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06/01/19
June 29, I met sir Paulo Calingasan and his mother and sisters as I was stacking the pushcarts outside the store. They were having their breakfast and I cannot stop peeking at my young former professor. "I finally met him in the U.S."
As I was making my rounds stuffing empty fridges and chillers, I encounter Sir Pau's mother and had some small talk. She felt empathy with the gloomyness she maybe saw in my eyes. After a few minutes, she cut our conversation and bid good bye. About an hour later, I checked my phone and a message from Sir Pau popped up. He was asking me when I will be free. I told him that the next day will be my day off and I usually finish work at 4PM. We came to an agreement to meet at Serramonte Mall on July 1, Monday.
Earlier, I called for a sick leave to make sure there will be no obstruction prior to our meeting. I want it to be as smooth as possible especially the fact that this is the first time someone invited me (I take this one as a date, IDK).
By 2PM I bathez myself and wore elegance as I peoject myself in the mirror with my black turtle neck, white long sleeve polo, and black coat.
I arrived earlier than 4PM since I thought he might be waiting for me. He ran some errands and we met around 5PM. No harm done anyway, I've waited six months for an invitation, an extra hour is okay.
I did not noticed he arrived and he handed me a black roast coffee from Starbucks. Our conversation started by him catching up and asking how I feel. I tols him my woes and anxieties which he prescribed some changes in my mindset as the remedies including: less time with social media, deter from comparing myself from others, enjoy my own pace, and to trust the process. Our conversation became personal as I asked about his life here in U.S. He told me he just started working and usually watches Netflix and finish some series in a day. He is proud with his sister and her story of success and independence in America which I also applaud. What makes sir Pau amazing is his transparency with his flaws: he admits his not so good English skills, his insecurities with his peers which is countered by his philosophies, and the fact the mere fact that like me, he also overthinks and has emotions. Don't get me wrong, sir Pau is just difficult to read. Maybe it has something to do with his past, or it's just his nature as an introvert. Regardless the reason, a guy like him is still susceptible with sadness.
Mind you, I felt a little uneasy with him being an introvert. I felt like he was only obliged by his mom to talk to me as she see how unhappy I am. I felt miserable for being turned to an obligation or being helped out of pity. Moreover, I do not know if he is comfortable with the things we talked about. I cannot see him smile like how he do on his pictures nor laugh when I blurt out humor.
I did not want to call it a day yet. I just want to spend time with him not as a professor, but as a friend (?). So I insisted to grab some dinner. He was uncomfortable, but he said yes eventually. Upon walking to McDonald's, I learned that he has conditions with his lungs. I was heart-broken. Why does he "blessed" with that. We are infront of McDonald's when I sensed him being hesistant. So, I suggested going to In-N-Out instead. I insisted treating him as I ordered two Double-Double with Monster Fries.
Watching him eat is fun. He eats fast and I told him about the documentary hosted by Leonardo Da Vinci which he used to show to our class. After eating, I suggested going to the park for a walk, but it seems like he wants to go home. As we went out to the start, we part ways and called it a day.
As I got home, he sent me a thank you message. I told him how grateful I am for giving me some time. He told me that it was such a shame that we were not able to take some pictures. I replied, telling him that there is still a next time.
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*flex ko lang, sayang naman eh*
Someone told me that I'm very expressive. If that is true, then there is no need for me to fear how I'll narrate my story.
I remember the time when I was in 10th grade. My classmates had chatters about where they will pursue their senior high school. I listened to their conversation. She will go to UST while her friends chose to go to UE, FEU and DLS-AU. As for me, I'm careless to chose which school I go next. But I am eyeing for UST that time since it is my father and my late aunt's alma mater. I heard a couple of classmates talking about PUP. "What and where is PUP?" This sounds ignorant, but I believe that was the first time I heard of PUP. Upon hearing it's free, I asked my classmates the details needes for the application. One night, while the prime time drama, a commercial flashed before me. It is an invitation for aspiring film and television students to study the craft under the wing of ABS-CBN. I'm interested. Everyone who knows me know I want to be a filmmaker. Plus, maybe it is a stepping-stone to be one of UAAP's courtside reporters. So of course, I did the application and test. Alas, I was accepted in three schools: Music, Arts, and Design in UST, Media Arts in ABS-CBN, and Humanities and Social Sciences in PUP. The dilemma came after.
At the first few months of 2017, JHS completion is fast approaching. With the school year coming to an end, new gates will open as a grade 11. Which school should I choose though? I asked for opinions from family and peers. UST was outvoted since the school is golden, leaving ABS-CBN and PUP as my options. They are both free, they are both promising. Most of my family members want me in ABS-CBN, but I man up and braved my way to end in PUP.
Why HUMSS? Well as far as I can remember, I chose the strand to pursue psychology. But PUP is magical, it awakened my senses and gave me wings like an eaglet being thought to fly. And I met my bread and butter, creative writing.
In the month of November 2017, I noticed a poster posted by a group. They are inviting students to join the screening to be one of the writers. I tagged all my friends who were former writers from their school's publication. They even insisted me to join and I applied as feature writer. The next month, a friend tagged me on a post. There I saw my name under the news writers. Finally, I am a member of the PUP Campus Journalists.
Being a writer was a challenge. I had no experience in journalistic writing, unlike my classmates who used to compete in press-cons. There are times I want to quit, that I'll only stain and tarnished the name of the publication. But my friends don't want me to five up. So I made effort to get better and even find resources and materials for my training. Eventually, I myself noticed that I scribed better. Not too long, I open my own blog.
After the 11th grade, I am usually waking up early to ride the jeepneys every morning to go to our office. I watch the broad-com students profusely sweating and fidgeting in anxiety as they defend the first part of their thesis. I also attend free seminars regarding the media and its industry. I even got a part in some productions.
The summer of 2018 was also the time to prepare for the college admission tests. I downloaded reviewers in the form of PDFs and pledge to spare my time to review. Of course I did, but not all the time. As we went back to school as 12th graders, all of us were excited to have our applications finished as early as possible. I applied to three universities: DLSU, UP and PUP.
The ber-months were the worst months of the year 2018. I was often absent in school to attend appointments regarding our immigration, I even did miss my chance to compete on an essay writing contest on a university level. On September, our immigration was status was finally approved. Everyone was in relief except for me, who was weeping upon being hit by the realization, "I won't finish my studies in PUP".
Fast-forward to December, I often go home late as I spend my remaining days going to distant places with classmates or bonding eith my friends and colleagues on our office. I remember how I wish the night won't end as I dance to the 80's music and sing on the karaoke during my first and last party in the Communication Management Office (CMO). How I am saddened by the fact that it was the last time I'll see the faces of my seniors friends. But the world doesn't work that way. Right after the Christmas Day, my parents and I flew to America.
What makes my first days in America special is how my aunt does anything she can to avoid me feeling homesick (which I still feel every once in a while). Some told me it is natural that I feel that way while some wants me to go back. I often project a smile. Why, because I find myself ridiculous trying to make the world see I am contented even when I am not.
After a month since our arrival, I started to go to school. The high schools in America is so vast and exclusive compared to the Philippines. I am too fortunate that Westmoor High School was dominated by Filipino and Filipino-American students. Some kakabayans are welcoming and alluring, but some Filipinos are simply full of crap.
After four months of catching up, I am now officially recognized as a high school graduate.
If there is one thing I learned in my journey as a high school student, it would be the fact that there is no such thing as a "dead end". Not because you end up there, means you'll end up there forever. It's either you or someone will make a move to open up a new path in your adventure.
Frankly, I am not certain with what will happen now that I considered a high school graduate and an adult. But in this game of chess, my next move would surely open a brand new opportunity.
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04/02/18
"He is very energetic. He considers his self as a follower, but I believe he can be a good leader someday."
*Job Interview Simulation
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04/22/19
On scale of Frowning Christian to Smiling Christian, how are you feeling today?
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22/03/19
today is rainy friday afternoon. i was falling in line for my free lunch, peering outside of the window. assuming the gloomy weather affected my mood, i found myself staring in the abyss when a student talked to me.
him: are you okay?
i was astound. the boy was a stranger to me.
me: yes.
he then began to ask me.
him: do you know why you should be happy?
me: why?
i tried to remember the next things he said the best that i can.
him: it's just the gloomy weather. and besides, this is daly city.
he paused.
him: you can leave daly city and pursue your dreams. or you can stay here and follow your dreams.
his words made smile. the stranger's kind words pierced through my heart. i felt like this are the words i need.
me: thank you.
him: no problem.
he smiled and turn face.
his words helped but i really don't want to smile. he was in front of me, and in that brief moment, he looked at me like he wants to beam a smile. of course, not because i want to, but to show that he was able to help me.
the moment he got his lunch, he turned face towards me.
him: be happy okay?
i beamed a smile once again.
me: thank you.
him: see you later.
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01/07/19
writer / journalist in the making
Plan A: BA in Creative Writing minor in Communication (SFSU)
Plan B: BA in Creative Writing minor in Journalism (SFSU)
Plan C: BA in Creative Writing minor in Film (SFSU)
Plan D: BA in Creative Writing (UST)
Plan E: BA in Creative Writing (UP)
* Finish my Masters before I turn 27 years old.
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12/22/18
Treating my annoying, future flight attendant nephew (neice) a savory Japanese meal.
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12/22/18
With my main bitch, treating me with ice-cold, sweet beverage. Gonna miss this cunt, for real.
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12/22/18
How I knew the pain of breaking-up:
Him: Farewell, kaibigan. (Farewell, my friend.)
Me: 'Wag farewell sabihin mo. (Don't say "farewell".)
Him: Ano? (What?)
Me: Sabihin mo, "break na tayo". (Say, "let's break up".)
Him: Break na tayo, 'tang ina mo! (Let's break up, motherfucker!)
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