ihavesthings

[ihavesthings]

Obi-Wan: *trying to covertly get out of medical*

Cody: *big sigh, hands him his comm with a file open* Here, look at this for me.

Obi-Wan: …why do you have Padawan pictures of Anakin on your comm?

Cody: Oh, right. You are sober. You probably don’t remember.

Obi-Wan: 0.0 remember what?

Cody: Whenever you get drunk and try to start mischief I hand you cadet pictures of your kids and you stay in place. Of course, you also cry about how little and cute they were, but, still.

Obi-Wan: *beet red and hiding his face* I don’t cause mischief while drunk!

Cody: lmao, you do when you drink whatever ship fuel is coming out of Mixer’s still. Trust me, the reactions to that ossik are all very abnormal for being drunk.

Obi-Wan: Well. That solidifies it. I have to shut down his still.

Cody: Why? Because you get emotional?

Obi-Wan: No, because those symptoms sound more like alcohol poisoning than drunkenness. It’s a fine line but you don’t want to cross it.

[ihavesthings]

Graves was surprised yet happy about his willingness to open up. He always had the impression Nik didn't have a good childhood, learned to be independent early on. Graves had to know more about her. Nik never spoke of any family and suddenly has a grandmother?

"So... your babushka... what's she like?"

"She is very for tough love. Never hesitates to tell me how something is."

Nik was making coffee at that moment, humming between speaking as he watched the coffee brew.

"Never heard about her until now."

"She doesn't come up often. John sometimes sneaks a peek at the letters she sends me."

Price had be quiet previously, now choking on hia breakfast at the mention of his name. Nik looked over his shoulder at him, smirking.

"You think I didn't notice?"

"Well-"

Graves snorts as Price tries to defend himself. The only reason he was able to snoop was because Nik trusted him. And now he felt the need to not damage that trust even though Nik was teasing him about it.

"He still thinks she's not real."

Price scoffs, "It could be a code!"

Nik pulled the collar of the hand-made sweater he wore as if it was all he needed to rebuke the claim. The very thing arrived in the mail with a letter and some money. The way Graves learned about Nikolai's babushka in the most grandmotherly way possible. Nikolai said he had been sending the ruble back to her and she sends it right back to him very next letter.

Still, even with Graves convinced, Price remained suspicious. He will probably remain that way until he met the woman behind the sweater and the letters.

"Could I write her a letter?"

Nik and Price turned and stared, surprised by Graves' request. It made him somewhat nervous, worried he crossed a line.

"It would have to be through me," Nik muttered, Price still staring into his soul.

"That's fine!"

He felt like he had to. How else will he learn the secrets of Russia's own Nikolai of Chimera?

"Would you both like to write to her?" He spoke slowly, unsure.

"I don't... have anything in mind."

Graves wondered how long Price has been suspicious of this, and how long Nik has danced around it. They both were good at dancing around a topic and making it seem like they were fine. Graves, on the otherhand, wanted to know more about her.

"She can read English if that helps," Nik spoke affectionately. Graves wasn't that good at writing cyrillic quite yet.

And so, Graves wrote a letter. Greeting her, introducing himself, explaining his closeness with Nik without outright saying their relationship status. He told her he was wanting to get to know her if she was willing. And then Nik added it to the envelope with his own letter, making sure he stuffed the ruble in it before sealing it.

And after a month, Graves got a letter in the mail. It arrived at his home address, the Shadows who patrol the property sending it his way along with other mail. Graves was surprised to see the elegant handwritten letter, sealed with wax. And when he opened the letter, out fell a familiar, worn ruble. Price was with him when it happened, both of them staring in shock.

"Well... I think she likes me?"

Price laughed, somewhat uncomfortably, as he called Nik. Maybe Laswell wasn't wrong about Nik's babushka having a sketchy background.

[ihavesthings]

My first treat for the 2024 Star Wars Rare Pair Exchange is a treat for DpsMercy who requested some bounty hunting shenanigans for Din/Cal/Boba and I couldn't resist. You can find in the collection Here.

[ihavesthings]

one of my favorite time travel AU scenarios to imagine is han and leia somehow meeting bitty!boba, specifically bitty!boba when he is at the stage of on-the-run where he's using the fake name "teff." maybe they have to stick together for some reason, like maybe they need to keep the whole "time travel" thing quiet from the empire or whoever. point is, they all spend enough time around each other that han and leia develop some kind of positive rapport with this mysteriously-appearing, clone-war-era child or maybe they feel a bit responsible for him. which means at some point, boba feels weird continuing to have them call him by a fake name, so he sits them down one day and is like, "hey, i'm sorry for lying to you, but teff isn't my real name. i just made it up bc i wasn't sure if i could trust you yet." and of course han and leia get it and tell him that's fine, whatever makes him feel safe. and boba is kind of sheepishly like, "yeah, my real name is actually boba. 'teff' is just my last name backwards."

han and leia:

[ihavesthings]

Pickpocket for Hire

Dpxdc Prompt #61

It started off as a joke.

No really, it was something that Jason felt the Bats would laugh about, while also helping out some street kids along the way.

He put out a job for the kids of Crime Alley, anyone who could pickpocket the entire Wayne family would get all necessities paid for them by Red Hood until they turned 18.

Most kids that saw the challenge would think it was a joke.

Most kids that believed it was real would think it wasn't even worth trying.

Most kids that tried would be caught immediately, and subsequently get a meal paid for by their Wayne of choice and suddenly have some doors opened for them, because Jason knew his family and knew they had a soft spot for kids.

Except the one thing he didn't account for was Danny Fenton, who most certainly was not most kids.

[ihavesthings]

The Choctaw-Irish Brotherhood(via)

[ihavesthings]

.......I fucked up so bad.

I've been teaching Belphie not to jump on Pangur, cause she's old and arthritic and doesn't like it. and as part of my "training", I've been giving him a treat every times he stops his evil actions and trots over to me.

I thought I was training him to come when called. in actuality, I've been training him to bite Pangur. so now he'll jump on her, chew her ear, and then make bird-of-prey eye contact with me from across the room. and the worst thing is I'VE ALSO BEEN GIVING PANGUR A TREAT EACH TIME (so she doesn't feel left out). which means that she'll whimper pathetically from Belphie biting her, and then also make intense eye contact with me, because she's been conditioned to expect treats afterward.

I have accidentally made the most fucked up dynamic possible with both of these cats.

[ihavesthings]

Graves was surprised yet happy about his willingness to open up. He always had the impression Nik didn't have a good childhood, learned to be independent early on. Graves had to know more about her. Nik never spoke of any family and suddenly has a grandmother?

"So... your babushka... what's she like?"

"She is very for tough love. Never hesitates to tell me how something is."

Nik was making coffee at that moment, humming between speaking as he watched the coffee brew.

"Never heard about her until now."

"She doesn't come up often. John sometimes sneaks a peek at the letters she sends me."

Price had be quiet previously, now choking on hia breakfast at the mention of his name. Nik looked over his shoulder at him, smirking.

"You think I didn't notice?"

"Well-"

Graves snorts as Price tries to defend himself. The only reason he was able to snoop was because Nik trusted him. And now he felt the need to not damage that trust even though Nik was teasing him about it.

"He still thinks she's not real."

Price scoffs, "It could be a code!"

Nik pulled the collar of the hand-made sweater he wore as if it was all he needed to rebuke the claim. The very thing arrived in the mail with a letter and some money. The way Graves learned about Nikolai's babushka in the most grandmotherly way possible. Nikolai said he had been sending the ruble back to her and she sends it right back to him very next letter.

Still, even with Graves convinced, Price remained suspicious. He will probably remain that way until he met the woman behind the sweater and the letters.

"Could I write her a letter?"

Nik and Price turned and stared, surprised by Graves' request. It made him somewhat nervous, worried he crossed a line.

"It would have to be through me," Nik muttered, Price still staring into his soul.

"That's fine!"

He felt like he had to. How else will he learn the secrets of Russia's own Nikolai of Chimera?

"Would you both like to write to her?" He spoke slowly, unsure.

"I don't... have anything in mind."

Graves wondered how long Price has been suspicious of this, and how long Nik has danced around it. They both were good at dancing around a topic and making it seem like they were fine. Graves, on the otherhand, wanted to know more about her.

"She can read English if that helps," Nik spoke affectionately. Graves wasn't that good at writing cyrillic quite yet.

And so, Graves wrote a letter. Greeting her, introducing himself, explaining his closeness with Nik without outright saying their relationship status. He told her he was wanting to get to know her if she was willing. And then Nik added it to the envelope with his own letter, making sure he stuffed the ruble in it before sealing it.

And after a month, Graves got a letter in the mail. It arrived at his home address, the Shadows who patrol the property sending it his way along with other mail. Graves was surprised to see the elegant handwritten letter, sealed with wax. And when he opened the letter, out fell a familiar, worn ruble. Price was with him when it happened, both of them staring in shock.

"Well... I think she likes me?"

Price laughed, somewhat uncomfortably, as he called Nik. Maybe Laswell wasn't wrong about Nik's babushka having a sketchy background.

[ihavesthings]

Sophia, the Boston woman from 1875 who haunts a lamp I got at Brimfield: what is a stay at home girlfriend, if you please?

me: well, it's a woman who's financially supported by the man she's dating, and she lives with him and usually keeps house and cooks for him

her: and they're not married?

me: well, no; hence "girlfriend" rather than "wife." I know that may alarm y-

her: oh calm down I know about Kept Women. he has no legal tie to her, though? she has no sort of standing with him in the eyes of the law? only his word that he'll follow through?

me: yes

her: and remind me again- you don't have to be financially dependent on a man anymore, right? there are more than like three careers open to women that will let you support yourself at a decent level now? and society isn't pressuring you 24/7 to get married and stop working outside the home?

me: yes

her: so these women. CHOOSE to be dependent on a man. who could leave them at any moment without legal consequence. because they don't like their jobs. the jobs, while imperfect, that let them live on their own, answerable to no-one

me: yes

her: that had better be some absolutely amazing jewelry they can pawn off if he leaves them, then

me: it's usually not

her: THERE'S NOT EVEN SECURITY JEWELRY?!

me: oh by the way they blame feminism for "having to work"

her:

her: I became fully dependent on my in-laws who hated me, after my husband died two years into our marriage, because I was a 23-year-old orphan with no marketable skills in any avenue besides Running A Household and the only men left unmarried in my social circle were widowers thirty years my senior. I also couldn't establish lines of credit as a widow because the merchants said my husband dying so soon meant that I didn't have stable enough income. and that was entirely legal

me: yeah

her: I'm going to go slam some doors please do not bother me

[ihavesthings]

DPxDC Prompt #17

There is a room Danny's Keep he set up shortly after defeating Pariah Dark. It became necessary when the broader magical community realized Pariah had be defeated and therefore a new King took his throne. Danny found himself briefly bombarded with waves of attempted summonings.

Which, the summonings themselves, wouldn't have been so bad. Turns out people can't just drag the King of Ghosts to themselves on a whim. Danny has to actively accept a summoning to get pulled to it. And if he just decides "No," the pull and whispers go away. No problem there.

No, the problem is the offerings. And sacrifices. The things that people put in the circle as payment for even attempting to summon him. Like having to put a quarter in the payphone just to listen to it ring and ring and ring as the person on the other end of the call doesn't pick up. Since the summoning magic regarded these things as belonging to Danny even if he rejected the summons, they usually ended up just materializing in front of him if he didn't go to them.

Which, okay. It was funny that time he got to end a fight with Vlad very fast when a whole gold bar materialized and dropped on his head. And the food was nice sometimes when it was late and everywhere was closed and his parents had left samples in the fridge to contaminate everything into animation again. But the goat head dropping from the ceiling onto his desk during on of Lancer's English tests was not appreciated. Even if it did get the test rescheduled and the whole school shut down for a few days to investigate the "potentially satanic activity."

So, yeah, it was a bit of a problem. Fortunately, it was a problem with a relatively simple solution. Danny set up an inbox. With a bit of help from Tucker and Pandora, and a couple tips from Clockwork; all summoning offerings and sacrifices would now go straight to the dedicated room in the Keep.

And! As a special touch, the summoners would also get a chipper, automated voice saying, "The Ghost King you are trying to summon has more important things to do than answer you right now. Please leave a message in the circle with your name, date, location, contact information, and reason for summoning. The Ghost King will get back to you at his earliest convenience." Sam's stupid fancy girl gala voice had been perfect for that little message.

It was the perfect solution. Danny no longer had to deal with randomly materializing offerings putting his secret identity at risk. Pariah's skeletons, who had been antsy for something to do now that they were no longer bent under the thumb of a cruel tyrant, were instructed to take care of all the offerings; making sure everything was always cleaned up and put away. And all Danny had to do was stop by periodically to check in and "Officially respond" -ie, write a fuck off note- to the summoning messages (Clockwork's insistence).

A perfect solution. Up until Danny checked in one day to find the skellies pampering a whole ass boy. No. Not just any boy. Danny recognizes that costume.

"Why is Robin here?"

[ihavesthings]

I think an interesting fic concept would be Anakin becoming aware that he is trapped in a narrative, but then misidentifying the narrative he is trapped in, and in that way accidentally breaking free of the original.

Anakin: Clearly I am in a Romantic Dramedy about trying to keep my relationship a secret from my father figure. Maybe if I arrange for a Common Genre Trope of a negative form, I can necessitate that the story gives me a positive moment after, to balance the narrative!

The Plot: Hi, uh, do you remember that mass murder you did? Buddy? We're kind of angling to be about that, but more? Hey can you--

Anakin: I'm gonna leak some nudes to a tabloid.

Obi-Wan hears this entire plan (after Anakin's already done it, of course) and just buries his face in his hands because where did I go wrong.

(What goes around comes around, Obi-Wan.)

Anakin: The way to break free of a story's gravity is to consider every possible option and then pick the one that makes the absolute least sense.

Even the Force is reacting like

Anakin: It's a romantic dramedy, so the deaths of thousands have the same emotional weight as a stupid sex scandal, right? Windu: No. Anakin: So, you see, if I have my reputation set on fire due to some nudes, I can save thousands of lives. Windu: That's not how anything works. Anakin: So, obviously. I had to send some dick pics to the Coruscant Sun. Windu: You one hundred percent did not.

Later:

Obi-Wan: Padme, were you in on this? Padme, unconvincingly: …no?

(She really wasn't, but it takes her a moment to be sure.)

The short summary of all of Palpatine's reactions is 'I'm too dignified to slam my head against a wall, so I'm going to kill someone about it instead, because what the hell is this kid doing?'

Anakin: Hey, since I made a profit off of the nudes, even if it was anonymous, does this technically make me a sex worker? Obi-Wan: I am begging you to stop making words with your mouth in my presence.

I just want Anakin to be stupidly successful and successfully stupid I love him. He's very smart in some ways. He is also very lacking in common sense.

And as @ioudaleks said:

He’s fishing for tropes, and he may not have caught what he wanted to, but he sure caught a big one Task failed successfully

We can see how he got here but nobody approves.

Basically everyone in Anakin's life right now (except Padme):

[ihavesthings]

Alejandro : *RAGES*

Graves : sheesh, calm your tits *pats Ale's pecs*

It's like he's testing him. Alejandro not doing anything due to Graves' audacity and sheer ballsiness. He's an asset, they can't kill him. But that won't stop Alejandro finding other ways to put him in his place.

Graves walking away with a self-satisfied smirk, Alejandro's eye twitching as he visibly restrains himself from strangling the damn blonde asshole. Rudy? He's watching, he's getting ideas. Is that all part of Graves' plan? Is he setting up the blocks to domino to what he wants?

No, probably not. He won’t know what he's done until it's too late.

[ihavesthings]

it’s sooo funny when rude customers encounter employees who can deny them service for the first time.

i was working at a little cafe where I could deny service over bad behavior, harassment etc. & mask mandates had just ended a week before & already people were being weird about me still wearing mine—an N95, the kind shaped kinda like a duckbill.

so this man walked in, looked at me sooo scathingly, laughed at me, and said “damn. never known a woman to choose…practicality over looks.”

And I just said, “oh. you can go, you’re not getting a drink.” And he said, “what???”

I said, “sir, you just walked in at 6 am & called women impractical and me ugly in one sentence.”

And he was so astonished he didn’t even argue he just turned around and left 💀🙏🏻 it was like he suddenly became self aware

[ihavesthings]

Angua has massive 'the one with the brain cell' vibes, not because she's the token girl at this point in the series but because she's the one who's most like Vimes

[ihavesthings]

i've said this before but sam vimes' daemon is the scrungliest little mongrel swamp dragon you've ever seen in your life. she has scales like sootstained old brick and is missing a third of her teeth. she's territorial and explosive and stalks like a monitor lizard and has dragged a man six times her height out of the gutter and all the way to the watchhouse before and will do it again. when sam tries to repress his better self she bites him. she lights sam's cigars and sometimes he orders a drink just so she can therapeutically set it on fire.

[ihavesthings]

It wasn’t a decision that he was making, he knew. It was happening far below the areas of the brain that made decisions. It was something built in. There was no universe, anywhere, where a Sam Vimes would give in on this, because if he did then he wouldn’t be Sam Vimes any more.

&

He wanted to go home. He wanted it so much that he trembled at the thought. But if the price of that was selling good men to the night, if the price was filling those graves, if the price was not fighting with every trick he knew… then it was too high.

&

‘Quis custodiet ipsos custodies? Your grace.’

‘I know that one,’ said Vimes. Who watches the watchmen?  Me, Mr Pessimal.’

‘Ah, but who watches you, your grace?’ said the inspector, with a brief smile.

‘I do that too. All the time,’ said Vimes.

&

When people are trying to kill you, it means you’re doing something right.  It was a rule Sam had lived by.

&

‘Ramkins have never run away from anything’ Sybil declared.

‘Vimeses have run like hell all the time,’ said Vimes, too diplomatic to mention the aforesaid ancestors who came home in pieces. ‘That means you fight where you want to fight.’

&

‘Taking a force there now could have far-reaching consequences, Vimes!’

‘Good! You told me to drag them into the light! As far as they’re concerned, I am far-reaching consequences!’

sam ‘no, you move’ vimes

[ihavesthings]

“Vimes is fundamentally a person. He fears he may be a bad person because he knows what he thinks rather than just what he says and does. He chokes off those little reactions and impulses, but he knows what they are. So he tries to act like a good person, often in situations where the map is unclear.”

—

Terry Pratchett, describing Sam Vimes in a Usenet post back in 2004.

Also, accidentally, describing me. Shit.

(via benpaddon)

Okay, so this is what I love about Samuel Vimes as a Heroic figure. 

Sometimes you get Heroes who are paragons of virtue. Even if you see their internal monologues, their mindset is pure and virtuous. Sometimes, they’re tested and you get a Big Moment where they have to choose whether or not to stick to their principles or give in to temptation and expediency.  

And then you’ve got the more “Pragmatic” anti-hero types, who do some nasty things in pursuit of the greater good, and who might struggle with the things they’re doing, but they do it anyway because the world is not black and white.  And then you’ve got Sam Vimes, who is dragging himself kicking and screaming into being Lawful Good. Sam Vimes would not beat a suspect into confessing, but NOT because Sam Vimes is an innocent soul who finds the idea abhorrent. Not because he dosn’t think there are some scumbags who deserve to be separated from their teeth. Sam Vimes won’t beat a suspect because that’s not what a good man would do. Sam Vimes is understanding with others, but totally uncompromising when it comes to his own behavior.

Vimes isn’t a “Good Person” by nature, but by choice. By constant, uncompromising choice. 

I think this is the only way to be a decent person.

(via nimblermortal)

@wearepaladin, your most recent post reminded me of this.

(via weareoracle)

Sam Vimes is understanding with others, but totally uncompromising when it comes to his own behavior.

Yes, I can see why it might. Sam Vimes and I are not carbon copies of eachother, but I sincerely respect his dedication because we both understand that there are others options available to us, that it would be very human of us to act on certain impulses. But in the end, we choose to do our best to be in that state that Aristotle called true state of virtue. Because to be virtuous is to always strive to make the best choice, even in the darkness of uncertainty. 

In other words, goodness is not something you are. It’s something you choose to be.