ilobbyu

[ilobbyu]

Denial.

"One day, if by chance, awakening comes , let the two of us silently meet in a vast future."

Stage one.

Denial.

Denial, is the first stage out of 5 stage of grief. They help us to survive from feeling of loss, and emptiness. In this stage, Denial, the world becomes pointless, meaningless, and is overwhelming. You can't figure out which is real, and which is not. You are in complete shock. Words just don't make sense anymore.

You wonder how can you go on, and even if you can, you kept asking why would you want to go on. You try to do such simplest thing to get your mind off of it, you try to find a way to get through each day, but it's hard. Denying helps you ease your mind, and forget this cruel sad world, erasing all the memories of the lost ones, temporary.

As you start to accept the reality, it all came crashing down to you. You start to ask yourself a question that yourself could never answer. Unknowingly, you feel like you've become stronger. But as you rise, as you stand up from the ground where you fall, all the feelings you were denying starts to surface too.

-

I woke up and saw the flickering light of my phone on the night stand beside my head, my trembling fingers went out to reach it. 2 a.m. I sit there, with my head rested on the comfortable headboard, feeling light-headed. All the pale traces of tears, the scattered tear drops. They are no more than dreams melded together. No matter how much I tried to hold on, in the unending night, sighs continue to be heard. Yet following the beautiful memories, the heart remains unchanged. Questions and thoughts started to fill my head, why must I see this image of you inside my head? I feel ill.

I don't know where it came from but, the memories, it started to flood inside my brain. I still don't understand why was I born into this world without you beside me. It's almost as if, I've become an artificial and nothing bothers me anymore. But when I fall down, blood still flows from my wound.

So tell me, will you show me, tell me all the secret, your secret, why you loved me. Tell me why, why does it feels like this world is so empty?

“This world is never ending, and it's an endless series of good-bye's.”

I remember those words coming out from your lips. The moment I heard you said that, I get this feeling, that you are not wrong at all. But I never have thought that one day I would be the one, and the first to said those 'good-bye'.

I remember when you held my hand so tight that Monday night in the middle of the pouring snow storm, with my coat all soaked up from the melting snow because I was sharing an umbrella with you, and your cheeks are as red as the leaf of the plum tree with a single teardrop falling down from that exquisitely beautiful eyes of yours.

You said,

"One day, if by chance, awakening comes , let the two of us silently meet in a vast future. Even if it takes a hundred years, I will continue to wait. Even if I have to be thousands of feet off the ground."

My heart instantly sank.

She never told me. That she was sick. I do realize that she was terribly ill, but I never wanted to know. I am refusing to acknowledge that she was in pain. I'm denying all the fact that she is not fine. I am a terrible person. And I wasn't there when she needed me the most, was I?

I wasn't there to hold her hand when she became weaker each breath she took. Now that I think of it, when was the last time we held each other's hand and intertwine our fingers, like nothing in this world will tear us apart? I didn't ask for this to happen. I don't want to hurt myself. But I was selfish. I didn't want to see you in pain, and I left. Your bleeding heart, the stained time that has passed, the things you've hold dearly, everything. Please, I ask you, I beg you, will you show it to me one more time?

One last time.

I have never felt so lost. So very empty inside. I feel like there's a hole inside me which is begging me to fill it with love and hope and you. Maybe my problem is that when I'm lost, I look for you. Not myself. I let myself drown in your smell. I seek comfort by being with you. The moment that I knew I loved you, is when "home" went from being a place to being a person. And it's you. You're my home. You're what I demand to accompany me inside this loneliness. I never stopped loving you, I just stopped showing it. Because I know how much it hurts. People said that the truth was better, but I was never sure that I really agree with this. Because each time I know the truth, I always hope that I could wake up and pretend like I don't know anything at all.

Each days passing by feels like years when I'm not with you. I needed you so much right now. I never thought that I needed you when I cry. I've lost certain people in my life, and I've moved on. But I've never felt like this before. Everything I do, everything I see, I feel, is reminding me of you.

But on days like this, I'm sure I will remember again. Your warm hands, and the intoxicating smell of lavender in the summer haze. Your warm gentle fingers on my cheek and the taste of strawberry chapstick on my lips. And I remember you told me,

"No matter what kinds of wind blow, nothing will change. This feeling will never ever be changed."

I see you smile. That beautiful enchanting smile of yours. It never fails to capture my breath away. My heart stopped right after. It's my kind of drugs, my alcohol. I'm addicted to it, I'm always craving for it, for you. And that's never good. I always wanted more, I am greedy for your love, sweetheart.

And I refuse to believe. What's the meaning of this? Of love. What's the point of caring for each other, and to live side by side if in the end we'll just forget everything we've ever done, and all the sweet memories. All that's left is just in photographs.

This heart aches. It's a big mistake. I ended up falling for you without knowing that you almost ran out of time. And I still can't believe it. And I refuse to believe it. I've lost you unexpectedly. I can still feel your presence on my bed, and it lingers.  And oh, how the jacket you left on my doorstep still smells exactly like you.

You told me all about your dreams. As well as your hopes. It's quite upsetting to me how you're unable to accomplish all your list before you pass away.

And dear god please listen to me and send this millions of my love and prayers to her.

It never crossed my mind, never the slightest I imagined that you're leaving me here, all alone and drenched in my tears.

I wish I could lose this feelings as fast as I lose you.

And yet, I still won't believe it. I refuse to.

Until then , I will drown myself in the thoughts of us.

End.

Notes: This was a remake of my old FF of Naru/Hina on FFN((Press for link))

[ilobbyu]

“But, what if I never get over you?” I said, my hands were shaking under the dim, pale light from a single street lamp. My knees began to feel weak. “What if I,” I whispered inaudibly, as I was unable to continue the words i was about to say due to the coldness of the night that was hugging me tightly. As if it won’t let go of me and demanding me to stay still and let the darkness of the night consume me.

My throat felt coarse. The words were begging me to let them crawl out of my lungs. My lips were trembling, as I was unable to stop another sorrow from falling down to my cheek, making its way until it finally reached the freezing pavement under my feet. The cool droplets of water were still kissing the earth as the sun patiently went down to let the moon breath. I was drenched in both of my tears and the drops of Adam’s ale. The night was unbearably cold.

I can feel every inch of my bones freezing.

But not as cold as the tips of his fingers on both of my cheek. His long, gentle fingers that was once mine. The one that warms me up even in my darkest coldest night. The one that wipes away all the waterfall that was spilling out of my hazel beads. Not as cold as his broken, fragmented, little bits of pieces of his heart.

“I’ve missed you. I really do,” I whispered, the cool of the dark midnight is present on my weak breath.

“And it was after months and days of silence that made me realized,”

I sob, letting the unfortunate, awful, miserable event take over my scorching soul. “We make better strangers than everything else we ever did.” I nodded shakily eventually. My legs caved in and surrendering itself to the icy stone underneath me. His auburn heavenly wandering stars never left my expanding hazel.

“I, I’m sorry.”

Stuttering, he dreadfully begged for my forgiveness as both of his hands expanded to reach me and lifted me from where I was seated. Although I am aware that it was never of his intentions. I have never, even once, to ask for the feelings I am experiencing right now.

I have never wanted to love someone so much that I often found myself asking, what if I continue to wake up every single day on my life and wanting you so badly that I can feel my inside shake so much to the verge of breaking? I got up to my shaky feet and I looked at him right in his auburn pupils that's sucking me as if it was a black hole. I chuckled and let out a single sigh. I finally gather up a courage to say a few words that made him taken aback. “What if you were the one, and I wasn’t?” -:(//b.v

[ilobbyu]

ｅｃｏｎｏｍｉｃ ｗｒｉｔｉｎｇ ｃｈａｌｌｅｎｇｅ

Kｅｒｊａｓａｍａ Eｋｏｎｏｍｉ Iｎｔｅｒｎａｓｉｏｎａｌ Sesuai dengan pertumbuhan dan perkembangan ekonomi yang mengarah kepada ekonomi global, kita tidak akan terlepas dari kerjasama dengan negara-negara kaya yang biasa disebut dengan kerjasama Internasional. Kerjasama Internasional adalah bentuk hubungan yang dilakukan oleh suatu negara dengan negara lain. Kerja sama ini bertujuan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan rakyat dan untuk kepentingan negara-negara di dunia, mempererat hubungan antar negara, juga untuk memberi kontribusi kepada negara tersebut. Petumbuhan ekonomi dari waktu ke waktu semakin drastis, diperlukan sebuah konsep yang baik dan terarah dalam pola ekonomi. Dalam waktu lima belas menit ke depan, saya akan menjelaskan kepada teman-teman sekalian tentang kerjasama ekonomi Internasional yang ideal, strategi dalam menghadapi era perdagangan bebas, dan negara atau wilayah yang ideal untuk kerjasama ekonomi . Di akhir tulisan nanti, akan didapatkan sebuah pemahaman tentang keunggulan dan manfaat kerjasama ekonomi.

Kerjasama ekonomi Internasional yang ideal, dan saling menguntungkan sesama pelaku kerjasama tersebut harus bersifat menguntungkan kedua belah pihak pada khususnya, dan bangsa-bangsa lain pada umumnya yang mendapatkan imbas dari proses kerjasama ini. Selain kepentingan diatas, kerjasama baiknya saling membebaskan bangsa – bangsa dari keterbelakangan dalam bidang ekonomi, serta membebaskan bangsa – bangsa di dunia dari kemiskinan dan kelaparan. Kerjasama ekonomi harus mempunyai prinsip yaitu non diskriminasi, stabilitas hubungan perdagangan dimana mekanisme kerjasama internasional dibangun untuk mendiskusikan dan memecahkan masalah perdagangan antar negara, juga diharuskan untuk memperhatikan lingkungan hidup.

Strategi yang diperlukan dalam menghadapi perdagangan bebas adalah yang pertama untuk membuka seluas-luasnya informasi tentang struktur dan kualitas produk yang akan dipasarkan nantinya. Produk yang akan dipasarkan adalah yang dianggap mempunyai potensial untuk diperluas kesejumlah pasar Internasional, produk tersebut dirancang untuk memenuhi kebutuhan pasar global. Dalam memilih produk yang akan dipasarkan ke pasar Internasional, sebaiknya memilih produk yang mampu bersaing dalam segi kualitas dengan harga yang kompetitif. Lalu tingkatkan diferensiasi produk dengan menambahkan keunggulan pada sebuah produk, atau membangun awareness terhadap keunggulan yang ada dan manfaatnya. Selain itu, strategi yang diperlukan adalah mengembangkan sumber daya manusia, mengacu pada pengetahuan dan kemampuan tenaga kerja perusahaan. Dengan kata lain, karyawan dipandang sebagai sumber modal. Salah satu sarana mengembangkan modal manusia ialah program pelatihan dan pengembangan. Kualitas SDM berhubungan dengan produk yang dihasilkan, jika diproduksi oleh SDM yang berkualitas, maka produk yang dihasilkan adalah produk yang berkualitas. Era perdagangan bebas merupakan masa persaingan produsen dalam memasarkan produknya. Produsen menginginkan produknya dapat diterima oleh masyarakat secara luas. Agar produknya sampai ke konsumen maka perlu informasi yang jelas melalui media periklanan. Kejelasan informasi pada segmen pasar terhadap produk yang diiklankan akan menghasilkan tanggapan positif dari konsumen yang tentunya akan mendapatkan keuntungan bagi produsen. Gunakan iklan yang efektif dan kreatif.

Negara atau wilayah yang ideal untuk kerjasama ekonomi Internasional adalah China. Karena saat ini China menempati urutan pertama pemilik devisa terbesar didunia dengan cadangan devisa sebesar US$ 3,2 triliun, dan yang diharapkan adalah agar kalangan industri bisa merubah ancaman dari ACFTA menjadi sebuah peluang untuk bersaing dan meningkatkan hasil produksi. Pemberlakuan kawasan perdagangan bebas ASEAN-China atau ASEAN-China Free Trade Area (ACFTA) mulai Januari tahun 2010 sudah terlanjur kita hadapi, dan tidak bisa lagi dihindari. Hal ini harus dihadapi dan dijalani. Pemberlakuan ACFTA ini dapat dijadikan sebagai kesempatan, bukan semata-mata ancaman yang dipandang sebagai suatu hal yang menakutkan. Ancaman itu harus dilihat sebagai batu loncat agar dapat berlari mengejar ketertinggalan melalui berbagai upaya yang inovatif, kreatif, dan sinergis.

Oleh sebab itu, kerjasama ekonomi Internasional sangat mempengaruhi ekonomi suatu negara. Hal ini menyebabkan mempercepatnya laju peredaran uang dan menghasilkan devisa negara. Jadi, jika masyarakat baik, kondisi negara akan ikut baik, maka kepercayaan dunia Internasional akan lebih besar untuk melakukan kerjasama yang mendorong kearah pertumbuhan ekonomi dunia. Referensi:

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[ilobbyu]

ｗｅｌｃｏｍｅ,  ｃｕｒｉｏｕｓ  ｏｎｅ

[us] first, i welcome you with an open hand to a piece of small fragments of my imagination. i will be posting whatever sparks my thoughts, including school assignments, rants, short-fictions, etc. this is where i put my imagination and my writing skill to test. be aware that my content will contain 2 different languages. secondly, i would like to introduce myself. i go by the name of bianca. you are allowed to call me whatever you wish to, but i prefer to be called by my one and only name. you are welcome to ask and submit anything, with few requirements stated on both, message and submit link. and last, i do hope you enjoy your stay. [id] pertama, saya menyambut anda dengan tangan terbuka ke sepotong pecahan kecil dari imajinasi saya. saya akan posting apapun yang memicu dan memercik pikiran saya, termasuk tugas-tugas sekolah, curhatan, cerita fiksi pendek, dll. ini adalah di mana saya meletakkan imajinasi saya dan kemampuan menulis saya untuk diuji. ketahuilah bahwa konten saya akan berisi 2 bahasa yang berbeda. kedua, saya ingin memperkenalkan diri. saya biasa dipanggil dengan nama bianca. anda diijinkan untuk memanggil saya apa pun yang anda ingin, tapi saya lebih suka dipanggil dengan yang satu dan hanya satu, yaitu nama saya. anda dipersilakan untuk bertanya dan mengirimkan apa pun, dengan beberapa persyaratan yang telah saya nyatakan di link pesan dan submit. dan terakhir, saya harap anda menikmati blog ini.