ifpaintingscouldtalk

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

They picked targets who were as well-dressed as they are.

("A Balcony, Boulevard Haussmann" by Gustave Caillebotte, 1880, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

"Oh don't worry, we're just playing a round of piñata," he said when Jane asked about the axe.

("The Execution of Lady Jane Grey" by Paul Delaroche, 1834, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

"Nah, I don't think your jaw is that big; you just need a little countouring."

("A Classical Courtship" by Auguste Toulmouche, 1853, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

The stretchers were dual-purpose: (1) to bring the food in, and (2) to carry out those who passed out from having too much to drink.

("The Peasant Wedding" by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, 1566, oil on panel)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

"This is it," she fumed, "this is the last time I'm buying my kids permanent markers."

("La Blouse Roumaine" by Henri Matisse, 1940, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

He had a meeting in an hour but his clothes dryer was broken; perhaps the wind could help?

("Pushkin's Farewell to the Sea" by Ivan Aivazovsky and Ilya Repin, 1877, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Before the rabies vaccine was discovered, stray dogs had right of way.

("Le Pont de l'Europe" by Gustave Caillebotte, 1876, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Contestants getting ready at the World Stone Throwing Competition.

("Greek Girls Picking Up Pebbles By The Sea" by Frederic Leighton, 1871, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Their excitement over the business lounge's comfy cushions and fancy curtains dissipated as soon as they heard that their flight was delayed.

("The Dreamers" by Albert Joseph Moore, 1882, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Too old for the rattle, her parents decided it was time she played with big girl toys.

("Plagues of the Garden" by James Hayllar, 1870, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Just mow the lawn this once, please?

("Orpheus and Eurydice" by Frederick Leighton, 1864, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

It being Opposite Day, it was their turn to read their father a bedtime story.

("Visit to the Unhealthy Teacher" by Nikolay Bogdanov-Belsky, 1897, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Her self-portrait school project was complicated by the fact that she didn't have enough crayons to color in her face.

("Little Schoolgirl" by Henri Le Fauconnier, 1907, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

She had always wanted a leopard-print skirt but her plans were foiled when the young man woke up.

("A Naiad" by John William Waterhouse, 1893, oil on canvas)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Her sleep was much more restful the more geometric patterns she had in her room.

("Sleeping Woman" by Felix Vallotton, 1899, oil on board)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

When her television broke, she had to resort to watching from the neighbors' window.

("Behind the Fence" by Pierre Bonnard, 1895, oil on cardboard)

[ifpaintingscouldtalk]

Martha the milliner found that secretive bald men make the best customers.

("Chaste Suzanne" by Felix Vallotton, 1922, oil on canvas)