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I MIGHT BE DRIVING MYSELF...THE SENSOUS IS THAT I SHOULD WAIT...AND I CANNOT. IF I DON'T GO KNOW, I'M AFRAID I WON'T GO FOR A FEW MORE MONTHS, WHEN I KNOW MY BODY IS BREAKING DOWN, MY MENTAL STABILITY IS BREAKING DOWN AND MY SPIRITUALITY IS IN A COMA.
I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF ON TUMBLR...I'M 100% SURE I NEED HELP.
IF I DON'T CHECK OUT TEMPORARILY, I MIGHT END UP CHECKING OUT PERMANENTLY. I CANNOT LET GO OF THE PAIN AND AGONY THAT MY DEAR BROTHER HAUNTS MY VERY HEART AND SOUL. THERE IS TOO MUCH THAT TIME CAN'T ERASE. MY IMMORTAL TWIN. YOU ARE MY SHADOW.
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I’M SUCH AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN...EVEN IN MY CRISES I GO THROUGH THE GATES OF HELL ALONE TO FIND THE TUNNEL OF LIGHT. LET’S HOPE I FIND IT.
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IS THIS CANDY? I’M OKAY...NO SUIC. THOUGHTS...JUST WANT SOUL RELIEF
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MESSENGER ME FROM NOW ON...BE ON PHONE...I’M SO SCARED
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DO I HANG ONTO THE INSANITY TO FIND AND RECORD MY HUMANITY?
SCOTTIE AND I IN THE PEA FARM....RUNNING OVER THE PODS AND HEARING THEM POP. WE SURFED BEHIND MICHAEL'S SNOW MOBILE AND GOT OUR CLOTHES WET EVERY 2 HOUR INTERVALS AND IT WAS FUN AND COLD AND LOUD AND FAST; ON THE VERY SAME FIELD....THE BOYS TOOK ME TO THE ONLY LITTLE CREEK ACROSS THE STREET FROM OUR VERY RURAL FARM. IT LOOKED SOLD...AND SO I STEPPED ON WITH THERE COMFORT, SUPPORT AND ASSURANCE THAT IT WAS ICE...THESE WERE MY FIRST ICE SKATES...AND I BELIEVED THEN...THESE RASCALLY RABBITS...ALWAYS TRICKING ME. I FELL IN AND THOUGHT WITH AS COLD AS MY FOOT WAS, I WAS GOING TO LOSE IT. DRAMA QUEEN.
I MIGHT BE DRIVING MYSELF...THE SENSES IS THAT I SHOULD WAIT...AND I CANNOT. IF I DON'T GO NOW, I'M AFRAID I WON'T GO FOR A FEW MORE MONTHS, WHEN I KNOW MY BODY IS BREAKING DOWN, MY MENTAL STABILITY IS BREAKING DOWN AND MY SPIRITUALITY IS IN A COMA.
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DOES ANYBODY READ ME YET? I AM SUFFERING AND NEED YOU AMERICA...UNIVERSE...HIGHER POWER. I STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, DO I GO? IS IT A WASTE OF LIFE, TIME, MENTAL ANGUISH, DISAPPOINTMENT...AS I AM IN THE REALM OF MENTAL ILLNESS....IN MY WORLD RIGHT NOW THAT MEANS JUDGMENT...HESITATION AND ISOLATION FROM THOSE WHO DON’T UNDERSTAND OR WHO CAN’T POSSIBLY COMPREHEND. TO HAVE MORE THAN THREE LARGE MALES OVERCOME U, MAKES YOU THINK TWICE...AND THIRD...AND 3 MILLION....TIMES. I HOWEVER AM BLESSED WITH A MAN WHO IS ALWAYS ACCOMMODATING AND KIND AND THOUGHTFUL...AND MOST OF ALL PATIENT. AND QUITE THE LOVER. MY BODY IS JUST DRAINED...AND MY MIND IS DRAINED. I MISS MY MAZZEI AND MY CANDY...AND CINDY AND MANY OTHERS. I NEED TO GET INSIDE MY SOUL...AND THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO DO THAT IS TO GIVE UP AND BE PUT UP BEHIND LOCKED DOORS...SAFE AWAY FROM TODAY...SOCIETY, PAIN, DAMN PANDORA’S BOX WHEN I WROTE THAT CRAP ABOUT MY PAST. TOO MUCH TOO SOON WITHOUT A LICENSED THERAPIST. I DO MISS MY FAMILY ALWAYS AND FOREVER............................................
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MY WILL AND TESTAMENT...MICHAEL, DARREN, MARTY...DO WHAT I HAVE ASKED...BODY TO SCIENCE...ASHES TO OCEAN, ANYWHERE...MATERIAL THINGS ARE INCONSEQUENTIAL. YOU HAVE ALL TOUCHED MY LIFE IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. I THANK YOU FOR THAT AND AM FOREVER GRATEFUL. I AM A COWARD. BUT I KNOW WHEN TO SURRENDER. I MUST GO TO A DIFFERENT PLANE TO COORDINATE WITH THE ONES I LOVE AND SEEK REFUGE FOR I AM ON FIRE IN HELL ON WHEELS, LIVING IN FEAR AND PANIC...NOT KNOWING WHETHER TO GO LEFT OR RIGHT, BACKWARD OR FORWARD. WHO IS OUT THERE WITH THAT DARK CLOAK ON TO MEET ME AT THE CROSSROADS? ARE YOU THERE? WHEN IS MY TIME TO LEAVE THIS WORLD OF MISERY AND SADNESS AND DESPAIR. WHERE ARE YOU...OH HOLY ONE? I NEED YOUR ADVICE...WHAT DO I DO? I'M AT THE CROSSROADS OF GOOD AND EVIL. WHAT IS MY CHOICE? FIGHT IT HERE WITH FAMILY OR SEEK SILENCE IN A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT WHERE I HAVE NO ACCESS TO THE TRIGGERS? I SMELL CLEANER, MUST GO CLEAN KITCHEN...NOT LEAVING A LOT TO DO WHEN I LEAVE THE FIRST DAY. HOW LONG WILL I STAY?
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I WANT TO JOIN THEM NOW...MY FAMILY IN HEAVEN. BUT THAT IS THE WEAK ONE'S WAY OUT...THE COWARD'S WAY OUT. I MUST SEEK OUT HELP FROM OTHERS BESIDES MY FAMILY. THE PROFESSIONALS...THAT SHOULD BE A SERIES...I COULD BE THE FIRST GUEST...I WANT TO TALK TO DR PHIL, NOT...HE HE HE! THERE IS ONLY ONE GURU IN THIS LIFE THAT CAN HELP AND I'M CALLING OUT TO ALL MY SOLDIERS TO PRAY FOR ME IN THIS BATTLE AGAINST THE DARKNESS. I NEED YOU NOW AS NEVER BEFORE. THE TRADITIONAL REHAB IS AA...IT'S FREE, BUT I PICKED UP OTHER TRAUMA FROM THESE ROOMS WITH SUCH DARK PEOPLE WHO ONLY SHOWED THEIR LIGHT TO ME TO MANIPULATE...MY NAIVE TRUSTING WAYS AND AGAIN WOUNDED MY SOUL...SHE CAN’T RETURN TO THAT HOMETOWN NOW. ONE ON ONE WITH GOD AND A COMPETENT COMPASSIONATE THERAPIST, ONCE A WEEK. MAYBE MENTAL HEALTH ORG. AND THEIR STRUCTURED GROUPS. GOING TO HOSPITAL TONIGHT...THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS, PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.
I FEEL LIKE I AM AT MY WITS END...JUST NEED TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. I'M CRYING OUT FOR HELP FROM OUR SAVIOR ON HIGH. HELP ME FOR ALWAYS AND FOREVER
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DON'T FORGET THAT MAYBE......YOU ARE THE LIGHTHOUSE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S STORM.
I LOVE MYSELF FROM PINK FLOYD...IT IS THE MECCA FOR ME IN DIRECTORIAL, AUDIO, VOICE, CULTURE, SIMPLY CONTEMPLATION. “HELLO IS THERE ANYBODY IN THERE...JUST NOD IF YOU CAN HEAR ME...IS THERE ANYONE HOME? COME ONE NOW I HEAR YOU'RE FEELING DOWN...WELL I CAN EASE YOUR PAIN, GET YOU ON YOUR FEET AGAIN...RELAX I NEED SOME INFORMATION FIRST JUST THE BASIC FACTS. CAN YOU SHOW ME WHERE IT HURTS...PINK FLOYD. CANBURY YOURSELF THERE FOR A COUPLE HOURS. WHEN I WAS A CHILD...I HAD A FEVER...THIS IS NOT HOW I AM.
I'VE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB.....OKAY
THERE IS NO PAIN YOUR ARE RECEIDING A DISTANCE SHIPS MAKE UP THE HORIZON..COMING RHOUGH INEAVES YOUR LIPS OVE BUT I CAN'T EAR WHAT YOUS AY CORNER OF Y EYE
OKAY......ECHO OKAY.....JUST A LITTLE PIN PRICK. THERE'LL BE NO MORE BUT YOU MAY FEEl A LITTLE SICK", CAN YOU STAND UP. THE BASTARDS ARE EVERYWERE...AWE MUST KEEP PRAYING FOR OUR GOD WHO TRIUMPHS WITH US WE DID HAVE OUR SECRET SERVICE FROM THOSE OF US WHO HAVE MUCH NOVICE. STE LIGHTLY FOR THEIR AR SO MANY VISIONS AND ACTIVE LANDMARK/ROAD AND MANY DARK CORNERS TO RESCUE FOR YSELF JUST THINKING ABOUT ANY OF YALL WE WILL ENDURE.
I AM CALLING OUT FOR HELP..I AM IN THE THHROWS OF MY ADDICTION AND DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN. IT WOULD BE EASIER JUST TO SAIL AWAY MY DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. THE DARKNESS AND LONELINESS HAUNTS ME EVEN IN THE LOST PATH OF THE FAMILY CROWD...SONS AND MATE AND LOVING MOMENTS.. I MUST CONTINUE ON. THIS IS WHAT KEEPS ME GOING. THOSE WHO LOVE ME...
A LITTLE TEACUP YORKIE ISABELLA (IZZY) ROSIE (SIDE NOTE: FRENCH NAME ASSOCIATED WITH JOHNNY DEPP)......."FRIED GREEN TOMATOES" MARY STUART MASTERSON AND OTHER GREAT STARS...I MISS MY MOTHER...SHE COULD HAVE FILLED IN A LOT OF SPACES AND GAPS AND HER WHOLE LIFE STORY WOULD HAVE BEEN A BEST SELLER.
PRETTY TIRED THIS AM, DID NOT GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT; MAYBE A COUPLE HOURS. SO ONE EYE IS CLOSED; AND MY EYES BURN.
I WISH I HAD DIED INSTEAD OF SCOTTIE...HE HAD SO MUCH JOY, KINDNESS, SENSITIVITY, HUMOR, GENERATIONS OF KNOWLEDGE...AN OLD SOUL IN A YOUNGSTER'S BODY, MIND, HEART AND SOUL. THAT IS OUR SCOTTIE. HE IS A GENTLE SOUL...THE EARTH TOO SMALL FOR HIS BIG PERSONALITY.
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DON'T FORGET THAT MAYBE......YOU ARE THE LIGHTHOUSE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S STORM.
I LOVE MYSELF FROM PINK FLOYD...IT IS THE MECCA FOR ME IN DIRECTORIAL. AUDIO, VOICE, CULTURE, SIMPLE CONTEMPLATION. HELLO IS THERE ANYBODY IN THERE...
JUST NOD IF YOU CAN HEAR ME...IS THERE ANYONE HOME? COME ONE NOW I HEAR YOU’RE FEELING DOWN...WELL I CAN EASE YOUR PAIN, GET YOU ON YOUR FEET AGAIN...RELAX I NEED SOME INFORMATION FIRST JUST THE BASIC FACTS. CAN YOU SHOW ME WHERE IT HURTS...PINK FLOYD. YOURSELF THERE FOR A COUPLE HOURS. WHEN I WAS A CHILD...I HAD A FEVER...THIS IS NOT WHO I AM. I'VE BECOME COMFORTABLY NUMB
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DON'T FORGET THAT MAYBE......YOU ARE THE LIGHTHOUSE IN SOMEONE ELSE'S STORM.
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“Sometimes we need to go home to find the parts of ourselves we left behind before we can truly become whole.” ― Sandra Kring, Thank You for All Things
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“It seems to me that after someone sweeps across your life like a red-hot flame, peeling back the shutters that sat over your heart and your mind and setting free your sweetest dreams or your worst nightmares, after things cool down you've got two choices. You can either slip back into your old self, your old life, tucking those things you were too scared to look at back into hiding, or you can keep those parts of yourself out until you get so used to them that they don't scare you anymore and they just become a part of who you are.” ― Sandra Kring, The Book of Bright Ideas
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