im-not-fucking-jesus

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

2008, Tokyo Takashi Homma

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

Do you ever feel like you’re just convenient?

You’re the convenient friend, convenient time pass, convenient relationship, convenient option for everyone.

You’re the person people hang out with because you’re easy, and always eager because you’re always just so desperate to feel wanted and not alone, but really you’re just convenient.

You know you’re not special, and that your spot in their life will be easily replaced and that they’d much rather someone else in their company- but again you’re just convenient. You’re the convenient option. The always available option.

I’m the friend who has best friends but isn’t the best friend. I’m the convenient friend. I’m the lover who falls in love but never the one being loved. I’m just the convenient route.

Im the ‘never says no’ friend. The ‘easy to take advantage of’ friend. The ‘can you do me a favour?’ friend. I’m the ‘useful until no longer of use’ friend. I’m the ‘I want to do something but everyone else is busy’ friend.

I’m the butt of the joke friend. I’m the punching bag friend. The forgotten friend. The one who’s feelings aren’t considered because I’m the ‘she’ll get over it’ friend.

I’m just the easy and convenient friend.

And that’s my own fault, thinking always being available, always being easy and giving more of myself will finally one day deem me worthy in someone’s eyes. Spoiler alert - it doesn’t. I’m still never enough.

I’m the ‘smile through the pain’ friend because being this friend hurts.

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

Photography by Xuebing Du

Instagram: xuebing.du

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Ambush fall 2021 editorial for Vogue Korea online shot by Jongha Park

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noir kei ninomiya spring 2022

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Anok Yai by Amy Troost for i-D Magazine - Fall 2021

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[im-not-fucking-jesus]

Erin M. Riley

Loot 10, 2015

Wool, Cotton, 24 x 25 inches

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Laccaria amethystina (amethyst deceiver)

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So the people waited for her return. Waited and grew tired of waiting. They forgot they had released a bird; forgot there was a bird. They even forgot there was a world sunken under water. They forgot where they were from; how long they traveled; and where they were going.

天使のたまご  | ANGEL’S EGG (1985) dir. Mamoru Oshii

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

Hellraiser Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

(Cristopher Young 1987)

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

So the people waited for her return. Waited and grew tired of waiting. They forgot they had released a bird; forgot there was a bird. They even forgot there was a world sunken under water. They forgot where they were from; how long they traveled; and where they were going.

天使のたまご  | ANGEL’S EGG (1985) dir. Mamoru Oshii

[im-not-fucking-jesus]

john galliano menswear f/w 2004