ihavetoomanyfollowers

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

Ive only recently realized how much i like it when someone cares about me

Ive got this new friend who was like "ik youre dead tired but ill keep you up til 8pm so you can go to school after good nights sleep instead of sleeping now and then not getting any sleep during the night" and damn that was nice, now im telling the same to myself every night

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

gotta love it when your random family friend literally cares about you more than your own mom like actually. im not saying that she would be a better parent but there have been a few situations where my mom has just caused me more discomfort and she has said just the right things

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

gotta öä

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me why nobody wants to spend time with me why doesn't anyone want to spend time with me

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

lmao for 2 years i thought that my mom was supportive and ok with me being lgbt and i literally based that on how she once said something about me finding "someone" (and not "man") & not being weird every time i mentioned pretty girls & once asking if i found gamer girls as hot as gamer boys (when i mentioned them). and ive just now realized & remembered that when she first heard that i had a crush on a girl, she wanted to have a serious talk with me and also almost called a therapist bc she says that im broken and traumatized and have low self esteem (..which i dont suffer from at all lmao) and that i need to be fixed so i wont be "lesbian" anymore (..im not lesbian, im bi). she has also said that gay people should be put into mental hospitals and cured. and typing those things down really makes me feel sick and i cant believe that my own mother actually said that also when ive mentioned pride events, she has always said "what rights do they need?? they have even more rights than straight people atm, why do they have to make a number of themselves" and today when i said i might be going to pride tomorrow, she said the same thing again, and i feel like her tone has been getting angrier and angrier over the years. and i somehow thought that maybe she will change that when im actually going to one and excited about it, but nope apparently. probably the worst thing she's doing is acting disgusted and going iu when bisexuality is mentioned. i think that if i was a lesbian, she would slowly accept it if i kept explaining that there are actual studies of gay people's hormonies and dna just working that way and its a thing that my brain has had from the birth, like a disablity. but she CANT understand bisexuality cause its apparently really fricking wrong and disgusting and weird that someone could like men AND woman... thats a big part of my identity and has been for over two years now. i feel so bad and dirty for being who i am, and its weird to admit now, bc i used to feel really ok with my identity and be happy and proud about it. also my love interests had been mainly girls for the past 3 years i think (at least those that my mom would suspect to be so, like u know those friends who i acted a bit too friendly around etc), but now im kinda almost dating a boy and my mom is really happy about that and im sure she thinks that i finally got over my "phase". when in reality it feels weird and tbh i think its gonna end on me realizing im a lesbian and leaving him, not me stopping to like girls and living happily forever with a man. and even if that lesbian realisation doesnt happen and we break up for other reasons, i want to date a girl next bc i have never officially had a girlfriend and damn, girls are so great and cute and i want to have a soft blonde girlfriend who likes make up and video games and has a long hair and who wants to sit on my lap. why tf am i dating a guy I SHOULD PROBS BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT I THINK HE'S WAY TOO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED NOW (WE HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR 4 MONTHS NOW????) BUT IF I KEEP DOING THIS HE'LL BE EVEN MORE EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED AND PROBABLY KILL HIMSELF, AAAAA

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

"i always tear off a leaf when i walk under a tree" "no wonder your house plants always die if you pick off their leaves" " MY HOUSE PLANTS AREN'T TREES ..except that one there, on the other side of the park. can you see that? it looks just like my plant jason. wtf, look at that kid, he took one of jason's leaves!!" "rip jason"

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

-sends dog pictures every morning and evening -seems to never get tired of me -orders stuff from aliexpress and recognised my backbag and asked if it was from there -actually owns the same rainbow sunglasses as me -always watches my videos -sends me pics of dogs he sees -asks stuff about dogs i send pics of -listens to bands i recommend and actually asks for recommendations -is adorably fond of inside jokes -like...we have some fricking novels that are just stories made of inside jokes that tie together and make plots and weve only known for a few months -when i complain about things that arent relatable he still shows empathy and never makes light of them -is kinda awkward to hug and we see each other so rarely that its always just holding each other tight and not moving but its so adorable when he opens his arms when he sees me -is also self-consious about kissing but if i make the first move its ok and just cute -steals my stuff and plays with it -uses the words and jokes and puns that ive invented -looks REALLY hot when he concentrates on something -and also REALLY cute when he tries to figure something out -and when he concentrates on figuring something out he looks REALLY HOT AND CUTE AT THE SAME TIME -also thinks that the 2000s emo culture should be brought back -is really good at playing csgo -knows he is really good at playing csgo -is so ridicously confident about being good at playing csgo and tbh i hope it spreads to other aspects of him aswell bc its hot af -is tall af -every time he goes through the tunnel that was recently built in his city, he messages me saying "WTF IM UNDER THE GROUND" and "YEAHHHHHH WTF LIKE LITERALLY UNDERWATER ATM" -dog pics must always be graded A+ -casually sent me pics lying in bed shirtless once and we arent even nearly official, i have to stay up til morning again just to get him to do it again -is so patient when i dont answer his messages and just sends more -always says that its ok even tho its not and i try to get better at replying

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

but ive started feeling things again, i can feel love and care about stuff and today i saw news article about a cute duck and felt something!!

[ihavetoomanyfollowers]

ok yo i need to get away from my mom asap and it was a fricking big mistake to get a job at the same place as her. i can sense the mindset coming when i see her every day or talk with her. and then i wonder what is wrong. oh god what do i do