iikiryou

[iikiryou]

We are so back ✨

[iikiryou]

SO SOME ASSHOLE GOT HOLD OF MY PHONE AND CHANGE ALL MY CONTACT NAMES, ICONS AND RINGTONES TO THIS FUCKING THING

SO NOW WHENEVER I GET A CALL MY PHONE THINKS IT’S BEING ALL CUTE LIKE “it is a mystery >O>” FUCK YOU MAN

[iikiryou]

[iikiryou]

please don't ever think that no one cares about you

I work in an ER and we see suicides all the time. And we get at least 3 suicidal ideations a night. We all care about you. I promise, we do. A team of complete strangers who have worked 3+ 12 hour shifts this week who are being screamed at all day and night and probably haven’t had lunch and trust me, we still love you and care about you.

We had a 16 year old patient last night who we couldn’t save. We were in that room with this patient for over an hour, we did everything we could. And let me tell you, we all cried. The EMT’s, the nurses, the doctor. We all huddled together in the doctors dictation room and cried.

I went through the rest of my shift with smudged mascara and tracks on my cheeks.

I remember the names of all the patients that have taken their lives on my shifts.

I remember squeezing the hands, smoothing the hair, kissing the foreheads, and wiping away the blood and the vomit of every patient that has left me too soon.

I can still see every face that I have zipped into a body bag.

Trust me, someone cares about you. You have never met them yet. You don’t ever think about them. They are never remembered when you talk about heroes and role models.

But someone loves you.

[iikiryou]

[iikiryou]

[iikiryou]

not sure about anything anymore

[iikiryou]

[iikiryou]

Fun CSA victims traits

Always going back and forth between being sexual repulsed and hypersexual

[iikiryou]

i’m the opposite of abandonment issues

i don’t think i’m scared of people abandoning me

i’m scared i’ll snap one day and abandon them

and walk away from everyone i know

i’ll be cruel and emotionless and cut everybody off, friend or foe

like i have before

[iikiryou]

who am i?

[iikiryou]

task 2 // 28-06-17

[iikiryou]

Resisting the urge to crack them again because cracking them has also left them sore avlnd aching

[iikiryou]

I finally cracked my knuckles so much my grip has gone weak oh my god I could barely open a gummy candy for my nephew

[iikiryou]

Why do I always feel compelled to keep things a secret. Was it embedded in ne as a child? Was it taught to me in a harmless and subtle manner?

[iikiryou]

Oh i think i realized something I wanted to succeed so much I pushed myself too hard and forced myself into uncomfortable positions because I wanted to impress. I wanted to seem smart and asking for help made me seem not smart so I refused it until I crashed so hard into the ground I couldn't get up.

[iikiryou]

I’m a lie

I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie I’m a lie

why can’t i be open and honest about myself