immiamarais

[immiamarais]

Hi. Things are bleak, I know that. I know that we paid for Trump's last term with blood and it is likely the price will be blood again.

But listen to me. LISTEN.

You do not have to force yourself to witness horrors as an act of activism. It is not a form of activism. You can put your phone down, you can block that horrific video. We cannot win if you cannot fight and you will not be able to fight if you are hopeless.

Do not let them guilt you into this. People who are exhausted are easier to walk over. Take care of yourself, find community where you find joy.

[immiamarais]

this is literally me on tumblr.com

[immiamarais]

not huge on anime and i’ve never heard a vocaloid song in its entirety but every time i see miku i’m like yeah baby it’s miku that’s my friend miku

[immiamarais]

I love it so much you can’t imagine!!!

[immiamarais]

There's something so hard in challenging what you've been taught during your childhood because when you try to challenge it, you're not just challenging yourself. These things were taught to you with utmost confidence, clarity, loudness, and sometimes even force and violence, by people who seemed to fully believe it. They would go as far as humiliate and ridicule you for even thinking anything else, for daring to believe anything positive about yourself, or the world.

It feels painful and triggering to try and break out of it, because you still hear echos of their words in your head, calling you naive, stupid, snowflake, weakling, pathetic, spoiled, they've defined who you are if you try to challenge their narrative. And then if all that is not true, then all those people were teaching you something so fucked up, and you have to now chage the way you look at them, the way you feel about them, and they've also gone and put a blockade on that.

They've told you what you're allowed to think of them, how grateful you need to be for everything they've done or are still doing for you, they've showed you what happens if you dare to see them in negative light, or even think a negative thought about them. They've taught you to be ashamed of questioning them, to be scared of challenging them, to not even think for a second they could  be wrong. If you  attempt to go against their word, you again hear their words in your head, calling you selfish, ungrateful, heartless, harmful, toxic, abusive, cruel, vicious, evil. It's almost instictive to try and defend them, to find a way to rationalize why would they do what they did, because you don't want to be vicious, you don't want to be heartless, you have to keep proving that you have a heart, by finding excuses for the abuse that was dealt to you, by finding a way to make it 'okay' that they did this to you.

It's not a coincidence you have so many blocks, and so much pain to go trough if you try to doubt it, they made it so on purpose. They could see that one day you'd figure out they lied to you, and they wanted you to bury yourself in shame and pain and guilt, rather than be able to engage with a logical thought, so you wouldn't be able to build your own narrative, you'd have to stick to what they told you, so you'd evade all of the extra pain.

And in the end, if you do manage to break trough all of that pain and see clearly what they did to you is wrong, your reward is the realization that you have no family. That you grew up in abuse, that your experiences are not normal, they're filled with neglect and pain and trauma. People you believed were your parents, were never on your side. They were never safe, they never had good intentions, they never raised you. You grew up alone. You were lied to. Your innocence, inexperience and young stages of brain development were used against you, to bond and trap you with people who never cared what happens to you. They only cared for how they could make use of you and would keep doing it until the end of your days.

The process of challenging it is so painful, it's reasonable that most people don't want to go trough with it, and don't want to be pushed, and will push back if it's pointed out to them. There's just too much pain to experience on that route. Nobody would take it willingly, unless they have no other choice.

[immiamarais]

So I watched Naruto. Thought it was a casual hyperfixation. It wasn’t. This mf show has had me on chokehold for the last months.

So I will be drawing and posting Naruto stuff for a while.

Do not worry I will come back to Ninjago I assure you, until then enjoy a different kind of silly ninja :3

[immiamarais]

Starting a compilation

[immiamarais]

on self-love

?// @heavensghost // @roach-works //Richard Bach //?// @bakwaaas // @llleighsmith // Clarice Lispector// Anonymous

[immiamarais]

[immiamarais]

[guy who doesnt watch shows voice] yeah ive been meaning to watch that show

[immiamarais]

F1 AU timeskip

oikawa drives for mercedes now

[immiamarais]

Ghost of the strongest

[immiamarais]

my trick for getting through grad school is learning to navigate the quadrants with all their nuances

[immiamarais]

i can’t drive all that well, but i can most definitely ride

[immiamarais]

Girlpool—Before the World Was Big // memorial bench quoting Toni Morrison's Sula // @inanotherunivrse // Iain S. Thomas, I Wrote This For You // Zadie Smith, Swing Time // Fall Out Boy—The Kids Aren't Alright // Audrey Emmett // Mikko Harvey, "For M" // Mahmoud Darwish, Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut, 1982 (tr. Ibrahim Muhawi) // Langston Hughes, "Poem"

[immiamarais]

[immiamarais]

what they don’t tell you about uncluttering your countertops/tables/general spaces is you’ll think it’s dumb as hell & allow it to all pile up because the idea of organizing and removing shit is daunting but once you do it and step back and See how things look without clutter you will feel as though you just snorted a line.