inacampiongirlsmind

[inacampiongirlsmind]

To live is Christ, to die is gain.

Oh there are many times I wish that I was not on this earth, but with Christ. I can’t wait to spend eternity with Christ, away from all the pain and shittyness of this world.  When depression is all consuming and I want to be with you - help me to remember that here on earth is where I am needed. And that is a privilege - even when I can’t see it or feel in!.  Lord thank you that I get to be in this world to love you, your people and be loved by you. Philippians 1:21   For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

[inacampiongirlsmind]

Darkness

I hate depression. It is like a deep dark pit. You  don’t choose to fall into it and here you are. Is  there anyway to ever get out? It is too overwhelming and the darkness is all consuming. Everywhere I look there is no light. It seems I am stuck in this place forever. Numbed from medication yet deeply sad without any good reason. I want to sob in the arms of those I love and yet the tears do not come. Anger rises in me for being unable to cry. I become angry for being sad without any good reason. I become angry that depression tells me I am unworthy, unloveable and a failure.  Oh Lord,  Sometimes I am angry at you for “making this happen to me.” Thank you that you hold me and are close to me always. Thank you that you always show me the light, even when it is not instant. Thank you for the people who love me and hold me when I am sad. Thank you for the sunshine, cups of tea and ice cream. On days where the dark pit is all consuming, help me to keep on trusting you. I need you  and love you Jesus. Thank you for being my king.  Your daughter, 

Gemma Claire

[inacampiongirlsmind]

Roses And Phone Calls

So often, I can get stuck in my head and fall into a heap - my mind tricking me that I am unloved. 

Today I had two phone calls with dear friends and one phone call with my grandparents. Grandad told me that I was his best friend. I am honoured to take that title. Grandad also said “the only goal I have to complete before I die is dance with you at your cousin, Kaitlyn at your weddings.“ Bless his heart. If ever I get married Grandad, I would be delighted to dance with you. 

A mum and daughter from Sydney, a Curvy Girl and her mum dropped in with roses as they were visiting Dubbo for the weekend. They are nothing but blessings. 

How very beautiful to have these relationships. To be known and loved is such a precious thing. 

Dear God, 

Please help me to remember I am loved - even when it doesn’t feel like it. Thank you for all the people in my life who love me. 

Your Daughter, 

Gemma Claire

[inacampiongirlsmind]

I don’t know how to date. But I know how to be single.

It has been 6 months since dating someone. I’ve been single for 9 years previously. Dating is different to what I excepted. It’s beautiful, vulnerable , spectacular and terrifying all in one.

Recently, I have been reflecting upon singleness and how different it is to dating. At times I have struggled so deeply in singleness. First and foremost I have been reminded of this: It don’t matter if you are single or dating, you are loved so deeply by Christ. A relationship status doesn’t change that. My prayer is that this truth dwells deeply into both singles and those in relationships.

[inacampiongirlsmind]

Sometimes all you need is some baked beans. 

[inacampiongirlsmind]

I'm restless until I rest in you

Audrey Assad

[inacampiongirlsmind]

A Rainy Day

As I sit on my couch and look out the window, I can see the rain pouring down. Rainy days can be wonderful. An introverts dream. Curled up with a hot cup of tea with a great book. What more in life could you want?  However, rainy days are sometimes are not all they seem. Cold, dreary and unkind. The wind blows and  destruction comes.   Recently, the latter of rainy days have been building through my soul. As my heart and mind fill with anxiety, fear and distrust. When will the rain stop? How long it before there is a break in the wind and in the storms of my fragile heart? 

Listening to a sermon on Psalm 46 this morning, I am reminded that God brings “crises”, but I am not alone in them. My Lord, My God - lifts his voice and the earth melts. What a beautiful picture of a King who is all powerful and has the whole world in his hands.   My Jesus,  I so often forget to look to you. I so often find myself in a rainy day or darkness, anxiety and fear. Only turning to my own futile efforts to make all things well. Lord, thank you that you are more powerful then I know. Thank you that you speak and the earth melts. In my pain, suffering, anxiety and failures thank you that you see them all. Thank you that you are the One who holds my fragile heart. Thank you that despite the rainy days, the sun  eventually shines. 

Your daughter, 

Gemma Claire

PSALM 46 

God is our refuge and strength,    an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam    and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,    the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall;    God will help her at break of day.  Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;    he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;    the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the Lord has done,    the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease    to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;    he burns the shields with fire.  He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;    I will be exalted among the nations,    I will be exalted in the earth.”

 The Lord Almighty is with us;

   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

[inacampiongirlsmind]

El Jannahs is the South West version of Frangos

It is coming up to two years in Campbelltown. It’s honestly, only by the grace of God that I am still here. I am so thankful to God for the way that he has provided for me and am flabbergasted in how it looks so differently to what I expected when I originally moved here. When I first moved here, my aim was to just tell people about Jesus and serve God to the best of my ability, by his grace. I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had since moving here and I am so thankful to God for the people in my community whom I can:

- go to their house for dinner

- send them a text for prayer

- borrow a car when my tire is flat 

-  help me move house ( x 5000) 

- donate all sorts of things when I move to a new place and have to start from scratch 

-  donate groceries when I am on placement 

- people who cooking food for me when I am sick 

-  people to have coffee with and share life with 

I’m not even sure how to sum up the two years. It’s really crazy that I am here because of the train lady. It doesn’t really even make sense.

 Do I regret moving here? No. 

Is it hard? Very. 

Would I ever move because of a crazy train lady again? Probably not.

   The two biggest things that I have learnt/ am reminded of is that: 

1. In times of desperation and hardship, looking to Jesus is the only thing you can do. 

2. In Gods great kindness, He provides in way that are unexpected, marvelous and are full of joy. 

Thanks be to God for sustaining me throughout the last two years and providing me with people who love, care and support me. 

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel  will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”  Mark 10:29-31

[inacampiongirlsmind]

A thousand doubts. One Reason

“I’m moving to Campbelltown at the end of the year” I announce as I sat in the staff room one day in front of someone else. 

“WHAT?!? CAMPBELLTOWN!? I feel disgusting as the name just rolls of my tongue.” 

Unsure of how to really respond and knowing that if I did tell the truth of why I wanted to move I would have looked like even more of a weirdo. So instead, I shrugged my shoulders and said “Well, the rent is a lot cheaper out west”. I’ve had this conversation with so many people over the last seven months. Generally, the response is normally received in three ways:

Laugher and disbelief

Anger and lastly,

Complete silence.  

None of these are bad it has just been interesting to reflect on each person’s response.  

You see, when I went to Campbelltown in December 2015 (the first time I had ever been to Campbelltown) I was waiting at the train station for my friend to pick me up. There was this lady swearing and complaining about how no one picked her up from the airport and she had to catch the train all the way home by herself. I instantly felt compassion for her as I have been in very similar situations before. I then felt the Holy Spirit wash over me and grip me. The first thing that came to mind was “I want to spend the rest of my life in Campbelltown”. As I walked down the main street of Campbelltown and looked around, this was once again confirmed.  Not really sure of what to make of this, I pushed it to the back of mind and tried to ignore it. That didn’t really work. 

During the Easter of 2017 I was visiting my dad camping. Sitting on top of a hill, I was praying, and the Holy Spirit prompted with this Campbelltown thought. I walked back to our camping spot and said “Dad, I’m going to move to Campbelltown at the end of the year”. He looked up and responded, “You are serious about this aren’t you?”. And, indeed, I was. The next sentence that came from his mouth was unexpected but comforting to know that I had his support was “Well, we need to find you accommodation, don’t we”. 

After seeking counsel from my parents, friends, family and one of my pastors they were all saying the same thing. Two words: “Yes, Go.” Oh crap, I thought, this is not the response I want. Every time I had these conversations I so deeply wanted to hear “No, why would God ever tell you to do that? You are Crazy! Stay”. I hate being out of my comfort zone and nothing fills me with more anxiety then being in a new place.  I get it, it’s not like I’m moving to Africa where you can’t drink the water and have to walk for days to be in somewhat of civilisation. But still. With less than a month until I move I’m starting to feel the pressure of “Oh crap, I literally don’t know anyone”.      

Recently, at church there was a guy who spoke about his plan for his family to go and serve in outback Australia. It dawned on me that this family had been planning this move for at least one year. I remember his words so vividly, “Some days we are excited and some days we are doubting and not sure of what we are doing”. The more I think about this the more I relate with it.

I’m not writing this for self-gratification, but rather, to be honest with people I love about how I feel about this situation. And to be honest with myself. Even though I have a thousand doubts I have one reason that is SO much bigger and that is Jesus. So, I’m asking you to support me when I move and throughout my time in Campbelltown through reminding of the reason I moved, prayer, phone calls, coffee dates and a listening ear. Thank you for your support that I have received so far. I am beyond grateful.  

“But God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through” Fancis Chen

And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8