ieirisms

[ieirisms]

@eleutheriya

prompt 9 of pininlongingyearning ... long distance relationship // shoko x suguru.

the stretch of time between when they've last seen each other and the now feels both like an impossible expanse of time and a very short one.

like yesterday, they had just been sharing a meal made in her kitchen made by him. but, it also felt like it's been years since she's rested her head against his chest and felt the thrum of his heartbeat against her cheek, the lapping of his cursed energy in her home.

traces of him were gone except for the lavender wash he kept at her place in the bathroom. sometimes, she would bathe with it and carry around his smell with her, leaning her face into the crook of her arm when she tried to take a small nap at her desk in her office. that is, before she'd be interrupted by satoru and he would lounge around her office, stretching his tall body around. he would give pause sometimes, glance at her knowingly but strangely wouldn't needle. it makes sense that he would notice, too.

the postcard comes in the mail and she's almost giddy when she clutches it in her hand, trotting up the stairs to her apartment, shutting the door behind her and collapsing into her couch. it's not a very long note on the back, but one that's written in his hand and giving a short but detailed account about his recent travels, then a sentiment that only she can understand.

shoko isn't much of a writer, but she'll dedicate the words she can muster to a handwritten letter that will likely need to be forwarded to his next available address.

she misses him the most when she can't sleep. when bleary eyes peer towards the harsh red digits on the digital clock next to her bed and it read some horrible hour. it was always easier when he was around. everything was easier when he was around. but, she tried not to think about it too hard, to spoil herself into depending on another person. she's gotten by this far on being mostly alone --- not to discount the times spent in company or in reliance of her friends. but, isolation is something she's used to, and it once could even be a comfort.

when did being in the company of another person replace that?

she entertains the thought that he's ruined her in hopes that it would make her resentful and she would miss him less. it doesn't work. if anything, shoko wants him there so they could pretend to argue about it, so she could blame him and he would strike her with those fox-like eyes of his, cunning and knowing. imagining those things made the absences feel longer.

soon, the ache of it would dull out. present but not as sharp and she could manage breathing. she'd tidy up her mind, focus on her work, and try not to dwell on the void left behind.

[ieirisms]

verse // mob doctor.

a non-sorcerer / jjk au — ieiri shoko is the on-call doctor for nina liu, a major crime boss [my own oc]. they met when they were teenagers and have kept in touch since. while shoko doesn’t approve of the criminal aspects of nina’s career, it doesn’t bother her enough to deny her help when needed. plus, as a doctor, she takes her oath seriously to care for any life that’s in danger. she might also be one of the only people nina can come close to calling a friend.

however, when her own life is in danger, nina helps her escape the country and she now lives in the same building as her. becoming nina’s in-house doctor becomes her full time job.

[ieirisms]

it's not like this with other people.

she's warm all over, a light sheen of sweat even prickles her cheeks. her hair sticks until she brushes it away with her pinky, the same hand coming to rest on her forehead, eyes slipped shut. she wanted to savor this ... like she always does, clinging to those last waves that wash over her until it becomes a heavy, pleasurable weight on her bones.

his arm reaching over her and settling around her waist brings her back down and she turns to him, tucking her face against his neck. shoko sometimes imagines melting into him completely, their bodies merging and becoming one singular entity. she would live inside of him, peel back the thoughts that took up space in his head, traverse through all the private moments that made up who he was. or, he could live inside of her and she could keep him with her forever, locking him up in her heart so he wouldn't leave. her imaginations should unnerve her, but they're nothing compared to the everything else that surrounds them. even if at times its equal parts dark, its fueled by something more beautiful.

it's too warm now and she needs to breathe, shifting so he's still holding her but not quite as intertwined.

"it's not like this with other people." he says quietly in the little space between them.

there's not a single stir or irk of jealousy in her when he says it. of course, they've been with other people. that's been no secret. but, he's right. she's so solidly assured in it. shoko struggles to put it into words, but that's the closest they would come for now.

"why are you thinking about other people when we're together?" she says it so seriously that she feels him bristle beside her. then, she lets out a low laugh, kissing him. it's slow and sweet, but she needs to stop before she asks for more again. "you're right." she murmurs against his mouth, her thumb brushing over the edges of his cheekbone. "no one comes close."

@eleutheriya !

[ieirisms]

you should go. i'll always be here. you know that.

there was once a time where those words would be tinged with a tenderness that would make the edges of her lips soften and melt with a smile. but, it's not like her to dwell in the past. as much as she finds comfort in it when her mind begs to drift towards the memories of her school days.

now, it's spoken like an omen, a curse that would follow her wherever she goes.

her eyes narrow, lips slanting in displeasure. she feels caught between a rock and a hard place. jujutsu society doesn't deserve her loyalty, but sorcerers do. shoko's never viewed herself as an altruistic or noble person, but she's understood better than anyone what it means to have the very beating heart of a life in her hands. because of that, she can't completely turn away from them.

she's always wanted better for them, for her friends, for the sorcerers that come after them. she just couldn't get behind the way geto decided to go about it.

he knew that. he sees it in her eyes every time they come close to talking about it.

shoko's jaw tenses before it loosens again when she parts her lips to speak. "that's what concerns me." she sighs, its ragged, exhausted. "when will we give each other up, suguru?"

@eleutheriya !

[ieirisms]

[ unzip ] sender assists receiver with unzipping a piece of clothing (feral over this)

a mild headache throbs at her temples traveling upwards and throughout. despite that though, a little smile plays at her lips as she toes off her shoes and places them on the rack, shirks her jacket off and tosses it over the back of her couch.

she doesn't have to make any formal invitation to him to follow her through her home and into her bedroom. it was pretty much understood from the moment they left the restaurant and she asked him to take her home that he would be staying at her place.

satoru could have him back tomorrow... or maybe the day after that. for tonight, suguru was hers and it's what she deserves after graduating medical school. a brief moment of quiet and togetherness before both of them launched back into their work and life pushed them along again.

" could you... ?" shoko moves her hair out of the way for him, turning her back so he could unzip her dress. honestly, she could maneuver it on her own, but he's here and ... why not?

he obliges and drags the zipper down, his knuckles unnecessarily brushing along the path of her spine. she wonders if he can feel her shiver, goosebumps rising along her arms.

"this dress really suits you." he tells her, pinching the black fabric of it between his fingers. "you looked very beautiful tonight, shoko." a pause, then he adds before she can teasingly interject; "you look beautiful every night."

"nice save." she laughs, and it breaks the headiness of the moment for the time being. "i'll keep that in mind when i'm feeling my worst."

@eleutheriya !

[ieirisms]

a lot of the literary people in college see books primarily as a way of appearing cultured.

she has her head in his lap, looking up at his pensive expression as he reads. she had asked if he's found anyone who likes the same books he does ( who listens to him like she does when he wants to talk about what he's been reading ). his response makes her snort, turning her head to bury it briefly against his stomach, breathing in the scent of his detergent ... and beneath that, the smell that's uniquely his.

facing upwards again, shoko sighs, eyes slipping shut as she listens to the soft rustle of suguru turning the page.

"are you sure you aren't just ... being a snob?" peeking an eye open, she snickers when their eyes meet, his expression contorted as if to say 'really?'

"i'm just saying--- you can be kind of closed off." it's pretty rich coming from her and she knows it. it's not that she doesn't want to socialize with her peers. it's more that ... keeping it casual is likely for the best. anything deeper than the surface didn't seem sustainable. they wouldn't understand what it was like to lead the lives they do as sorcerers. it made her world smaller, but that's something shoko is already used to.

suguru knocks the book's spine against her forehead in retaliation. she sticks her tongue out at him and shifts onto her side, facing away from him.

"read outloud so i can fall asleep. i like the sound of your voice."

@eleutheriya !

[ieirisms]

Just a little bit more Just a little bit more I'm crawling on the floor Who said they loved you more? Baby, baby, I've been waiting for so long Call me crazy, I think I'm what you're looking for

[ieirisms]

[ knuckle ] sender lifts receiver's hand to their lips and places a polite kiss there

she's long filtered out gojo's incessant yammering --- the first half of it, she'd gone along with and nodded in all the right places, interjected her thoughts aloud in between. but, the rest of it has melted away now in favor of sinking back into her own mind. she falls back as her pace slows, tired of keeping up with his and suguru's long strides.

that, however, doesn't escape suguru's notice. purposely, he shortens his stride to fall in line with hers. satoru only half notices as he peers at them, asking if anyone's even listening to him anymore. she chuckles when suguru waves him on, telling him to keep talking since his voice is the only one he ever hears anyways.

there's a soft bump against her hand and she feels suguru slide his palm against hers, briefly intertwining their fingers. her line of sight cuts towards him, brow arching curiously. it's not often they make display of affection in front of any of their friends. but, she doesn't pull away.

her thumb brushes over his knuckles. his lips curve faintly.

bringing her hand up to his lips, he kisses over her knuckles, glancing down at her as he did so.

it's not long before they reach their destination and satoru finally turns to them, their hands reluctantly separating.

@eleutheriya !

[ieirisms]

i love you, and i'm not gonna let anything like that happen to you again.

she feels him hovering behind her, but it's not long until he closes the gap. the quiet insistence of his touch at her waist, arms wrapping around her and holding her close. she stays quiet, contemplative as she blows smoke out from her lips. it's the last drag before she stubs out her cigarette in the ashtray on the table. the taste of it lingers, dry in her mouth.

she feels his fingers curl against her stomach, shirt fabric wrinkling in his grip. her mind is somewhere far off, even when his lips drop to her shoulder. somewhere, in the soft haze of awareness left for the present, shoko feels the worry radiating off of him in soft pulses, his narrowed gaze regarding her, wordlessly begging for her to come back from wherever her mind has wandered.

his lips are now pressed to the side of her head, his nose buried in the still damp hair clinging to her.

i love you, and i'm not gonna let anything like that happen to you again.

those words fall from his lips like second nature. at least, to her it seems that way. it's enough to snap her back to reality. her bronze gaze sliding sideways as she tilts her head enough to see him, carefully going over his expression.

" what ... what did you say? "

@eleutheriya !

[ieirisms]

been thinking so much about why shoko stays within jujutsu society--- and the simple answer is because she has a duty. not in the sense of duty to sorcerers/jujutsu society, but because she's one of very few if not the only in the area that has RCT. they have literal children on the front lines fighting these battles and the people that are still within society are the ones she's grown up with regardless of how she feels now. she can't just leave. she needs to stay and heal and be that person.

do i still want a verse where she does leave? yes, because i'd like to explore that other side of that guilt but also what she feels she owes herself. to leave the place that will ultimately kill her in the end and kill all her friends, but she still wants to help people. still wants to be a doctor because it's pretty much engrained in who she is. she has the means, in terms of extreme compartmentalization. she could take it. (which is also yet another post altogether-- i will never stop talking about how good shoko is at keeping together and how it's killing her inside). but anyways. yeah.

[ieirisms]

the ache of nostalgia

[ieirisms]

“you’re my best friend, now i’ve got no one to tell i’ve lost my best friend.”

….

[ieirisms]

music-centric headcanons //

- owned a 3rd gen ipod nano.

- her favorite western band is paramore.

- other favorite western artists: the cramps, joy division, and mitski.

- 100% listens to music while she studies.

[ieirisms]

ieiri shoko ... a woman haunted.

[ieirisms]

"i was there too, wasn't i?" ... a singular shadow is the shape of loneliness, just as dark and silhouetted.

[ieirisms]

the thing is though— shoko can move on and will move on, but also won’t. she’s a woman forever haunted, but will also make friends with the things that haunt her.

[ieirisms]

- Clementine Von Radics