ifanythingtrustmyrage

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

hope your pets stay healthy in 2017

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

God is good

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

When you make a meme instead of studying for midterms

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

when u scratch a cat’s chin and they lift their head up reblog if u agree

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

Gay marriage will now be referred to as a “macklemarriage”

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

so my mom is a dispatcher for our town’s police and one time a man called 911 saying that he was with his kid and he didn’t think he was breathing and so my mom rushed a few ambulances out and directed him on how to give cpr over the phone and the man told my mom that his son was breathing again and my mom was so pleased but then once the ambulances got there they radioed in asking for a psych eval because apparently the man had been giving cpr to a cantelope

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

THE TELEPROMPTER DURING BETTE MIDLER’S CENTURY-LONG SPEECH

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

me as a pilot

me: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have an announcement to make but first you have to promise not to get mad

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

STOP!! NORMALIZING!!!! PUTTING!!!! KETCHUP!!!! IN!! THE!! FRIDGE!!

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

i just had the most surreal experience on an elevator. me and this girl got on and I was in front of the buttons and pressed the third floor for me and I was like “which floor do you need” and she said “whatever”

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

once in the 4th grade this guy got a 2% on his math quiz so everyone called him milk for the rest of the year 

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

my cat: *grabs my hand the same way felines in the wild use to snap their prey’s neck*

me: aww. you think you can kill me? fool. you are far too weak to challenge me. i love you

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

[sees post that makes zero sense]

“wtf the fuck…?”

[sees another post that makes zero sense for the same reasons]

“oh, it’s a new meme.”

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

Bless my little novahd heart she almost gave out. Ive been waiting for this moment since 2013 😂😂

[ifanythingtrustmyrage]

i napped for 3 hours and dreamt about:

a zen pencils comic with a bunch of people sitting in a waiting room and the receptionist calls “excuse me, is there a mr. racist here?” and this guy raises his hand and immediately starts getting beat on by everybody else in the waiting room and the last panel is a closeup of his file and it’s first name STOPBEING last name RACIST

trying to make the teenage mutant ninja turtles fuck