ihrschatzi-blog

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                              LIKE CARDS ON THE DECK                                           muse has moved to @tiembres

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The life I want, there is no shortcut.

An Education (2009), dir. Lone Scherfig 

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gimme josabel you coward 😂

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

General:

How long will they last? Until Johanna has a compulsorily heterosexual affair and the dies soon after.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? Isabel? Immediately. Johanna? Took a week or two.

How was their first kiss? We just spent like two whole months writing their steamy first “it’s winter, it’s cold out, stay with me, I can keep you warm” kiss, followed by the pair of them sharing a bed for warmth & practicality.

Wedding:

Who proposed? Isabel, probably after Johanna attended a friend’s wedding and she became jealous that two women couldn’t marry each other when she clearly feels that for Jo.

Who is the best man/men? They don’t have one, but Johanna’s cousin Konrad can be considered a post-marital best man at some point in the future.

Who is the bridesmaid(s)? Again, they don’t have any, but Isabel’s old, sexually liberal roommates catch on very quickly when the pair of them begin wearing rings on the fourth finger of their left hand.

Who did the most planning? They both did, really. They went their separate ways to write vows, pick dresses, and buy rings. Isabel did go the extra mile and brought a little cake for after they exchanged the rings and vows, however.

Who stressed the most? Johanna, probably. Isabel was nervous that Johanna would think a marriage was crazy, but Johanna had pressure from her sister, Maude, to leave her strange “roommate” and marry a man, and she is always a bit more nervous than Isabel naturally.

How fancy was the ceremony? Not… very. They had their little ceremony privately in a very secluded area of their favorite park, but it was just the pair of them, their vows, and their rings. Although she would have preferred an afternoon at a clerk’s office if their marriage were legal, Isabel was quite upset that she couldn’t give Johanna the big church wedding with the grand dress and veil and cute little flower girls that she thought her wife wanted and deserved.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? Maude, the law.

Sex:

Who is on top? Isabel, for sure.

Who is the one to instigate things? Also Isabel, until Johanna overcomes her shyness and begins to take charge. (Jo did instigate that first kiss, however, after some prodding and hinting from Isabel.)

How healthy is their sex life? Extremely, until Johanna starts pulling away around the eighth or ninth year of their marriage.

How kinky are they? Not very, since they are two women in Edwardian Europe who have to maintain a degree of silence/privacy. (In the verse where Jo returns to Isabel once she’s Doctor Poison or the modern verse, however…)

How long do they normally last? Not long, ever. They’re so sappily, stupidly, happily in love with one another that the slightest touch can set the other off.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? Usually, yes, but if Johanna is in a playful mood…

How rough are they in bed? Catch Johanna having to beg Isabel to be rougher with her, because Isabel is so madly enamored with this woman that she doesn’t want to “break” her.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? no touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | a little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | they snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory

Always behind closed doors, for obvious reasons, but they can’t keep their hands off of one another.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? In the modern verse, one, but it depends on your definition of “natural.”

How many children will they adopt? Isabel adopts any child that Johanna carries, for the legal benefits and rights.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Isabel, because she always capitulates whenever Johanna looks tired or upset in the slightest.

Who is the stricter parent? It always looks like Isabel is stricter to outsiders, but Johanna is the one who really follows through on punishments and rules. How can Isabel possibly say no to a child with the eyes of her darling Johanna?

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? Johanna stops their daughter and Isabel. Isabel and the missing half of her face are obviously far less cautious with her science experiments, and she often encourages the girl to learn with her. Johanna has to remind them that gloves and goggles are required, and poisonous gasses are not fun alternatives for firecrackers.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? Isabel.

Who is the more loved parent? They’re equally loved, but in very different ways. Johanna is more like a security blanket parent, and Isabel is more like a provider and educator parent.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? They both do, to flaunt the fact that they’re a happy two-mom household and to make sure their daughter is receiving the highest quality education.

Who cried the most at graduation? Johanna, but Isabel cried in bed the night before.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? Isabel, while Johanna watches and nods. (However, what is waiting for that kid when they get home…)

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Isabel.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? Also Isabel, though she does hold a century of teasing over Johanna’s head whenever her wife tries anything vegan or gluten-free or…

Who does the grocery shopping? Johanna.

How often do they bake desserts? Whenever Jo joins Isabel in the kitchen or just kisses her wife and asks for something sweet.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? Salad eaters, but there is a fair amount of meat, since they cook a lot of traditional Spanish (and German, to Isabel’s displeasure) dishes.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? Johanna, probably. 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? Isabel, for sure. In the pre-canon verse, she loves getting out and getting coffee or tea with Jo. In the modern verse, she just wants to show off her brilliant, gorgeous wife.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? Isabel, as always. Johanna is far too cautious and safe to do such a thing.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? They generally keep it pretty clean, but only because Isabel doesn’t want to upset Johanna with her usual clutter. That’s reserved for her study.

Who is really against chores? Neither, but there are some chores they each simply won’t do. Isabel ends up on dish & mopping duty, while Jo is usually on laundry duty.

Who cleans up after the pets? Isabel, since she is the one who owned the monster cat before their relationship and later brought another stray kitten home.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? Isabel, and she gets what’s coming to her during their annual spring cleaning when Johanna volunteers to beat the dust from the carpets.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? Johanna. In the pre-canon verse, they can’t have anything that shows that they sleep in the same bedroom or share any sort of romantic bond out and about. In the modern verse, she wants people to be comfortable and impressed in her home.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? Johanna once found Isabel’s entire wallet and kept it for three days without saying anything. Isabel didn’t notice.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? Johanna, but the regularity with which Isabel joins her is startling.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? They don’t have a dog, but the cat often sneaks out and takes itself for a walk. 

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? They decorate and/or prepare for Christmas and All Saints Day (Isabel makes offerings for her little brother—and sometimes Johanna herself—out of habit, but never really travels to her family’s graves). In the modern verse, catch onto Halloween very quickly, and enjoy teasing the neighbors about Isabel’s secret-but-not-quite past as Doctor Poison. The year they were in Brooklyn and decorated their small yard to look like a haunted no man’s land was a wild hit.

What are their goals for the relationship? Isabel: keep Johanna happy and alive. Johanna: keep Isabel happy and from getting arrested.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? Isabel, because she works and works until she passes out with a book on her chest in bed beside Johanna.

Who plays the most pranks? Isabel teases, but Jo pranks.

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terribletoxins:

     Isabel can see the temptation written plainly across Johanna’s features—she considers warning her away from it, considers glancing about the lab for anyone who may be watching—but the delicious look on that face feels a triumph. “Do I?” Her fingertips linger, meandering down the side of her partner’s neck, under her jaw, until Isabel reaches her chin. She guides her forward, just a hair’s width, and leans forward herself, grinning from the corner of her mouth. “I always thought I was best at application, not observation.” Her hand drops to the table, but she does not move away. “So. As I asked before: a café, or shall I make space in my bed for you this time?”

   Johanna leans in with full compulsion, barely without second thought; and at the back of her mind, she panics at the idea of surveillance, but desire skips from Isabel’s fingertips unto her skin, setting her afire under her skin. She gasps under her breath, blinking as if to compensate for the breathtaking sight before her. She finds herself unable to think for a full couple of seconds, as if deprived of oxygen, short-circuiting. Even though Johanna can see what Isabel is doing --- and its effect --- she cannot stop her, merely flustering. “You seemingly excel at both, doktor.”  Her eyes follow Isabel’s hand unto the table, feels chagrin at the failed experiment, but the promise of her words soon birth brighter ambition, and she forces herself to lean back, dampening smile. “A cafe will do nicely.” Her fingers lace together nervously. “I hear they have oolong on the small cafe at Bertheaustraße.”

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johanna might have been the loveliest femme back in the 1900s day, but catch immortal modern counterpart showing up to classes as the prof dressed in white dress shirts pushed up to her elbows and hair slightly mussed from morning make out sessions

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wear my thighs like a crown.

tongue (six word story)

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Pino Daeni

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rosamund pike + golden globes hair

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Rosamund Pike

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Rosamund Pike

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☕ or ❥ ( i'll let you decide! )

⸨ JOHANNA IS TOUCH-STARVED. ⸩          von @terribletoxins

Her own nerves have always been her undoing; now, decades later, nigh on a full century, hands still ball into fists and tremble, eyelids dropping to release a soft, shaky breath. A joint pops at the twist, slipping back into its socket in tandem with a hard swallow. 

She unlaces the digits to rest them atop protruding stomach, feels her child within kick softly as if sensing the distress of impending lecture.

“Sorge dich nicht, meine Liebe.” The words come murmured at the back of her neck, and Jo thinks that she may feel Isabel’s lips ghost against her shoulder blades. The German is a comfort to hear, and she relaxes into her wife’s touch, hands on hips padded with the weight gain of pregnancy. 

“I know,” she replies, opening her eyes to meet Isabel’s in the mirror; smile catching on as she takes note of the choice of clothes; reluctantly abiding by the dress code but ignoring all distinctions between genders. Johanna’s own a deep blue, no cut allowing her pregnancy to be concealed. The cut of the pantsuit is enough to agree with Isabel’s petite beauty, and soon Jo cannot help the smile that follows.

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself as she mentally races through the recent publishing. “Ready?” she asks, feeling Isabel’s hand on her lower back; and it is almost as if her fingertips dispel the knots of tension. She pecks her quickly, knowing full well that if she lets herself, they will be all the more late, but stops to make sure that her lipstick does not stain the mask too inappropriately. “Thank you, my love.”

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Are these golden hearts always heavy?

B. Damani || 6WP (via ironarmored)

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Rosamund Pike at the Wimbledon Men’s Final on July 16, 2017

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