ilmondoindueocchi

[ilmondoindueocchi]

One thing I realised from leaving home: time is never enough. You always feel like you need some more time to do the things you like, to see the people you love one more time. But it is never enough. Even when you had months, you always want a bit more. That is the most painful part of leaving a place, it stays with you no matter what you do and no matter how much time you have, you still feel like you want more. Sometimes impactful moments are exactly when you feel like you would have needed some more, they feel like “one last time”. Even though you know it is not the last time, somehow it feels like it as everytime you leave home you know you will come back as a different person. And that is something that must be accepted as it is. You are never the same once you return, nor are the people you got to know for years. Everytime I leave home I know I will not come back to what it once was. Sometimes it is better, sometimes it is worse. People change and you have to get used to it. Therefore, I always feel like some more time would be useful to capture those last moments of you and your people, just as you are right now, because you know it will not be the same again. And that is the most painful part.

[ilmondoindueocchi]

[ilmondoindueocchi]

[ilmondoindueocchi]

I’ve always felt restless to live another life, to be another age, to be someone else. I do realise that even if I move away and grow up and become that person, the true solution to this restlessness is internal. I have to fix something inside me that I don’t know was when broken. But I’ll get there.

[ilmondoindueocchi]

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“an honest letter to the family after 522 days of moving away”

—

i miss you, i miss you all, but not all the time. it took me a few months to realize that and it took a few months and a year to admit that. but it feels like i need to be this far from you for you to miss me and for me to feel loved and for you to actually love me. i don’t ever remember spending so much time with you by spending none at all. i don’t remember ever being more with you than by being not at all. i  miss you but i need to stay away. this is for me. i need to be on my own, all the time, i need to be away to be with you. this independence is the best medicine for me even if there are nights when i cry because i am all alone. i want for us to have dinner together every night but it is good for my mental health to have it on my own. i wish you’d realize that i am not coming back forever, ever and that calling my name all the time is only going to tire your throat. so no matter what you say this one is never coming back home because home is home only when i am away

-31st May, 2019 // justscribbledwords

[ilmondoindueocchi]

We're better off apart and that's ok. I'll still speak to you at night-when we're staring at the same stars.

-sometimes things get lost in translation

[ilmondoindueocchi]

Honey Bee - Blake Shelton

Somewhere with You - Kenny Chesney

My Kind Of Crazy - Brantley Gilbert 

As You Turn Away - Lady Antebellum

Yellow - Coldplay

I Would Do Anyhting For You - Foster The People 

The Truth - Jason Aldean

Kiss - Prince

I Don’t Want This Night To End - Luke Bryan

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepson

Crazy Girl - Eli Young Band

Please Remember Me - Tim McGraw 

Come Over - Kenny Chesney

I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Deathcab For Cutie

Time Is Love - Josh Turner

And We Danced - Macklemore

I Got You - Thompson Square

Heaven - Jake Owen

Not Now - Blink 182

Glass - Thompson Square

Made To Love - TobyMac

Why You Wanna - Jana Kramer

You’re The Reason I Come Home - Ron Pope

You Shouldn’t Kiss Me Like This - Toby Keith

Waste - Foster The People

Back In The Day - Brantley Gilbert

The One That Got Away - Jake Owen

The Heartache That Don’t Stop Hurting - Jason Aldean

Smile - Uncle Kracker

Good Riddance - Green Day

For You I Will - Teddy Geiger

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“…and some of us will love forever to seek in other people all the things that remind us of home.”

— unknown

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“Tell me that the rain is pouring on your side of the world too so I don’t feel so far from home”

— Six hundred thousand miles is hard for me (l.w)

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“There is always one place that remains constant, that’s home. No matter after how long you return, the mug you drink in still sits there, the books you’ve grown up reading remain in place and your old bed and pillow provide the same comfort. There’s no other place where the past is so strong that it is pleasant to be near.”

— Annum Salman

[ilmondoindueocchi]

Homesick.

Homesickness is an impossible image to paint in any color. At first you think you’ll just draw yourself alone, in an empty room, and maybe that will convey just how you feel. Then you realize that’s wrong. The things that make up you, who you are, are not with you. You have gone so far away, to a place so foreign that you have become a stranger and left yourself at home. In that case, you cannot even draw yourself alone in an empty room, because you forgot to pack yourself in your suitcase beside your toothbrush and your few changes of clothes. So you’re left with an empty page and nothing to paint, because it’s impossible to paint emptiness.

It’s called a sickness for a reason, you slowly begin to realize. It creeps into every cell and gnaws at the edges so slowly and tenderly that you almost enjoy the pain until you realize that if you let it continue, there will be nothing left of you. It becomes too much and it eats you up, so you desperately fill yourself with medicine. Distractions. You feel good, or you think you do, but it’s still inside of you, ready to self cannibalize and self destruct the second you let your guard down.

You call them every night, but find that you never have much to say even though you’ve spent the day thinking of nothing but them and all the things in your new life that you wish they knew.  You don’t even really want to talk. You just want to listen. You just want to hear them, out there, alive, breathing, laughing, screaming so you can reassure yourself that they’re still there, and so are you. Somewhere across miles and miles of desert and time they still exist, and it wasn’t all just a beautiful dream that ceased to exist when you became someone else. They don’t have to say any words or anything. You’re just relieved that they’re still there so you can say “I didn’t do much today, but I miss you.”

Because you always miss them.

Homesickness is an impossible picture to paint because it is absence. It is you, your body, away from where you belong. It is lack. And you can’t paint that you are not where you belong, because you aren’t there.

But in some cruel twist or design of creation…

You can feel it just fine.

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“E lasciarmi alla malinconia, e lasciarmi a me stesso che sono il mio spietatissimo carnefice.”

- Giacomo Leopardi

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“Il tempo è una cosa strana. Quando aspetti che accada qualcosa di bello, sembra che il tempo si dilati. Ma quando invece vuoi che rallenti, va veloce come un battito di ciglia. La parte strana è questa: il tempo non è reale. È un concetto immaginato dagli scienziati, basato sul movimento imperfetto della terra intorno al sole. Quindi perché diamo così tanta importanza a qualcosa che è solo una teoria? Perché questo è tutto quello che abbiamo.”

— Grey’s Anatomy, 15x13.

[ilmondoindueocchi]

“In certe ore scende un gelo sul cuore e cade un peso sull'anima.”

- Fedor Dostoevskij

[ilmondoindueocchi]

[ilmondoindueocchi]

the torn-up road by richard siken - geoff mcfetridge