ihatesibylvane

[ihatesibylvane]

Now I realize that there is no denying my corruption, the destruction of my soul. I see that I was in error throughout my life and was evil to others. I tried to reclaim the purity of my soul and return to the days when my morals were pure and untainted, but now I see that such a feat could not be done. My soul has been forever tarnished and any good actions I performed were simply acts of hypocrisy. If it were not for the painting none of this would have happened, but my greatest complaint was its continuous torment, its unending reminder of my faults and corruption, but the painting and I could not be separated. I never would have thought that destroying the painting would kill me; perhaps it was because it held my soul, my tarnished, evil, corrupted soul. Now I see my wrongdoings, but it is far too late.

[ihatesibylvane]

Why should I even both trying to bargain for my life? It’s of no use to me now. The portrait was my soul and I killed it. I stabbed it was the same knife I murdered Basil with. I feel so empty. Even if I could talk to Lord Henry again, I wouldn’t want to. I feel sickened and there is nothing I can do. I wish I could just go back to the day in Basil’s studio. I want to kill myself but I'm afraid I'm already dead.

[ihatesibylvane]

I will never wish for my beauty to be everlasting again. I’ll never in my life treat a girl like I treated poor Sibyl. I just want to have my life back! I will do anything to get it back. I shall never do opium again. That part of me is past now. Please. I would hate for Lord Henry to see me in such a horrid state. What if I commit myself to philanthropy and devote my life to doing good deeds? All I want is to have my life back. I will even give up the beauty and youth I once prayed for! Anything. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. I promise.

[ihatesibylvane]

Noooo! They see my body. They see how horribly hideous it is! That is not me! How can I make them see that? This was not how my life was supposed to end! I'm Dorian Gray! I'm thirty times better than any of these sorry people, how in hell can I be given this fate? They see and they understand the man I was. My secret is no longer secret is no longer mine. That stupid twit Basil! It's all his fault! how could he dare do this to me? I was going to change, honest, I was going to end all of it. How can the painting turn on me after all these years? Life is simply not fair to me.

[ihatesibylvane]

Oh my god what has happened to me? What has that fiend Basil done to my life? I went to end the painting, I was going to change my ways and the painting....the painting killed me! How is that even possible? It cannot be true! I am not dead, I am simply trapped in the painting. Yes my soul is in that painting, and the life I was living was all a dream. I shall wake up any moment now to find myself back in Basil's Studio. This was all just a bad dream....I did not do all those things. That hideous creature....that cannot be me.

[ihatesibylvane]

I just happened to find this on the Tumblr Universe, and I must simply say how absurd this is! How ridiculously stupid it sounds! It's just the type of thing Sybil would say. Her and her despicably poor theatrics are written all across it. In all honesty, I was thinking this morning about her, how much I loved her and how I felt so bad about leaving the poor thing to itself. I knew I had been absolutely horrible to her, dreadful really, but now I feel different. I can't even pity for a girl who is silly enough to commit suicide because she can't even stand to hold her own emotions in check. I mean you should have seen her when I left her that night. She was groveling at my feet, begging to take her back. By Jove,  groveling! How can anyone say I am worth that, and she of me? It was the same lame theatrics she had pulled that night in front of my dear friends, and it's the same melodramatic flaunting that's in this note. Did she really have to post it before she died? What an attention seeker! She's so  annoying I can't for the life of me remember any aspect of her that was admirable or rare. She isn't worth me, at least not alive.

Lord Henry came by earlier today to tell me about her death, and though I should say I couldn't agree with him then, I understand now: Sybil Vane is only beautiful dead. Girls like her are useless, only there for a moment's pleasure. And how annoying it is when they don't understand when things are over! I should not have been able to bear her presence and I do very much agree with Lord Henry when he says that Sybil has done the most wonderful thing for me and just ended it all by herself . It was the best solution, in fact her memory is so much more beautiful now that she's martyred herself in that love. She used to just act like Juliet, now she really is Juliet, and she'll always stay that way. That's the way it should be, for I really don't need to be involved in all of this - it's not my issue anymore.

Dear Mother,

I know how much you have cherished me, and how you have loved me, I just want you to know that I love you so much. I’m sure you could tell that my acting this eve was less than my usual excellence. I’m sure you will find my explanation silly and childlike, but I simply don’t care...

[ihatesibylvane]

How terrible I had been to Sibyl! Just this morning Harry came to visit me and informed me of her death, surely it was suicide. I must be at fault; it must have resulted from my cruel, horrible actions. And just as I was going to seek her forgiveness! I have killed Sibyl Vane. Yet it does not affect me as much as I believe it should. Interestingly, it resembles the very characters she played in her performances which were once so artistic and lovely. Her death is so tragic, yet so beautiful, like the work of a masterful playwright. Maybe it is the beauty of the death that diminishes its effect on me; maybe that is why I don’t feel as much regret. Nonetheless I had been cruel to her, very cruel indeed. I shall try to forget these events, for they bring nothing but sadness and pain.

[ihatesibylvane]

Shall I compare thee to a mountain's rock? Thou art more stupid and more boring.

[ihatesibylvane]

I came across this song after I got home, it was a different kind of music than I had ever listened to before. Yet I found very beautiful and I couldn't stop listening, even though it reminded me of that girl I once thought I loved.

[ihatesibylvane]

Her performance is absolutely dreadful! Her acting is completely artificial. Where is the passion she had merely a night ago? I can’t believe I made Basil and Harry waste their precious evening to see this disgraceful performance. I’d like to believe she is ill, but no, she is just mediocre. I must stay until the end and go talk to her. I feel so disgusted, I’m trembling and my heart is breaking. Once the play is over I will see her at once.

I found her after the play. She seemed happy, standing there smiling as if nothing was wrong. I told her how horribly dreadful she was, how she must not ever act again when she is ill because even I was bored by that pitiful performance. And then, I couldn’t believe what she said. She said that “our” love made her realize that she hates the stage and she cannot truly act again. How stupid is she! She killed my love. I loved her because of how marvelous her art was; it stirred my imagination beyond anything I had seen before. Now, she is nothing. I can’t bear to think about her anymore. I never want to lay my eyes on her again. My romance is spoiled. She started crying and tried to plead with me to take her back. How annoying she was! I couldn’t stand to be there any longer.   

[ihatesibylvane]

I can imagine sparks like this flying even if that stupid Jew doesn't have them there- Sybil is just that good! When I get her into her own theatre I'll make sure she gets much better props..

Balcony envy

[ihatesibylvane]

These rings look nice. I might get a pair for myself and Sybil soon.

Zdjęcia użytkownika Młodość Chudość Zajebistość | via Facebook on We Heart It. http://weheartit.com/entry/58709072

[ihatesibylvane]

I know I haven't been blogging for a while, but it's only because I have been a little pre-occupied. My dear friends, I do believe I have fallen in love! Yes her name...well her name's not that important, but her acting! oh god, when my friends see it tonight, they too will believe that my Sybil is a genius, a star in the making!

I know no more than that I love her so dearly. It's really a marvel how I met her, but trust me when I say you've never met a girl like this - oh how beautiful she is....I can't wait to go see her today. In fact, I don't think I've missed a show ever since I discovered her talent and her beauty!

That's Lord Henry up there. I invited him and Basil to come see the play to-night. Sybil is going to be playing Juliet, and it's going to be great! But Lord Henry was being very sceptical and negative about my future with Sybil, of course like he is with almost everything. He kept trying to convince me that my love for her should be about how she acts. He was astounded when I told him that we were engaged to be married. When he asked me when she is Sybil Vane and I said never, he congratulated me! Can you believe the nerve of him? Sometimes I think he just never really understood love as a young man, or if he did he forgot how to love. Either way I'm sure he's wrong about Sybil, and he will see to-night how beautiful and talented she really is. Oh, I'm going to show the whole world how great she is! I'll take her out of that dingy theatre and away from the stupid bald Jew. I'll make her a queen. Can life get any better at this point?

[ihatesibylvane]

Traveling like this sounds horrid, I would never do it, especially in the central Americas. I am convinced piano playing and the like is not meant for travels, it's meant for duets at the evening clubs. the very notion of it...it seems so dangerous...

Traveling for the last 2 1/2 months through Central America has been quite an adventure.

I’ve done plenty of writing and some piano playing but its easy to get distracted in making friends, having beautiful travel experiences, and relaxing. Time is flying by…

Maybe I’ve been having too much...

[ihatesibylvane]

It looks marvelous! It is a different style of painting than what Basil does, but I'm sure he'd like it.

[ihatesibylvane]

This is such a lovely tapestry. I hope to add one like it to my collection.

[ihatesibylvane]

My name is Dorian Gray. One of my good friends is Basil Hallward, a painter for whom I sit for often. He is a good friend of mine,  and I enjoy sitting for him. Except right now he’s painting a life-size portrait of me for which sitting makes an awfully boring task, especially when I don’t really want a portrait of myself. He says I am a very good person, and very beautiful, and do think I am, as most others tell me this as well. I don’t have much in way of philosophy or ideals, except to say that they are very simple, and that perhaps I enjoy dinner parties like the ones Lady Agatha throws. At the current moment however, I should fancy that she is unhappy with me for forgetting to go to a club in Whitechapel with her last Tuesday, and I am much too scared to call her for fear of her reaction. I do suppose it was quite dreadful of me to forget. I live with my grandfather; my parents are unfortunately not here anymore. My grandfather himself is not a very nice man, but they say my mother left me money and that I should be well off. Of all this I don’t know very much except the journey of life excites me, and the experiences I should have are mysterious and inviting. I don’t suppose my life shall be very hard, but perhaps very interesting, and full of surprises, or so I should hope. One thing I may hope for, however, is some more interesting friends, for Basil, as nice as he is, tends to bore me a little. The fellow doesn’t even utter a sound while I sit for him! I do hope I can meet some new folks at Lady Agatha’s if I ever should have her forgiveness…