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Okay so I'm a security guard, right

And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement

And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either

But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for

And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to

And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do

And I fucking

I fucking. Start danCING

I DONT KNOW WHY

I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING

LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER

and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"

AND

FUCKING

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE

IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE

I HATE MYSELFD

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puki the world is ending

no man. Its just monday

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three different people on my post about installing a trashcan outside my house have now complained that people SHOULD be holding onto their trash instead of just tossing it in random people's yards ("it's not that hard!"). like... good for you; do you want a fucking prize? we could engrave a nice little "congratulations on missing the point!" placard for it and everything.

meanwhile, my yard continues to not have beer bottles in it anymore.

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when I was a kid I thought the weather guy on TV controlled the weather and he was just telling us what he was gonna do for the next few days. when he said "30% chance of rain Thursday" I thought he was just guessing how likely it was he'd wake up in a rain mood that morning

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reddit is having a glitch where it puts the wrong captions over photos and it’s the only thing i care about right now

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only 5 seconds

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“In Likeable Badass, Alison Fragale dives deep into the science behind gender bias and stereotypes — and how we can challenge them. With warmth, humor, and powerful personal stories, she provides women with actionable advice for achieving greater success in the workplace.” —Sheryl Sandberg, New York Times bestselling author of Lean In

Read More

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thinking about creatures.

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This meme is inescapable on French insta so I'm posting it here for all to enjoy

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