im-a-wizard-who-dont-crime
The blog of a law abiding citizen.
9K posts
Out of character I am 22, and for legal reasons hasn't committed several crimes that they'll never find evidence of
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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im-a-wizard-who-dont-crime · 21 hours ago
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a watched nut never busts. or something. i dont fucking know what you people find funny anymore. 9/11.
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im-a-wizard-who-dont-crime · 23 hours ago
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😎💙  Portal between posts
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im-a-wizard-who-dont-crime · 23 hours ago
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😎🧡 Portal between posts
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official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate
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I just saw Nosferatu and literally like 99% of the occult shit was not only accurate but accurate to the period. I recognized pages of Athanasius Kirchner on a character's wall.
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I've given people a lot of personal information but I've never given information about my cat. He's 8 (turns 9 on st Patrick's day) his name is lucky, he likes to walk laps around the tv when you're watching it, will be always asking for food but is unable to notice the bug 2 centimeters in front of him that I specifically brought him into the room to kill, cannot be let into any room besides my bedroom unsupervised or he will find something carpeted and eat it, tried to eat my legos this morning, and I'm pretty sure he's hidden catnip somewhere but I don't know where
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Spider-Man: MENACE
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I genuinely think there was no greater insight into the modern Christian mindset than when the Pope said he very much hoped Hell was empty and he was absolutely hounded by both Catholics and Protestants outraged at the idea of a man who wanted a place of infinite suffering to have nobody in it.
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Starting a collection
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Yeah my name is Tim, short for OpTIMus Prime
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it’s crazy how a double bacon cheeseburger is probably the single healthiest thing a human can eat
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Just in case any of you are confused, TikTok being banned and coming back not even 24 hours later with a giant "we thank President Trump" message is NOT a win. It's a huge red flag and a sign that this was a thousand percent planned.
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American flag at half mast after assassination of JFK (1963, colorized)
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So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.
So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"
But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:
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And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)
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Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.
And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize
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They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy
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