ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

I was blind. 

“I found by fortune, and did give my husband--/ For often, with a solemn earnestness/(More than indeed belonged to such a trifle),/ He begged of me to steal it.” (5.2.269-273)

I did it to please him, “heaven knowing not I” (3.3.341) what he planned. 

I was once a simple attendant, loyal to my Desdemona. But, my husband did sway me to evil. I filched for him and betrayed the purest soul. I now characterize myself as a sinner. I see men as wicked for they lead us women to “err” (4.3.111). I will now free my “peace” (5.2.259). I will establish a place for women, I will be the role model and the someone you can talk to.  I, Emilia, have found a voice. Let not jealousy, treachery, or men stand in my way. 

Now I see.

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

I hate you, I loved you.

I hate that I loved you.

I hate that I obeyed you.

I hate that I fell for your tricks.

I hate you, Iago

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“The more angel she, and you the blacker devil!” (5.2.162)

Iago,

You are a villainous traitor, “gone to burning hell” (5.2.159). I will never forgive myself for allowing you to sway my judgement and betray my Desdemona. You are a monster (4.1.79).

-Emilia, your EX-wife

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

I “hold my peace”? I think not.

“I will speak as liberal as the north. Let heaven and men and devils, let them all, all, all, cry shame against me, yet I’ll speak” (5.2.560-564).

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“O, lay me by my mistress’ side” (Othello. 5.2.284).

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“For thou hast killed the sweetest innocent/ That e’er did lift up eye”(Othello, 5.2.237-238).

My lady was as innocent as a child, loyal and true. Lies, manipulation, and suspicion have killed her. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

I know this is not the end. I know I will see my best friend again. I know it.

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

don't waste your time on people who use you

something new i learned in 2017 #357 (via writingsfromthenight)

Never again, my husband, never ever again. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“I will not charm my tongue. I am bound to speak./ [My mistress here lies murdered in her bed”(Othello, 5.2.220-221). I refuse to be silenced in the wake of my husband’s actions. For my lady has all of the loyalty which I have to offer, he lost that when he betrayed me and took away the one who I loved like family. Iago has been the cause of confusion and manipulation for far too long, and even though I am a women in a role of no power, I will stand up for justice and truth. I am finished with sitting by and letting women be ignored, distrusted, and at danger when their husbands are blinded by jealousy. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“But jealous souls will not be answered so./ They are not ever jealous for the cause,/ But jealous for they’re jealous. It is a monster/ Begot upon itself, born on itself” (Othello, 3.4.180-183)

Ugh, men these days. 

Jealousy. A web to get tangled in. Once you fall in your vision is clouded. I have seen it myself. My beautiful mistress suddenly dismissed as a harlot. I warned her. 

The “cause” was my husband. A man jealous of the Moor.

The directly effected was my lord. A man who loved his wife but went blind.

One indirectly effected was a man called Micheal Cassio. A man who showed loyalty to his job.

Another indirectly effected was my sweet Desdemona. A woman who loved her husband but was framed.

Last of the indirectly effected was me. A woman who believed her husband when she should have believed her instincts.

Jealousy is a chain of events. Once it has infected, it spreads like poison. “Born on itself.” Born in one’s mind, moving to the eye, then traveling to the next available head. 

I thought I understood jealousy, thought I could help prevent it, turns out jealousy prevents itself from understanding. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

What I am to do now that you are gone? An empty whole causes my heart to ache, it is the whole that your presence did make.

Theres an ache in my chest and it’s been there since you left.

1am thoughts

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

No, not again. You may be my husband but you will never be my friend. You took away the one thing I really loved. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

if only i had followed this, my poor Desdemon

hot take; men are inherently evil and the only way that women can live a truly happy, free life is to remove men from it completely 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

I have sinned.

Now he killed me.

I did it for her.

Oh look at that.

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“Thou art rash as fire to say/ That she was false. O, she was heavenly true!”(Othello, 5.2.165-166) I did what was the right thing to do and that I know for sure. When he called her false, he was speaking out of the anger and blinding envy that enthralled him, not what he knew to be true in his heart. My lady was as loyal to him as I was, and still am, to her. I could never let him treat her memory with such scorn after such horrid actions as those which he performed. I risked my well being and corrected that powerful and at the time, senseless due to rage, man, because I needed to do what was right. I needed to make sure that my lady’s reputation does not suffer at the hands of a thoughtless man. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

“I durst, my lord, to wager she is honest,/ Lay down my soul at stake. If you think other,/ Remove your thought. It doth abuse your bosom./ If any wretch have put this in your head,/ Let heaven requite it with the serpent’s curse,/ For if she be not honest, chaste, and true,/ There’s no man happy” (Othello. 4.4.13-19). When I spoke these words to the doubtful Othello, her husband, I stood firm in my trust that she would never perform that which he accused her of doing. I offered my very being because of the confidence that I have in my lady, and her loyalty. If ever my Desdemona did hide secrets from her lord, or act against him, then all this world as we have known it to be would also be but a lie. 

I do not know what the outcome of Othello’s suspicion will be, but I want my lady to know that I remained a loyal and true servant and friend to her through it all. 

[ihaveaquestionablehusband-blog]

I thought my husband was true. But his words and secrets betray me. I betrayed myself by pleasing his wishes of obtaining the handkerchief. “What will you do with ‘t”(3.3.360) I ask. He dost not answer. I do not trust him. He smiles to all the people but I sense darkness and lies. Do my actions match my promises? I swore loyalty to Desdemona yet I give her beloved token, “her first remembrance from the Moor” (3.3.335), to my husband who I feel plans to do something horrible using it.  There are the times when words do not match actions. My innocent “Desdemon” (5.2.28), an “angel” (5.2.159), loyal to a fault has done nothing but my “pernicious” (5.2.190) husband, whispers “wicked” (5.2.217) lies. “I smell ‘t!” (5.2.229). Actions versus words. His actions betray his words. His word betray her actions. What about me? Do I practice what I preach?

I swore loyalty to both but in order to demonstrate it, I had to betray the other.