at naglakas loob talaga ako pumunta mag isa at madilim pa nung oras na yun. Siguro out of desperation na. Pagdating ko dun I was stunned by the beauty of the church, lumang luma na.. Matandang simbahan na pero ang ganda ganda, especially the altar. Right at the center was a huge Mama Mary, and she was so beautiful. Upon entering, I kneeled right away parang nanghina ako bigla, patakbo akong lumuhod at nagdasal.

As Catholic, I was raised to believe that for every first time you'll visit a church, go and make a wish. So I made my wish as I pray. And of course my wish is you.. Na sana bumalik ka na sakin, sana maging maayos na ang lahat satin, sana buksan mo na ang puso mo para sakin, sana kako magmessage ka na sakin.. I made a bargain, sabi ko Mama Mary pag binalik Nyo po sakin si Victor babalik rin kami dito, dadalin ko po sya dito sa inyo para magkasama kaming makapagpasalamat sa Inyo ng Panginoon at pangako dalawa kaming magrorosaryo sa simabahan na ito. I was crying love.. I was literally crying and begging for help, on my knees. There was a novena kanina, and I am pretty sure that the elders can actually see me crying.

Nagpasalamat rin ako love, tulad ng araw araw kong ipinagpapasalamat simula ng magkakilala tayo.. At nagpasalamat rin ako sa kakaibang level ng faith na meron ako ngayon para sa ating dalawa. Sabi ko alam ko sinadya Niya na sa tinagal tagal ngayon lang ako napunta dun para humiling ag lumapit sa Kaniya.. Kaya naniniwala ako na hindi Niya tayo pababayaan at ipagkakaloob Niya sa akin ang hiling ko..

Grabe love.. Grabe tong pinagdadaanan natin, at grabe tong pagmamahal ko ngayon.. Ngayon lang ako humiling ng todo todo at araw araw sa langit. Yung araw araw dumadaan ako sa kung saang chapel pwede para lumuhod at humingi ng saklolo sa Itaas, maibalik ka lang sakin at ipagkaloob ka lang sakin ng tuluyan. Araw araw love.. At everytime na pipikit ako.. Ikaw ang panalangin ko.. Sayo lang ako nagkaganito love.. Saksi ang langit at ang Kaitaas-taasan.. I think for 25 years, these were the moments of my surrender.. Surrender to faith, and to love.. Hindi yung surrender na suko na, na ayaw na.. Hindi love eh.

Eto yung pagsurrender na nagtitiwala ka sa bagay na hindi mo makita at posibleng hindi ipagkaloob sayo pero malakas pa rin ang pananalig mo, at pagkapit mo dahil naniniwala ka na hindi ka pababayaan at isang araw matutupad rin.. Hindi mo alam kung paano, basta naniniwala ka na lang...

Haaaaay mahal ko.. Sana nga.. Sana nga... Haplusin sana ng Diyos ang puso mong matigas, ng lumambot na at bumukas na para sakin..

Mahal na mahal kita, Victor. Sa paraang hindi mo alam, sa pagkakataong hindi mo nakikita, at sa bawat sandling ayaw mong tanggapin at ramdamin.. Words are no longer enough to say how much I really do love you..

P. S. one week ka ng wala.. One week mo na akong iniwan.